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Hi guys,
I am back again i started my first thread when i lost 1k couple of months ago was shocked cos it was my fist big loss. But now i lost my savings due to not learning.After losing first time i tried not to play and start attending counselling meetings and Ga meetings too. Back in my mind i was still thinking about my losses, after discussing with my counselor i set the target to reach ￡170 amount of money then made the commitment that i will quit after reaching the target i know such a stupid thinking.
Since then i was playing here and there but only slots and was winning and sometimes losing bit but finally reached my target. Also i kept self excluding most websites where i was registered and left one website opened where i was playing most of the time.
The problem started that after reaching the target i could not stop, i told my counselor that i reached my target now i have no excuses and someone has to step in to help me but counselor did not give any advice.
My target reached from ￡170 to ￡200 then ￡ 250 , when i reached 274 i decided to let my last online casino website know that i wanted to self exclude my self and before that i want to play one more time, but they banned me permanently.
After my main website closed for me then there my evil addiction kicked in and start chasing website where i was not self excluded and managed to recover two websites.
Guys this is where i put myself in complete danger i played on one website was losing again but manged to make ￡6 and reached 280.
After that again i decided to play on other site which was known to be bad reputation. I ignored all signs and start playing on it i lost ￡200 there then start chasing and start playing roulette put another ￡500 and almost was losing then got big hit and managed to make ￡15 more. I got away with very close call losing big.
Guys here is my life changing moment after recovering the money and made ￡15 profit, i was swearing at myself and kept saying to me that i will not play no matter what i do i will not play and was only waiting my money to be cleared.
When money cleared, and that morning i should have closed that website but instead of closing that website i start calculating the money that how much i made and i found out that i reached 295 and i am just ￡5 less reaching ￡300.
My brain made a suicidal decision and decided to reach ￡300, i went to same website and deposited ￡20 to make ￡5 profit and another mistake instead of choosing slots i chose roulette to play.
I lost all then deposited ￡100 lost all then deposit ￡500 lost and total i lost nearly ￡6000 all on roulette. You will not imagine i was placing bets of ￡500 and ￡1000 in single go.
Guys this is no ones fault i got so many chances and some very close calls losing big but i did not learn.
I dont work due to my mental illness and saved money very hard.
I am going to make every effort that it will never happen again. Although my wife is very bad with finances but i asked her to help and putting blocking software with password. I feel like its end of life. Its my 7th day no urges just regrets and sadness.
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Hello and thanks for starting a thread in the Gambling Therapy forums
Here at Gambling Therapy we pride ourselves on being a caring and diverse online community who can help and support you with the difficulties you?re currently facing. We understand that this might be a tough time for you, particularly if you?re new to recovery, so come here as often as you need to and participate in the forums, access online groups and connect to the live advice helpline if you need one to one support. We?re in this together!
Here on the forum you can share your experiences in a safe, supportive and accepting environment. The beauty of writing it all down is that you can take your time and you will be creating a record of your progress that you can look back on if it ever feels like you?re not moving forward. So, share as much or as little as you like but do try to stick to keeping just one thread in this forum so people know where to find you if they want to be updated on your progress or share something with you.
And on that note….
I?m going to hand you over to our community because I?m sure they will have some words of wisdom for you ??
Take care
The Gambling Therapy Team
PS: Let me just remind you to take a look at our
privacy policy and terms and conditions so you know how it all works!
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FM 27 days gamble free is a accomplishment be proud of yourself. I keep seeing you write only regrets and sadness no urges. You should now try to focus on your thinking have a more positive outlook, no need to be sad the money is gone. You should be happy you realized you have a problem and your doing something about it so it doesn’t happen again. I mean you quit gambling so things are only going to get better and in time you will make the money back from your employment. Also forget about regrets you can’t change the past FACT! Trust me these negative feelings of regret and sadness or only holding down the happiness that’s stored inside of you.
Bet free is the way to be
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Debt free, thanks for encouragement, i cant work due to my illness so it was my life saving which i saved very hard.
I know i should not regret but i felt that i could quit without losing any penny if you read my post , i lost all my savings the day i supposed to quit my last ever online gambling account but decided to play one more last time and paid the price.
Now all if and buts left, i hope i come out of this soon
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