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I am starting this thread for us to share what we are thinking while we relapse. I am not trying to be preachy, but as I have been fortunate to stay away for several months, I look back on all of the other times that I considered stopping. Had success for a short while, then “relapsed” back into my old habits. Going to the casino with a plan, wavering from the plan at hand, losing more than my bankroll, going to the atm, taking a “debit” advance which my bank allowed past my limit…ultimately losing five or six times the amount of money that I “planned” to play with.
I just responded to someones comment on another forum post about chasing loses. If we are all honest with ourselves, even if we won back everything we ever lost….would we quit? If you answer yes…I don’t believe you. If we are caught up in the throws of this incredibledi disease (and I will call it a mindset as well) we are never thinking clearly. I know for me if I were to be blessed with the hundreds of thousands I have lost over the last 30 years… I would very easily rationalize….”I was down so much more in the past, I can now afford to play some more”….then I would play, and play until I was in the same situation I am today!
There is no shame in admitting that we can’t control it. But to me admitting it was the true first step in stopping the madness. I am very proud of the ones of us who have “beaten” the demon up to this point, I know it is a constant struggle…but I also want to acknowledge to those of us who have had trouble stopping. It is important that you keep trying…keep visiting gambling therapy and don’t give up. ONE day it will click, and it will all make sense… And then time will begin to heal the wounds.
These are just a few thoughts running through my head today. Please feel free to comment, even criticize if you wish. We are all here together, sort of like family, and I am always open to advice and information that any of you want to share!
Best wishes on your journeys,
Johnny B
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Thanks for your comment. I agree with you… anytime I had “extra” money, I am very tempted to play. I still am tempted to this day. However, when the “extra” money goes to good use, I feel relieved that I didn’t piss it away again. I recently ran into a stretch of bad luck with my car, and was able to afford the repairs without too much stress. I can assure you that the old me would have ran out to “win” the money for the repair, only making things worse. So the good news is that the longer you stay away, the more clearly you can see the light through the clouds… I hope you find peace knowing you are not alone, and I wish you the best on your recovery.
Johnny B
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I agree completely as i had previously one night it a very large jackpot ..five figures and continued winning for about 4 weeks. I had won over $68000.00 at which point i was ahead for the year. It was only April by June i was broke and started the chase. I banned myself September 25 2017 and havent gambled since then. My regular attendance at GA meetings help me alot. My admitted CG addiction to myself helps me understand the urges i still get and have at this very moment. My believe in a higher power along with prayer and remembering my despair the last day i gambled. I am a CG and will always be a CG keep it one day at a time ..remember your worth it so work at it. Stay strong but i am living proof of your statement. That money is gone but i am rebuilding and living again. I look at life differently and use money and save money different. I see the difference yet the urges that a CG has still raises its ugly head .i now recognize the symptoms and havent given in to them at this point. My greatest fear is i will fail.. I pray that fear never materialize. .one day at a time.
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Hi Johnny
Great thread – we cannot control it – I have been gamble free for a while now but still struggle with urges . It is so hard sometimes and I find I mindlessly eat instead which brings its own problems .I think if I had lots of money I would also think I could afford to gamble a little – and we know how that always ends – although perhaps if it was enough I could find other things to fill my time .
So glad to read you are still gamble free
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Thank you for commenting. I have wondered sometimes that if I won the lottery, would I be one of the sad stories of somebody who pissed it all away!… Surely with a significant amount of money we could make it work!!!! –wrong– The sad part of that statement is that I actually thought that about myself prior to accepting the fact that I had an issue. I always would have thoughts wondering if I had a problem, and then I would tuck it away, until the next time that I wondered if I had a problem. Admitting defeat is as difficult in recognizing yourself, as it is while we are playing machines or tables.
I don’t like to call the admitting to myself as a CG as a “defeat” because, I know there are a lot of people who continue to struggle, that may never get a grasp on what is going on. There is obviously people who consider suicide, or other very destructive avenues instead of dealing with this head on. And I say often, that I am really proud of the progress I have made. I could probably argue that I have made enough progress that I have a grasp and I can play again….But truly, I know I can’t. And that makes me sad. I did enjoy playing when I did, but it caused far more problems than solutions in my life, and frankly, the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result.
I hope this finds all of you well, and I hope my story can help at least one person today!
Johnny B
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