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This addiction is killing me from inside.

housedd — Wed, 28 Dec 2022 00:51:30 +0000

Hello everyone.(again)
I am compulsive gambler and iv been that for 6 years straight now.Tried to quit many times but i always found excuses to go back to casino and hit that play big button.Yesterday after 1 week being gamble free i relapsed.I lost 400 euros in 30 mins.During this short period of being gamble free i felt a bit better,i occupied my mind with other things.But i guees it was not enough,or im just a weak person.
I was walking to my girlfriends place because we had to organize some stuff around new year.I brought 400 e with me for shoping.I stoped at gas station to buy some cigarrets then in corner of my eye i saw a new opened casino.Something in me just flaped.I just said to myself that i will just lose 50 eu and thats is,not more.Point is i shouldnt go there in first place but i did anyway.I found excuse in my head,its just another small bet,why not.Ofc everything turned bad.I went in,lost 50 in 3 mins,then lost 350 in next half an hour.That moment when i lost everything i just stood up took glass of water and threw it into the machine.Bartender came and asked me to stay with him,because casino doesnt have any security and i managed to quickly ran away.I got into my car and drove home,i didnt go to my girfriends place because i didnt know what to say about money,i just said that i need to finish some private stuff and that i would come later.I got home,i went to my room,and started crying,screaming into pillow,asking myself why i did it again.This happend fourth time since i tried to quit and every time gets worse.I feel so useless and ashamed,i developed deppresion since i started.And scariest thing is doesnt even matter if i win,most of the time i will leave all my winnings in casino.Iv been chasing the rush whole time.I know deep inside that i need to stop or my life will never be normal,but right now i just dont see how i can and everything seems lost and is getting worse everyday.Im scared to tell my girlfriend because of her reaction,she didnt deserve this nor my family.
I just thought that i will feel better writing this and to be honest i do.I read a lot of topics and i know that im not the only one here.

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I did it again

housedd — Thu, 10 Nov 2022 12:57:06 +0000

Hello again,i posted here roughly 2 weeks ago because i wanted to stop gambling but today after 2 weeks of being clean i relapsed,i went to casino with my last money and lost it all.I cannot describe how i feel right now.I feel anger,i feel that i betrayed my family that i dont have power over my own actions and all of these are harsh truth.Nowadays i cant remember my life before i started to gamble,it seems that all good memories have vanished.I dont remember when was the last time i had good laugh.It is really fascinating how one life can be changed so much because of of some slots.
Now after some time i realize that i have serious issue thats impacting my life in various areas.I became depressed,not willing to go to work,relationship with my girlfriend is deteriorating because of my actions,and the worst thing of all is im hiding all of this from my loved ones because im scared of their reaction because im the last person they expect to be gambler.Winning money doesnt make sense now,i just play to feed this urge and thats it.Today i decided even with more courage and strenght that i will not gamble,for my family,my girlfriend and for me.

The post I did it again appeared first on Gambling Therapy.

I keep fooling myself

pendoza — Mon, 19 Sep 2022 18:19:02 +0000

Someone would expect a 38 year old pretty smart guy who has a good job and no recent problems at all to know what to do.. but it seems that is not true. I cannot trust myself keeping the promises and made to myself. Like I’m under the impression of the Imperus Curse, for those who like me is still a fan of Harry Potter. No self control whatsoever.

I have been gambling since I was 15. I remember working whole week with some friends at our summer holiday job and getting 30 euro for that. At friday when work was over we went to the local snackbar and started gambling our hard earned money away in the slot that was present there. Thinking back that was the start of a dark journey that has not seen it’s end just yet. I always was interested into slots. In my teens and early 20’s we also went to pubs and bars. And back then you had slot machines in each and every one of them. I wasted all my time behind them, occasionally some friends would come over or just happened to walk by for second time the last hour. They would ask in disbelieve ‘are you still behind that thing?’, ‘have you won much?’.
Well I never won much. A trend I sadly persist keeping with me. I always felt bad after spending that much time behind the slots and not even having fun or winning. And even when I won I didn’t feel anything.

Back then it was maximum 50 euro I would lost. Then came the online casino’s. Man o man. I don’t even want to know how much money I lost there. If I do a quick math it would be around 200K – 250K euro. It sickens me. Sometimes I would spend 4K-8K in one go. All money gone. Or going from 4K plus to a 4K loss in one night. Those are messing with your mind also I can tell you.

There is so much more to tell but let’s say I finally came around and want to write here when I want to do it again. Of course I hope this will be the end of it all.

I just had a session where I went from a + €150 to a loss of €300. Then I wanted to self exclude from casino but because I am already self excluded from each and every casino imaginable I only can gamble on those fake Curacao casino. Those are the biggest scams of all. They recreate all favorite slots and you can see they are fake. They are so baiting you with ‘near misses’ that you can see the same ones 25x in a row. The slots I mean are ‘Book of Dead’, ‘Book of Gold: Multispin’ and ‘Buffalo King: Megaways’.
I wanted to self exclude but it’s impossible via the site. You need to contact 24/7 chat but the chat is just a forward support ticket by email. So you need to email them to self exclude. Hoping they would even read them and fulfill your request.

Stay away from casino’s mates.. best advice I can give

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