[blueelvis888]

Hi Everyone, Hope you all had a good Xmas. I really need to put a few things down in this forum as feel really ****ty and lonely now. Xmas is meant to be a time for joy and celebration and to be happy. No chance !.Being a compulsive gambler I am , life never seems to be happy.Been gambling for over 25 years and a I m 45 now and for what I think. Certainly not for enjoyment as the enjoyment went out of it a long,long time ago. Got paid early this month on the 20th. How long did the money last. Not long?.Took my partner to the airport ,as she is going away to her family for xmas. Went gambling as soon as she was gone .Lost ￡400 on the 21st, closing time for bookies so could not gamble anymore. Still have some wages left for tommorrow.Excellent I thought. Went straight in the bookies the next day after work .Lasted about 90 minutes did not back 1 winner. Lost everything but ￡100 left in my bank account. Just enough money for a present for my niece and my father. Got everybody elses.Nothing expensive any more as the bookies need my my money much more.Feel absolutely sick have 1 week off work now and just have ￡100 left to last me the 6 weeks and to buy 2 presents with. My direct debits/bills for the month are about ￡700, so will have to cancel all of them again. For what I think ?.Have no food in the fridge ,just some milk and bread. Enough petrol in my car for about 70 miles travel. So just enough for a few days. What can I do ?.I say its my car ,but have a log book loan on it , so it is not really my car . My car is worth about ￡2000 I took a log book loan out on it. And the Interest payments are ￡196 a month over 36 months. Which is ￡7056 if I paid the loan for 36 months.The loan was for ￡1500. Just to survive and pay bills,food ,etc with .But again as I soon as I got that money, lost all of it same day. I have so much hatred and rage inside of me,I feel like I wish I could just fall asleep and never wake up so the pain would just go away.Life just seems to go around in a circle ,nothing ever changes . Just pain and misery.I wish it could stop !. Really had enough, just feel like I need somebody to talk too ,as 25 years of this has really taken its toll.The bottom line is GAMBLING = Pain,suffering,sleepless nights,constant worrying,no money,loss of friends,family and partners, huge debts,no social life, loss of time and basically a waste of a life and for what ?.I read in a book once about a gambler that if a gambler has ￡1 it is too much money but if they had ￡1,000,000 that still would not be enough.How true is that. But a gambling addiction is never easy to give up. I really wish I could. Anyway thanks for reading and good luck to everyone in your journey to stop gambling. I really hope your more successful than me .Please don’t let them beat us.Life is for living.No Chance

[blueelvis888]

Hi Everyone , I hope you are all well. Good start to 2012 so far have abstained from gambling for 8 days ! WOW seems like a life time . I wish it had been. Still its never too late to stop gambling. Said that a 1,000 ***** . I was speaking to my partner the other day about quitting gambling and she just said wait until payday and we will see then if you can stop. Good answer. Normally would blow all my months salary within 3 or 4 days of receiving it. But this time something feels different ( Heard that before). Maybe something has changed inside of me.I am fed up of letting people down, fed up of having no money,fed up of having not being able to have nice things, fed up of buying 2nd hand tyres for my 15 year old car,fed up of sleepless nights ,fed up of ***** to everyone, fed up of bank charges,fed up of losing, basically fed up of my whole life. Need to change. If any body has the time to tell me why they gamble , I would love to know that reason as I cannot see why I should gamble anymore ?

– 04/01/2012 18:25:22: post edited by blueelvis888.

[Анонимен]

lol well think we all gamble in hopes of hitting that mother load where all our dreams and prayers are answered.  been doing it for countless years and the only dreams getting fulfilled are the owners of them big buildings.  yeah they wanna keep us hooked on that roller coaster of emotions. mostly bad to say the least.  we dont owe them our pay so gotta stop thinking we do in hopes of a dream that aint never coming true.

[vera]

by the time this post arrives on your thread , you will be into your 9th day, Blu!
How come we get so hung up on ******** days? Is it a sort of mourning period for what we left behind or is it in anticipation or trepidation of our next bet? And do we need to know the reasons why we gambled? When I was in the throes of gambling I could not fathom for the life of me why everyone didn’t gamble. I used to think that non gamblers were missing out on life! typical CG distorted thinking. It’s only when we become sick of our sickness,that we look for a way out!
These days I try to keep life simple. When I dwell on deep reasons , I sometimes find myself escaping and fantasizing. Staying rooted in reality helps. That’s where work helps.
Maybe your partner would step in by taking care of your next pay cheque Blu, to prevent her fear being fulfilled?

[velvet]

 
Hi Blue
I find that reading CG posts give me an insight that I could never have had when I was living in the shadow of the addiction. I have, however, heard your words before, spoken by my CG who has changed his life. He did have sheer enjoyment, he did sacrifice everything for that enjoyment but it turned him into a person he didn’t want to be. 
He cannot ‘promise’ that he will never gamble again but he can live his life day to day, affirming that on that day he will not gamble. I know that he has turned into the person that he wanted to be and not only that, he has turned into a person that I am proud to know. 
It is never too late to stop gambling and I haven’t said that a million ***** before. Be careful of ‘waiting for payday’ because you are putting a strain on yourself and you are aware that your partner is watching. You have to do this for ‘you’ and nobody else. This is your life and you are fed up ***** to everyone. Everyone probably knows you are ***** too which makes your ***** a waste of time. 
I think you have said ‘why you gamble’. I think it would be good to consider how you will feel when you embrace a gamble-free life.  Compulsive gambling is an addiction and therefore you are being controlled by an addiction. When you face that addiction and change your life – you will be in control of it – not owned by a faceless, cruel, deceiver. ‘You’ can make the good things happen and you will find that those around you will relax and change too. Your partner would be so welcome in our F&F group and on our F&F forum. She will have been affected by your addiction – none of us get away with it. 
We do all the wrong things for all the right reasons when we love a CG. Your partner ***** to recover too and when she does she will no longer be the victim of your addiction.   She will be free too. 
I have changed so much and continue to do so each day that takes me further from the gambling years. I believe that friends and family have to change if they want to live and love a CG who is committing to a life-time of being gamble-free. Without realising it the addiction causes us to loose ourselves and our self-esteem too. 
I think you know the answers to your questions and you know what to do – the hard bit is doing it but I believe you can. 
Velvet
 
 

[paul315]

Originally posted by blueelvis888
… If any body has the time to tell me why they gamble , I would love to know that reason as I cannot see why I should gamble anymore ?
Good morning Elvis,
Well done on making it this far abstaining from gambling, it is a good start for a lifetime of living gambling free. You can’t change the first part of your lifetime, but you surly can change the rest of it.
You ask why others gamble, hopeful in asking you are encouraging them to review their actions so as to make them see the error of their ways like you now see yours, and not in hopes to find new reasons for you to gamble. But the reasons a CG gambles makes no difference and has no point when we are in action; the reasons that we manufacture are only weak justifications for our wrong doing.
However, when in recovery, when we are making good use of the gambling free time that abstaining gives us, we might need to look at the real reasons that we want to disregard all logical thinking and cause harm to ourselves and those around us. In doing this we are not actually looking for the reasons we gambled, but we are taking a fearless inventory of our lives to see what character flaws we need to change, the character flaws that an addiction feeds on that causes us to use gambling as an escape, a futile search for elusive dreams, or just for the temporary and destructive thrill or entertainment.  One of the charismatics of a CG is that they have a subconscious desire to punish themselves; this is why we need to know what triggers our addiction. We really do not need to know the why we gamble.
Keep up your good work, use your time of abstaining to work on the changes that are needed in your life. Keep asking questions and searching for answers for anything related to gambling and recovery, answers to things that will help you in recovery. Being aware of our problem, of ourselves, and the solutions to our problems, is HOW recovery will work in our lives – being Honest, Openminded, and Willing to take action on what we learn.
God’s speed. Stay strong. Keep aware.LarryThanks to my Higher Power, My 3G’s – God, GA, and GT,  "Day Two Is Another Day Behind" and with the help from all , I will continue to remain gambling free.

[blueelvis888]

Thank you Sucks,Vera,Velvet and Paul for your replies. Very much appreciated. It makes me wonder how such a disease called GAMBLING has such a hold on such kind ,caring and intelligent people . Gambling does not care what colour you are , how much money you have , were you came from, what job you do, nothing matters to gambling. Apart from taking the last penny you have in your pocket and leaving you in poverty and pain. Is it worth it ?. Just feels to me at this moment of my life that I need to stop gambling as have wasted too much time already. Since gambling I have forgotten how to smile and feel happy. Would one day like to feel happy without the buzz that having a winning day would give me. So sad when the only thing that could make me happy is to win money through gambling. It feels time for me to stop gambling now and take my life back. Do not feel the urge to gamble lately but we have all been there before ?. But I hope with the help of all you people from this site and my willpower. I may have a chance. Thanks again.– 05/01/2012 18:02:26: post edited by blueelvis888.

[Анонимен]

yeah sounds like we both been on this highway to **** to long. was fun for a while till ya turn a round and take a good look at the damages. they sure mount up too, play tricks with your mind cause there’s a rainbow some where out there and gots my name on it.  lol  yeah how many time did we tell ourselves that?  high expectations put into a machine with no heart or way of knowing what we got riding on it. we pour everything we got into that piece of metal mindlessly wishing with each spin it hits our dreams.  **** what is that dream and how big does it have to be to satisfy our endless greed?  i never hit one big enough for me to stop and cant think of a number big enough that i would stop. its just a vicious cycle of of hopes that never come true and aren’t meant too. its what keeps us coming back and fulfills only the dreams of the ones who own them machines. pretty much pointless on our part to keep pursuing a dream that never satisfies

[bruce1234]

I myself beleive and feel for me it was not about the money – because i know that no matter how much i would win i would just want to keep playing and playing until i had no money left to play and that was always the sadest time of the night not because i had lost a grand, but because i could not play anymore.

[velvet]

Hi Blue and S2beme
Better still – why not join hands and tackle the other road together.   It looks tougher but the end of it is a much better place to end up.
Velvet
 

[Анонимен]

i’m all for that but ya might have to point out that road velvet.  lol   just finding construction signs, road blocks and detours on my trip.  so a nicely paved one would be sweet.  yeah i know ya don’t dabble in construction and are no magian and guess we have to pave our own lane blue.  i’m up for the task if you are.

[desdemona]

Hi Blueelvis! Get up, dust yourself off, and get back on recovery road. Many of us have lost our way in recovery at *****, but it doesn’t mean we have to stay lost. We are success stories as long as we never stop trying. Carole

[blueelvis888]

Hi everybody that has replied and thank you very much for your kind advice and taking time to read my posts.Have not been coming on here as frequently as I would like to. My mind is so very mixed up at the moment. gambling seems to have taken hold of me again. I have still been reading lots of peoples stories and one story that struck me called gambling his only TRUE FRIEND but really was his own worst ENEMY. How true I thought that was.Gambling and I have been inseparable for more time then I care to think of. I am sitting here writing this post and all I can think of is gambling even though it has taken every single thing from me . I am not asking for sympathy but I sit in my room every night thinking how such can such a thing as gambling have such a hold over me.There is not a thing I would not do to try and get money to gamble.I would probably swap the air I breathe to get money for my next bet. How sad that I value gambling more valuable then my own life. How did it come to this. There are a million and one things that I would like to say about what gambling has done to me.But I suppose there is really no point as I still value gambling above anything else in my life. Which I find so sad.The hurt I have caused my parents is quite unimaginable but still they are there for me through thick and thin.They really do not deserve such a useless son like me.What are the answers I am looking for. I have tried so hard in the past to quit gambling but it seems now I do not even want to try to stop. Any time I have any money I will just lose it gambling, don’t worry about the bills,rent,food,petrol and anything worthwhile normal people spend money on.Gambling is always more important to me.Have I got so delusional now that I do not know wrong from right. Do other people feel just like this.I really wish I could stop gambling before it is too late. I apologize if my post is just a bit depressing it is just that I have run out of answers.– 03/04/2012 18:59:47: post edited by blueelvis888.

[Анонимен]

hey blue, good to see ya posting again.  haven’t been doing so well myself with the gambling.  guess its day 4 for me and yeah been there how many ***** before.  lol  yeah  guess not all that funny but not tossing in the towel either.  guess sooner or later it comes time to face the facts and that’s pretty much we’ll never win.  any dollar we put into it will forever be gone and not coming back.  any penny spent on a bet from here on out only adds to the damage.  think we’ve been damaged and pummeled enough.  guess were just beaten in every sense of the word when it comes to gambling.  and the only thing we can do worse to ourselves is to return to it again.  guess its the right here and now that can change all that.  yup toss up them arms in defeat and just surrender.  i know we tend to feel like soldiers and just in our nature to wanna get back what we think is ours.  but yeah the blooming idiots we are we gave that cash up of our own free will and yeah its their money now.  yeah their smarter than us and will fight harder yet to keep whats theirs and try to teach us a good leason for returning by taking more.  lol lol lol   guess in a way their telling us to back off cause we’ll never take their castle.  lol  yeah we freely gave to the enemy and they powered up to use it against us.  they know whats pushes our buttons to keep us pushing theirs to their benefit.  kinda like a rabbit trying to make friends with a jackle and some things ya just cant turn your back on.

[Анонимен]

Hey Blue have noticed a couple of your replies on others’ posts and I can sense a feeling of hopeless despair in what you write.
I am of a similar age to you and gambled for thirty years. I know you have posted on my thread in the months gone by so you will probably know that I went to prison 5 *****, because I just "couldn’t stop" gambling. I know that feeling of accepting that gambling has a lifelong grip on us. We are doomed, that is our lot in life. Just like you I used to believe that; for over 20 years I went to GA, counsellors, psychiatrists, even got exorcised once, convinced I was possessed. Up until a few years ago I would tell you those things didn’t work, not for me, I was too far gone, I was too hooked. Simple truth of the matter is I really kept the hope alive that one day many years into the future I would be able to gamble, I wasn’t ready to give up for life although I told those close to me that I was.
This all changed for me when I went to Gordon House in 2009, I’m not saying that GH was my salvation, infact since I left there 18 months ago I have gambled wrecklessly and even put myself in danger of going back to jail. I got sucked back in and I was just as bad as before. When I went to GH I had decided to myself that the only way for me was total and complete abstainance from gambling thats really what I wanted, I had had enough I was absoloutly saturated with gambling.
Maybe you are right when you say that subconciously you dont want to quit; gambling really distortes our thoughts. You are that used to gambling at the drop of the hat it has become the norm. It dosn’t have to be that way. Not gambling can quickly become the norm, all you have to do is get through today. You can do a day, if not you can do an hour or two, then another hour or two. Personally I dont think you’ll get any where fast unless you start talking to some one, even if that someone is the  Samaritans, it has worked for me more than once.
Keep your chin up, you dont need to gamble. Why is it so important what will happen if you dont get that bet on. I read the other day that we go to get the thought out of our head, I agree with that its easier than trying to sit with it. However the thoughts will batter you until you start honestly openning up to a good counsellor or trusted friend or as said above even the Samaritans.
You are not unique in how you are feeling with regards to gambling, neither are you unique in the fact that you are a compulsive gambler. The damage gambling can cause is well documented throughout this forum, as are the benefits of recovery.
Any sane person, whether a gambler or not, can see that life in recovery is obviously better all round than life as a CG. The only people who think life as an active CG is a better option are those whose thoughts are so distorted they cant think straight.
Wishing you all the best believe me; if I can change anybody can.
Geordie.Recovery is priceless.

[Анонимен]

hey blue, thought ild come to your page to answer them 2 queastions you have.  why do i gamble?  geeee thinks theres a few reasons.  guess for one i like the excitement and that chance of hitting a decent amount of cash for a change.  never won a real big amount and maybe 2,400 be the largest amount.  seems like peanuts compared to what i stuck into it.  lol   guess its a escaape route too and a weird way of having fun.  sure dont seem like fun walking out that door when all is said and done.  a all time low is more like it and a feeling i think we both know to well.  but yeah while the money last its all fun and games and never want that feeling to end.  guess its a hope and a dream that just maybe ild hit a amount that would make them dreams come true.  take all them money issues away and some how give me back everything it ever put into the place and more.  **** none of the machines i play even pay out that sort of cash nor have i every seen onyone ever win more than 15,000 and yeah that was just once.  guess even at 15,000 that aint making up for all they got from me.  lol  i really have no ideal what a gambled away over the years but pretty safe to say i gambled more than 15,000 in a year.  guess while we gamble we miss out on a lot and maybe hitting that jackpot would make up for everything we could of enjoyed.  guess i know for a fact that money cant buy everything and those ***** we missed out on with family will never be relived again.  guess thats the biggest price we pay is something money can never buy back.  the smiles that could of been that we’ll never know or feel.  a hug we could of gave and didnt know was needed, a molment missed that might of been something we’ld never forget.  guess we just miss out on life blue and guess that how we stop.  cant buy back yesterday but we still got today.

[velvet]

 
Hi Blue
You said that you don’t want sympathy and I am not going to give it.
You said that you wish you could stop gambling before it is too late but that is seems that now you do not even want to ‘try’ and stop.
It seems to me that it is the ‘trying’ that you don’t want to do.   ‘Trying’ when you do not believe that you can succeed is almost always going to be an impossible task but you know that it is possible to succeed because you have the word of so many who have gone before you.  They are no longer fighting a vast enemy but controlling an occasional, manageable pain in the backside.   They are no longer having everything taken away from them with no return but are getting the rewards of happiness, peace of mind and trust of those around them.
What tells you that you are a failure and a useless son? – Gambling.  
Who tells you that you can succeed and you are not a useless son? – Everyone on this site and your parents.  
Trust those who care about you and not an addiction that hates you.  
I can’t tell you what to do but I hear success in CGs who affirm on a daily basis that ‘today’ they will not gamble.   Why not make a point of a daily affirmation on here.
Why do you not come on here as often as you would like to?       
You are not a useless son – you are a son who has lost his way.   You have the capability to beat your demon but you need courage.   Nobody will ever tell you that trying is easy because it isn’t – but if you believe in your goal and believe in yourself then you can succeed.  
It is really good to see you posting again.   Keep posting especially when you hear that addiction call.    You will never win with gambling Blue – you will win if you don’t.
Velvet
 
Velvet

[Анонимен]

hey blue hope all is good with ya today.  keep in touch with us this go and even if it goes bad.  kinda what its all about.

[Анонимен]

Hey Blue, thanks for your post. I think that you post very honestly about how you see things, its easy for me to see things differently; but its you thats there now, living a life I used to live but have broken away from. It dosn’t matter that I’ve broke away from that life just for today, the fact is I was able even to, even after 30 years of madness, selfishness, and all the other addictive traits I was able to finally walk away. You dont need to wait til you’ve got a record as long as your arm, you dont need to wait until you become a jailbird, a psychiatric patient or a homeless beggar. YOU CAN WALK AWAY RIGHT NOW. Just for the rest of today. Start off tomorrow as a new today. Dont gamble just for today. I never understood that when people tried to drill it into me at GA, "Just for today", I thought, "That means I can gamble tomorrow".
You say, "But the only thing I truly would like to know about gambling but has evaded me for a lifetime is how to quit gambling".  Well sadly the only way I know is learning how to say "No" it’s as simple as that. I dont actualy think the hard part is the stopping gambling, I found that quite easily once I started to believe that I was capable of changing. I didn’t have to be like that, nobody ever forced me to gamble against my will.
You say you love it too much, do you really? Or do you just think you do?  Is it the lies deciect and arrogance you love, its so easy to turn off when gambling, its the only thing that matters. Actually it isn’t really is it, other things matter, your family, your health, your sanity and well-being. You see when you’re gambling these things are usually very quickly forgotten along with things like appetite or a headache. Only gambling matters, we convince ourselves. Gambling blinds us to our true thoughts thats why I think, that infact you dont love gambling. You do want it out of your life but until you are ready to leave go with both hands I think you are stuck.
Of course these are only my opinions and I’m sure you will do what you think right, I hope you can see through the distorted thoughts gambling has created over the years.
I’m rooting for you.
Geordie.Recovery is priceless.

[Анонимен]

Hi Blue
I don’t have any mind blowing wisdom to give. I just know that if we stop right now, then our lives will suddenly be much better!!!!!
Of this I have no doubt. I like you have blown many 1000s over 30 years and have been through many bad *****. In fact am in a bit of a hole as I type. I believe my friend that there is something new we can always try to overcome this disease. It’s just unlocking the lock with the right key..
I will keep a look for more of your posts. Don’t give up my friend.

[blueelvis888]

Hi Uncontrolled and thank you for your reply today and for everybody in the past that has replied to me.
I have not been on gambling Therapy for a long long time now. Too long I might add .I have been so caught up with gambling that my thoughts on recovery have not had a seconds thought . I might add that were it not for gambling my life would be pretty good now . Also no doubt many others of the people here would be living a good life were it not for gambling !.
I am writing today as I feel a change in my thoughts on gambling. I am not sure where rock bottom is but I feel I am pretty close to it now.I have lost my job in December, I have no savings to fall back on, I sold my car a few weeks ago,
I have tried to sell anything that is worth anything to pay for food ,bills,etc.. If it were not for my mother I think I would have starved to death. I have tried to look for work through many temping agencies but January must be a slow month or that too many people are going for the same job. Before I have always seem to find some kind of job to survive on and I really do mean SURVIVE !.
If you are a compulsive gambling the only time you may have an abundance of money is when you are winning . Well that was true in my case. But we all know the winnings will only last a very short time. Hours and maybe a day or two before we lose everything AGAIN . Is this really the way to live I ask myself. I am not trying for people to feel sympathy for me or trying to tell a sob story. But for the first time in my life I feel I have really wasted my life and I am a complete failure. I have nothing left to give the bookies they have taken everything from me. All those many years of blind gambling for thrills seems such a distant memory. William Hill,Corals ,Ladbrokes and whoever else out there is not going to put food on my table ,money in my pocket, pay my bills ,petrol in the car I once had and the list is endless.
I told someone I love most in the world, my mother .That it would be impossible for me to quit gambling and it would follow me to the grave. I mean after I have gave her more then 30 years of hurt and disappointment with my gambling.
I tell her that , I could see the hurt etched in her face. That was 2 weeks ago . I have had a long time to think . For the past 4 days ,are the only 4 days in 30 or more years that I have not checked the horse/dog form and results on the internet or the newspaper. And I do not really want to know them .I feel now maybe I have reached my rock bottom and gambling has taken enough from me. I need to change if I want a future and a better quality of life. I do not believe in miracles but if I manage to stop gambling and lead a normal life again. That will be my own secret miracle.

[Анонимен]

I feel your Mums pain Blue. But you can change. Your future is not written yet. You have a golden opportunity to write a different ending to this sorry path both you and I have followed. I’m ashamed of my past. Yes, I have terrible debts, these will take time to sort out. Lets both forget the past and focus on the present. That’s what the present is ; a gift !

I have gambled on many days where I was up in the thousands……..sometimes stayed up for weeks, others blown in minutes. The reason ; we can’t walk away. Period. It’s been programmed over years. Forget the money my friend. Let Corals/Ladbrokes Tec have it. If we did not gamble for the next 3 years, we would be in an amazing place. Read other diaries. There are no other endings. We can do it. No, it will not be a walk in the park, nothing worth fighting for is easy.
I’m walking with you.

[Анонимен]

I love your spirit at the moment Blue. keep going my friend. Its good that you share your experiences on others threads. I know you are really making a magnificent effort. DO NOT GIVE IN !!!

[twilight16]

Hi Blue,
It is great that you are back and though you are at a difficult time I also feel that you have finally realized, hence rock bottom, what the addiction is. How it **** to you all along, how it used you and how it is now abandoning you. I am not meaning to hurt you but to just to support you. Remember how you feel now and never go back to it when you start rebuilding your life. It is like an ex who wants you back when you have something again. It is best that you cut all ties now. Your mom’s support is a blessing and the best repayment is for you to live a gamble free life. Much love and happiness to you. Just take it day by day. XXXTwilight(I believe we get our greatest strength from the hardest obstacles)

[blueelvis888]

Thank you Uncontrolled and Twilight 16 for your replies. I have not been ******** the days since I last gambled, watched a horse/dog race or checked the results .As that is usually my downfall when I ***** the days it is like a recipe for disaster I am not sure why ?. At the moment I have very little money but I am trying to be strong so not to get the urge to gamble and try to win more . Now I am thinking what I have in my pocket is better then nothing at all. When usually I think that what is enough is never enough. Resulting in losing everything. I am trying so hard to think differently from the past 30 years or so. I have been trying to find your thread Twilight 16 so I can read it again. I was just wondering where it was ?

[vera]

Just bringing you to the top, Blue!
Cream always rises to the top!
******** the days can be both stressful and rewarding. It can act in both ways. We can leave each day behind us and say I am a step further from my last bet and move forward, or the Cg mind can see that method as gaining free time to "earn" a reward for abstaining.
That’s the best of just focussing on today!
Today,I had 30 euro and petrol in my car. A neighbour who hasnt been well lately , called I told her I was going to get my hair cut in one of my favourite places in Dublin ( a small chinese hair saloon) and asked her if she would like to come. For €25 , I got a hair  wash, head massage, cut, styled and blow dry. I sure wouldnt have gotten that value in a casino.
The block away from that hair saloon has a casino that I have frequented twice lately, so having someone with me was a great barrier in case I was tempted. I told my husband I was going but as you know CGs always have a B Plan. I had a scissors in the car and would have cut my own hair and come home whinging that the hairdresser had done a botched job, but on this occasion I didnt need to go to such extremes!
Keep your money in your pocket Blue. The "fatcats" have enough!
 – 09/02/2013 22:13:32: post edited by vera.

[ramses07]

Hi, Blueelvis..
I’ve started gambling on 6 year ago, my friend asked me to play just $20 for slot machines, i said yeah mwhy not..then, that nightmares came to my life. before i know how to gamble, my life pretty much wonderful. i started with $.25 machine, and put bet 3, won $200 bucks couple *****. then become greedy and lesson learned next time after i won somethin just cashed it out. next time i went to casino, keep loosing again again and again. from $100 – $500 each visit casino. one night i hit the jackpot, i won about $2500 from one slot machine. i just cash it and about to leave the casino and naah i just play about $50 then leave, after 5 hours, ive lost it all the $2500 and i took another $500 out of my atm card. from now on ive been 3 months stay out of casino. if you are bored, just sleep or do something else like shopping or etc, i sold most of my valuable items because of it.

[velvet]

 
Hi Blue
Often the best way to win is not to keep the score. ‘One day and a time’ is achievable and you need achievement because it helps to see how it outweighs the misery of of your addiction.
What you have in your pocket in meaningless if you are going to allow your addiction to control what you do with it.   It isn’t the money, it is what it does to your mind that hurts you, watching the horse race, dog race, checking the results – it all hypes your addition up and destroys any real pleasure in life you are capable of having.  
Twilight has written a book that maybe you could read. It is called ‘Please Girl’ and is available on Amazon.   Her threads are still in F&F and I know she would love to think she helped you on with your determination to control your addiction. 
Gamcare.co.uk. now cover the UK for support with the addiction to gamble Blue.   I hope you will make contact with them and continue your fight to control this addiction.   Twilight’s book ‘Please Girl’ I think, I hope, will help you remove the blinkers that your addiction ***** you to wear, because without them you will truly see the damage you are inflicting on yourself.   The site will always be here for you to read and those who have cared for you will continue to do so no matter what.
It is a strange to wish someone a rock bottom but I do. Rock bottom is in your mind – it isn’t losing all your possessions. Your addiction offers a copper-bottomed guarantee that you will lose possessions – that is not rock bottom.    Rock bottom is ‘knowing’, not just thinking, that you are losing much more than a car, a meal, a home but that you really are losing ‘you’ when you don’t have to.    It is ‘you’ that matters, not possessions or money which will never be yours as long as you don’t accept your addiction.    Fight for you because you can win the greatest prize of all – your self-respect and confidence.   Learn to love yourself more than a destructive addiction.
Trying to quit for 30 years is not the same as quitting. Quit the self-pity of thinking you are a failure when you are not – only your addiction is making you feel failure because that is what it does best.   Come on Blue, do what you know is right for you.   Success is not the result of spontaneous combustion – you must set yourself on fire first.
I know you can do it
How is the lovely Elvis – i hope he is getting his dinners?
Velvet
 

[blueelvis888]

Thank you Velvet,Ramses07 and Vera for your support. God knows we need help as much as we can get. One day at a time is the only way to go to see if I have a control of my addiction .I have set no targets so I have one thing less on my mind .To stop watching horse/dog racing, checking the results and form is the method I have used so I have less contact with my addiction of gambling. It really is heart warming to know that there are some people willing to give there time and advice to help others without gain for themselves in our society now. This world has changed so much. For the compulsive gambler you have so many more ways to lose your hard earned money then back in the old days. Our government has a lot to answer for ?. Vera you said you went to the casino a couple of ***** lately . Did you actually gamble ? Another thing is I have neither had scissors sharp enough to cut my own hair but a good idea though LOL. And yes it is true the fat cats have had enough money from me. Ramses07 the last 30 or so years have been a never ending revolving door for me , round and round I go till everything is gone . There is really no way to beat the bookie !. Thanks Velvet for remembering Elvis , you have a good memory . Yes Elvis is good but a bit too fussy with his food unfortunately. Its true trying to quit gambling is not the same as quitting but I can honestly say for the first time in my life I am trying so hard to fight my gambling addiction I am giving this fight everything that I have. For me failure is not an option ! This will be enough I know it !

[vera]

To answer your question, Elvis, Yes I did gamble in that casino and many others lately, Im very ashamed to say,  and in the time I was "having fun" I lost a lot of hard earned money.
Last bet 31st January 2013!
I hope it will the very LAST!

[Анонимен]

Hi Blue
Good to see you posting. We both know how hard this is, keep fighting my friend. And, Blue, read Velvet’s words again, the woman knows her stuff !!!!! only your addiction is making you feel failure because that is what it does best.   Come on Blue, do what you know is right for you.   Success is not the result of spontaneous combustion – you must set yourself on fire first.
With you if you want to fight the Evil Blue
Cheers

[Анонимен]

Hope you still reading Blue , even if your not posting. I know it can feel like total despair and no way back at *****. You know my story of 30 odd years of ****. I cannot say its easy, but its getting a little easier. I would have normally been at least another £1500 down if I had not stopped. So I see that as pure profit. No more cash for the gambling industry. Going to pay back my debt slowly and cross days off till I’m finally free of debt. In the meantime just going to enjoy not gambling. I know you want to change Blue………………..
Take care
 

[Анонимен]

Still keeping my fingers crossed for you Blue. Hope you are reading in the background somewhere in the UK .
Dig deep my friend and post. You have a lot of people on here who want you to start recovering………………

[Анонимен]

still hope your reading Blue………………..

[Автор]

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