[ICantDoThisAnymore]

I need to reach out because I am at the end of my rope. I have tried to quit gambling unsuccessfully over the last few years and it has finally broken me.

My story begins much like many others, where I started gambling to get away from problems. My problems, to me at least, were much greater than the average. I was involved in a terrible accident which left me disabled, but also provided me a large lump sum of money. Over the years that would follow, my parents went through bankruptcy (stock market gambling and the fall of the US economy in 2008) and I had a child out of wedlock with a sociopath, a cheater, and a general crappy person. At the time I was taking care of my parents, who lived with me, and my daughter, of whom I didn’t know if she was mine at the time-but to be very clear she is my world.

I turned to gambling because I needed more money to take care of everything that was in front of me. I have a crappy job that I am a sales rock star at but a terrible boss who doesn’t pay me what I am worth and takes advantage of my skills. The economy in the US has made it impossible to find a decent paying replacement role. I make due, in that I have started two other businesses, which also drain my money, and I am working to grow those daily.

I have never missed a bill, I have impeccable credit, but I have finally „lost it all.“ Nearly $200k over the course of ten years. This needs to stop and I need help. When I go to the casino I lose all sense of reality-and slots are my game because I enjoy the isolation. It is weird though, because I like talking to the people around me, but only if I am winning. If they are winning and I am not, I want nothing to do with them. The problem is, even if I am winning, in my mind I am still losing because I am down so much. I am just waiting for the „next big hit.“ 2017 is going to be a bad year for me with the taxes on gambling as my payouts easily exceed $100k and I never had any taxes taken when I was winning.

I need to stop and I know it. I just feel like such a failure. I want the money back and all the great things it can do for me (or I should’ve done with it rather). I don’t have any other debt, and I don’t ever cash advance my cards unless I have the money to pay for them. I haven’t sold any of my assets to fund my addiction, but I am constantly thinking about doing so.

I need help, and I have been unable to do this on my own. My girlfriend takes my cards from me when we do go to play on my freeplay but I still find ways to come up with money.

I am hoping that by opening up about this publically beyond GA (which I make excuses for not going to), I have seen a counselor, and it just isn’t working. I feel like I am constantly in need of more money. I make enough to save a little every month, but I feel like it is not enough compared to what I have lost.

Please help. I need this to stop. I have 35 years before I retire (by US standards for Social Security) but I have already lost what could’ve retired me much much earlier and generally had a much better life.

[Dunc]

Hello and thanks for starting a thread in the Gambling Therapy forums

Here at Gambling Therapy we pride ourselves on being a caring and diverse online community who can help and support you with the difficulties you’re currently facing. ?We understand that this might be a tough time for you, particularly if you’re new to recovery, so come here as often as you need to and participate in the forums, access online groups and connect to the live advice helpline if you need one to one support. ?We’re in this together!

Here on the forum you can share your experiences in a safe, supportive and accepting environment. ?The beauty of writing it all down is that you can take your time and you will be creating a record of your progress that you can look back on if it ever feels like you’re not moving forward. ?So, share as much or as little as you like but do try to stick to keeping just one thread in this forum so people know where to find you if they want to be updated on your progress or share something with you.

As well as the forums New Members are invited to join Charles in the New Members Practical Advice Group On Mondays at 21:00 (UK) and Thursday at 19:00(UK)

And on that note….

I’m going to hand you over to our community because I’m sure they will have some words of wisdom for you ??

Take care

The Gambling Therapy Team

PS: Let me just remind you to take a look at our privacy policy and ?terms and conditions so you know how it all works! ???

[Jonny123987]

Hey Brother,

My story is similar to yours in how long and how much we’ve gambled. I’m on day 6 again myself. This life we’ve created isn’t fun is it? The truth and only truth is listening to your in we self. Does it like the person that gambles? Does it want to do something else? Listen to it. Mine says gambling is bad, that is hurts me, that I wish I had control over it. That i should be Doug something else with my time. I relapsed about 5 times this year gambling away $100k. I hate it too. But that money is gone and I’m unfortunately a compulsive gambler. That means that I can’t gamble because I can’t stop. Pretty simple, I can’t stop until it’s gone… I need to know that. Then and only then can I just not do it. I gave all finances to a family member. I’ve sold a few things. I’m working a plan. Things will get better.

You need to make up your mind if you want to really stop. Once you do that first day is a mother then it slowly gets better. Motivational speeches have also been helpful.

As VERA says, put time between yourself and your last best. Or last thought of the debt. The money is gone and thinking about it and the wasted opportunities and time is only going to cause more pain. Think about one day at a time and only one day.

If you had never gambled would you like yourself? If they answer is anywhere close to yes I think the answer is to stop not just for the money but to get your life back.

Jon

[Jonny123987]

I also believe we are somewhat alone when we quit. There are people and resources around to help which is great. But you and me need to decide on our own that we don’t want to do this anymore and stop. Then and only then can thouse resources work. At the end of the day you have to make the decision. No counselor, GA, gorlfriend, brother, or parent can ultimately stop us. We need to stop pirselves and deal with the consequences and the linings it causes. In time it will get better.

[Jonny123987]

Where did you go? What’s going on?

[Brendan_UT]

great advice/thoughts, Jonny.

[Jonny123987]

Hey I can’t Do This,

Where did you go? You still gamble free?

Best,
Jon

[ICantDoThisAnymore]

I’m here. I made it a few days and relapsed Tuesday. A buddy wanted to go to the casino. I’ve always won when I’m with him… At least I believed. Lost serious money with him. Haven’t been since. It was strange, I felt like I was tired of it and that I was doing something wrong. I’m 4 days in again without gambling and traveling next week so I won’t be able to go at all. Let’s see how this goes. I have faith.

[Jonny123987]

Hey I Can Do This,

I’m really sorry to hear about your relapse and money lost. Nice that you came clean about it on here. And I’m glad to hear your back on day 4. I’m on day 15. Things are all great but I’m happy to have not gambled for a couple weeks. All I want to do is pay back my debts and start over again and put this in the past. I’m sure you’re a good gambler and have won many times before. Our problem is that we can’t ever stop gambling if we win or can’r stop chasing the money we’ve lost. We always have plan and that this time it’s going to work out.

I want to be honest with myself and try to get to know myself better to understand why I want to gamble. Why I want to make money without having to work for it. Why I want the money in the first place. When I had close to 75K in the bank I didn’t feel much different. But I felt like I had security. I guess the point Im trying to make is that having money and not having money might not be the issue. It might be that we are unhappy with ourselves and are trying to escape ourselves by gambling.

Good luck on day 4 and getting to day 5. And me on getting to day 16. ??

[charles]

Hi ICantDoThisAnymore,

Well done on looking for help, you are already getting some great advice.

Wat can you ;earn from your latest relapse?

Have you told your buddy that you have decided to stop gambling so to help by not asking you to go again?

Have you got yourself banned from the casino that you both usually go to? Then it won’t be an option.

Read the other stories here; what things are helping others that you can apply to your own situation?

Keep posting.

[charles]

Hi again, you need to speak to your girlfriend as well. Going to use your „freeplay“ is just going to keep your addiction ticking over, even if her holding your cards means you don’t gamble at the time.

If she knows she has to hold your cards then why not ask her to help you with financial accountability at all times?

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