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ForfatterIndl?g
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Hi Everyone,
I am back. I was out here alot starting in Feb 2010 and then one day I stopped. That was not a good idea. My year was up Sep 2010 at the casino I self-excluded myself from. I knew I supposed to go back immediately and sign out again, but I had not gambled and thought I had a handle on it. It took about a month and I self-excluded. I was still gambling at local bars and then started going to another casino that was about and hour from my house. Last Tuesday I hit my worst bottom yet. I was so desperate to find money after I lost all my money one night. I tried to get more from my credit card…they turned my down, I thought I could try to cash a check at the casino without having a physical check. I ended up going to Walmart to get $120 cash back on my card. I went back in vowing that I would win it back with this last money I could get my hands on. Right away I won $100 and I thought my luck was turning around…about 1 hour later I played my last $1 in a 7 machine and lost. I walked to my car feeling physically sick, I thought I was going to puke in the parking lot.
I e-mailed that casino the next morning and they mailed me the paperwork to self-exclude and I mailed it back yesterday. So now, I have self-excluded from 2 casinos and am staying clear of the bar I play at. It has been 5 days since I placed a bet and am feeling stronger.
This site and all of the wonderful people that post on it have helped save me. I know I am going to make it this time. I will keep coming back here to post.
LisaNot Gambling…one day at a time -
Thank you Laura…thank you so much. This morning I was feeling strong. Today is 7 days without gambling. I had a stressful day at work and I have no obligations on Tuesday nights. I really wanted to go to the bar and gamble after work. I drove 12 miles out of my way after work to go there and I thought about you Laura. I don’t know you and probably will never meet you in person, but I thought about you when I got there and turned around and went home. The feeling of power this gave me was awesome! I was able to say NO, I am not going in, I am not going to waste my time and money today! My sone was home when I got there and I got to talk to him a while and now I have the rest of the night to relax at home and get a good night sleep for tomorrow. Yay!
Have a good night everyone, LisaNot Gambling…one day at a time -
GOOD FOR YOU HOOPS!
Doesn’t it give us a good feeling when we turn our back on chaos and face the order in our lives..( even if they are somewhat disordered)!!
Everythime we make a choice such as you made, Hoops, we gain strength in recovery.
Every time we make the "bad" choice, we grow weaker and recovery soon becomes a remote dream.
I have learned two things hee!
Number one: Nothing good comes from gambling.
Number 2: Laura is an angel in disguise!
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Hoops, I just read your first post on this thread. I did exactly the same, money wise , yesterday. What in God’s name do we expect when we put ourselves in a situation where we take money from one hole (ATM) and stuff it into another?
It just is not logical by any normal standard . Im even scared when I put a few euro in a parking machine in case it doesn’t issue a ticket and yet I will put a few thousand in a machine and expect (at least) to get my money back!
Like you, I banned yesterday in that new money spinner venue.
Another rich man disappointed by my absence! -
Dear Vera – You are correct! Nothing good comes from gambling and Laura is an Angel in disguise! Thank you for your posts. I am almost crying right now…it feels so good to have someone understand how it feels. No judging, no guilt, no ultimatums. Just plain understanding and support from people that really know the gut wrenching sickness we all go through when we gamble.
I am 41 years old and should have thousands of dollars saved up. I have a degree in Management of Information Systems and have worked in this profession for almost 18 years. I own rental property and have a part-time job as well. I know how to make money….Keeping it is a different story. Gambling has ****** most of my money (which, I always have an excuse that I can make more right?), it has ****** precious time with my family and friends and it ***** my pride and self-esteem.
It stops now. One day I will not be able to make more money and if I keep up like I have been I will not have friends or family to turn to. I am taking my life back! Day 8 without gambling. I have to get back to work and then go to my part-time job at 5 pm so good night everyone and thanks for being here!
Lisa
Not Gambling…one day at a time -
Happy Thursday! It is a beautiful GF day – it is about 77degrees out….winter is finally gone!
Today is day 9. Tomorrow I get paid. As I read in Diva’s post, payday is a treacherous day for most cg’s. I know it is for me. This morning, I balanced my checkbook with what I will get paid tomorrow and paid every bill until the end of July. It is out of my checkbook and off to the right people. I have been pretty successful at paying my bills at least a month ahead until early April and all of May of this year. I slipped up BAD. My latest fall started in April when I visited my sister out by Seattle. There a plenty of casinos out there. After going to the casino 3x in 5 days out there, I continued my lunatic gambling spree when I returned home to Wisconsin. I live about 45 miles from the Minnesota Border, where there are also plenty of casinos. Like I said earlier I just banned myself from the 2nd casino in MN. Thank God! I spent about $4,000 on gambling in those 2 months alone. I can drain a bank account in mere seconds.
I also read a post today about cg’s learning or relearning the true meaning of what money is. I have always worked for the money I have. No handouts. My Dad was very strict with his money and didn’t spend it on hardly anything but necessities and saved the rest. We lived in a very nice house, but we all worked for what we had. I had quite the babysitting business going from the time I was 9 years old through the end of Jr. High. I had to buy all of my own clothes, pay for school activities, give money to church and pay for pretty much anything else I wanted since I was 9 years old. Maybe this is why I am so messed up about money. My brother has the same issues I do, but my oldest sister does not, she hoardes her money and does not like to spend it. We are all weird ??
I better get back to work. Have a great day!
Lisa
Not Gambling…one day at a time -
Hi Lisa! Congratulations on the gamble free days you have, and on your decision to get into recovery, as you deserve recovery. It is about progress and not perfection. What I found the most difficult about recovery was the pure emotions that came up for me, that I was no longer dealing with by sitting in front of a slot machine numbing out to. It took a time for my coping skills to catch up to where I was in recovery. One Day At A Time! Carole
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Hi All,
It is almost time for bed. Made it through the day without gambling. My co-worker told me she bought a scratch off last night and won $100. She was stressed at work this afternoon and wanted a snack and she also bought another scratch off. I did not buy one! Two weeks ago I would have, but not today. You are all an inspriation. The more I read out here, the less alone I feel.
Good night, LisaNot Gambling…one day at a time -
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Hi – Thank you for your posts. I have mended things with my friend. We are making plans to do other things that do not and will not give me a chance to gamble. I almost lost my best friend because I wanted to play a game. Not going to happen. I am going to continue on with therapy, keep posting, and keep learning from all of you. Thank you for keeping me accountable and not judging.
LisaNot Gambling…one day at a time -
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Hi P and Everyone,
You are right. I will keep on posting and working towards being free of gambling. Last night was so much fun until I decided to play. It was not the money that shook me up and woke me up. My best friend, that I met when I was 3 years old, 38 years ago was very mad at me last night and this morning. I do not blame her for being mad. We were having a great time and then I decided I could play at little bit. That was the end of our fun. I sent her a text last night asking her if she was mad at me. All she wrote to me this morning was "Not mad, just sick of gambling….". I knew I was in deep trouble with her. We are such close friends, it is like she is a part of me. If I ever lost her friendship, it would kill me. I have always been so proud that Steph is my best friend, I couldn’t bear it if we were not. I will not jeopardize our friendship ever again.
Good night everyone,
LisaNot Gambling…one day at a time -
It is a beautiful Sunday. We will be busy getting the final pieces put together for our son’s graduation party on Saturday. My sister is flying in from Seattle on Thursday night and staying with us for a week. I have lot’s of plans for us and she does not and never has gambled, so it will not be at all tempting. That will get me through the next week and a half. I hope everyone is having a great day!
LisaNot Gambling…one day at a time -
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Morning Hoops,
glad to see you back right a way! Gambling causes us to lose the things that mean the most to us. How sick is that? Glad that you are patching things up with your friend. Sounds like maybe she has spent too much time/money gambling for her liking too? Has she always gambled because you loved it so? Or does she have her own gambling issues? Sounds like she is a good barrier and support for you. How wonderful that you get to keep your best friend! So many gamblers have already lost their friends unless they are gamblers too. And then so many have to make a choice to give up their best friends if they are not willing to stop being an enabler.
Have a great time with your sons grad party and the visit with your sister. You can do it Lisa, gamble free ??
Happy Monday
Laura -
Hi Laura!
Yes, Steph, my friend, has gambled more than she ever thought she wouldover the years. Her mom and step-dad practicallly live at the casino. One of the really, really bad tastes she has from is was when her step-dad took a $400 ticket from a machine that a drunk person left there and gave it to her mom to play with, unbeknownst to her mom!!! So the next time her mom was at the casino, security came and got her and questioned her and made her pay the money back right on the spot. Her step-dad denied he did it and left his wife hanging. Not pretty.
Steph has also had to sit with me countless ***** waiting for me to be done gambling or has just left me because she had to go and I didn’t. She has listened to me berate myself, tearing myself down, being mad at myself for being so stupid…on and on. I have been so determined to quit this time, I think when I gambled on Friday night and she had to go home without me again, it was the last straw. I will never risk our friendship again.
Thank you for your support and your posts!
LisaNot Gambling…one day at a time -
I know how you feel hoops. Yesterday I hit a wall too. After trying and trying and trying to quit I was at a casino blowing my money not wanting to ever leave until I hit the "big one". Becoming more and more desperate at all of the promises made and broken I finally had it with myself and self banned. It is the best decision I could have made. I know I will still have urges but so far they are not as bad because I’m banned so its just a not possible and I can dismiss the urges. The second thing I noticed is that now my mind is thinking of things that ARE NOT gambling to spend money on. I’m no longer being consumed to save and save and save just to gamble it away. How freeing! Hoops you sound like a great person — caring and with good priorities. Keep reaching out because you can beat this. You can have a life where the all comsuming obsession is quieted and you can go on and enjoy life as it is meant be.
Pumkin
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