[jlanuz]

Hi, my name is jay, 39y/o. I used to have a good life. i was on my way up 8 years ago. i started a small advertising business and turned it to a pioneering giant in the industry. til 4 years ago the compulsive gambler in me kicked in. i started with casino slot machines and switched to online gambling. money was no problem them since business was good. but like any other gambler, i was addicted. i was treated a vip in the casinos. i played every night using the company’s money. & was a high roller. 4 yrs after, I’ve lost everything. lost the business, loss credibility and lost friends and nobody knows why except my wife & some friends. i just told everybody that business was not good.

When i was already in financial burden due to gambling, i still had a good credit standing so i took the opportunity to make loans from the bank, loans to friends & family saying it was to help the business because it was not doing good. I even took on shark loans. i was still credible then so there was no problem borrowing money thinking i can easily repay the but soon i closed the company a year ago but i still haven’t stopped gambling. i first sold my cars, then banks took away my house & condos. i was charged for bouncing checks even by friends, sold all the stuff i can sell saying to myself i will get a new one soon. but gambling took it all away, and i still haven’t paid my debts.

Now, i don’t have a job, i live in one of my sisters condo unit, my wife & kids hate me but they are still with me. i am living on handouts from my family and i am neck deep in debt. please!!! i want to regain my life. can somebody tell me its still possible?

am suffering from depression and i want to kill myself but i love my family which is holding me back. joining this forum is my first step. is it too late?? is there someone out there who suffered like me & still regain their life back? please help me….

thanks.

Jay

[janey1]

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Hello and thanks for starting a thread in the Gambling Therapy forums

Here at Gambling Therapy we pride ourselves on being a caring and diverse online community who can help and support you with the difficulties you?re currently facing. We understand that this might be a tough time for you, particularly if you?re new to recovery, so come here as often as you need to and participate in the forums, access online groups and connect to the live advice helpline if you need one to one support. We?re in this together!

Here on the forum you can share your experiences in a safe, supportive and accepting environment. The beauty of writing it all down is that you can take your time and you will be creating a record of your progress that you can look back on if it ever feels like you?re not moving forward. So, share as much or as little as you like but do try to stick to keeping just one thread in this forum so people know where to find you if they want to be updated on your progress or share something with you.

And on that note….

I?m going to hand you over to our community because I?m sure they will have some words of wisdom for you ??

Take care

The Gambling Therapy Team

PS: Let me just remind you to take a look at our
privacy policy and terms and conditions so you know how it all works!

[icandothis]

Jay, I wish I had some words of wisdom. Can’t find them this morning, but I would like to give you a warm welcome. It makes me sick to read about how much this addiction takes away from our lives. You are not alone in that. Here you are not alone, period. We are all in this together. You can beat this. You can get your life back. Read about what others are doing…excluding, putting up barriers…and then continue to post. Your journey can begin today. Take one baby step. Just for today, don’t gamble. Then tomorrow take another baby step and don’t gamble. The days will add up. And little by little things will improve. Again, welcome.
I am sure your family loves you very much. It is the addiction they hate! Forgive yourself and begin working on removing it from your life and your family’s life.

[charles]

Hi Jay,

I would agree with Ican, if your family hated you then they would be no longer with you, after all they have plenty of reasons to leave if they wanted to.

I’m sure they will have heard all the words and promises before; now you should show them by your actions how much you really want to stop.

There is a lot of gambling around these days, the good news is that there is also a lot of support available. Take a look at the resource link here; you will see there is a lot of support in your country. get to a local Gamblers Anonymous meeting if you can. As well as helping you stop gambling you are also bound to meet others with past financial problems, find out what they did to address those problems.

Keep posting and let us know what positive steps you are taking.

[jlanuz]

i have hit rock bottom.I loaned money from very bad people who finances players in the casino. am now being threatened . I know they are out to get me now and i might be dead soon. no one can help me now. i want to commit suicide to spare the agony but i want to make a statement in doing it.

i want to do it inside the casino i will take them all with me to the grave. i will also hunt down the owners and operators of that god damn casino..they are to be blamed for ruining the life of so many including mine

but to be honest, these are just thoughts going thru my mind and i still hope there’s still a way out of this mess. help!

[Anonym]

Bad people intimidate their victims a lot more often than kill them, believe me I know.

I really dont have time to post a lot but believe me how ever low you have sunken there is always a way up and out. It is a battle but you can do it. I’ve been to prison five times after breaking the law to feed my gambling problem I’ve lived on the streets and been in psychiatric hospitals, like many other cg’s I have attempted suicide you are not unique in the feelings and thoughts you have at the minute.

What is done is done, you cant change that. What you can change is your own behaviour and that is what you really need to do. Please use the live helpt-line for support when its open try and get someone to talk to about this right now if you can.

You and your family deserve a lot more than gambling will ever give you.

Take care.

Geordie.

[vera]

Living on the edge is scary, Jay, but committing suicide in a casino is not the answer.
I used to think “I’ll pay these fatcats back for what they did to me by NEVER coming back!”
HA!
‘Think they care whether we leave in a body bag or a hearse or a jaguar Jay?
Don’t fool yourself!
For every CG that vacates a casino stool, another CG’s bum will take their place!
And , by the way, “THEY” didn’t ruin your life or mine!
WE DID IT!
It’s good to voice your thoughts here and get it all off your chest.
Most CGs are angry when we realize the damage we have done.
All we can hope for now is a better future.
A future without gambling One day at a time!
The past can’t be changed.
Well done on taking your first step in recovery!
Keep posting!

[charles]

Hi again Jay,

Did you look at any of those links? Did you get to that GA meeting?

You can stop gambling I promise you, whatever your problems you can get past them and move forward in life.

To do that though it’ll be important that you use the support that you have available and take some positive steps.

There is a lot of life after gambling as many people will tell you.

As well as support for stopping gambling I would suggest that if you have any further thoughts of suicide you take a look at this link as well.

https://www.befrienders.org

How about asking that casino to ban you?

[icandothis]

I hope you are safe, Jay!

[jlanuz]

thank you all for your advice. A lot of good people here. No discrimination, no one to judge me here.

Ive been a good person all my life. Made a name for myself, even supported foundations and Charitable institutes. Helped a lot of people. But gambling. Changed all that. I lied, cheat and stole money and now am being judged as a low life good for nothing sob.friends & relatives wants nothing to do with me. Those i helped, i wish i dindnt helped them at all. I think There is no cure for CG exept when u ran out of resources to feed your addiction. But in the end, its already too late and your life is turned. Now i live a day at a time waiting to die. I pray every night to god to have a peaceful death. That one day i will not wake up & not knowing i died already. I feel its the only escape plan i have in dealing with the everyday cruelties of the person that ive become.. I cant even remember how to be normal. Am always afraid of my surrounding, afraid to be recognized and seen by then people i owe money.
ihavent been gambling for weeks now bec inhave said, thenonly way you can stop is if you have nothing left.

Let this be a lesson to gamblers who want to stop And still have a chance to walk away, dont be like me. Walk away. Stop.

[Anonym]

Gosh Jay, I had forgotten that wish.. It was one I wished often.. To die peacefully in my sleep. Then I wouldn’t have to put my family through my suicide and the insurance would pay out.

I had forgotten it because I don’t wish it anymore. I have stopped gambling and life is becoming restored. I have only stopped a few short months but my thought patterns have changed.
Sure my finances will never be the same but this year I am having a stress free if very frugal Christmas.

That’s the thing Jay.. We don’t need lots of money to make us happy. We need peace of mind.
Make stopping gambling your number one priority. It is amazing how quickly your brain returns to feeling normal when it stops getting those highs and lows of gambling.
Acknowledge what you have in your life because many in here have found when the good times were gone so was their family.
Jay you can turn your life around. It might not seem like it now but you can.

I think Vera is right jay about killing yourself in a casino. If those people cared they would have banned you from their casino. They make their living on the misery of others . They have seen your story played out time and time again.. Why give them another second of your happiness?

I don’t know why some of us become compulsive gamblers Jay … I guess it’s just the hand we have been dealt with in life.

May I suggest that you give yourself a week in which you refuse to harbour any thought of suicide and during which you postpone all gambling . Concentrate on that wonderful family of yours who have stood beside you through thick and thin. Do things with them like go for a walk, go to he park, kick a ball. Etc. try to keep telling yourself you are giving mind a break for a week and then you will address your problems . Stop all thought of gambling and debts for this full week. It’s Christmas so you can do much to fix things over the next week.
Being really with their dad will mean more to your family than any present daddy ever bought.

I think you might like to read John Nobody’s thread on here. His journey into compulsive gambling sounds quite similar to yours.

You aren’t the first . You certainly won’t be the last. But you can stop and watch your life turn around!!
You will make it Jay. It is not easy but you strike me as someone who is not afraid of hard work. Rest your mind so you can think straight!! Put every barrier possible in place to stop gambling and try to do fun things!! Give yourself a week off ..

[jlanuz]

Thank you all for the concerns and giving me a new sense of direction. So far, i havnt been back to the casinos but I am still wasting good money on lottery hoping to hit the jackpot. I feel its my only ticket to have a life. I manged to stay hidden from those who are hunting me andvlawsuits from the debts i have incurred because of my gambling problems but i cant live and go on like this. Money is so hard to come by. Am now in my 40s and its hard to get a job. I fear everynight about what my future if i go on like this and still regretting my past. Pls help me. Still contemplating on suicide or robbing a bank and suicide through cops. Last night i put a loaded gun in my head, all i need is to pull the trigger. I just cant do it. Im still hopingmto get a second chance.

Last week i was prayed over by my Christian cousin over skype. He asked god to lighten my load. I started watching christian preachings over the net Hoping it will lighten my load. Yes. For a moment. But reality sticks in when bills comes in, then you ask god where he is. Then you realize your still alone and feels god also abandoned you. Then you forget god. So how does one mobes on after losing his life to gambling?

[jlanuz]

Thank you all for the concerns and giving me a new sense of direction. So far, i havnt been back to the casinos but I am still wasting good money on lottery hoping to hit the jackpot. I feel its my only ticket to have a life. I manged to stay hidden from those who are hunting me andvlawsuits from the debts i have incurred because of my gambling problems but i cant live and go on like this. Money is so hard to come by. Am now in my 40s and its hard to get a job. I fear everynight about what my future if i go on like this and still regretting my past. Pls help me. Still contemplating on suicide or robbing a bank and suicide through cops. Last night i put a loaded gun in my head, all i need is to pull the trigger. I just cant do it. Im still hopingmto get a second chance.

Last week i was prayed over by my Christian cousin over skype. He asked god to lighten my load. I started watching christian preachings over the net Hoping it will lighten my load. Yes. For a moment. But reality sticks in when bills comes in, then you ask god where he is. Then you realize your still alone and feels god also abandoned you. Then you forget god. So how does one mobes on after losing his life to gambling?

[Anonym]

Jlanuz, I understand how it feels to think you lost your whole life to gambling. However you still have a life and you can turn it around. It might not seem like it but God is with you and he will help you, only it will be on his terms not yours. I know what it feels like to want to let go but NOTHING is worth your life. You were successful before and you can be again. Keep praying! One thing I have learned for sure in all my years of falling down and getting up is that time does heal. Have faith in God to show you a way to start over. I will be praying for you. It’s never too late!

[killingit2015]

Do you feel comfortable giving specifics on the debt? How much is there? Do you have one creditor or many? What are your skills/trade? If you feel comfortable listing that I will do what I can to help and offer my advice for moving forward.

I think if you start getting all the details together – list the debts smallest to largest – and put together a plan you may start to feel better about things as you set yourself some small goals. This thing isn’t going to fix itself – you need to take action against it otherwise it will just keep eating away at you.

I listen to Dave Ramsey every day for financial motivation and insight. Hearing some of the success stories on there really makes you realise that it’s completely possible to come back from the brink. But one thing in all the success stories is common – sustained hard work and commitment over a set period of time.

8 years ago you said you were on the way up, now your down. You found success before you can do it again. Just don’t fool yourself into thinking it will happen overnight – it’s going to take time and a solid commitment to get better.

I lost a large portion of my net worth to gambling over a number of years. I used to get depressed about the losses everyday thinking about how successful I used to be, what I could have had, etc. I changed my perspective, forgave myself for being a FOOL and moved on to setting some goals for the next year.

Think and grow rich – don’t gamble! Yes, it is possible to get better from where you are. Anything is possible!! You just have to believe in yourself again and take ACTION! Don’t sit around waiting for things to get better.

[hintline]

Hello Jay from me also. Forgive me if my english is not perfect btw. Here we are all in the same boat. A boat that for sure is going to sink unless we do something about it. As a matter of fact is not about doing something its about stop doing. I also lost 000’s during the last 15 years but i am not willing to feed the bookies and the casinos anymore. We all know we cant beat the casinos and the bookies. They exist to make money ..they have invested millions so that they can trick people and take their money. They tricked us. They have managed to passed a serious illness just like drug dealers etc etc. We need to change mindset. Money that was lost is not coming back. We all know this. We need to admit it. Just think that the money you have lost is used to cure you from a very serious illness. You can come out of this wiser and it will be a HUGE lesson for you and for all of us. Just take a little time and think…..how proud you will be in lets say a years time if you take out this devil from you. Remeber…. Chasing losses will not work. You know it. Just take some time and think where gambling will take you if you continue. Take some time and think how your life can change if u stop gambling TODAY and forever. We have been trapped by bookies and casino. Thats the whole story. Now we know. Money is not everything in life. Most millions and billionaires are depressed. Have this in mind m8. Good luck. Keep your faith. You will make it.

[Mred321]

There is no cure. But our disease can be arrested. We all did what you are doing now . It feels like there is no where to turn . No where to go . We only try to seek help when there is no where else to get money.The most important thing to do is to stop trying to win it all back IT WILL NEVER HAPPEN. I have tried for many years to win it back. Yes I have hit a few times . But the win is never big enough. I always gave it back . If not the same day . It was the next day.I have a friend at the GA meeting. He hit for 100,000 grand twice on scratchoffs .but he spent 500,000 doing it and he also lost the money he won. So jlanuz we will try to help you we all have been where you are right now there is hope.Keep talking to someone like your cousin . I think your family still loves you they just hate the way you are now. My wonderful wife still is with me and I have done most of the same things as you have .But she will never trust me with more than a few dollars and I must provide receipts for everything…. There is hope.If you are feeling really bad perhaps there is someone you can talk to about it . Good wishes to you in your attempt to become well.

[jansdad]

Hey Jay. What a terrible story, I must say. I’m a 100% atheist , I don’t believe in god and all that, but whatever works for you is fine.

Where I think you’re making a mistake (and I’m not the one to judge – I’m aware of that) is that your goal is to have your old life back. I think you need to reassess that. Everyone telling you that you can and will have your old life back is talking out of their asses. Their intentions are good, but they’re not helping.
It is highly unlikely that you will have your old life back. What you can have instead is new, different life with new set of values. You need to find a new meaning in life. If it used to be success, recognition and money, now you need to find something else, something that will be equally fulfilling but more realistic. Grow plants/flowers, do some charity work, find the way back to your kids and spend quality time with them, teach them things they are unlikely to learn elsewhere, go fishing, go running, whatever, but don’t play the stupid lottery.
There are worse things than living on handouts in your sister’s condo. Reassess your goals and expectations. Why throwing money away on lottery? Is the hope of 1 in 20 million really worth the money?
Not sure how well you know different games and their payouts (I happen to know them very well). Black Jack pays 99% if you play Basic Strategy, Roulette pays out about 97%, most slots between 90-95%, bingo about 70%, lottery about 40%. And then they hit you with the tax when you finally win something – another 30%. So you’re basically looking at 28 cents on the dollar. Every time you spend $100 on lottery you might as well flush $72 down the toilette.

You need to get out there and start doing things instead of being on your knees praying or being in a fetus position on the floor all day long. You still can have a good life. Only it will be very different. Your family and you are healthy, that’s what’s really important. Everything else is secondary.

[I_Maverick]

Just found this blog Jay. How you doing, it’s a few months since you posted. Your story is so similar to mine. I was running a succesfuk production company making films, and we just finished 7 short films for a charity. Really good films. But the budget has been used up and we haven;t finished because of gambling last year. Instead of focusing on the production I was sneakily playing poker. It was even that much money, but the time was days and days and days. Obviously the work didn’t get done. I kept telling myself to get help, but kept putting it off. Then depression hit, I was unfocused, having anxiety attacks – still didn’t do anything about it. Now, had a big relapse this year and started using company funds. Now we are running out of money to pay the company debts, no work (becuase I didn’t do the marketing/ networking) an I feel like a failure. I have a wife and small son, and she is going back to Colombia as she is sick of this. She has said she will never know if I am gambling or not. I am now into day 11 of being gamble free and the last 11 days have been hell. I need to find a way of forgiving myself, but not forgetting. I have to accept that I must close my lovely office, and possibly shut the business, but I have to accept that.

Please post again and let us know how you are doing.

[jlanuz]

Hey Maverick,

Well, Am still alive but my life really is a living hell. i stopped gambling but to tell you the truth, your problems are just starting even you stopped.unlike me, you still have a chance. yes, you used the Company’s money, you are about to closed shop, well,end it there & start over because i wished i’ve done the same. when my Company was getting in trouble due to gambling, i’ve taken loans & debts, even shark loans, i bid on projects with almost no income just to feed my addiction. in the end, it got the better of me. most of my problems comes from court cases, hiding in fear from shark loan thugs. as i said, i was a good person but gambling made me live like a crook. always in hiding, fear of being recognized, had to grow facial hairs & kept my hair long , afraid to go out & can’t find a good paying job. i’m working as a driver bodyguard for a friend right now, this is how i’m starting. my advise is don’t be neck deep in debt, it will be easier for you t start over. its easier to accept the fact you’ve thrown away your money in gambling, but throwing away other people’s money in gambling, they will not let you get away that easy. your problems are just starting but you still have the chance to get out now. hope this helps….

[Deceived79]

Is there any way to send you a private message?

[Petro]

Have been so long you have not been in the forum. How you doing? I am in exact same situation an would like to hear from you what you have done with lawsuits? I have couple law suits in NJ for theft by deception and dont know what to do. Please any advice would be help full. Thanks

[charles]

Hi Petro, read the other stories here. If you scroll to the bottom of the My Journal Forum then click on New topic you can start your own thread. You can get a lot of support here

[Desertdove]

starting over. I’m a mess. don’t know where to start.

[Steev]

Hi Desertdove – good that you are reaching out to us. 

Perhaps you could start by starting your own thread – letting us know a bit more about you and your story so that we can tailor any advice to you.

Or you could join one of the groups that are on tonight – some of which are geared to people who are new to Gambling Therapy like yourself.  I wish you well.

[Forfatter]

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