Hello and thanks for starting a thread in the Gambling Therapy forums

Here at Gambling Therapy we pride ourselves on being a caring and diverse online community who can help and support you with the difficulties you’re currently facing. We understand that this might be a tough time for you, particularly if you’re new to recovery, so come here as often as you need to and participate in the forums, access online groups and connect to the live advice helpline if you need one to one support. We’re in this together!

Here on the forum you can share your experiences in a safe, supportive and accepting environment. The beauty of writing it all down is that you can take your time and you will be creating a record of your progress that you can look back on if it ever feels like you’re not moving forward. So, share as much or as little as you like but do try to stick to keeping just one thread in this forum so people know where to find you if they want to be updated on your progress or share something with you.

As well as the forums New Members are invited to join Charles in the New Members Practical Advice Group On Mondays at 21:00 (UK) and Thursday at 19:00(UK)

And on that note….

I’m going to hand you over to our community because I’m sure they will have some words of wisdom for you ??

Take care

The Gambling Therapy Team

PS: Let me just remind you to take a look at our privacy policy and terms and conditions so you know how it all works!

Hi Jacquespaul, well done on looking for help.

Read the other stories here, you will read a lot that you will relate to. You will also see the success stories – what are they doing that you can apply to your own situation?

Get yourself banned from that site.

One thing we know from our gambling is that when we lose all our money we can’t gamble – no money = no gambling. Use that knowledge. Don’t leave that money sat there tempting you – put it somewhere you can’t access it to gamble with. Who could help you with accountability? A family member maybe?

You can stop gambling, it is important though to use support – if we could do it on our own we wouldnt be in the **** in the first place! Keep posting here, keep reading the other stories. Check out your local GA meetign as well.

Hopefully see you in a group again soon and I look forward on reading the positive steps that you are taking.

Winning is loosing

Compulsive gamblers never win.

Nice to see you coming looking for a way to stop gambling.
Banning would be a great idea to try for you if you are struggling with online gambling and land based. Depending where you are you may be able to ban both.
Try bet filter or gam block for online blocking
There is no free money in gambling and there are no wins
Look at the amount lost over all i imagine if you were ahead and rich from gambling you wouldnt be here
Whatever is lost is chased, whatever is won is lost

There are no wins when a gambling addict

P

Hi jaques Paul, I have a gambling addiction which has given me some very dark days (today is not too sunny to be honest ).
Paul the fact you are writing here tells me you should cash out and run. When we have a winning streak we all think we arei invincible- that we will always win back – when gambling becomes compulsive we will never win – if we are winning we will think we are in a winning streak and continue to gamble – if we are lost we will chase it .

If you feel gambling had become addictive for you then yes, closing. accounts would be a good idea .

I’m sure if you was 35 k ‘up ‘ in a months time you wouldn’t be looking for help

A compulsive gambler never wins. We would pay anything for the buzz of the bet. And sooner or later the money is all gone.

Please don’t do anything terrible like trying another attempt! Your daughter would only feel worse. You are sick right now. Sick with the gambling disease. And like any other illness you need treatment and help.

I’m not familiar with the UK system. Please call emergency if you think you will harm yourself again. Please see your doctor to see about arranging addictions and mental health help.

We can get better. There is hope for a better life without gambling.

please take care,
Laura

Permalink, hope you are still here to read this message. I feel your pain and am worried about you. I urge you to call an ambulance or go to A&E. you need some real support from professionals. I know myself that even in our darkest times that their is always hope. I hold great hopes for you, from little ole New Zealand

If you read my journal you will see that I was much in the position you are. Bankrupt with a repossession order on my home. Unemployed with my work coach suggesting I go into a hostel for the homeless. As if I would ever do that. Suicide seemed a viable option to stop the pain. But it isn’t. You are caught in the deep emotional sickness of gambling addiction. There is a way out. There is help available. I too am in London and I have found the help and support I needed through GA. please go to a meeting. There are no quick fixes for this but there is a way out. Suicide will cause huge distress for the rest of their lives to those who love you. There is no going back on that decision. And even if you think that no one loves you like I did, you are wrong. Accept that you have a compulsive gambling addiction, that this is an emotional illness and that our thinking gets completely clouded by the self destructive nature of the addiction. That you are not alone and that many other people have become caught up in this illness and have recovered from the brink. if you still feel suicidal, there is an organisation in London where you can stay for a few days to talk things through. I will find their details.

Jacque,
Your daughter rang you because she needs you – she needs her daddy. She does not need his money , his winnings, a high life – she simply need you her dad.

It’s a fact that most of us on here have gambled and lost crazy amounts – some of us have felt suicidal- but many of us are living gamble free lives and Our kids would choose a skint parent , a parent up their eye balls in debt everytime over a parent who has taken their own life .

I’m saying you are important – you made this child and now it’s time man up and be there for her – not with your money – but with your time .

Get help with your gambling – go to GA, sign up for Gordon moody house residential – ring gamcare and get free counselling – buy a gambling blocker for your laptop ( I stuck
My iPad in a sink of water because I couldn’t trust myself )

We have all hit really low times – your daughter ringing was a Divine intervention.

You are here for a reason – it may not be to be wealthy ( although it still can be ) – imagine in the future if your daughter feels like you do now – would you not want to be there to help she how important she is?

At the end of he day it’s only money – u only need enough to eat – a job and a savings plan and you can have a great life .
Debts can be repaid , money can be Saved – but your daughter cannot have the life she should have had without you.
Stay strong – Google gamcare and start getting your life back –

If you still feel suicidal you can stay with this organisation in London in a non medical setting. They talk with you and that is it. I have been exactly where you are and believe me living and kicking this addiction is the way to go. I decided not to commit suicide, the gambling for me was a slow suicide anyway. Suicide is not the answer. Please keep posting. There are a lot of people on this forum who have been exactly where you are and can help and provide support.

Yes, jp this is your rock bottom. I have been there. I gambled away everything and the rent money. I got a repossession order on my home. Do you privately rent? Perhaps your daughter can help with the immediate like food and a bit of money to see you through the next few days and for you to get to work. You mention you are in work. I was not. I fessed up to my housing association and I still have my home. Hanging on by a thread but I am still here. And got sick on top of this with all the stress. Gambling will only take us down further, the insanity of just keeping going and frittering away thousands in the illusory world we create for ourselves. I went to see my Gp although it took weeks for me to do this of sitting in the abject misery that this illness brings and it is an illness. And there can be recovery. Little steps. Someone said to me when I signed up to this site that I needed time to heal and they were right. But we cannot do it without support. I though I was way past helping and went on the last binge to the same place you are in now. And I can say is that there is help out there and you have to reach for it. We all reach our individual rock bottoms. I hit mine, others when they end up in a psychiatric ward,
Prison or homeless. That is the downward spiral of this addiction. Have you ever been to GA? There you will find hope. There is hope and no one is not worth saving. I mean that, no one. You do not want to destroy yourself, it is the illness running the show that makes you feel like this. Things can and will change. That is for sure but you need to face up to the fact that compulsive gamblers never win, they NEVER win because it always goes back and more. There is light, you are alive and destrying yourself makes the illness the victor. But you can gain mastery over the illness one day at a time. You are better than they. Gambling takes away everything of who we really are and we can get ourselves back over time.

Yes, jp this is your rock bottom. I have been there. I gambled away everything and the rent money. I got a repossession order on my home. Do you privately rent? Perhaps your daughter can help with the immediate like food and a bit of money to see you through the next few days and for you to get to work. You mention you are in work. I was not. I fessed up to my housing association and I still have my home. Hanging on by a thread but I am still here. And got sick on top of this with all the stress. Gambling will only take us down further, the insanity of just keeping going and frittering away thousands in the illusory world we create for ourselves. I went to see my Gp although it took weeks for me to do this of sitting in the abject misery that this illness brings and it is an illness. And there can be recovery. Little steps. Someone said to me when I signed up to this site that I needed time to heal and they were right. But we cannot do it without support. I though I was way past helping and went on the last binge to the same place you are in now. And I can say is that there is help out there and you have to reach for it. We all reach our individual rock bottoms. I hit mine, others when they end up in a psychiatric ward,
Prison or homeless. That is the downward spiral of this addiction. Have you ever been to GA? There you will find hope. There is hope and no one is not worth saving. I mean that, no one. You do not want to destroy yourself, it is the illness running the show that makes you feel like this. Things can and will change. That is for sure but you need to face up to the fact that compulsive gamblers never win, they NEVER win because it always goes back and more. There is light, you are alive and destrying yourself makes the illness the victor. But you can gain mastery over the illness one day at a time. You are better than they. Gambling takes away everything of who we really are and we can get ourselves back over time.

I hope you get the care you need Jacques. Your life is irreplaceable. I don’t know if you can call it divine intervention but you are here to post once more. Hold on Jacques, hold on!
I pray the angels watch over you. Laura

I admire your daughter for doing the right thing. Many people do not know what to do in these circumstances. As long as you get the right sort of help jp i.e. Addictions counselling. A section is only a good thing if you are an immediate danger to yourself. You are not mentally ill although you have an addiction that is classified as a Mental health issue. You have an addiction that has played itself out to its conclusion. When we lose thousands and thousands as I did and lace ourselves with nothing we kind of have a mini breakdown but there is a way out. The question is whether you feel able to cope going forward. I declined to get admitted or sectioned as I felt it would only prolong something that with the right sort of help I could move forward without the trauma of a psychiatric admission, but only you know that. An admission could give you the space you need and give you the supports you require, Within A and e there is usually mental health liaison who can refer you on to a crisis team or addictions counselling. I think it unlikely that you will be sectioned unless you are an immediate danger to yourself. Your daughter cares for you a great deal clearly. I care about what happens to you. We are powerless against this addiction unless we get the right support and help and connect wit our higher power who can help,us out of this cycle of despair. Keep,posting and let us know what happens.

Along with Laura, I just prayed for you and your daughter to receive heavens help.

Hi Jac,

I just read your posts. I’m glad your daughter is getting you some help. It’s hard to see the way out when the fog is so heavy. How can you ever find yourself if you never realize you’re lost? Yes you fought for your country and you are a hero. Yes you have great daughter and people that love because I’m sure you’re a great person. And by the amounts of money you gamble I know what that kind of gambling does to a person. I was right there. I gambled the same way and for over 20 years. I also hated myself. Man I was amazing at placing bets. I could place one right after the other. Truth is… I was sick…very sick…I was lost…. I still am a bit but things are getting better slowly. I was where you are… I promise I was.
You are sick. You are stuck in the gambling fog. You have only one choice and it isn’t suicide. And committing suicide may not seem cowardly to the person doing it but unfortunately all people will remember is that you weren’t strong enough to handle yourself. Call it cowardly, call it weak, call it strong, people generally don’t want to remember a suicide because it’s scary. Just a thought. I had a best friend commit suicide over a year ago and it was tragic. I think he is missing out on the opportunity and chance at being strong enough to turn his life around. Anyone can die… Anyone can kill them self. You say it’s hard. I’m sure it is. But isn’t it harder to try to change it all around? Is all lost? Maybe? Has all been lost for others and have have they clawed there way back? Yes… My grandfather was in the holocaust. He figured it out after losing everything. At least we did this to ourselves…
I think it’s time to take a good look at things… Firstly being that you aren’t a bad person. You are lost, you are sick, you have been corrupted by this machine. The reality is you are a good person. You have so much to offer the work and your loved ones. Money comes and money goes. The chance to come back is now. What an amazing story it will be. Jac’s comeback from the lowest depths…. of where a person can go.
You have to want to stop though. Ask yourself some important questions? Why didn’t you stop when you had more than 0? How come you didn’t stop when you went into debt? How come you are willing to kill yourself? Why are you seeking attention by talking about it online? These are honest questions that need to be addressed? I believe you are looking for help – yet you claim it’s over. The thoughts you’re having aren’t rational… That’s kind of what I’m getting at. If you were listening to someone saying these things you would have advise for them… I suggest you take that advise. You need to decide that gambling is over. It’s a horrible thing…. You need to just turn over all finances to someone you care about that can watch things for you and can give you a stipend to live on daily. DO what you need to get back to a place that can start happening. It will if you just don’t gamble. Seek help at GA and get a counselor. Block all access to casinos, online, tracks, etc which won’t matter because you won’t have access to any money. Maybe get a free therapist that the government will provide. Start exercising. Get outdoors and walk through nature 20 minutes a day. Start stretching. Start doing breathing techniques. Start doing a yoga class twice a week. Start doing TM. Start doing one old hobby you used to like. Stop watching all sports, horses, etc. Most importantly…. Let it all goooooo… The money is gone. The time is gone. All the lies are done. All the bull crap is done. You are at negative and are going to slowly start clawing back just to get to zero. And then from there the skies the limit.
A person needs 4 things. 1. Something to be hopeful for. 2. Someone that believes n them. 3. Something to do everyday. 3 Someone or something to love. Those are the basic foundations and everything can be build off that. Start living one day at a time…seriosuly…one moment to the next. Think about what that means and do it. Start loving yourself. Start being gratful for what you have. Stop comparing yourself to the top 10% and Realize that we are here for a time and then gone in a blink of an eye and whats most important… love, friendships, caring, spending time with each other, the chance to collaborate with others, the chance to do something nice for the planet…. I believe in you Jac. What’s your next move?
Jon

Hi there everyone. I just read through Jons email to Jac and it has moved me to tears. Although these words are for Jac, they truly made me think about my own situation and has given me hope not just for Jac but also myself. I’m hoping that Jac reads these words. How are you doing Jac, I’ve been thinking about you all day and would really like to know how your journey towards recovery is going.

Hi Jac

So relieved to hear from you and sorry to hear that you are feeling like you do. Please don’t give up as you are giving me hope. If there is hope for you then surely there will be hope for me as I also am struggling to regain control once again. I know that feeling so well of guilt, shame a messed up life and head. At the moment all those close to me have no idea of this burden of guilt and shame that weigh so heavily over me yet the words of support that have been offered to you have got me thinking about my life and options. Funny enough since I found this site a week ago and during all my readings of others stories, including your own has made me reflect on my own life, the way it was heading and a flicker of hope and dertermination to try to beat this curse for once and for all. You are not alone Jac as I myself am not alone as we fight to regain our life back, together. Together we can do this!

Hi Jac,
I know all seems lost. I can only tell you that you are in the gambling fog… You won’t know what its like to be out of that fog until you are free of it for a good amount of time. Once out of it you will see things more clear. You saying all that although it probably feels that way is a defeatist attitude. That is the talk of a gambler who just wants to continue gambling and really want to kill themselves because they are out of money and want to continue gambling. The reason being… gambling helps them forget the problems and feel ok for even just a moment. These problems could have been with you from early childhood. You gambled as medication to shield you from a number of other real problems that you have at the core.
I feel for you… but don’t think you want to quit gambling. You never talk about quitting. You just want to talk about the bets. The pay outs. The gambling…
If your daughter wrote what you just wrote what would be your advise to her? Would you tell her to fight or throw in the towel? Should we all just throw in the towel when the going gets tough? I guess so based on your philosophy. I don’t agree.

I’m here to stop gambling and help others stop gambling. Do you want to quit gambling? Do you want to take the steps to getting your life back? Or are you just going to keep saying that you’re going to kill yourself and how unbearable it all is? I think a more positive approach to recovery is warranted. You just mentioned you were at work. You have a daughter that loves you. An auntie that wants to help. These are positives and things to be grateful for. You have more than most people have in the world. Some people have to walk 6 miles for a semi decent plastic container of murky water to take back to their malnourished family member at the refuge camp. Pick yourself up and start taking very small baby steps to get back your life. First and foremost. stop gambling.

You hate yourself. Yet you are here posting and made it to work. When I was at my rock bottom I even started considering break and enters and can you believe it kidnapping! I’m a middle aged disabled woman who worked a desk job most of her life. Point is, you say you hate yourself. And it seems you have truly hurt yourself. But you haven’t progressed to criminal activity as far as I know. Trust me, there is still more of you to lose! I think you need some serious addictions help. An in house rehab. Talk to the help line here when they open tomorrow. They are very familiar with programs in UK. You can do this. There is that kernel of strength within you that is reaching out. Do not do anything foolish. We can reverse our state of affairs over time, but we cannot reverse death and the pain it will cause our loved ones. Praying for you.
Laura

Many of us have felt as you do. You are not too damaged to try. Personally, I would not tell your work. Work is a source of money. I still have no work so cmsider yourself,fortunate and over time have lost as much as you did. Go to see your doctor. Like A and E, however, there is not much they will be able to offer except to treat any depression. If the think you are suicidal as I was try will not give you medication. My Gp said servicesmfor CGs terrible in the uk, go to GA which I was already doing. If you really want to go all out to,recover try applying to,Gordon nobody for rehab. However, this is a lengthy programme and you will need to tell your,work. Get into addictions counselling. We all started this addiction,with underlying issues and depression was certainly part of it for me as I expect it will be for you too. Believe it or not, the. A ms are very aware of gambling addiction and some even have a special section that deals with it. It is the addiction of our times what with all the advertising on tv. Your work is a strength, take a couple of days off or a small amount t of sick leave and get services in place to support you. Hand over your next paycheck to a relative. Limit your access to funds. You can come back from this but you must really want to and be willing to do what it takes. There are no magic wands here, and it will take time to rebuild but you already have more than most. I have no one in my family for support. You have a job, you have family members who want to support you. You can do this. The feelings of numbness will go. Depression about the situation is normal, so expect that. Expect to feel your feelings when they come back. If I as an unemployed 59 year old woman who blew as much as you did can come back from this, so can you. Not easy but so worth it to regain back the huge amount of ourselves we lost through this insidious addiction.

The banks have a special section meant to read

*Some banks have specialists who deal with gambling addicts.

Hi J

You say in your post, ?Others do so because they have hope, and not because they know??

And is it the case that you know?

NOBODY KNOWS what the future holds, not even you.

People have hope, because they know that even people in your sorry position can and do turn their lives around.

It isn’t easy, but neither is it impossible.

At this moment in time you sound panic stricken and don’t know which way to turn. You will be finding it hard to think straight, hard to accept that you, yes you could just lose all that money. You probably knew when you were gambling you were going to lose it all, even when down to the last couple of grand stopping was out the question. Just in case.

Just in case what though?

A big win, people do win, don’t they? Not people like us jaquespaul. You have the same condition as me, you are a compulsive gambler. Stupid title to be branded by really. Gambling isn’t compulsory, although, by the sounds of it, you, just like me, behaved just like it was! A big win though there’s a thing. Hold on didn’t you have one a few months ago, gee whizz look where thats got you, I wouldn’t be in too much of a hurry to go looking for another.

I can’t advise you either way, but if you go to the doctors it is possible that they could refer you to the national gambling clinic.

Until you clear your head a little bit, I would suggest you get all the support you can.People to talk to.

I don’t doubt for one minute you were serious in your suicide threat. I’m afraid to say I’ve been there. I felt like “whats the point in even trying, I’ll only end up doing it again, I’m a f* up, this is my lot in life”. Two of those attempts were in hotels that I couldn’t pay the bill for. Once it was vodka and sleeping tablets on the cross channel ferry, imagine the shame 7 days later getting released from hospital and having to go to the docks to get my car back.

My gambling helped turn me into a criminal, I’ve lost many jobs through stealing from work. I’ve been to prison 5 times and rehab 3 times. Not long after the last time in rehab I went back to crime. I didn’t plan to, I just let the gambling take me. I was so close to prison again, and why? For stupid bloody gambling.

I understand the suicidal thoughts, I don’t have hope Jaques. I do know. I do know that people like you can change, and that people like you do change.

You might think you’re not worth the effort, and that you’ll always be like this. You don’t have to be. You can change, the hardest part for me wasn’t actually the not gambling, it was the learning to believe I could change.

I gambled for over 35 years and in that time I had become quite used to listening to my own bullshit and lies, I’d say things like, “just another half an hour” or “one last fifty quid” I’d still be there hours later after countless last fifty quids. So when I was telling myself that actually I had a choice and I could say no, and that I could change I didn’t really believe myself.

After lots of attempts at stopping and crashing I began to believe in that choice, and I have learned to say “no”

I think if you’re feeling so low in the morning you should go to the docs, he might even give you a week on the sick. I’m a great advocate of telling people of my situation, if you work for a big concern with an HR dept. they may have a counsellor. I think its imperative you talk to someone asap. If you find it too much tonight the Samaritans are always there.

If so many people are telling you that there is hope, and things will get better there must be an element of truth in it. Most of us on here because we’ve been in very similar situations.

You have positives. A job, a roof over your head. You can work hard and keep these.

All the best

Geordie

I am glad you went to see your GP jp and that your brother is providing you with support. GA does seem a long way for you which seems a shame. Other options are, of course, gamcare, who will provide you with counselling sessions. Views differ amongst CGs as to the efficacy of what gamcare provide. I personally am not a fan but it all depends on the counsellor you get at the end of the day so I would encourage you to go. You can also self refer to the national problem gambling clinic in south west London. I have been there too. Meanwhile keep posting or join the on line groups at Gordon moody here. Helps to keep the mind focussed on recovery.

Hi Jaques, it good to hear you sounding more positive – there is always a way forward – and your family value you so much.
There is online GA and they have a meeting on Friday night and 24 hour chat .
There is also a site called gamtalk which has meetings.
And of course there. Are groups here .
Just keep taking one day at a time – you will find things will get better and better .

yes the facilitated or hosted groups are usually earlier in the day. Good place to get some extra advice. Have you talked to them on the help line here? They would likely be more expert in the resources available in your area.

I’ve heard it said gamcare tries to get a person to control their gambling as opposed to stopping but I don’t know if that is true or not. Any other members know?

I don’t think I could every control my gambling. I have failed that in more ways than i even want to review!

So glad you went to GP again. And that your family is involved. As much as we don’t want to be trouble to them, it is better than trouble and grief for not having the opportunity to help!

Keep posting!
Laura

May I ask a question, JP?
Do you think you are the ONLY gambler who got him/herself into this situation?

Did you not go to work?

Depression is an awful thing, so can life be, sometimes.

The tablets will take a few days before they start to have any effect.

The feelings that you’re feeling are not unique to you. The magnitude of it all, the mess you’re in, other people have been in such a big mess and have managed to get their lives back from gambling. You can too.

Once you’ve accepted fully that money is gone, then maybe you’ll start to see things more clearly. No magic wand is going to fix things overnight, you will fix things…in time, and with the right support.

Vera has great wisdom JP. We have all been there. The emotions will,be up and down for a while. It is all part of the recovery process. Eventually they will even out. All of us have been to hell,and back with this addiction and geordie also has great wisdom as he fell a long way further down than any other cg I know, and is havng a good recovery. There are no magic wands and you can expect to be up and down for awhile. Can you take some time or leave from work? Get your supports in place. They will help you enormously.

Hi Jac,

I feel bad to read about your suffering. I want to inspire you and offer you words that will make it all better. But I have learned many lessons in life… One being that actions speak louder than words. It’s time to take action. You write time and time again that you can’t try. I get that you hate yourself. I get that you’re depressed. I get that the anxiety is horrible. That is crappy. But YOU are the only person that can change it. Nothing amazing was build or happens in a day and if it does than it won’t be respected or appreciated. It takes a plan, then takes a bunch of specialists at the right time to build it starting with the foundation. Done correctly with a plan, baby steps, and execution with the right team in place can be accomplished. Amazing things can be built. Is life hard and crumby some times. Sure. But if all us just gave up like you are then what would be the point? part of the journey of life is falling down. That doesn’t mean we have to surrender to the negative and accept failure and weakness and set the bar low. How about try to just do a few simple things for me please… Breathe in and out ten times. Breathe in and ***** to 8 while breathing in. Hold the breath for a 4 *****. Then exhale *****ing to 10 when hitting 10 you should have finished. Then repeat 10 times. When you are done think of 5 things that you’re grateful for. Then get up and take a 20 minute walk preferably through nature. Come home and drink 2 glasses of water. While on the walk stop and do 10 pushups. Repeat 4 times on the walk those 10 pushups. Then do whatever you want. But do that for me and for your self.
Jon

Hi Jac,
I get really mad reading that post. I have to be honest. You ask for help and you get it. People offer you advise and support. What do you do? You don’t take any of it…. All you do is yap and complain saying it’s too much. You said you were a soldier. Well soldier up. You may have been a soldier but your not being one right now. You’re just giving up. Is that what you are? A person that accepts failure? You originally posted on here that you were up 20k, down 20k, up and down and all around. Then you said you wanted to kill yourself. Then you keep saying that other people should seek help now and get help but yet all is lost for you and it’s time to just die or something. It’s such a defeatist attitude. Everyone on here is being nice and caring and so have I but how has it helped you?? It hasn’t. In fact your notes are getting worse. I feel for you but also don’t think you are trying at all. Whats the point in offering a stone advise? If you don’t take the advise, or try to better yourself how do you think it’s going to happen? I understand a person relapsing and gambling again when trying to quit. I understand a person that can’t stop gambling. But I can’t understand a person asking for help and not taking any of it or trying even one iota….
Most gamblers loose EVERYTHING and more. You have a job, a family that seems to really care, a partner that is still with you, a body that seems to functioning, you must be somewhat fit to have been a soldier…. These are the few things that you’ve mentioned yet you seem so ungrateful. You have so much more than most people in the world yet you are defeated over what? Money…. Really…. Money has you beat? It’s a fucking piece of paper made by rich men to make you feel the way you do right now…. Beaten… defeated… in fear… to scared to make any changes… to scared to try… So scared about who you are and what drives you to explore whats really going on and try. Like a child ready to cry, stick his thumb in his mouth, and wait for mommy to make it better. Maybe it’s time to start fighting instead of giving up. Just saying…

You make it all sounds impossible when in fact it’s all really easy. You don’t gamble and you do things that make you feel better. It’s not rocket science.

As Jonny says,
you have a to be grateful for. You don’t want to be a burden to your loved ones. But giving up and dying will give them the burden of grief. They will wonder what more they could have done, where they went wrong, how they could save you.

If you have nothing but your life and your family support, no job, no money, poor mental health, you can come back from all of those things. Medication for depression usually takes six weeks to fully kick in. And that is if the medication being tried will work for you. It can be a trial and error thing. Can you take a sick leave from your job? Would your GP put you off even though he’s a jerk? People need support when they are going through depression and often need to be away from work where it is just too difficult to function. Please don’t give up !!! Find that fight in you to get the help you need. Get well! That is what you can do to thank your family for their help.
Laura

?Si vis pacem, para bellum?

Isn’t that the motto of the Royal Navy?

it means, ?If you wish for peace, prepare for war?

If you want peace in your life, you are going to have to fight for it. There is no fast track or magical cure, and to be honest why should there be?

It’s not nice being in your position but I’m afraid that’s where you are. You can rise above it.

I understand where you are at. You have more than me. I have no job and sometimes starve because of my gambling habit. You have your family supporting you. I do not. And I too have felt many times like ending my life. No amount of tough talk will help when we are depressed. Only loving support, that’s it. We just haveto make that decision to continue, even when a big part of us doesn’t want to any more. Because I can’t afford To go out of the door, I stay in bed a lot. You have more going for you than I do and you can make those baby steps. If I can you can. But believe me when I say that I know the space you are in really well. It won’t last forever and you will come out of it. You are so not alone with feeling the way you do

Monicau is right. Me or anyone talking tough may not be the solution. I did think of her when I was writing to you earlier. I think she is a good example of someone fighting for her life back. Not that comparing anyones situation is fair…. And Monicau has a lot to be grateful for as well. All of us do… I’m just saying we’re all not alone in this. We are all part of a family or club that understands each other. I’m just saying that you have to start trying. No yesterday, not tomorrow, not even today… But right now.

There’s no need to apologise JP, it’s what gambling does to us. You will find yourself one day, hopefully sooner, rather than later.

It’s hard to get over the absolute nonsense that we’ve done for years and years, and we’re on the bottom that’s where we are. Suicide is a very real consideration for many CGs when the ship hits the fan. In fact it was always quite black and white to me. ?Win my way out of the shite, or top myself? Simple as that….More ludicrous than a truck load of crunchy nut cornflakes.

Keep posting JP, however you are feeling. Do you have any precautions in place for your wages on your next payday?

Have you thought of getting your wages paid directly into your brothers or daughters account?

Really get that JP. Right there with you. Along with Geordie, I had the same attitude, which is as crazy as a truckload of crunchy nut cornflakes. Like that expression. One of the biggest challenges is to fight to get ourselves back because we lost a whole lot more than money. As jonny posted earlier iam fighting to get my life back. So must you. And our favourite expression on here, baby steps. I listened to a program yesterday on getting more out of failure than success. We must not give up even though we want to. I am certainly someone who completely gave up. I am taking the baby steps. I dont expect a magic wand but I am asking for heavens help. I still have my ho e by a thread. My next battle is to stop things getting cut off. I don’t know how, so I am putting that to my higher power. This addiction crushes us in every way. We need to fight back. I appreciate being pain free, being able to walk through the park which I have just done. Simple things. When we look Around us there is a lot of suffering and I am who really feels that. I have had cancer but recovered, many do not. There are small things we can learn to be grateful for. Be patient with yourself, have compassion for yourself. You have been through the mother of all addictions that takes everything from us. You will come out the other end jp.

Good luck with the crisis team jp and the psych tomorrow. I know well how you feel. The fight in me is coming back. It will come back to you too but for now just practice compassion with yourself. There is a way out.

So pleased you are getting helpJP. I have been where you are, recently and somehow found an glimmer of courage and hope to continue. Hang on there bud, get the help you need and keep talking. Keep us posted because we care and want to share your journey with you.

JP steps in the right direction mate.

Do you think you could face a GA meeting? There are quite a few in your neck of the woods.

I’m glad you will be off work for a little bit and are getting some medical help as well. Try not to think too far ahead. Right now it sounds as though a plan will be developed to help you. Maybe some more counseling or a rehab program. You did not get to this point over night and it will take time to sort it out. You are doing what you can right now.

I know what it feels like to be so depressed I could not work or even call my doctors office for help. When functioning takes more effort that I could seem to manage. Right now your job is to fight to stay on this earth and to take all help given to you. Your life is precious and it can be used for good. But you firstly need to work on rebuilding you. Stay strong, we are with you.

It’s hard to imagine ever being normal again… I know Jac. I hope my words didn’t upset you the other day. If I can give you any hope I’m telling you. Let someone else take over your finances. Block yourself from all those sites. Keep getting counseling. Be honest with yourself. Really learn about yourself. Be open to ask all the questions about yourself that you haven’t ever asked or felt ashamed to ask. Attend some GA meetings and see if they make sense. Start a daily workout regime. Start thinking about the cup half full rather than the other way around. Let any losses go. That’s sooo hard…. Let it all go. Stop even thinking or worrying about yesterday. It’s gone. It can’t be changed no matter how many times we think about it. Don’t stress about tomorrow. Theirs really no need. What’s the point. Don’t even stress about 3 hours from now. Try your best to live in the moment. Feel the oxygen as you breath in and breath out. When you see someone smile at them and say hello and mean it. If you ask them how they are doing really listen and respond to them. Text some friends snd just say hi.
Things will get better for you. But it won’t be over night and it won’t be in a week. When I asked the doctors when I’d be able to stand on my toes again they said be patient and it might just happen one day. I could look at it two ways. This sucks… or this is a blessing? It is my choice to determine how I look at all situations. So I choose to look at it as a blessing for so many reasons. You have a choice Jac to turn things around. No one can wave a magic wand. The right words will not fix this. Hard work, self control, loving yourself, letting go of the past, and trying your best to be grateful will one day lead you to what you want. To look at yourself with respect again. With a one day at a time mind set the impossible can be overcome. I believe in you Jac. But you need to believe in yourself my friend. What’s the plan?

We can fall far and and we can fall fast. Regrets are that regrets. Not things that can be changed. All we can do is try and make sure today is a good day. Like Jonny says ?yesterday is gone and can’t be changed no matter how many times we think about it?. But today matters. There is still life in you today. Back to basics. Breathe! Walk! Meditate! Talk to people when you can. You will get through this anxiety. All your being is telling you that you are in danger! But it isn’t a danger you can physically fight except by doing the above mentioned things that may convince your body that you aren’t in danger physically. But you are in deep danger in all other ways. This addiction sucks us in, chews us up and spits us out. Fight the danger by going to counseling and joining a gambler’s anonymous group. Try the groups here as well and get support. I know you are feeling terrible now. But we can turn this completely around. Take care JacquesPaul

How has the help you accessed been able to support you? Do you have anyone with you,, your family? You saw a psych and the crisis team. Did they get what you are going through? Your life is precious and it is not over. I lost as much as you did. The suicidal feelings are the addiction trying to wreak havoc on you. The self destruct button is the addiction, tell it it has done its worst, to naff off and now is the time for recovery JP. The reason you are sitting on the edge is because you feel you have fallen from a great height. There is a way back. You just have to take it. Look at what you do have. Do you have food and shelter? These are the two important things in life that we need to build from. Are you having therapy? Tell me what things you have in your life now to start from? I had no money at all, Bankruptcy looming and a repossession order on my home plus an unsupportive family. Tell me what you have Jp?
Please tell Me JP as I really want you to look at those things.

Jacques – just keep in mind that whatever your circumstances that even if at times u feel u don’t value ur own life – others do – think about your daughter – she loves you regardless of how you feel or what you have done – more than that – she needs you .
.it might be a good idea to get some help for these strong feelings Jaques.
I am so glad you came back here and posted – I read your thread all the time
Please get the help you need – u are valuable on here and with your family .

Yes you should’ve listened, but you didn’t.

Maybe you will heed the advice now JP. I think its not such a bad idea going to hospital, you are definitely unwell.

Please please please let us know how it goes.

Maybe this is the first step to getting your life back together mate.

Yes you should’ve listened, but you didn’t.

Maybe you will heed the advice now JP. I think its not such a bad idea going to hospital, you are definitely unwell.

Please please please let us know how it goes.

Maybe this is the first step to getting your life back together mate.

Thank God that your cry for help has been finally answered, JP!
Best wishes for the future.
One day at a time.

Hi jaques ,
I think you would have to search hard on here to find someone who has listened to all the advice they have been given- we can hear to words but we only really ?receive? the information when we are ready.
I hope you are feeling a lot better – this addiction is horrible for all of us who struggle with it but all of us can still have a good and rewarding life .

I hope your hospital stay helps you see things is a new light – you are worth so much.

Jacques – maybe try to look at how you can get through this minute , this hour , this day gamble free.
There will be other jobs
￡30000 is a manageable sum to repay – even if it doesn’t seem like it now .
Concentrate on getting better – concentrate on now

There are people who will help you get your debts in order – like step change .
Things will be sorted
Your life is irreplaceable
You are irreplaceable
You have made a mess of things financially – that puts u in the same category as every one on here , as the president of America ( in fact most country ‘a leader when u think of it ) as Simon cowell and several other people who went bankrupt.

You job might still be there – I think they will have some kind of duty of care towards you .
Let the future look after itself tomoro . Concentrate on being kind to Jacques today.
Try to get to the groups on here tonight – Charles is very kind and a good listener .

Idi is right. My debt is two and a half times yours. There is a way back. It was my 60 th birthday today and not only did I have a good day, I had a brilliant day, it can be done and I am still about to go bankrupt. Does t stop the good from appearing in our lives. And I don’t have a job.

Hi JacquesPaul,

There is a lot of life after gambling I promise you. If you ever need to talk to someone then you always have someone to talk to at the Samaritans.

https://www.samaritans.org/how-we-can-help-you/contact-us

The good news is that you have a lot of support available to you. When it comes to gambling you have this site of course, Gamcare is another option for you as is Gamblers Anonymous. When it comes to the finances there are also a lot of options here in the UK; from some sort of manageable repayment plan right through to bankruptcy and a lot in between. You can also get free advice on that from Stepchange or the Citizens Advice Bureau. They can also direst you to other agencies.

Then of course there is the mental health support that is also avaialble.

You can get past this tough time and again, there is a lot of life after gambling.

Keep posting.

Hi JP
Nice to hear from you. I avoided admitting myself when I was in same boat ie suicidal because I saw no point in it. It can offer a respite only and giVe you time to get your right head on. I am sorry that you are not receiving the therapy support you require. You must ask for some before you leave ie therapeutic talking therapy support as an outpatient
Look, the debts can wait, I am on day 107 and still slowly, slowly dealing with these. Theyan alway,wait and they prefer you to be honest with what is going on rather than do nothing.The most important is the roof over your head. The rest you can phone. They will always give you space to sort yourself out, the banks usually,give you six months. An old bank credit card debt of 10.5k said today they would put things on hold for six months when I told them the situation. And mine is 70k, not 30k. So there are ways out of it. Firstly, are you able to secure the roof over your head?. With difficulty, I did and am still here although it looked like I would lose it for a while. I expected to lose it two months ago and I have not yet. So first , and then the priority debts which are not loans and credit cards, but electricity, gas, council tax. Hsve you definitely lost your job. Is there not a notice period if you have ?
Then make contact when you feel up to it with stepchange and have all your debts details with you. There is a way out and it isn’t to gamble our way out of it. For me this is a long process, and a bit painful but I have two and a halftimes as muchdebt as yourself. Keep up the good,work and I hope you,come out of hospital soon.

Hi JP
Good to hear from you. Glad you are posting. You will feel numb and there will be times when you won’t want to deal with it at all. That’s fine, don’t deal with it. Have compassion for yourself. As I said it can all wait. I did not open my letters for three months. Whilst I would nt recommend waiting that long, there will also be days where you do feel able to deal with a few things when you come out. Get help from family to do it if you need to. Just tell your story to your creditors, as much or as little you want to. Believe me when the alternative is bankruptcy your creditors will give you time and as I said, with the banks it is usually six months. So rest a while, chill out, watch tv, read if you are able to. I couldn’t focus on very much for quite a while. Find you. You are what is important right now, not the debts. They are really unimportant in the great scheme of things.

Hi JacquesPaul,

I’m thankful that Monica has been here to give you such good support and advice. She’s right about the bills etc. As long as your basic needs are being taken care of the rest is not important right now. I imagine you must almost be in shock from it all. I think it’s like we were in a trance and only when we can’t keep going do we wake up to the harm of it all. And shock at what we have done. I don’t want to say it’s just money, as we do need a certain amount to survive and live, but right now, it’s your health and state of mind that needs help. Frustrates me to no end the shortage of mental health support in a lot of modern countries. Lean on your family. Also, in my experience, squeaky wheel gets the grease! Ask your family to keep pushing as you are in no shape to push for yourself.
take care,
Laura

JP, you are most likely feeling numb from the shock of your financial loss.
Take time out. Talk to somebody. Surely there are therapists available in the hospital? Keep asking for help. Don’t ignore your debt. It won’t go away.
Can you get somebody to address your creditors on your behalf, explaining that you are ill? Get sick certs for you work. You can’t lose a job through illness.
Avail of all the help that’s out there.

Hi Jaques Paul,
There is always light- just sometimes we are too overwhelmed to see it .
You have a family who care deeply for you and want you well – with or without debt !
Keep strong , well done on that gamban
People cAre , People value you , people need you .
Get well soon

Good to hear from you jp. Glad you now have gamban. You need to put barriers in place before going home, or immediately on return. i expect you will be discharged on the the 8th December. Hopefully,you will get some specialist counselling as well as an outpatient. We are heading into Xmas. I recommend you chill out for,a while and make a plan. Irrecoverable or not, you need to take advice from stepchange who will help you put together a plan. In the meantime rest and build up your strength. I am sorry you gambled in the hospital, is the addiction still running the show? Or do you feel you have suffered enough and need to eradicate it and recover you and your life?

Well.done on the post on another persons thread on this site. Really sensible. And of course, you are right. As Geordie would say this is a very serious problem , we should not underestimate how serious a problem it is and indeed takes us on the road to suicide and complete destruction. I know as I too have been there.

Hey no need to be sorry – we have all been in bad places with this addiction- that’s why we get it !
It is good to hear you sound more positive-
Life will get better -I can absolutely promise you that.
Just concentrate on you right now – Everything else can wait

Hugs and best wishes !

1 step and day at a time. No need to be sorry, it’s so great to see that things are improving for you and that you are writing a little more about yourself.

Tina

I think we all feel sorry after we start to come back from the brink this addiction drives us to. Sorry for a lot of the things we’ve done. But you should never feel sorry for reaching out to this community for support. I am glad to hear you sounding a little better. Tiny little steps and improvements in the beginning. But it is a start. Take care of you. Heal. I hope they provide you with the supports you need to move forward. Laura

Hi Jacquespaul, glad to hear you’re feeling better and more clear minded now. Let’s all move towards a better life together . Hang in there!!

Good to hear you are feeling a little better. Look forward to the 8th December when I am sure you will be allowed home. Keep posting, my friend.

Good to hear you are feeling a little better. Look forward to the 8th December when I am sure you will be allowed home. Keep posting, my friend.

Jaques Paul, so pleased to read you are feeling better – you are blessed to have such a caring family who value and need you so much
Keep strong

Good news. Keep posting! It is at the end of the day our family that are there with the loving support and our dear friends on this site.

Such a positive heart felt post JacquesPaul ?? Remember that thought forever! Gambling has done too much damage to ever be part of any future you have. That phrase has helped me immensely. Thank-you for sharing it. You give help as you receive. This world is a better place with you in.
Laura

There is always help. Take the first step and HELP yourself, don’t HURT yourself. There can never be a financial loss worth losing your life over. We have all had that thought creep into our minds, but take my word for it… I have stopped for over a month. (which is a small victory) Guess what, I am beginning to lose my cravings, I am seeing small financial gains. I am better at work, and better in life, because I made my choice to take my life back. Don’t let it ruin yours. Thank you for your service. Please seek some outside help before it is too late!

Jacques i am so pleased things turend around for you.. remember there is rehab options for a lot of people too if ever you need it.. a few posts back you were considering taking your life, see how things change and improve, that would have been disaster for anyone around you and would have affected them for the rest of their lives.. I had a close friend who suicided, everyone was impacted forever. It plagues their minds for the rest of their life. Believe me it ruins people that are left here and cuts lives short when you never know whats just around the corner.. now your life is improving, there is always a solution, there is always another option. Always remember that. However bleak things seem, there is always always something else.. you maybe cant see it at that excact moment but it changes, nothing stays the same, its temporary.
So relieved you are here to tell the tale Jaques..

P

I’ve been absent from you thread as all my energy has been going on some major life changes for myself. I hit my rock bottom about 4 weeks ago now and can tell you that things do slowly become better. I definitly did not think that at my lowest ebb and only now am starting to fathom of how much of myself had been lost to this horrendous and evil addiction. We are all survivors here at different steps of our recovery. I hold great hope that I will one day, help others on this site, like those that have helped me survive and tackle another GA free day. I’ve only just disclosed to my counsellor, GP and partner of how bad things got for me. I spoke to my GP today who said that he would have got me admitted to hospital if I had told him, 4 weeks ago of my plans. So, JP, we have our stories of pain, shame, recovery, surviving and thriving into a new and healthier way of living. Things do get better, one step, one day at a time we will get through this. Day 49 GA free for me today. What about you?

Hi JP (hope you don’t mind the shortform)

It’s good to see your posts here and there in support of others. It lets me know you are still with us, still working on building a new life. This addiction leaves us in pieces. But we can build a new life. Like the phoenix rising from the ashes. Take advantage of all supports. It may not be easy but it is worthwhile! Sending you well wishes. Laura

Hi. I am glad to hear that you are feeling better! Debts can be paid, money can be made and things can be replaced. You are irreplaceable! Take care of yourself. You have family support and support here ! This addiction is horrendous! You can build a new life. Although it will be hard, you are worth it!!! Take care.

Really pleased to hear. Have you given up your flat? Are you getting any professional support locally or GA? Well done.

Thrilled to hear your thinking has turned around and you are feeling much better. There is always going to be challenges but now you have the support you need to deal with them. I’m so happy you are getting the support you needed to turn this around. Keep up the good work. Laura

It’s great to see you posting and offering support to others now mate. A massive change which is great to see.

I dont think anyone would disagree that you most certainly were at rock bottom when you first posted here, I’m pleased things are going the right way for you now mate.

I know you’re aware of the fact, but ongoing support is a must….its taken a few months for you to get away from the horrible place you were at with your thoughts. But you could be back there in a matter of hours if you started gambling again.

Keep on trucking Paul. All the best for the new year.

Hi Jacquespaul,
It was so uplifting to see you posting on other people ‘s threads and offering support. You have come a long way and it is great to see the change in you and your life . Keep strong .

Happy New Year Paul! I hope you are enjoying your new car. I love to see your name pop up on GT. Thanks for sharing your story to help others. Wishing you much happiness.

Laura

So pleased you are making good progress jp. And you’re right, you have come a long way. Delighted you will be returning to work soon.

Hi Paul ,
How considerate of you to come and share the remarkable progress you have been making . It will certainly
Inspire others who have similar issues . I am so happy the post on your thread have changed so much . You are a good person and deserve to be free from his horrible illness
Xx