[wayne28]

Today is my first day again from trying to quit gambling. I am 40 years old with 3 children, one is a newborn. I didn’t plan living much longer before I knew my newborn was on way. I had planned to commit suicide. my daughter has brought a new reason to live.
My story I have gambled everyday since I was early teens, I had a terrible childhood one I do not want to remember. mental abuse and neglect. I was thrown from home to home brought up by drunks gamblers.
I started playing fruit machines and video poker, then started hanging around bookmakers. this has continued through out my life. as older people will know internet wasn’t around so as technology progressed so did internet gambling, casinos, football coupons, golf, betting running on anything, nothing I wont gamble on once I have the money.
As I got older I drank drank more to block out problems, I have injured myself many times, now because more likely falling from drunk my back is destroyed, I’m no longer able to work I had many operations on my back pain can be insufferable at times. I may never be able work again, I don’t have any qualifications as every time I tried start something like college I would lose interest as I was dreaming trying to win money,
now I’m older with health problems, but main health problem is mental health is burned out, I don’t see a future. I see just more hardship living hand mouth running up debts, hiding contemplating suicide most days.
last year I was sectioned under mental health grounds for my own safety. I’m not violent or ever was. but it obvious to my doctor knew I was going to check out.
I know my problem is gambling, I have quit drinking and I’m on tablets for depression and anxiety, but I seem unable to quit, brain seems hardwired to continue gambling even though I know the consenqunes . ive lost everything from gambling not just monetary items, but my mind and time, ive missed out on most things in life ive lost few friends ive had. I’m now basically loner with my phone as my friend constantly checking it for winners and odds, ive no money I’m in debt, I don’t see anyway I can change, I know nothing else,
last year I got substainal amount money left to me, I had no debts money left over, and still I one year later I’m worse than ever,
I ask anyone who can relate to me is there any hope?
Have I any hope?
can my mind change.
I feel worse now than ever I am totally terrified future.
I have no confidence or ever have and avoid people.
My partner off 20 years trys hard to help me but I honeslty think if I just done myself in it would be easier on her and children.
I’m not a monster I realise that ive never harmed my partner or children they know I’m a compulsive gambler, but they seem content that I don’t drink any more and think it will get better because I don’t drink, but I’m suffering in silence I’m barely keeping my head above water, I help around house try smile for family but inside I’m choking, everyday I wait for night to come along so I can take sleeping pills and escape from reality.
Last night I broke down in front of my partner told her of my pain suffering how I hate life and I was sorry for everything.
anyhelp would be great. I have Friday before judgement day. thank you all I will keep updated in meantime if anyone would like?

[wayne28]

money I had last year long gone and back in debt

[wayne28]

do I or will I get withdrawals what to expect????

[Jonny123987]

Hey Wayne,

I too am going through some tough times. Today is day 2 for me. I’ve been gambling over 20 years. This is a crappy disease. Lets do this together. Day 2 for me. One day at a time.

Jon

[Jonny123987]

You will not have any physical withdrawals from gambling. I’ve quit a few times. The first few days are the hardest, then it will slowly start feeling better. We definitely need to put distance between ourselves and that last bet. I’ve gambled my life away and just want to try to get it back. The only way for that to happen is not do what I’ve been doing for over 20 years that has proven to not work.

If gambling worked you and I would be much better off right now given our 20 year run. If it was good for us would we be sitting here talking about it? My guess is no.

Sincerely,
Jon

[wayne28]

first day i dont want gamble but my pockets are empty so is it really day 1? completely overwhelmed by it all. thanks for replys wish you all best. guess time will tell

[Jonny123987]

We are both overwhelmed by it. We both have things to be disappointed about. But today is all about not gambling. We will both not gamble today. Things will get better. Positive thoughts about the future. No more negative about the past. I could of and would of are in the past. There is only the now, today, and hopefully a tomorrow but I need to get through today first. ??

Much love,
Jon

[Jonny123987]

Hey Wayne,

My best friend committed suicide 4 months ago. He shot himself after talking about it for a year. He was an amazing guy and had so much to live for. He just didn’t/couldn’t see past his problems. I really hope that you stop talking about that as a feasible option. That’s the cowards way out. We both have to man up. Stop being foolish. Take on life like we are reborn and today is the first day of the rest of our lives.

I watched Dr Strange this last week. If you haven;t seen it check it out on putlocker. The dude looses everything he has worked his entire life for. He needs to reinvent himself. He seeks a higher teaching to achieve this. Once he begins on this new journey we quickly forget about his old trials and tribulations. This is our life. We gambled for 20 years and now have to start over. Lets forget the past and be stoked we are still here today to pursue another day.

This is day 1 of our new life. We will look back at this day years from now and not laugh. But be thankful for it. Without a day one we can’t have day 2, and day 3.

Be strong Wayne. Don’t allow weakness and negativity conquer you and neither will I.

Jon

[charles]

Hello and thanks for starting a thread in the Gambling Therapy forums

Here at Gambling Therapy we pride ourselves on being a caring and diverse online community who can help and support you with the difficulties you’re currently facing. We understand that this might be a tough time for you, particularly if you’re new to recovery, so come here as often as you need to and participate in the forums, access online groups and connect to the live advice helpline if you need one to one support. We’re in this together!

Here on the forum you can share your experiences in a safe, supportive and accepting environment. The beauty of writing it all down is that you can take your time and you will be creating a record of your progress that you can look back on if it ever feels like you’re not moving forward. So, share as much or as little as you like but do try to stick to keeping just one thread in this forum so people know where to find you if they want to be updated on your progress or share something with you.

As well as the forums New Members are invited to join Charles in the New Members Practical Advice Group On Mondays at 21:00 (UK) and Thursday at 19:00(UK)

And on that note….

I’m going to hand you over to our community because I’m sure they will have some words of wisdom for you ??

Take care

The Gambling Therapy Team

PS: Let me just remind you to take a look at our privacy policy and terms and conditions so you know how it all works!

[charles]

Hi Wayne,

Well done on looking for help.

You can stop gambling I promise you. Read the other stories here, you will see the sort of thing that is helping others.

Does this ***** as day one because you don’t have any money at the moment? Yes it does. Now use the knowledge yolu have, no money = no gambling. Can you appply that now to your recovery? Make arrangements so that at the moment you have no access to money when you do get it, have it paid into your wifes ac*****.

Where do you normally gamble? Get yourself excluded.

If your debts are unmanageable then get some proper finanacial advice, there are a lot of free debt advice agencies out there which will allow you to ge things to a manageable position.

Regarding your self harming and suicidal thoughts there is always someone you can talk to. Keep in touch with your Dr and mental health team.

This link will allow you to find someone to talk to.

Home

Keep posting, what steps can you start to take? There is a lot of life after gambling I promise you.

[Brendan_UT]

Wayne,

I would recommend being open and honest with her about your struggles and maybe even refer her to this forum so that she can understand your mindset–seems there are resources here for friends and family of compulsive gamblers.

[wayne28]

hopefully today gets easier. I’m up ready to go. decied to get cleaned up. wash etc. wishing all you well, ready face world. I have excluded myself casinos and online betting. its the bookmakers shops I cant get excluded from bookmakers I have tried but there are so many of them and they rotate staff I always find one. so no more excuses just got stay away. goodmorning all chat soon

[Jonny123987]

Hey Wayne,

Glad to hear you’re up early and got yourself together. I’m currently stretching before hitting the sack. I’m going to get my back and calf fixed one way or another.

My brother sent me this earlier and I loved it. Check it out.

[Jonny123987]

Hey Wayne,

How did your day go?

Jon

[Jonny123987]

Hey Wayne,

How did your day go?

Jon

[wayne28]

really tired didn’t sleep but didn’t gamble, stayed away from sleeping pills. yesterday was hard got really angry and on edge by end day. so avoided people. but mentally feel a little better. today going to pay some bills long overdue. a little to stop the rot and a little to reduce amount owed. going to keep going and trying. but feel a bit optimistic this morning not as much negative thoughts. will catch up on some sleep. just for today I will not gamble il take it by the minute. I get the fear if I look further from today. lots of thanks to you all. check in later.

[wayne28]

if my spelling or grammer is a bit off apologises. I don’t read over what I type I just try say as I feel and I know if I read over what I say I will change it. so just want keep it real and in the moment.

[wayne28]

went in checked on everyone sleeping the love for my family is keeping me strong. seeing them all sleeping I know gambling has to stop. my wife reassured me that I’m needed and loved it helped so much. would be lost without her

[Brendan_UT]

That is great to hear, Wayne. It sounds like you have an amazing woman in your life!

[wayne28]

Complete messed up got drunk last two days gambled Wednesday now 10 steps backwards. Got keep going but don’t know how

[wayne28]

Complete messed up got drunk last two days gambled Wednesday now 10 steps backwards. Got keep going but don’t know how

[Jonny123987]

You There Wayne?

[charles]

Hi Wayne, what financial barriers can you put in place?

Alcohol can weaken anyones defences, maybe think about avoiding it for a while.

Also of course if you drank enough to get drunk and then still had enough money on you to gamble then that tells you that you had way too much money on you.

You know how much you drink, if you are going out then just have enough money on you for those drinks.

Having extra cash or credit cards on us “just in case” is always going to give us the opportunity to gamble.

When you left the house you might not have been intending to gamble but what you did do was give yourself that opportunity.

Keep posting and let us know what financial barriers you can put in place.

[Jonny123987]

Hey Wayne,

What are you up to? Lets talk.

Jon

[Jonny123987]

Hey Wayne,

Where did you go mate?

Best,
Jon

[mutley]

I’m sorry but I disagree with you on the statement you made in your reply. I have definitely suffered withdrawal symptoms from not gambling. The fact that I am feeling cravings to gamble because I am not gambling at the moment is a withdrawal symptom of not gambling. I have also gotten very angry because I have wanted to gamble and I haven’t gambled, very much like when you stop smoking and then resist the urge to spark up a straight. I have felt the same tension in my body as well as my brain. I would of thought by the very definition of being addicted to something implies there will be mental and physical withdrawal symptoms, if there wasn’t then the addiction wouldn’t exist and we wouldn’t have a problem when it was time to stop doing it. This is just my own opinion of course.

[Jonny123987]

Hi Mutley,

I was only talking about how I feel. I don’t feel any withdrawal symptoms from gambling but that doesn’t mean others don’t. For me I struggle with the loss and the feeling of boredom. I’ve gambled for over 20 years straight and have lost close to or over $250k.

I’ve had friends who were heroin addicts. When they stopped they withdrawls could have literally killed them. I was mainly comparing it to something like that.

I have felt anger towards myself for gambling for sure. I’ve felt despair, sadness, loneliness, boredom, etc., but I’m not sure I’d call those withdrawl symptoms such as stoping to drink booze. But everyone is different.

Either way I wish you the best with your recovery. I also am on day 9 of quitting smoking cigarettes. I definitely felt some withdrawals from that. ??

Sincerely,
Jon

[Jonny123987]

Hey Wayne,

Where are you at mate?

Jon

[mutley]

Hi, Jonny soz m8 didn’t mean to offend you if I did that is. I was just trying to say without patronising anyone that I really have felt a withdrawal type effect a bit like when you stop smoking which I have also done on Xmas day I thought why bother waiting until New Years day just stop now init. Anyway, I really have craved gambling bad and it’s made me very mardy that I haven’t done it even before I stopped smoking so I knew it was from the gambling. I joined the gym to try and take my mind off it, the gambling, the smoking and the extra time all in one little package so let’s see how long I can keep that up. I still haven’t gambled I’m on day 70 now I think which is very good. Keep up the good work everyone it can be done it is not an easy thing but you can do it Here are a couple of tips: I went to the National Problem Gambling Clinic in London paid for by the NHS which was amazing! I self-excluded from all the local bookies in my town and in the city closest to me so I just cannot go in them at the moment, a massive weight off my shoulders!! I have also self-excluded from 98% f the land based Casinos in the Country using the Sense self-exclusion system so I basically cannot go into any casinos ye ha! I really wanted to stop and these small things all added together really make that difference. I have also systematically opened then self-excluded from as many internet Casinos I possibly could to the point I couldn’t find anymore that I would ever trust to play on so that’s the end of that for the moment. I know you can always gamble but putting these blocks in place really has worked for me. It might be worth a try it may help someone in their battle to beat this horrible disease.

Stay strong and never give up trying to give up!

[Jonny123987]

Thanks Mutley! Congrats on your gamble free days. BTW – Where’s our boy Wayne?

[mutley]

Hi, all I hope it’s going well for you all with your battle not to give in to this “swear word, swear word,” disease it is really doing my head in today, the worst yet in 72 days or however long it is I haven’t gambled for. It came on real bad at about 2 pm this afternoon and in the past, I would have definitely caved in and gambled, without a doubt! I don’t want to go down that road anymore so I have battled with all my heart to resist the urges and so far I’m winning (there’s a first time for everything I guess) I’m pleased I self-excluded because that has made it very difficult for me to gamble in my hometown. If you are struggling with your gambling I cannot recommend self-excluding enough. I’d have to travel 20 miles to gamble so I resisted the urges went and bought a cookbook and some ingredients and that’s what I’m going to do make some nice food! and hope that works, then on to the gym later to sweat the disease out my body. Maybe in the morning, I won’t be craving so much. Any hoot folks I hope you are all winning your own battles.

[Author]

Posts