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    • #34097
      FM
      Osallistuja

      Hi guys,
      I am back again i started my first thread when i lost 1k couple of months ago was shocked cos it was my fist big loss. But now i lost my savings due to not learning.

      After losing first time i tried not to play and start attending counselling meetings and Ga meetings too. Back in my mind i was still thinking about my losses, after discussing with my counselor i set the target to reach £170 amount of money then made the commitment that i will quit after reaching the target i know such a stupid thinking.

      Since then i was playing here and there but only slots and was winning and sometimes losing bit but finally reached my target. Also i kept self excluding most websites where i was registered and left one website opened where i was playing most of the time.

      The problem started that after reaching the target i could not stop, i told my counselor that i reached my target now i have no excuses and someone has to step in to help me but counselor did not give any advice.

      My target reached from £170 to £200 then £ 250 , when i reached 274 i decided to let my last online casino website know that i wanted to self exclude my self and before that i want to play one more time, but they banned me permanently.

      After my main website closed for me then there my evil addiction kicked in and start chasing website where i was not self excluded and managed to recover two websites.

      Guys this is where i put myself in complete danger i played on one website was losing again but manged to make £6 and reached 280.

      After that again i decided to play on other site which was known to be bad reputation. I ignored all signs and start playing on it i lost £200 there then start chasing and start playing roulette put another £500 and almost was losing then got big hit and managed to make £15 more. I got away with very close call losing big.

      Guys here is my life changing moment after recovering the money and made £15 profit, i was swearing at myself and kept saying to me that i will not play no matter what i do i will not play and was only waiting my money to be cleared.

      When money cleared, and that morning i should have closed that website but instead of closing that website i start calculating the money that how much i made and i found out that i reached 295 and i am just £5 less reaching £300.

      My brain made a suicidal decision and decided to reach £300, i went to same website and deposited £20 to make £5 profit and another mistake instead of choosing slots i chose roulette to play.

      I lost all then deposited £100 lost all then deposit £500 lost and total i lost nearly £6000 all on roulette. You will not imagine i was placing bets of £500 and £1000 in single go.

      Guys this is no ones fault i got so many chances and some very close calls losing big but i did not learn.

      I dont work due to my mental illness and saved money very hard.

      I am going to make every effort that it will never happen again. Although my wife is very bad with finances but i asked her to help and putting blocking software with password. I feel like its end of life. Its my 7th day no urges just regrets and sadness.

    • #34098
      Dunc
      Avainmestari

      <

      Hello and thanks for starting a thread in the Gambling Therapy forums

      Here at Gambling Therapy we pride ourselves on being a caring and diverse online community who can help and support you with the difficulties you?re currently facing. We understand that this might be a tough time for you, particularly if you?re new to recovery, so come here as often as you need to and participate in the forums, access online groups and connect to the live advice helpline if you need one to one support. We?re in this together!

      Here on the forum you can share your experiences in a safe, supportive and accepting environment. The beauty of writing it all down is that you can take your time and you will be creating a record of your progress that you can look back on if it ever feels like you?re not moving forward. So, share as much or as little as you like but do try to stick to keeping just one thread in this forum so people know where to find you if they want to be updated on your progress or share something with you.

      And on that note….

      I?m going to hand you over to our community because I?m sure they will have some words of wisdom for you ??

      Take care

      The Gambling Therapy Team


      PS: Let me just remind you to take a look at our
      privacy policy and terms and conditions so you know how it all works!

    • #34099
      FM
      Osallistuja

      Day 17 going very well gamble free i received my new debit card as i cancelled my existing card which was registered with all gambling sites.

    • #34100
      kcc123
      Osallistuja

      Keep posting FM…I stopped and felt I was fine but I am not. I relapsed again. I need to stop.

    • #34101
      FM
      Osallistuja

      Day 18 gf no urges only regrets

    • #34102
      charles
      Valvoja

      Well done. How are you filling your gamble free time?

    • #34103
      Pea
      Osallistuja

      That is wonderful, 18 days. Keep it up. One baby step at a time. Any set backs, come back. Keep going and going and those days will add up for you. This addiction is so dangerous. Don’t underestimate it, try and try again if you have to.

      Pea

    • #34104
      FM
      Osallistuja

      Thanks guys i am determined not to gamble and attending GA meetings put blocks in place self excluded etc. Just struggling to forget the losses, otherwise i am ok no urges whatsoever

    • #34105
      FM
      Osallistuja

      Day 19 Gamble Free

    • #34106
      FM
      Osallistuja

      Day 20 gamble free no urges only regrets

    • #34107
      stilltime
      Osallistuja

      Do you feel ”kinda” normal yet? I’m on day 4, I hope by day 20, I feel ”okay” again.

    • #34108
      FM
      Osallistuja

      I am still regretting trying to forget the losses but its very hard at the moment.

    • #34109
      kin
      Osallistuja

      Hi FM

      Think about all the potential money you are going to save because you have quit gambling completely. There is hope.

      Be still and be patience. It will be a slow process.

    • #34110
      FM
      Osallistuja

      Thanks kin for your valuable comments

    • #34111
      stilltime
      Osallistuja

      Part of me thinks you never want to truly forget, you just want to forgive yourself and not let it happen again. At least that is the way I’m trying to look at it.

    • #34112
      FM
      Osallistuja

      stilltime i dont know if i want to forget or want to forgive myself in both cases one thing for sure that i am committed not to gamble, but how to get rid these feeling this is where i am struggling.

    • #34113
      FM
      Osallistuja

      3 Weeks mark gamble free

    • #34114
      stilltime
      Osallistuja

      Congrats FM…keep up the great work!

    • #34115
      FM
      Osallistuja

      Thanks stilltime

    • #34116
      vera
      Osallistuja

      Well done FM
      One day at a time!

    • #34117
      FM
      Osallistuja

      Day 23 gamble free the fight is on

    • #34118
      lizbeth4
      Osallistuja

      Awesome! Keep going!

    • #34119
      FM
      Osallistuja

      Thanks lizbeth4 day 25 going well no gambling, just sadness and regrets

    • #34120
      stilltime
      Osallistuja

      Great Job FM, 25 days is something to be proud of, I’m on day 9. I hope by 25 I’m back to semi normal again.

    • #34121
      Pea
      Osallistuja

      Well done on your gamble free days, hold onto them. Please hold onto them i cant stand the thought of people going back to this addiction and going through what i am going through right now

      Pea

    • #34122
      FM
      Osallistuja

      Thanks guys for your support, Pea stay strong believe in yourself you can do it, if i can why cant you

    • #34123
      FM
      Osallistuja

      Day 27 gamble free only regrets and sadness. This should be a lesson for others as how much i still suffering even nearly a month.

    • #34124

      FM 27 days gamble free is a accomplishment be proud of yourself. I keep seeing you write only regrets and sadness no urges. You should now try to focus on your thinking have a more positive outlook, no need to be sad the money is gone. You should be happy you realized you have a problem and your doing something about it so it doesn’t happen again. I mean you quit gambling so things are only going to get better and in time you will make the money back from your employment. Also forget about regrets you can’t change the past FACT! Trust me these negative feelings of regret and sadness or only holding down the happiness that’s stored inside of you.

      Bet free is the way to be

    • #34125
      FM
      Osallistuja

      Debt free, thanks for encouragement, i cant work due to my illness so it was my life saving which i saved very hard.

      I know i should not regret but i felt that i could quit without losing any penny if you read my post , i lost all my savings the day i supposed to quit my last ever online gambling account but decided to play one more last time and paid the price.

      Now all if and buts left, i hope i come out of this soon

    • #34126
      FM
      Osallistuja

      Today i reached 30 days mark, still fighting with ifs and buts but i have to keep fighting long way to go

    • #34127
      lizbeth4
      Osallistuja

      Wow! 30 days gamble free! You have to leave the ifs and buts behind. You are doing well in your recovery. Give yourself kudos for that! Maybe you can save some money up again. Stay positive!!

    • #34128
      FM
      Osallistuja

      Thanks lizbeth4 , yes i am fighting and trying to forget the past hopefully these miserable days will be over soon

    • #34129
      Pea
      Osallistuja

      A big well done on your 30 days that is great! Keep going strong and those days will continue to add up. Its hard when the emotions come out after gambling, i think all the pain we have shoved down starts to emerge.
      Anyway keep going, keep moving forward and enjoy the gamble free life

      Pea

    • #34130
      FM
      Osallistuja

      Thanks Pea and you also keep it up and stay strong

    • #34131
      FM
      Osallistuja

      Day 32 gone entered in day 33, i tried to keep myself busy had some bad dreams about gambling again to recover losses also for uknown reason i was feeling more anxiety and thoughts about losses i hope they go away soon otherwise these feelings are not good

    • #34132
      FM
      Osallistuja

      I haven’t gambled for 38 days nothing much to report was getting urges to get losses back past few days but i am determined to fight urges.

    • #34133
      charles
      Valvoja

      Well done on your gamble free time FM

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