Thank you! It’s been harder than I thought to be honest. Less than 24 hours and my brain is already trying to sabotage myself, saying ”well you aren’t THAT deep in the hole, maybe after your paycheck…” BUT I put some locks on my phone apps, have a few people I asked to hold me accountable, have another app about managing debts and anxiety… So I’m hopeful that I can stick with it!

Talked to my family about my gambling and resolving to quit. It was really hard and embarrassing to admit that I’ve been making poor choices. I feel conflicted emotions about it- both relief that other people know and are supportive and a tinge of resentment over being lectured- but ultimately both are valuable in my journey (the latter is one of the consequences I’ll have to deal with on the road to being more accountable). Overall everyone has been really supportive though.
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nI’ve designed a budget that could pay off my debts in around 5 years if I stick with it. That really sucks- in the back of my mind I keep having this magical thinking of ”well maybe if I get this money pot that falls in my lap blah blah blah…” But I have to accept that this is 1) the realistic slow path, 2) actually achievable with effort and 3) won’t be a waste of time energy and money the way gambling is. It’s a cliche but ”the journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step” and all that. I’ll update everyone with how that goes.

Deleted the online crowdfunding/gambling app from my phone. I went back and forth about it all day, about when I would finally delete it for real. I kept thinking that I would do it at some point in the future, but that’s just enabling and sabotaging behavior. It’s been such a big part of my life for the last two years- the numbers after my name are the ID number for the app, to remind myself it was toxic- but I already feel an enormous relief after having deleted it, like a weight is off of my shoulders. It’s a good feeling. Now the really hard work begins, but I’m weirdly optimistic about that.

Thanks! I’m doing well so far. I’m dreading Friday a little because that’s when I get my paycheck, but I have a plan in place for how to manage that (with the support of my wife) so I’m not tempted to gamble it, and I feel pretty confident about the plan. I’ll keep everyone posted with how things go.

Thank you for asking! It’s actually my first Friday where I get paid biweekly. I started my plan this morning where I pay my debts off first, and only save a little leftover for emergencies. It was difficult because I had to pay off the credit card debt I accumulated from gambling last month, but it’s a reminder not to do that in the future. If I can keep it up consistently, I’m looking at 48 months to pay everything off, which isn’t terrible in the grand scheme of things. Despite leaving me kind of broke to where I was before, at least I’m not throwing away half my check on frivalous gambling desperate for a big win, so I actually feel a lot less anxious than when I had more money. I’ll continue to keep you guys posted- hope you are doing well also.

Oh, I need to clarify- I was gambling away my personal spending money, but I’m at least happy to say that I also have a joint account with my wife for paying living expenses and doing nice things for ourselves that I wasn’t touching. One of the reasons I knew I had a problem was I was starting to look at that money and consider dipping into it to support my habit, which I’m glad I was able to stop myself from doing. The main thing though is my debt plan is only going to be from my personal expenses, so we’ll still have money to do nice things and such, because I agree that’s important for self-care.

Tuesday and Saturday were my normal days where I would spend gambling money, due to earning extra ’coins’ on those days. I’m glad to say that while I’ve been tempted to redownload the app a few times, I have another app on my phone that shows me just how much I’ve saved by not gambling- in only two weeks, it’s around $300, money I’ve used far more sensibly. So I’m holding strong so far!

It’s been a little over 14 days since I gambled, and I haven’t really been tempted to very often. Whenever I get a stray thought, I’ve been doing something constructive like exercising, or spending time with my wife. To be honest, I thought it’d been longer since I hadn’t checked; but I have to keep reminding myself that it’s a marathon, not a sprint.

Got an email yesterday from the gambling app I deleted about new features and incentives they had. I can’t lie that I wasn’t tempted to redownload it and take a look- but I know that isn’t helpful for my journey. I deleted the email and changed my email preferences to not receive more, which made me feel proud of myself.

I didn’t realize how sad gambling was making me until I quit. I thought there was a certain thrill anticipating moving up in the ranks, but I was constantly met with crushing disappointment that was leaving me feeling hollow and anxious inside. Even though my financial situation hasn’t dramatically improved, and evn though this year has been so difficult for everyone, over the past three weeks since I quit I’ve caught myself smiling and laughing more; I feel more like myself than I have in a long time. It’s a good feeling.

So according to the app tracker I downloaded, it’s been one month since I wasted money on gambling! I’m happy about this accomplishment. Apparently during that time I have saved almost $1000 that I would have otherwise spent based on my past habits. I’m having a hard time not kicking myself over how much I wasted chasing winnings prior to that and going *what if” which is unhelpful. I’m trying to reframe and just be proud of myself for being more responsible going forward. The majority of that money is going to paying off bills as planned, and I’m pleased that I made a sizable dent in them whereas in previous months I would have just accumulated more debt, so at least I’m moving forward not backwards. I have reserved a little for small luxuries to reward myself (mostly coffee) but otherwise I’m being really self disciplined.

It’s been a really brutal week. I feel like I’m falling into the kinds of negative thinking patterns where I think ”well nothing matters anyway, might as well waste my money since the future is bleak and uncertain.” The important thing is I haven’t actually done that; I haven’t gambled or deviated from my plan, and I’ve reached out to my supports. But damned if it isn’t an uphill struggle everyday.

Hi all, I haven’t posted in a while because I’ve been doing pretty good. My mood has been a lot better and I haven’t been tempted to gamble or spend excessively. I hope everyone else is doing well also! Looking forward to making 3 months soon