[MS]

Hi,
I’m a 30 years old and i was on the verge of losing my life through gambling. I can remember it all started about 3years ago when my girlfriend went for studies abroad. I was dealing with what i would called life crises after i moved to Sweden. I was working at MCdonalds and was dealing with severe shoulder problems at the time. I couldn’t understand and accept why i was working at mcdonalds, struggling with health problems after studying four years at the university. Life was not well, felt lonely but i was able to save some money at the time. I had saved around 6000€ at the time. I met some friends who i watched football with and they were gambling. I thought it was evil, based on my background, having been raised by devoted christians. i didn’t take part for some time. Then one day i saw an advert that you can have free bets after registration and i thought it was not my money so it was ok. I registered and i was able to quadruple the amount. I wanted to take out the money and close my account but had to wait because they had to verify my bank details. By the time the verification was done i had lost the money . I saw another advert and it was deposit 100€ and play for 400€ but you have to bet 4times the amount before you are able to withdraw the full amount. Guess what it was easy for me i was able to 1200€ and i thought this is as easy as it can be. I thought i was too smart to lose at the time. So betting continued for some time and i was winning. I even won some money for guys at my work. i showed them how easy it was to bet live on soccer and win. so i was up in betting more than 3000€. Then one day i woke up and i couldn’t bet even 10€ at the site. They had put limit on my single bets amount. I talked to them, insulted them and left to another site where i could bet unlimited. From there it was gambling galore!! I could be up whole night gambling and losses started. i felt sick when i lost but it was manageable. I was working and earning money so i could cope. Then summer of 2015 i lost it all. My savings account were emptied and i even got my investment account transferred that one was also gone. From there i have been living an addict life of and borrowing. I have put my girlfriend in financial difficulties and feel sick anytime i think about it. At first it was, i will stop when i earn some money back, then came to when i am able to clear my debts. Both have been done several times but i never stopped.
(sorry its getting too long. Everyone can ignore the first part above. Just want to have it written down).

Life have been horrible for the last two years and just last month after contemplating suicide i have decided that no matter the debt, losses and everything i have STOPPED gambling. I have finally accepted that i am addicted after denying it for so long and also realized gambling is the cause of most of my problems now. It is not because i have problems that i gamble. It is the opposite. I want to live and even if i would not be able to pay almost 20000€ of debt, i don’t want to continue that life. It is full of lies to myself and others. The mental sickness that come with it is horrible. I never thought i would one day consider suicide but that is where i find myself today. I just hope i can cope with the shame, the guilt, anger, hatred that i have for myself right now after what i have put my girlfriend, my family, myself through. This is SICK!! i am now gamble free for 8DAYS!! I am taking it one day at a time but i know it should be forever.!!!
Unfortunately, i get nervous when i read about relapses because i know i can’t and shouldn’t relapse. My gf is once again helping be to come to right page with my debts. She has borrowed money to help me clear the urgent ones. I need advise about that. I feel like she is concentrating mostly on helping me clear the debts to prevent me filing for bankruptcy and avoid future consequences. After our conversation i felt she thinks the debt makes me gamble. It is true that it is one of the triggers but i have understood i should not gamble even if i have all the money because now i am an addict and can’t control my gambling. Thanks to daily visit to GT website. I need to stop forever and ever!!

[i-did-it]

hi MS, as a Christian I think it might be worth your looking at churches which might help- some run support groups dedicated to gambling addiction.
Many do relapse- the difference between them and you is your honesty to your girlfriend .

I believe that beginners luck is Satan reeling us in– once we are hooked the losses start and we are led to some very dark places.

I would suggest you buy a gambling blocker for all your internet devices.
With regard to relapses – I try to think of Geordie’s take on that – relapses are not inevitable – they are a choice .

There also are groups like GA which you can join, but they seem to differ a lot from group to group .
Well done on stoppping, on starting a thread and mostly on your honesty .

[StephRo10]

Hi MS,

I identify with your case as I am also 30 and I’m also lucky enough to have a fantastic partner who is always there for me. Don’t lose hope and although relapses are there what I try to do is to tell my partner when I feel that awful anxiety for betting, then we try to do things to focus my attention on something else I enjoy doing and that won’t hurt our finances.

One day at a time!

[Dunc]

Hello and thanks for starting a thread in the Gambling Therapy forums

Here at Gambling Therapy we pride ourselves on being a caring and diverse online community who can help and support you with the difficulties you’re currently facing. We understand that this might be a tough time for you, particularly if you’re new to recovery, so come here as often as you need to and participate in the forums, access online groups and connect to the live advice helpline if you need one to one support. We’re in this together!

Here on the forum you can share your experiences in a safe, supportive and accepting environment. The beauty of writing it all down is that you can take your time and you will be creating a record of your progress that you can look back on if it ever feels like you’re not moving forward. So, share as much or as little as you like but do try to stick to keeping just one thread in this forum so people know where to find you if they want to be updated on your progress or share something with you.

As well as the forums New Members are invited to join Charles in the New Members Practical Advice Group On Mondays at 21:00 (UK) and Thursday at 19:00(UK)

And on that note….

I’m going to hand you over to our community because I’m sure they will have some words of wisdom for you ??

Take care

The Gambling Therapy Team

PS: Let me just remind you to take a look at our privacy policy and terms and conditions so you know how it all works!

[charles]

Hi MS,

Well done on making the decision to stop gambling and on coming here. Using support is important – if we could do it on our own then we wouldn’t have a problem in the first place. Your girlfriend can get support and advice here as well – there is a Friends and Family Forum and live groups that she will find useful.

You are right, just clearing debts isn’t the answer, often if that is all we do then it will just prolong the problem.

Barriers are important in the early days. For instance you can get excluded from the gambling sites that you use. You can instal a blocker on your phone or computer that will stop you finding other sites. IF your girlfriend helps you clear your debts then dont allow it to be that easy for yourself – have a plan to repay her. She can also help with accountability so tjhat you dont have easy access to funds with which to gamble.

Most importantly of all use support – if we could do it on our own then we wouldnt be in a mess in the first place. Keep posting here, check out your local Gamblers Anonymous meeting. The things that will help yopu stop gambling are the same things that will help rebuild trust etc with your girlfriend.

It is an old saying – actions speak louder than words. I look forward to hearing the positive actions that you are taking.

[Dolly]

Hello. I’m learning about rehab, and it sucks to do it this way. At the time I started gambling, it brought on my fears. If, I don’t sound real, I’m real. I have a disability and this makes me gambler more, but I lost control, and when I lost that control, I couldn’t stop. This address anxiety and real stuff, I feel if I can’t find anything wrong with me I continue without control. It’s finding yourself, is the first step. I’m not sure if this helps, but it’s as close to the norm I can come, without giving up too much of my physical, coping, or emotional baggage. Good luck. I hope this helped, indulge in something that is less addicted focused, things that are successful. I could not express these fears anywhere else.

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