[Midlandman]

So I am back here again. I have been in this hamster wheel now for 20 years, numerous times I have tried to stop gambling with the same result. I am now asking myself what can I do this time so this will be the last time?! – I simply feel lost and helpless right now.

I have accepted that what money I have lost has gone and accepted that I can no longer have a bet no matter how harmless an initial little thought maybe. It feels like I have something wrong with me i am struggling to see light at the end of the tunnel with the stark reality being that if I carry on I will end up with nothing.

I want to live a normal life. I want to start enjoying my life again I have let everybody down around me and I am currently thinking I am better off being single and ending my 10 year marriage. Here’s hoping that I can find a solution.

[Midlandman]

Day one of my last chance

[velvet]

Hello Midlandman and thanks for starting a thread in the Gambling Therapy forums

Here at Gambling Therapy we pride ourselves on being a caring and diverse online community who can help and support you with the difficulties you’re currently facing. We understand that this might be a tough time for you, particularly if you’re new to recovery, so come here as often as you need to and participate in the forums, access online groups and connect to the live advice helpline if you need one to one support. We’re in this together!

Here on the forum you can share your experiences in a safe, supportive and accepting environment. The beauty of writing it all down is that you can take your time and you will be creating a record of your progress that you can look back on if it ever feels like you’re not moving forward. So, share as much or as little as you like but do try to stick to keeping just one thread in this forum so people know where to find you if they want to be updated on your progress or share something with you.

As well as the forums New Members are invited to join Charles in the New Members Practical Advice Group On Mondays at 21:00 (UK) and Thursday at 19:00(UK)

And on that note….

I’m going to hand you over to our community because I’m sure they will have some words of wisdom for you ??

Take care

The Gambling Therapy Team

PS: Let me just remind you to take a look at our privacy policy and terms and conditions so you know how it all works!

[velvet]

Hi Midlandman
20 years is a long time to be in a hamster wheel and I am glad you have decided it is time to use this site and find your way off it.
Your addiction causes the feelings of loss and helplessness but with knowledge which is readily available here you can learn to control your addiction and live a gamble-free life.
I am not going to write a long first post to you but I am interested in why you are currently thinking that a single life would be better for you. Do you have children? Is your wife aware of your addiction and your desire to control it? Do you feel your marriage is causing you to gamble?
When you feel lost and alone it is time to look for something different, I believe you can find that difference here. I look forward to reading more from you and watching your progress towards a wonderful gamble-free life.
Velvet

[Midlandman]

Hi

I just feel that if I’m single I can’t let my wife down anymore I continue to let myself down and don’t want to put her through the devastation that is gambling addiction/compulsion.

Having said that I still love her and if I didn’t have this gambling problem I would not be coming to this same conclusion.

I really do think that if I am not successful now in stopping then my life will be ruined further and I will not be able to live a normal life. I cannot tell my wife about my relapse. I have to get through the next 4 months and prove to myself I can do this.

[MilkTrayMan]

I completely understand where you’re coming from..

You basically feel you don’t deserve her – and that you wouldn’t feel so bad about your life collapsing if she weren’t around since you hate yourself, and could deal with it – right?

You need to re-direct your anger away from yourself – Gambling is highly addictive and it gets the better of so many of us, so don’t hate yourself. Try to focus on being thankful for what you have – try to go a whole day spending only a few ￡, jot down how much better you feel.

Frugality and not gambling will undo this whole mess, undoing one bet at a time. You can do it my friend ??

[velvet]

Hi MM
It would be devastating if you ended your marriage because of a problem that you can control – with support and knowledge.
Why 4 months? When you determine to live gamble-free then each day is all that counts – making 4 months should not be a goal. We can all only live one day at a time MM and that is the only day you need to worry about. Taking small steps is the best way forward.
I suspect that your wife is probably more aware that you are struggling than you think – if isn’t only the loss of money that hurts it is the behaviour that goes with the gambling problem and everybody I have ever heard about who loves a CG and knows there is such a thing as an addiction to gamble, recognises active gambling behaviour.
‘You’ matter and that doesn’t change whether you are married or single. How much better to control your gambling with the woman you love than struggling to fight it on your own.
I believe that you are right when you say that if you don’t take control then your life will deteriorate – the problem you have gets worse without good support and treatment. Have you tried going to GA? What other support have you tried?
Your wife would be welcome on the F&F forum or in the F&F group which is private if she would like to talk to people who understand her and can support her while she supports you. In my view it is good to ask a loved one not to read your thread but to concentrate on their own recovery while you concentrate on yours.
I have to sign off there MM but I know you can control your addiction and live the enjoyable life you want or I wouldn’t be here writing to you.
Velvet

[Midlandman]

Thank you I hope so

[kathryn]

Have you spoken to your wife about how you are feeling?
I’m would imagine she might see things a bit differently.
I cant help but wonder…..
Are you certain the addiction is not telling you your wife would be better off without you, then you could go gamble yourself into oblivion? No accountability?
I understand you don’t want to let her down. So, don’t!
Work hard every day, work hard today, do what you need to ensure you don’t gamble. Barriers up!!!!!!
20 years is long enough my friend.
This addiction has had a hold on you for too long. Its time for you to take back your life.
You’re worth it.
Love K xxx

[Jonny123987]

Hi Midland, I just wanted to tell you that you can beat this disease. Thats what it is. Your sick mate. Like any sickness you can get better with proper treatment. I have been gamble free for over 200 days now. I gambled for 20 years as well. Lost over $400,000 easy. Have lost everything. I was sick… I was diseased… I couldn’t see past it. I relapsed 4 times after my first real attempt at quitting. I stopped dating a girl I liked because I felt I needed to as well.
I can’t tell you what to do about your wife. But I would suggest that you quit the gambling immediately in order to think a bit clearer about the situation. No woman is going to want to stay with a gambler. Gambling is not attractive, thats for sure.
You do need to take care of yourself first. At my GA they have a separate meeting for spouses so they can understand better what their loved ones are going thorough and how to support them. Just an idea…
Be strong man and say enough enough. Let me ask you the same question I asked myself. Its fairly simple. What else have you done for 20 years and kept failing at and continued to do it. Usually after 20 years of practice at anything a person is a pro, knows everything… But yet us gamblers don;t… We just get worse. Therefore gambling is a shitty trade to ever learn. What other trade could you do for that long and suck at it? Also, if it was going to work out well for you wouldn’t it have happened by now? The proof is in the putting. Gambling is equaling out to more money or happiness, actually quite the opposite. Based on that math the answer is pretty simple. Stop gambling… It’s bad.
I’m looking forward to you stopping this shit and healing yourself.
Jon

[Midlandman]

Well this is the fifth day now. Bet free. It’s Saturday and a big sports day. These are arguably the toughest days for gamblers, football, racing etc. Although I know what race meetings are on I’ve not felt an urge to place a bet. I think I can now see why I have struggled so much in the past. It’s a lonely time at the moment. But I am coping. Thanks everyone

[charles]

Well done on your gamble free time. Lots of GA meetigns in the Midlands, maybe check one of them out, use all the support that you have available.

Next Saturday will be another big sports day – maybe try to not know the race meetings that are on?

[Nimet?n]

I understand that you dont want to cause your wife anymore upset and harm.

Moving out might be a bit hasty.

It’s not you that needs to get out of your relationship, it’s your addiction. By using the correct support, no matter how f’ed up your life has become, you can learn to live without feeding the addiction. You can live gambling free.

Life isn’t always a bed of roses, but it surely is a life.

For me when I was gambling it was no life. Maybe Purgatory, but no bloody life.

Gambling is everywhere, and there is lots of help available in the UK, especially in your neck of the woods. Hope you get it sorted.

Take care.

Geordie.

[Julkaisija]

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