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After not being on this site for quite some time I sadly find myself here again. I wanted to start a new thread as I feel this is a new start and a new beginning and a new thread feels appropriate.
Some of you may have read my other thread and it is not a pretty picture. I am not proud of the things I have done. I don’t want to re-live those stories right not but will just say I lostt a lot of money that wasn’t really mine to begin with.
When this whole Covid19 thing began I was actually relieved as casinos were my thing and I liked to play the slots. Once the casinos closed, I felt great! A pandemic is certainly not something to be happy about but in a way, I was. I started doing pretty good too. I was paying down my debt, feeling better about myself and had gotten to about 50 days gf. Then one day, I’m not really sure why but I went onto a familair gambling site online. I never really liked the online slots and had long ago set a limit of $15 deposit for the week on this particular site. Well I don’t know what made me go on there but I did and of course, I deposited the $15. What is $15 I thought? Well that disappeared pretty quickly and since then I’ve basically been spiralling out of control.
I blocked myself from that site for the maximum that you can which is 3 months. Within the week though I had found other sites to play on. Since I had been paying down my debt, I had lots of available credit to gamble with. I am sad/mad/disgusted to say I am back to having all my cards maxed out. I downloaded Gamban on my phone and set it up for a year and i thought that would do it but last night was the last straw for me when I simply moved over to my computer to gamble there. After all I know and all I have done to try and stop myself, I have still found a way around it. What a demon grip this addiction has on me. And truthfully it’s not even that fun, I am just trying to “win” back some of my lost money even though I know that is ridiculous.
So last night after my last attempt at a deposit was denied I decided I’ve had enough! I promptly have installed betblocker on all my computers. I’m not sure if it is the same quality as gamban but my computer operating system isn’t compatible with gamban so I’m doing what I can for now until gamban support can help me with that. I also cut up my credit cards.
I don’t want to say Day 1 EVER again. I want to be free of this burden. I want to be happy again. I have been gf for 1 day and 2 hours (got an app to track it) and I don’t want to look back. My mistakes will not define me as a person, my determination in fighting this thing will.
Thank you for reading and I guess I’ll see you all again soon as I’d like to stay on top of my journal to help me along the way. -
Hi Rdy4Chng ,
i understand to and you very well, I have been there 28 days ago.
you should find a way to limit your access to money, keep only what you need, cutting the credit card is not enough , you can easily replace them, you have to cancel them.after many relapse I realized that the what I need is not a new information about addiction, i have read enough about this subject and how to fight it, what I need is to tailor a method to prevent me from gambling again.
I Know that i am and addict and I know that I can’t control my self if i start trading again. if i have extra money and access to online broker i will gamble again, even if I resist for days or weeks eventually i will relapse.
so the solution for me is to keep any extra money away from me, it works before and once I broke this rule i have relapsed. now all what I am thinking about is how not to break this rule rather than not to gamble becuase if i broke it i will gamble.it will end uand after many relpses i think it comes down to
I remember your previous posts, i think you already know that you have an addiction, and you know that you have to stop. so plan how you will stop:
it is a puzzle that you need to solve that contain many factors for example :
1: you should not have extra money
2: you should not have access to gambling site or casinos
…etc
you know all this stuff it is not a new information.
what you need is to create a plan that fits you.i hope you all the best in your fresh start.
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Thank you. Yes I have seen your new thread and I know you are starting over again as well. 28 days is great progress.
You are right, I need to find the right plan that fits for me. I have installed a blocker on all my devices so that should help and once the casinos open I plan to self exclude immediately. Having no access to gambling is number one.
Losing access to money is a bit more difficult but it is something I am working on figuring out.
I am also trying to better plan my time so I have less time to even think about gambling. I’m hoping starting a new thread and coming back on this site will motivate me and help me.
Thank you for your support and I wish you well also.
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So not quite day 2 yet, but 46 hours since I last gambled. Of course I am not feeling better yet, that takes time I know. I did make an effort to go to a group chat today and that was helpful and I remembered how that had helped me last time so I am going to aim to go to at least one a week. The time difference throws me off sometimes but I want to try to stay up with it.
I haven’t thought about gambling today, only thinking about my losses. I know I can’t get them back and that hurts. But what I know I can do is work hard and put more effort into making money which is a risk-free idea. I have a part-time job that I am not working at right now due to Covid but I do work from home and have a lot of different ways I can make money so I figure I should try to put as much effort into making money here as I did trying to “make” money at the casino and I should be successful.
One day at a time is my motto right now and for today I did not gamble. I will say the same thing to myself tomorrow and over time, the days will add up. -
Hello and thanks for starting a thread in the Gambling Therapy forums
Here at Gambling Therapy we pride ourselves on being a caring and diverse online community who can help and support you with the difficulties you’re currently facing. We understand that this might be a tough time for you, particularly if you’re new to recovery, so come here as often as you need to and participate in the forums, access online groups and connect to the live advice helpline if you need one to one support. We’re in this together!
Here on the forum you can share your experiences in a safe, supportive and accepting environment. The beauty of writing it all down is that you can take your time and you will be creating a record of your progress that you can look back on if it ever feels like you’re not moving forward. So, share as much or as little as you like but do try to stick to keeping just one thread in this forum so people know where to find you if they want to be updated on your progress or share something with you.
As well as the forums New Members are invited to join Charles in the New Members Practical Advice Group On Mondays at 21:00 (UK) and Thursday at 19:00(UK)
And on that note….
I’m going to hand you over to our community because I’m sure they will have some words of wisdom for you ??
Take care
The Gambling Therapy Team
PS: Let me just remind you to take a look at our privacy policy and terms and conditions so you know how it all works!
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Your old thread was memorable for me because i read it the whole time i was in a bus to Germany. Am happy that you came back to restart a new journey of recovery. I wish you well. As for me, i am gf for 6 mos and what has been working for for me is cutting access to casinos (i banned myself) and never attempting to open an online one. What also really helps is to work hard towards recovery as Steev always points out, we have to put equal if not more efforts to our recovery as we do with gambling. Wish you well and will be here to watch your progress.
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Congrats on 6 months! That is awesome!!
I currently have blockers on all my devices so it is nearly impossible for me to gamble online now which is great. I would like to self-exclude at the land casinos but they are not open right now so I cannot.
I agree. I need to put more energy into my recovery. If I fought as hard to not gamble as I do to actually gamble I know I could beat this thing and be in a better place.
Thank you for you support. It means a lot!
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3 Days 1 hour since I gambled last.
Today I had a pretty good day. I woke up much earlier than normal which felt good for a change. I got up and went to a thrift store where I found a few puzzles for only about $10 total. I haven’t done a puzzle in ages and I wanted something I could do that would keep me occupied and hopefully relax me a bit. I started one today and it did just that.
I had a few thoughts of gambling today and thankfully I have the blockers in place on my devices otherwise I might have been tempted to “just spend a little bit”. Having the blockers in place means I know I can’t gamble so that saved me from even trying.
I’ve dug myself a pretty deep hole and I don’t know how I’m going to get out of it but for now instead of focusing on the enormity of the problem, I am just focusing on what I can do today which is spend as little as possible and try to make as much as possible.
Another day done and looking forward to feeling stronger as the days go by. -
5 Days 16 hours since I last gambled. I’ve definitely had some urges and thoughts of gambling but thankfully I have the blockers on my phone and computers so I can’t gamble online.
I feel pretty low and ashamed of myself and I don’t think that is going to go away anytime soon. Maybe once I see some of my debt disappearing although that is going to take a while.
I didn’t cancel my credit card but I did call the other day and ask them to lower my limit. Now I’m so far over the limit even if I got another one sent to me, I wouldn’t be able to use it for quite some time. I guess it’s just another small barrier I put in place.
It’s super hot here and I love this weather so I am going to do a bit of work first and then head out to the garden.
Have a great day folks! -
I have not been successful at quitting gambling.
nI have tried and tried but every time I find a way to get around the walls I’ve built up. After a while, I just stopped trying to quit. It was just easier to be a loser.
nI don’t want to live like this anymore. I want to be able to hold my head high and not feel the shame I have felt for the past 3 years. I want to be happy again.
nI don’t know what will be different this time. I guess I will have to be different.
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nI think the saddest thing is after many months away from this site when I come back I see the MANY new stories of folks just as lost and f***ed up by gambling as me. That is the saddest thing to me. I know I am not alone, but that doesn’t make me feel better, it makes me feel sad.
nI hope we all find strength in ourselves to overcome.
n21 hours since I last gambled. -
It always feels good in the beginning, counting the days and hours. After a few short days I find that novelty wears off..
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nI am re-evaluating my life. I am looking to what brings me joy. I find gambling brings a busyness to my mind and I am trying to find peace and calmness. That’s how I want to live my life and that’s the person I want to be.
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nI am searching for the old me. I feel a change is coming.
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nWhen I was younger, I would change my hair almost monthly. If I was having a bad day, I would spontaneously get my hair dyed purple and chop it all off. It invigorated me. It made me feel like a different person and gave me the courage and confidence to keep going with my life.
nIn the last few years, my life has remained mostly the same. The same cycle of gambling and lying and trying to stop and getting comfortable and gambling again and lying, etc. My job has been the same for years, my husband and I have been together for years, my HAIR has not changed in years..
nThese are my thoughts and I am rambling but I am starting to think that a huge change is in order, to give me the confidence and motivation to change.
nThe word change means to make or become different. We cannot do the same things and expect different results. We must do things differently if we want to see change. -
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Hi Rdy4Chng
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nThank you for posting on my thread.
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nI have read you new journal and hope we can do this together.
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nGambling has done nothng but made me feel miserable lately.
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nI used to at least get some play time or enteratainment for my money now it just goes, goes fast and I feel bad, defeated like god is telling me to stop.
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nThe next big win needs to come from a gamble free life one day at a time. -
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I cant recall how many times I’ve slipped since my last post. Happy to say though today I am at 14 days gf.
nOne big change I made was that in the past with the online casinos, what I was doing was getting gamban or other software on my computer then, when I wanted to gamble, I went to my phone. Then I put gamban on that but sooner or later, I found an old phone to use. Repeat cycle.
n2 weeks ago I BANNED myself from the last online casino I was using so now if I can find another device to use, I still cannot gamble.
n2 weeks feels great to have not gambled. I am a long way from digging myself up out of the hole of debt I’ve created but I know that will come with time and I am not trying to find a *quick* fix for it as I have in the past with gambling.
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It has been 36 days since I have gambled on the slots. In that time, I have played scratch tickets which in my opinion was ok. I felt that it was like using a patch to quit smoking. A way to ease myself off the gambling addiction.
nI haven’t bought any scratch tickets in over a week and I don’t really care to either.
nThe urges to gamble have subsided for the most part. When I see a headline about a casino opening soon, I get a slight jolt in my heart but then I quickly move on.
nI saw an ad on Facebook just yesterday I think for a slot game I used to play a lot online. I looked at it for a few mins, I read the comments.. A few people mentioned how they had won money and it was quite fun, etc. but then I quickly deleted the ad and moved on. That was a win in my book.
nI still have gamban on all my devices so no way I could have played anyways unless I stole my husbands phone which is what I was doing at the last leg of my gambling stint. When I think of all the lengths I have gone to to gamble I am so embarrassed. I now want to go to those same lengths to NOT gamble.
nHave a good day ya’ll! -
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hi well done for your deleting ?that add on Facebook.?
When I stopped gambling I had to also stop the digital scratch cards as?Scratch tickets are a form of gambling.?
not placing a bet on all forms of gambling allows one to really be clean from gambling and not get that chemical change in the mind and body?
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Hi, R4C, I’m really glad to read about someone successfully staving off the gambling urge for 102 days, that is a huge deal! If you can do it, I feel like I can do it. I was fortunate enough to have a really negative experience with online gambling the first time I tried it during the pandemic. I used a disreputable website and they billed hundreds of dollars to my card that I didn’t authorize. As a result, after having the dispute settled through my bank, I have a strong aversion to online gambling. I am currently only susceptible to gambling in person, at video poker machines. I hope this information isn’t triggering, it’s hard for me to find a balance between sharing and triggering. I am really proud of you, keep up the good work. I really hope I hit 102 days and beyond!
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