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Hi,
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nBit of a back story – I have been involved in some form of gambling for most of my adult life, and up until a few years ago, gambling was mostly coexisting with my life/activities outside of gambling in an ok way. I don’t recall when exactly but at some stage, it started to get out of control with me borrowing money from multiple people to stay afloat / pay bills.
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nAttempt 1: A little over a year ago, I finally acknowledged that I had a serious issue with my debts at an unsustainable level, and my wages regularly being gamble away in a short time frame. I took my first steps to try and get back on track, closing betting accounts, keeping a regular budget, paying some people I owed back, and putting some savings aside. This went well for a few months but one month immediately after getting paid, I gambled that away along with any savings I had set aside.
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nAttempt 2: After regrouping, I found this forum and read many posts from others which were certainly very helpful, I didn’t however post myself at the time or attend any of the support groups. I also asked someone else if they could manage most of my finances where each month after I get paid, I send rent + bills + savings + main expenses as well as make repayments to people I owed money. I retained a small amount for general day to day living.
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nThis worked very well for 9 months with no gambling taking place, all debts paid off, and some money put away towards savings. I had a terrible slip-up however when my most recent wages arrived and within 2 days, I had gambled it away.
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nThat brings us to attempt 3. While I am very disappointed in myself that I slipped up in such a way, I am determined to get back on track and have been reading as much advice as I could to hopefully have an approach that is more successful.
nWith that in mind, some additional things I plan to do this time include
n- Join at least 1 GT group per week and initially more
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- Keep up journal updating at least once per week
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- Visit the forum regularly reading and replying to posts that I can associate with/contribute to
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- Send wages immediately after they arrive to prevent the impulse to gamble them
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- Continue trackign all spending, updating on a daily basis
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- Find activities outside of work that I enjoy to release stress, provide an alternative outlet
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- Keep a diary of tasks being completed that will help stay on track, and update daily
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nIf anyone has any additional tips/suggestions on how I can make attempt 3 more likely to go well, I would very much appreciate them.
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nThanks,
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Hello and thanks for starting a thread in the Gambling Therapy forums
Here at Gambling Therapy we pride ourselves on being a caring and diverse online community who can help and support you with the difficulties you?re currently facing. We understand that this might be a tough time for you, particularly if you?re new to recovery, so come here as often as you need to and participate in the forums, access online groups and connect to the live advice helpline if you need one to one support. We?re in this together!
Here on the forum you can share your experiences in a safe, supportive and accepting environment. The beauty of writing it all down is that you can take your time and you will be creating a record of your progress that you can look back on if it ever feels like you?re not moving forward. So, share as much or as little as you like but do try to stick to keeping just one thread in this forum so people know where to find you if they want to be updated on your progress or share something with you.
As well as the forums New Members are invited to join Charles in the New Members Practical Advice Group On Mondays at 21:00 (UK) and Thursday at 19:00(UK)
And on that note….
I?m going to hand you over to our community because I?m sure they will have some words of wisdom for you ??
Take care
The Gambling Therapy Team
PS: Let me just remind you to take a look at our privacy policy and terms and conditions so you know how it all works!
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Hi G Rec, well done on looking for help. I facilitate some of the groups here on a Monday and Thursday evening (UK time) hopefully I will meet you in one of those soon.
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nYou have made a good list of positive actions to take, well done. There is also a lot of other support you can connect to, when you come into a group I will be able to talk you through what is available in your area. I would also add to your list – KEEP using support, not just now when you are trying to stop but moving forwardto maintain your recovery. if we can’t stop on our own then we should ust that onging support to help us stay stopped.
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nKeep posting. -
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I joined today’s open group but it was just me, Charles had explained this was possible though due to open groups being unmoderated.
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nI am still glad I took the step of joining the group and as planned will join the new member’s group tomorrow and I look forward to it.
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nAs I have been continuing to work on my action items to help recovery, a couple of thoughts/questions have come to me that it would be really helpful to get other people’s thoughts/perspectives on.
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nListing Previous Bets/Losses
nIt has been suggested to me (outside the forum) to create a list of every bet that I placed during my recent relapse and I am torn on whether this is a good idea.
n- On the one hand, I can see that it could serve as a reminder of how easily I can fall down the path of placing bets that add up significantly along with reinforcing that I was betting on completely random events, thus highlighting the problem more, both of which may help prevent future slip-ups.
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- On the other hand, seeing all of the bets listed will cause me to relive the experience including all of the terrible feelings that came with them and could lead to feeling depression and stress, both of which are likely contributors to my gambling impulse in the first place.
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n Money Management
nSomething I have been doing now for 9 months is having someone else manage my main expenses. As soon as my wages arrive (excluding the past month where the slip up occurred), I send money to them to cover rent, bills, savings, and some general expenses while I keep enough for day to day living.
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nThis has worked extremely well (again excluding last month) allowing me to pay off my debts and save some money while still having some money myself for day-to-day expenses allowing me to maintain at least some money management/responsibility myself.
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nI am unsure however on longer-term, what the goal should be. Obviously, I am a long way off being confident that I can trust myself in managing all my finances but my question is should that be the end goal, that one day I feel confident enough to once again manage everything myself? or should I be viewing it as likely that I will need someone else to manage my main finances indefinitely.
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nI expect there is no definitive answer to either of these as they are unique to the individual but I think it would be very useful to hear the thoughts or experiences others have had regarding these.
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nThanks -
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I attended my first group yesterday for New Members and found it very helpful.
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nA few of the takeaways from the group that resonated with me.
n- Money Management – Reducing access to money and being held accountable for anything spent is very important
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nAction: Continue to keep both a budget and a spending diary , and have someone else control the money for now. Important Note: While someone else will have the money, I will still manage my own finances in that I budget for and decide where it is spent, but I do not have access to it without going through that other person.n
- Gamblers Anaonymous – With many live GA meetings not taking place, there are worldwide Zoom GA meetings available – https://www.gamblersanonymous.or?g/ga/addresses?page=1
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- Install the GT app to have access to it anytime
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- 1 on 1 helpline is also available
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- Money Management – Reducing access to money and being held accountable for anything spent is very important
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I have to say I love a list, makes things more real, keeps us focused, something to look at when feeling a little testy, I love crossing things off lists too, gives me a sense of satisfaction.
nIn terms of money management I?m impressed you have done this, it?s a hard thing to do, can I ask if it?s a family member or friend? I?m assuming (I?m a huge assumer) that they know of your situation? If so, that?s great!
nI think you?re right though, everyone is different, I stayed accountable for around a year I think, in saying that I?ve also stayed excluded all this time ( it has lapsed during COVID) but venues are closed and I?m not interested in online gambling.
nI think you will know when the time is right, for now, you?re doing well, you?ve done this before so it?s not new to you. None of us are perfect, stay true to yourself and your recovery. Look forward to reading more from you!
nLove K xxx -
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One week in from starting this Journal and I am happy with how that week went.
nGoal: Join at least 1 GT group per week and initially more
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- Last Week: Joined 2 GT groups (although 1 did not have any others)
- This Week Plan: Join 2 groups including a GA zoom session
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nGoal: Keep up journal updating at least once per week
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- Last Week: Multiple hournal entries throughout the week
- This Week Plan: Weekly update + some additional entries throughout the week
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nGoal: Visit the forum regularly reading and replying to posts that I can associate with/contribute to
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- Last Week: Visisted the forums 6 days – replied to multiple posts
- This Week Plan: Continue visiting the forum regularlay and replying to posts
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nGoal: Send wages immediately after they arrive to prevent the impulse to gamble them
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- Last Week: Set up auto payment to transfer wages as soon as they arrive
- This Week Plan:N/A as wages not yet due to be paid
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nGoal: Continue trackign all spending, updating on a daily basis
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- Last Week:Daily updateing of spend
- This Week Plan:Daily updateing of spend
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nGoal: Find activities outside of work that I enjoy to release stress, provide an alternative outlet
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- Last Week:Daily exercise 6 out of 7 days, made a list of at least 1 activity to do each month for 2020
- This Week Plan:Exercise at least 5 days, sign up for upcoming activities
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nGoal: Keep a diary of tasks being completed that will help stay on track, and update daily
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- Last Week:Updated daily 0
- This Week Plan:Updated daily
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Another quick update.
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nThe week has been going good so far. I have been visiting the forums every day and doing regular journal entries. In terms of activities, I have been exercising every day before and after work, signed up for a fun run at the end of the month., and started looking into another activity I could do.
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nI also had planned to attend my first GA zoom this week, originally for today but I rescheduled to tomorrow. -
I attended my first GA meeting last night on zoom. It was a meeting hosted by Recovery Road Online.
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nI wasn’t sure what to expect going in but I did find the meeting very helpful. There were 24 participants in total and hearing the stories, struggles, success, and tips/advice from the various people who shared was very useful. I shared myself as well although kept it on the short side given that it was my first meeting. Even with that, the responses from the others provided both helpful tips and encouragement.
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nA few of the many tips/thoughts
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- Keep up with the multiple support avenues/items available to help recovery, GA are great but don’t let attending those mean that you stop Journaling, going on forums, keeping the restrictions in place to limit the opportunity to gamble etc. etc.
- Clarification that GA does not need to be religiously based and can be just as helpful to those that are not religious. While a higher power is frequently referenced, this higher power does not need to be religious-based, it can for example simply mean the higher power of the support received from others. This is something Charles had previously in one of the new meeting groups and in fact he created a 12-steps Agnostic version which can be seen in the Recovery Tools group
- Make a promise to yourself that the next time you are considering gambling, you will call or speak to someone else first whether that is a sponsor, friend, family etc,
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It is now 2 weeks since I started this Journal and tracking my GT related tasks. Overall, I am very happy with how the first 2 weeks have gone. I have found amongst other things the combination of regularly journaling, reading/responding on the forum, and attending groups/meetings very useful.
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nThis week will be the first time in a month that I have access to some sort of funds which will be a test. That said, I have taken steps to hugely reduce my access to money/temptations with an automated transfer system in place for main spending rent/savings/bills as soon as my wages arrive along with accountability/visibility for any remaining funds I have access to which I am hoping will help.
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nReview
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nMeetings
nLast Week: Attended GA Zoom session
nThis Week: Attend GA Zoom session and/or GT group
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n Journal
nLast Week: 4 Journal entries
nThis Week: 2+ Journal entries
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n Wages
nLast Week: N/a
nThis Week: Automatically transfer wages once they arrive (auto payment in place to help with this)
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n Spending Tracking
nLast Week: Daily updating
nThis Week: Daily updating
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n Activities
nLast Week: Daily exercise 5 days, signed up for 5K run for the end of the month
nThis Week: Exercise for at least 5 days
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n Daily Tasks Updating
nLast Week: Updated Daily
nThis Week: Updated Daily -
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I attended a GT open group meeting last night.
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nI really like that the groups generally tend to be on the smaller side with only 4 in our group last night including Charles moderating. This allows for plenty of interaction/talking and back and forth between those attending.
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nThe mutual support was also very evident with each member listening to what the others were saying and providing support/advice/encouragement as was relevant.
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nThe next type of group on here I am keen to attend is the groups that focus on a specific topic. I plan to attend one of those either later this week or next week. -
This week has been a decent week so far. I have been focusing on doing some running every day in prep for the 5K run and while before I would not have viewed this as being a part of my GR, as was pointed out in the group I attended on Monday, staying busy and having something other than gambling to focus attention on can play a big part in staying GF.
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nI have read every day in the forum as well and replied when I feel I have something to contribute, another item which helps remind that there are other people also on the recovery path, and that to keep the gambling bug in check, you need to stay working on it.
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Another Week in the books, Happy again with how the week went although I was a little less active in the forums than previous weeks which I need to keep in check as I do find it a great help.
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nJournal Updates:
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- Last Week: 3 entries
- This Week: 2+ entries
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nForum Reading + Responses:
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- Last Week: Read Forums 5 days – responded to posts I could contribute to
- This Week: Visit forums every day + respond to posts
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nExercise:
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- Last Week: Exercised / run training 5 days
- This Week: Exercise: 4 Days + 5KM run
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nGroups:
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- Last Week: Attended 1 group
- This Week: Attend at least 1 group and/or GA Zoom
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nExpenses:
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- Last Week: Auto transferred wages for main expenses + set up auto transfers for other spend
nDaily Tasks Updating
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- Last Week: Updated Daily
- This Week: Updated Daily
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I attended my first topic group on here last night. The topic of the night was Baby Steps.
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nI really liked the group and format with some great advice from the group as a whole, and look forward to joining more of these.
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nSimilar to the topic itself Baby Steps where we talked about how it is useful to break up what can seem like large daunting tasks into smaller manageable individual tasks, I like how the group lets you focus and concentrate on one particular subject rather than trying to tackle everything at once. -
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It has been a decent week.
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nKept busy on the exercise front getting ready for a 5K at the weekend. Checked into the forums daily, and attended a group meeting earlier in the week.
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nBeen busy with work as well which is good, but I need to keep an eye on it at the same time. While I don’t think on it’s own is a trigger for the gambling urge, it can be stressful, and thus contributes to the need to get an escape which in turn could present itself as gambling. -
Hey bud, awesome progress so far. It looks like you have gone 3+ weeks without gambling and that is something to be proud of. Everyone on here is rooting for you and we know that this will not be attempt 3 but it is the beginning of your new life, gamble free. There will not be an attempt 4. Trust
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Into November we go and overall October was a good month with no gambling and keeping up activities/tasks targeted at reducing the risk of relapse
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nWeekly Update
nJournal Updates:
nLast Week: 4 entries
nThis Week: 2+ entries
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nForum Reading + Responses:
nLast Week: Read Forums 6 days – responded to posts I could contribute to
nThis Week: Visit forums every day + respond to posts
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nExercise:
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nLast Week: Exercised / run 4 days + completed 5K
nThis Week: Exercise: 4/5 Days + Identify next run to participate in
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nGroups:
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nLast Week: Attended 1 group
nThis Week: Attend at least 1 group and/or GA Zoom
nExpenses:
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nDaily Tasks Updating
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nLast Week: Updated Daily
nThis Week: Updat Daily -
I attended a Topic Group meeting on here Monday. The topic being “fighting the urges”
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nLike the previous topic meeting, I found this very useful focusing on one specific topic, and the other in the group shared some great advice/thoughts.
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nSome of the takeaways.
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- Blockers can be a great way to stop/limit urges happening. If we do not have the ability to gamble, or we at least make it as difficult for us to gamble as we can, the urges/addition are less likely to surfice
- Having go to alternative activities for when we get an urge can be helpful. This can be anything from running, exercise, crosswords, drawing, writing etc
- Encompansing the blockers and activities, having items in place to delay how fast you can bet/gamble can help the urge subside before you succumb to the temptation.
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First week in November has come and gone. Happy with how the week went.
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nWeekly Update
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nJournal Updates:
nLast Week: 2 entries
nThis Week: 2+ entries
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nForum Reading + Responses:
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nLast Week: Read Forums 5 days – responded to posts I could contribute to
nThis Week: Visit forums every day + respond to posts
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nExercise:
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nLast Week: Exercised / run 4 days – Identified potential next run at the end of November
nThis Week: Exercise: 4/5 Days + Sign up for next run
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nGroups:
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nLast Week: Attended 1 group
nThis Week: Attend Monday topic group
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nDaily Tasks Updating
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nLast Week: Updated Daily
nThis Week: Update Daily -
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I attended another topic group on Monday – The topic on this occasion being dealigned with Guilt and Shame.
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nI found the discussion very constructive, with a big element being how we can use the memory of guilt and shame as a motivator going forward to not make the same mistakes, while not letting it become so overbearing that it sends us on a path of feeling down, depressed, self-loathing and ultimately potentially being a trigger to once again gamble.
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nThe big take away for me was recognising that we cannot do anything to change our mistakes of the past, but what we can do is take actions to prevent/ limit the chances of making the same mistakes again. -
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G Rec, just been reading over your posts and makes great reading / sense, you are so right with what the group portrayed being exactly that…….”We cannot change the past or what we have done” but we can the present and the future !
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nWish you well in your recovery and without gambling even the little things seem enjoyable.
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nall the best -
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Another week down. Overall, I am happy with how the week went. 2 things I need to be mindful and keep an eye on are my working hours which have increased a bit lately, and my general diet and exercise which is not as good as I would like.
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nWhile I don’t consider either of these to be a trigger on their own, they can both contribute to stress, lack of energy, and feeling tired/depressed which in turn could make an escape via Gambling look temporarily appealing.
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nWeekly Review
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nMeetings
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nLast Week: Attended Topic Group
nThis Week: Attend Topic Group
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nJournal
nLast Week: 2 Journal entries
nThis Week: 2+ Journal entries
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nWages
nLast Week: N/a
nThis Week: Automatically transfer wages once they arrive (auto payment in place to take care of this)
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nSpending Tracking
nLast Week: Daily updating
nThis Week: Daily updating
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nActivities
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nLast Week: Daily exercise 3 days
nThis Week: Exercise for at least 5 days, Commit to next 5 or 10K run to fo before the end of the year.
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nDaily Tasks Updating
nLast Week: Updated Daily
nThis Week: Updated Daily -
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I attended a topic group on Monday, the topic being motivation.
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nThere were only 3 of us in the group but I think together we have a very productive discussion.
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nMy main takeaways from it were
nMotivation to stay GF should can and likely should change over time. For most people originally the motivation is to get out of the terrible situation gambling but them in (financial difficulties, relationship issues etc). Over time however, it can be important to find a new motivation
nTry not to look too far ahead in terms of planning, as it may be too daunting.
nContinuing to use support whether that is here, in meetings or through friends can be a great way to help maintain motivation over time.
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Last week went ok, I improved a bit on my working hours, and diet, but both were still not in their preferred place, and so I have added specific entries for these to do better for next week. I also identified my next 5K run, and I plan to sign up for that next week, which will help keep up the motivation for exercise.
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nWeekly Review
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nMeetings
nLast Week: Attended Topic Group
nThis Week: Attend Topic Group: Topic: Relapse Prevention
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nJournal
nLast Week: 2 Journal entries
nThis Week: 2+ Journal entries
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nWages
nLast Week: N/a
nThis Week: Automatically transfer wages once they arrive (auto payment in place to take care of this)
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nSpending Tracking
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nLast Week: Daily updating
nThis Week: Daily updating
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nActivities
nLast Week: Daily exercise 4 days, identified next 5K run for December 6th
nThis Week: Exercise for at least 4 days, sign up for 5K run.
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nDaily Tasks Updating
nLast Week: Updated Daily
nThis Week: Updated Daily
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nDiet
nLast Week: N/A
nThis Week: No snacks/junk food during the week. Some but limited at the weekend
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nWorking Hours
nLast Week: Cut back on hours a little
nThis Week: Cut back further on hours working each day -
I attended another topic group session last night. The topic this week was Relapse Prevention.
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nAs always, there was some great advice and discussion from the group. My main takeaways were
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nIdentifying when we are most likely to relapse is important. These include one or more of – Stress, Money Problems, Having Access to Money/Receiving Money, and boredom.
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nWith when we are most likely to relapse identified, the next step is doing what we can to limit the chance that these events/times from cause a relapse. These include
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nAccess to money – Counter: Limit access to money and/or make sure you are accountable for all money spent, and that if you did gamble with it, someone else you trust and who is supporting you with recovery would immediately know.
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nStress – Counter: Limit stress where possible, identify alternative ways to release stress when it occurs such as exercise, alternative activities
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nBoredom – Create a list of alternatives to Gambling you can do if you feel boredom setting in.
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Another week though and happy enough with how it went. Most things went well for the week, although there were a few items to keep an eye on.
- Activities – One of my go-to things to do for a combo of having something to do, providing a target, and staying fit was to sign up for at least one group run per month. I completed a 5K in October and had signed up for one for the 1st week of December but that was canceled due to Covid, and I expect the same will happen for runs in December. As a result, I will need to look at alternative items for providing motivation for keeping up regular exercise, and for something to do.
- Diet – My general diet was definitely lacking this week which of course could lead to reduced energy levels, feeling stressed and depressed. I plan to refrain from all snacking type items for December up until Christmas which should help with this
Weekly Review
Meetings
- Last Week: Attended Topic Group
- This Week: Planned to attend topic group but it was canceled, will attend a group or GA meeting as an alternative later in the week
Journal
- Last Week: 2 Journal entries
- This Week: 2+ Journal entries
Spending Tracking
- Last Week: Daily updating
- This Week: Daily updating
Activities
- Last Week: Daily exercise 4 days
- This Week: Exercise for at least 4 days, sign up for 5K run.
Daily Tasks Updating
- Last Week: Updated Daily
- This Week: Updated Daily
- Last Week: Over divulged on snacks/junk food
- This Week: No snacks/junk food for December until Christmas
Diet
Working Hours
- Last Week: Got working hours back to a reasonable level
- This Week: Continue maintaining reasonable working hours including keeping work diary up to date.
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This is my first Journal entry in over 2 weeks and unfortunately, it is not a very positive one. Yesterday and this morning I made sports bets with money I had available to me. From a financial side, the hit is much lower than it has been before as for the past 3 months, as soon as my wages arrive, I transfer savings, rent, and main bills to my girlfriend , and I do not have direct access to those funds.
It still feels terrible though, and I feel like I have taken a step backward. One of the things that I am finding difficult is that I don’t really have anything to point to as to why I gambled on this occasion thus making it more difficult to come up with action items that can help prevent future relapses. Generally in the past, I have mostly been able to link my gambling with items such as financial need, trying to repay debt, being overly stressed and looking for a release, or boredom. None of those ring true on this occasion though.
That said, I have been more lapse recently with regard to working on my problem/issues with 2 weeks passing without a journal update, no recent attending of Groups on here or GA meetings, and much less frequent forum reading and replying. Those certainly didn’t help, so that at least is something I can go back to working harder on.
The second item that I found most difficult with this one is the hurt it caused and the loss of trust from my girlfriend. She has been extremely supportive through all of this, and the same was true when we spoke this morning about it. That said, it seems clear that the cumulative mistakes and lying are adding to the hurt caused to her and in turn the trust that she has in me.
My short-term plan at the moment is to call a GA helpline, work on some renewed to-do items including a schedule for upcoming groups on here, and GA meetings to attend, with the next few weeks being particularly important with the holiday period being an easy time to fall out of a schedule. I will also add another Journal entry here with an update tomorrow.
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Hi G Rec, i can totally feel you for going thru the relapse. But it is good and important that you are coming truth about it. I think charles or someone had mentioned that our recovery journey will take a long period of battle or even life time as this gambling addiction temptation will be in us, i totally agreed on that.
Therefore it is exteremly important to never let our guards down inregardless how long we stay GF. As any one moment of bet again will trigger the bad journey back.
Right now, we maybe pointing to no where during journey of trying to stay GF. But once we have stay GF totally, we will see the future to be difference and that its so much better!
Keep challange yourself to stay GF, show it to people around you or even us that you can do it!
Stay motivated and strong buddy!
Sunny
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Thanks for the kind words and advice Sunny.
I slept well last night and am feeling a bit better than I did yesterday. This morning looking at my recent relapse, I do also feel as if I am in a better place with my recovery than I was 3 months ago. The last time it took me a number of weeks before I took any positive steps including seeking help, while this time it took one day. I was also very unknowledgeable last time about the support available, blocking mechanisms, etc. This time I have my previous knowledge and steps I took available to me to build on. So overall, as I mentioned I still see yesterday as a step backward, but it helps to overall also see some longer-term progress.
So onto a few new additional steps to start with
Support Groups / GA Meetings
I want to make sure to keep these more frequent, with that in mind, I have scheduled some minimum meetings for the next few weeks.- December 23rd – Call GA Helpline
- December 24th – GA Zoom Meeting
- December 28th – Topic Group
- january 5th – GA Zoom Meeting
- January 7th – GA Zoom Meeting
- January 11th – Topic Group
Blocking / Restrictions
- Install blocking software on phone and laptop
- Block gambling transactions from virtual online account, or if that is not possible, permanently close the account
- Permanebtly close newly created sports betting account
Journaling – Get back to journaling regularly – at least 2-3 times per week
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I continued working on some things I can do to help moving forward.
- Full logging of spending from funds that are not automatically transferred – The majority of my funds are transferred automatically and I do not have easy access to them to limit the ability to gamble. For the funds I maintain, however, I realise now I was not as accountable for where this money was being used. To help with this, I have set up full logging of all balances and spend going forward.
- Budget Planning – Updated budget planning for 2021 to help visibility of where I can get to if I get back to being GF.
- Keep a schedule of activities that involve other people. This doesn’t have to be outside events as they will be limited this year, as long as whatever you are doing involves others, and thus limits time on your own, this can help.
- Try and limit the opportunities to gamble, this includes closing any existing accounts, installing gambling blocking software, and avoiding having an opportunity to enter betting shops.
- Limit the amount of cash you have available to you.
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Thanks for the kind words and advice kin.
While I would agree that many of the steps taken/planned are barriers and changes on the outside, I have also tried to include items that will help with change on the inside such as attending Support Groups, attending GA meetings, and I would consider regular journaling to also be a part of that. I have not heard of the Smart recovery program so I will check that out.
I am happy with how the days over the holidays have gone so far. I have not really found myself tempted to gamble although I think that is mostly down to being busy and the barriers in place than an open choice. Overall I am happy to report that compared to recent previous years, I am enjoying the period much more even though it is a very strange one this year.
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Into the new year and back onto a more consistent schedule after the holiday period.
While a number of elements were not as active as I had planned during the holiday period (journaling, visiting the forums, attending meetings, exercise) I am glad to report that I had a good holiday period with family, with very little gambling temptation.
I am back now to a more consistent schedule, and with that will be looking to keep consistency with my Gambling Therapy tasks.
For the upcoming week, I plan to attend a zoom GA meeting tomorrow, attend the New Members group here on Thursday, get back to daily reading and replying on the forums and regular exercising.
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This week has gone fairly well so far. I am glad to be back to a more consistent schedule to help with staying gamble free.
Last night I attended the new member’s group. I found it very useful to catch up with others who are going through a similar situation and to trade updates on how we are doing, recent experiences and tips/advice.
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The first full week of the new year is complete and it went well. Back to doing more regular exercise, better eating than over the holiday period, visiting the forum regularly, and attending groups. Last week, I attended the New Members meeting on Thursday, this week the plan is to go to the topic group tonight and then another meeting on Thursday, either the new member’s group, or a GA Zoom meeting.
I have also been playing and learning Chess, I have found it a nice go-to item if I ever have some free time to spare, or if feeling stressed out and looking for a quick break.
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I had 2 group sessions this week, the first on Monday in the Topics Groups on avoiding Potholes to Recovery, and the 2nd yesterday was a new member’s practical advice group.
I found the topic group very helpful, a summary of some of the items that stood out to me.
- Unexpected events can be big potential potholes
- Try and have a plan in place for dealing with unexpected events
- The pandemic is one of the best examples of an unexpected event that could be a big pothole (working from home, events canceled, fewer items to do
- It is good to have a variety of non-gambling items to fall back on to fill the previous gambling time, if you rely on only 1 item to fill the void, if something happens to prevent you from participating in that item, you could be back in a tough place
- Good thread bumped in the Recovery Tools forum listing various options for things to do to replace gambling
- Even what appears to be a good unexpected event can potentially be a pothole, a good example is some unexpected money coming your way such as a bonus, or a tax refund as you now have potential unaccountable funds. To help in these situations, we should turn that unaccountable money into accountable money as fast as possible such as telling a friend or partner about it or posting about it on the forum.
I also found the new member’s group useful. There were a few newcomers which Charles helped out with various tips/advice/support resources which were a reminder/refresher on the support available. It was also good to be able to try to provide some advice/tips to these new members based on my own experience.
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Hi G Rec,
Thank you for journaling your story.
Can you please share which events lead you to the bet in previous attempts? What was your motivation at that time? (how do you recall it now?)
Even though I am only few days GF, I feel like a different person with no motivation to gambling whatsoever (debt mgmt plan made, truth told, a lot of activities that I have interest in to spend time on). Yet somehow I spent many years gambling before. I would be happy to learn from your experience and try to put additional barriers to avoid sudden temptations.Take care
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hi johnstein,
Can you please share which events lead you to the bet in previous attempts? What was your motivation at that time? (how do you recall it now?)
At the time, I thought that winning money was the only real motivation either so that I could just have more money, or as time went on to pay off the debts that I had racked up. Looking back I can see that does not tell the full story. While it is still a potential trigger, for me it is a combination of things including stress release, boredom, a temporary escape from real life, the feeling of euphoria after winning, and trying to solve money issues.
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I attended the topic group last night and as usual, found it very useful.
The topic this time was on baby steps, this was a topic group I had participated in in the past, but despite that fact, I still picked up some new knowledge/info along with a reminder/update on elements discussed before.
The biggest of the new takeaways for me was how success breeds success, and failure breeds failure.
We need to set small and achievable tasks (baby steps) that don’t set us up for failure. I was already somewhat aware of this concept but I had never really considered why this is so important. If we don’t do this, then we will inevitably fail, and the cost of that failure can be large potentially, taking steps back in recovery or even giving up altogether thinking along the lines of “well I didn’t hit my goal so I may as well give up”
Counter to that, having regular successes even if they are each individually small, sets us up for more successes in the future which collectively can lead to huge sometimes life-changing changes in our lives.
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I received my pay on Thursday of this week and I am sorry to report that soon after, I made some bets.
I have generally found it difficult to pinpoint specific triggers in the past, but payday is certainly a very clear one with bets occurring soon after receiving it on a number of occasions. I have put some barriers in place to help with this in the past with auto payment set up to transfer the majority of my wages to my girlfriend, there is a loophole with this system though in that payday sometimes arrives a few days early before the auto payment goes through leaving some room to gamble in the time between. There is also no accountability for any money that is not transferred.
I have put some new steps/barriers in place to try and help with this going forward.
- If wages arrive early – bring forward the forwarded date for funds to my Girlfriend
- Set up an auto email forwarding to my girlfriend when I receive a payslip email – that way she will know that within the next 24 hours, I should be receiving my wages and in turn she should receive a trasnfer
- For any funds not being sent, set up an account which my girlfriend has full visibility of to help with accountability
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Some plans for the coming week include attending the topic group tonight with the subject of handling emotions, and attending a UCLA Gambling Studies Program Workshop on Mindfulness Strategies for Problem Gamblers on Thursday, more details including joining instructions for Thursday’s event can be seen here https://www.uclagamblingprogram.org/education/workshop.php if anyone else is interested.
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I attended the topic group on Monday which was about emotions, we talked about which emotions we struggle with, what we do to avoid processing emotions, and what happens to the body physically when we are suppressing emotions.
The last part was the most eye-opening for me, I had often thought about the damage that is done financially through these emotions (that lead or motivate gambling), along with the damage to relationships etc, but I never really thought about what it can do to your body.
I also took a look at the GamCare website/forum and found the self-help resources section which looks very interesting and potentially helpful (https://www.gamcare.org.uk/self-help/self-help-resources/), I plan to explore that more in the coming week.
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Another week over.
I explored and made use of some new resources in the past week, I attended the topic group on Monday which was useful as always. I also planned to attend a Workshop on Mindfulness Strategies for Problem Gamblers, I was unable to attend due to scheduling but I did find a recording and I have watched the first 20 minutes. I will share the link in case anyone else wants to check it out, and once I have finished watching, I will share anything that resonates with me. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DYYrZ6G7oW0
I also checked out the GamCare website/forum, I still need to explore it more but there are some nice resources on there. One of the things that looked very useful is a free course including being assigned a GamCare practitioner to help guide you through the course. Unfortunately though it looks like this course is only available to those in the UK.
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Another week starting here, and planning out my time. Last week I attended the topic group on Monday, and also attended a group/workshop held outside of here that someone shared with me.
I had planned to finish the UCLA Workshop on Mindfulness Strategies for Problem Gamblers, but I did not fit it in, that is on the to do list for the coming week along with a Topic group tonight on Dealing with Guilt and Shame, and then I will attend one more TBD group durign the week.
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This week has gone ok so far. I attended the topic group on Monday which was on Motivation and had a great discussion there. The key takeaways for me were something that was brought up the last time we had this topic discussion but need reminding of is that our motivations can and probably should change over time. When we first start trying to live gamble-free, the main motivator for most people is getting out of the terrible situation that they are in because of gambling. Over time, however, as the situation improved if you stay gamble-free, this motivator is not as strong as it once was, and if you don’t find new motivations, this could impact recovery.
I also continued watching the video on mindfulness strategies, this is not an area I would generally spend time looking at but I am finding it very interesting. I hope to finally finish that video by Monday.
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Days Since Last Betting: 1
Yesterday was a bad day for me with a huge slip in the space of 24 hours, I lost all of my wages and managed to borrow some money to lose more.
I am feeling very disappointed in myself, but I have been trying to put in as much work as I can to try and start moving back in a positive direction. My in progress and plans for positive steps so far include
- Created a finiancial inventory + a six month payments plan that will get me back debt free and with some savings
- Increased Journal posts
- Start tracking days since having last gambled, this is not something I have done in the past specifically but others have recommended it as an added motivation to stay gambel free as you don’t want to see the number reset to 0
- Closed betting accounts
- Attend More meeting
- Start looking more at the 12 steps program and incorporating
- Added barriers to prevent the access to funds on pay day</ii>
- Create a timetable for each day to try and add more structure and limit having time where there is nothing to do
I also attended the topic group on here last night which was a big help. The group was kind and allowed me some time at the start to explain my recent slip and provide advice before the topic began which was very helpful, and then the topic itself was also constructive.
The topic was on Positive Self Talk. Some of the key takeaways for me were
- Try and rephrase things we say about ourselves in a more positive and constructive light. For example, rather than saying ” “I am such an idiot for betting, I have made such stupid mistakes: instead say “I acknowledge that I have made mistakes in the past but I am working hard to make sure I don’t make the same mistakes again, and to amend where possible for any pain those mistakes caused others”
- When speaking with partners or friends about mistakes made, try and use a similar approach along the lines of “yes you are right, I did XYZ but I can’t change that, now I am doing ABC, is there anything else you think we can be doing”
- Accepting positives and praise from others is important
- Try and replace guilt/shame/embarrassment with pride in having to face a tough decision
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Days Since Last Betting: 2
Yesterday went ok. Still feeling pretty down from my most recent slip-up but happy with my progress (albeit short) since then. I stuck to my timetable and put in time for GT tasks including exploring the SMART recovery program (Self Help Addiction Recovery) which looks very interesting. There is an introductory meeting later today which I plan to attend to see if it might be a good fit to complement the forums and meetings I am already participating in.
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Hi G Rec,
Thanks for sharing this thread…I read this page and found a bunch of things that you wrote, very helpful…especially finding things to fill my time that I used to gamble, boredom is my biggest hurdle…
I will read your entire thread in the next few days!!!
I am on day 4
Sincerely, Wally
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Hi Wally,
Thanks for the kind words and I am glad to hear that you have found the thread useful. As you will see in my latest post, I did, unfortunately, slip a few days ago and am now only 2 days gamble-free. You mentioned you are on Day 4 so hopefully, we can both continue on our gamble free journey from here and see that number rise and rise.
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G Rec,
You can do this – I have read so much of your entries – you have the mindset, and you have your methods down pat for what you need to do.
I have lapsed a couple of times since last year (am at day 20 right now), and I know one thing is for certain: You can only control one day at a time. Make a promise to be better than you were yesterday.
Let this lapse be a minor one, learn from it, and lets move on. Together!
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Hi astrofly,
Thanks for the encouraging words.
“You can only control one day at a time. Make a promise to be better than you were yesterday.” – This is really strong advice and something that is a big part of my approach at the moment, at the end of each day that is gamble-free, I say that’s one more day in the right direction, let’s do the same again tomorrow.
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Days Since Last Betting: 3
Happy with another day gamble-free yesterday. I attended a SMART introductory meeting which I found useful, it is not something that would be a replacement for Journaling, and meetings etc, but there are some useful tools that could potentially complement support from elsewhere.
Today I will attend a group here, either the New Members Practical Advice or the drop-in.
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Thanks sunny
Days Since Last Betting: 6
A short update today for a daily check-in which I want to keep up with during the early stages of my latest staying gamble-free effort.
I attended a SMART meeting today and found it very useful, we went through a nice exercise of a Cost-Benefit analysis, I will share more of my thoughts and learnings tomorrow.
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Days Since Last Betting: 7
Yesterday I completed what I found was a very useful task/tool, a Cost-Benefit analysis of Gambling where you list the benefits of gambling broken down into Short Term and Long Term, and then do the same for Not Gambling. The idea is to help identify some reasons why I bet, to reinforce the negative consequences of doing so and how they compare to the positives, and to have a quick reference to go to whenever urges do occur as a reminder to how the benefits will not outweigh the downsides.
For the benefits, I listed the following
- Relive Stress – Short Term
- Potential Money – Gain Short Term
- Escape from problems – Short Term
- Avoid Boredom – Short Term
- Fun / Euphoria – Short Term
- Remove the urge to gamble
For the Disadvantages(costs) – I listed the followign
- Potential Money Loss – Short Term
- Worse financial situaiton – Long Term
- Lose sleep – Long Term
- Added Stress – Long Term
- Casue difficulty with relationships – Long Term
The glaring thing that stands out with the resulting lists is that all of the benefits tend to be short and usually very short term whereas the disadvantages tend to have a much more long term impact. Another thing that stood out to me is that the benefits and downsides are closely related with most short-term benefits later turning into more significant long-term disadvantages.
I hope to complete some similar exercises over the coming days and weeks, and this evening I plan to attend the topic group here.
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Thanks for the added comments wally, kin, and Charles.
Days Since Last Betting: 8
Attended the topic group last night and had a good and useful discussion. The topic being Preventing Relapse, looking at items including when are we most likely to relapse, getting access to money is a big one for me including payday along with stress and being overwhelmed. Next we looked at what we can do to prevent/limit the chances of this. There were a number of steps identified including raising barriers to gambling as much as possible, reducing access to money, and/or increasing accountability for any spend, and having go-to activities for when urges do come such as walking, running, a TV show to watch, writing in the forum, jumping on a meeting call.
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Days Since Last Betting: 10
Good morning Sunny,
I am doing good today, happy to be at the 10-day mark. Yesterday I attended the 2nd intro meeting for SMART and again I found it very useful. The program initially can seem overwhelming with so many tools and resources, and an undefined direct path, but after 2 intro meetings and a regular meeting, I feel I have a much better vision of what is available and what might be useful.
Yesterday’s meeting was an introduction to some of the tools/exercises that can be used to help create and maintain motivation. One of them was the Cost/Benefit analysis that I participated and completed on Sunday, and the others included a Hierarchy of Values (documenting what is most important to you).
We did not have time to deep dive into any of the tools, that will have to be done outside of the meeting or alternatively in general meetings. I plan to explore them more over the coming week, and also attend another general meeting on Sunday.
I definitely found the meeting again very helpful, I could see clear overlap with some of the topics that we have discussed with Charles and others when motivation was the topic on here on a Monday night, and I think going through some of the exercises can help reinforce and potentially expand on what was discussed in those meetings
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Days Since Last Betting: 11
Happy to be approaching the weekend and staying gamble-free. I have a nice weekend and plan to try to limit work to only a few hours, and take some time for exercise, catching up on chess learning and practice, spending time with my girlfriend, and also attend a meeting on Sunday.
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Days Since Last Betting: 12
I attended a meeting last night and again found it very useful. During the meeting, we ran through a tool called Playing the Tape.
The way the tape was described is that it has 2 sides – A and B – Side A is a full record of what has happened any previous times that you gambled (and what will happen if you gamble again). while side B is what life looks like now that you are to stay gambe free (if gamble-free a while) and/or what life can look like if you stay gamble-free.
There are a number of ideas behind this exercise
- Icrease motivation
- A go to task for when you feel an urge to try and help control that urge
- Help prevent/ limit Euphoric Recall – When we look back at and activity, we tend to remember the good stuff, and not the bad stuff
The final point really resonated with me, whenever I feel an urge to gamble, my mind often thinks back to any good feelings or times that I had while gambling including any previous winnings, completely ignoring or blurring out all of the bad things that also came from it (finance trouble, hurting relationships) as well as the fact that even when winning bets occurred, any winnings and more were later lost back.
This wasn’t covered in the meeting, but thinking about it further afterward, I think there is also an extension to this Euphoric Recall where our mind tries to effectively record over some of the tapes by saying “what if we bet, but limit it to only one bet, that was the damage is limited to a small loss if we lose, but we have the upsides and no downsides when we win” Again the counter to this blurred way of thimking is both playing a tape the whole way throug,h and then looking at how many tapes we have from previous experiences where this started out as our intention but is not how things ended up.
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Days Since Last Betting: 14
Yesterday, I attended the topic group on here. The topic this week was testing ourselves. We looked at ways in which we can test ourselves, and what are the pros and cons of doing so are. We basically categorised testing ourselves as anything we do that puts our recovery to the test. Examples would be placing “pretend bets” i.e. picking out bets you would have bet on. Looking up odds, using Free Bets, going to a venue where you know you will have access to betting, etc.
We discussed various downsides to doing these activities, all of which led to the same end result, they put added stress/pressure on staying gamble-free and increased the chances of relapsing and placing a bet. We then flipped it and tried to look at the positives, and these were minimal, or non-existent leading us to the conclusion that as a general rule, we have a better chance at staying Gambling Free if we limit testing ourselves as much as possible.
Later today, I will be attending a 3rd SMART intro meeting.
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Days Since Last Betting: 15
I attended a 3rd intro group for SMART yesterday. This meeting was focused on identifying and managing urges, and Trigger. As with previous intro meetings, we quickly looked at some of the tools that are available for this looking at each tool at a high level. On Sunday, I plan to attend my 3rd general meeting and look forward to working through another one of the tools in more detial.
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Days Since Last Betting: 16
Another weekend is upon us. I am looking forward to some free time from work and hope to limit working at the weekend to just a few hours. Outside of that, I plan to do some exercise, have some relaxation time with Netflix, play some Chess, do some house work and then on Sunday attend a meeting.
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Thanks wally
Days Since Last Betting: 19
Last night I attended a general meeting with various discussions and suggestions for tools that can be used to help recovery. The one that resonated the most with me was a simple tool called the Hula Hoop which has many similarities with the serenity prayer/affirmation ” “I seek the serenity to accept what I cannot change; the courage to change what I can, and the wisdom to know the difference”. (I used a modified version that is not religious focused as I am not religious)
The idea behind the hula hoop is to identify items that are within your Hula Hoop that you have the power to control/change, and those that fall outside your Hula Hoop that you cannot control/change.
Things that fall within your Hula Hoop are – Your thoughts, your actions, your opinions, your values, your dreams, your wishes. while those falling outside of the Hula Hoop is everything else “other peple’ thoughts, other peoples reactions, external events, the weather etc etc etc.
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Days Since Last Betting: 20
Yesterday, I attended the topic group on here. The topic this week was Can a compulsive gambler ever become a controlled gambler. We had a great discussion and not surprisingly the general consensus coming out from the meeting was that they can’t. This conclusion was mostly from the fact that none of us knew of anyone who had successfully done so in the past , but knew of plenty who had tried but not been successful, ourselves included.
Another element that came out from the meeting was that even though we have concluded that you can not become a controlled gamble when you are a compulsive gambler, that does not stop the addiction trying to use this excuse to get you back gambling, with dangerous thoughts such as “What if I just have the one bet? or “what if I set myself a specific budget for gambling”
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Days Since Last Betting: 26
I attended a meeting last night with some useful tools discussed. The first was to do with managing urges, and what to do when they occur. As is often the case, there was overlap with similar discussions in the topic groups on here. An acronym was used to describe some of the options available to try and limit the urge.
This week is also pay week, and I instantly transferred/paid everything according to my budget while making any remaining funds accountable by putting them into a shared account with full visibility.
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Days Since Last Betting: 28
I attended the topic group on here on Monday and had a constructive discussion. The topic was on limiting the likelihood of betting through ATM
- Access – Limit access/ability to bet through means such as permanently closing accounts, using blocking software, getting self-excluded from live bettng venus etc
- Time – Manage the time that you have to keep idle time when you might be tempted to bet to a minimum. This can be helped through things like planning days off from work, making sure you are accountable for your time, and finding replacement activities for the time that used to be spent gambling.
- Money – Reduce direct access to money where possible, and where you do have access to money, ensure that it is accountable i.e. if you use it for gambling, someone else would automatically be aware
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Days Since Last Betting: 30
Another weekend has rolled around. Looking forward to it. Planning to do some exercise, play some Chess, catch up on sleep and housework, and enjoy some relaxation time. On Sunday night, I plan to conclude the weekend with a meeting.
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Days Since Last Betting: 36
My routine this week has been a bit off from usual with multiple days off between holidays and leave. I have kept myself busy in the off days however planning some tasks ahead of time.
On Sunday, I attended a SMART meeting. The main tool focused on was HALT the BADS. This basically involves being more aware of your feelings, and when you get an urge, trying to identify if you are feeling any of these. Once you have identified the emotions(s), you can then look at alternative ways to address these rather than turning to gambling.
- Hunger
- Anger
- Lonely
- Tired
- Boredom
- Anxiety
- Depression
- Stress
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Days Since Last Betting: 38
Thanks for the added synonym and information kin – Restless, Irritable and discontent are good emotions/feelings to also look out for, emotional sobriety is not something I had heard referred to before but is very interesting, and makes sense that it would be a big part of recovery.
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Days Since Last Betting: 43
The week has been going fairly well so far. Happy with general exercise, work-life balance, and staying gamble-free and now looking forward to the weekend. I haven’t been attending as many meetings/discussions as recent weeks but planning to attend at least one meeting over the weekend and then back on for a topic group here on Monday.
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I also think chess has some relation to gambling but I might be tripping lol. I started chess few months ago after watching queen’s gambit and I have played over 1800 games since then. I used to play chess when I was little but now I am actually learning different openings and defenses. This is a good brain activity but when you lose the game, you become obsessed with what you did wrong and you want to keep on winning same like slot machines. you win once in slot machine, you think you are invincible and you will beat the slot machine every time but it doesn’t happen. Same theory in chess, you will beat one person but the next person will play better than you and you lose a game, then you want to play another one and once you are on the winning streak, you feel like a champion and you stop playing for a while lol. I only play chess during my leisure time or break time with set amount of time given to each player like a blitz game or a 5 minutes game. Games keep adding up. We should organize some event and play chess tournament one day, only few of us from this forum. I feel like chess might be the solution. We need an addiction and chess is probably not a harmful addiction ( debatable) but be mindful when you play too much, you will see dreams of chess pieces moving around and you will be pre selecting your moves on the wall, during the sleep, on the door or any flat thing you can find lol. Interest in online chess peaked by 500% after that queen’s gambit show was released. Chess releases the tension to some degree.
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I am in, I will create a new account in chess.com under this email [email protected] you can add me.
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Days Since Last Betting: 50
I attended a SMART introduction meeting yesterday. This was the 3rd part of their intro series focusing on an intro to Problem Solving Tools and Strategies. There were many tools and strategies mentioned in the meeting, and it was a lot to take in but I still found it useful.
One thing that stood out to me was word exchanging – i.e trying to use more productive language when making statements. For example, talk about feeling remorseful over something rather than feeling guilty, remorse suggests that you acknowledge what you did was wrong, you regret it, and want to make changes to limit the chances of it happening again. Use concerned over-anxious. ANother example is rather than saying should say choose to.
On Sunday, I plan to attend a discussion meeting which generally focuses on one or two tools/techniques.
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Days Since Last Betting: 63
I attended the topic group on here on Monday and found it very useful as usual. The topic was One Day at a time or plan for the future.
We had a very constructive discussion on the topic and the merits of each approach, and the general take away for me was that in the early stages of recovery, taking it one day at a time is generally the best approach, as if you look too far in the future with statements such as I will not bet ever again, it can seem too daunting. At the same time, taking it one day at a time does not remove planning for certain future events which are very important to plan for. For example, we should plan for barriers that can be put in place to make it more difficult to gamble, and what do we plan to do when we next get paid.
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Days Since Last Betting: 67
Hi Dark Energy.
Thanks for the kind words, yes I have found the SMART meetings/tools extremely useful.
One thing to note is that there is a huge amount of material and tools available through SMART which can seem daunting and overwhelming at first, I know it did so for me. My suggestion though is to stick with it, don’t try to do and absorb everything at once, just take it one meeting and tool at a time, and the benefits will come. They also have Introduction meetings which can be helpfully , the ones I have attended are on a Wednesday.
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Days Since Last Betting: 69
I attended the topic group on here last might. The topic was potholes on the way to recovery, and we had another very useful discussion with a number of members jumping in to discuss which was great to see.
We started out looking at some examples of potholes that we might experience and realised that there is a huge variety of potential pothole with some being more obvious than others, and some that are more hidden. Some of the examples we touched on included
- Any unexpected negative events such as losing your job, bereavement, unexpected expenses, a fight/disagreement with someone etc
- Unexpected positive events. Even though these events are considered positive overall, some can still be a pothole for recovery if not managed correctly. Examples include getting unexpected access to funds such as a tax refund or a gift.
- A positive change in our financial situation providing more disposable funds. For example, if we set a certain amount of our wages for paying Debts back each month, once the debts are cleared, we now will have excess funds each month from before. Another dangerous potential pothole if not managed and planned for
- Overconfidence – The longer you go GF, the more confidence you can get that you can stay GF, this can lead to attending less meetings etc which in turn can increase the changes of returning to gambling.
So with some potential potholes identified, the next question was what can we do to limit the chances of them occuring, and came up with some strategies
- For events that you know (or expect) are going to happen, put a plan in place. For example, when we have 1 or more debts paid off, what is our plan for the funds that we were previously using to pay off this debt(s)
- For any unexpected access to funds, have a plan in place for how you can make these funds accountable funds as fast as possible.
- For unexpected negative events, have a plan in place for things that can be done to help get through them such as attending more meetings, speaking with a trusted friend etc.
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Days Since Last Betting: 82
Another week started. Things have been going well recently in both life and with not gambling. I haven’t been as active on here though or attended as many meetings as I would like, and so I plan to attend the topic group tonight on here, and at least 1 SMART meeting, and respond to a number of posts I think I can contribute to during the coming week.
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hi G Rec,
I am really happy for you, congratulations on the 82 days,
and thank you so much for mentioning SMART recovery in your posts I was reading their book and watching a lot of SMART youtube videos it is very helpful.
the relapse probability will be high from day#1 and reduce to around 30% at day 90. then after the 3rd month, the carve will go down slowly.
you have done almost 3 months so keep your barriers, and keep cautious. and I will congratulate you a 9 month from now for your 1st year. -
Days Since Last Betting: 85
Thanks for the encouraging words Dark Energy.
I attended a SMART group yesterday, the overarching topic being Living a balanced Life.
A number of tools and techniques were discussed to help with this, the stand out to me was the Lifestyle Balance Wheel, this is where you list all of the items that are important to you in your life (Family, Friends, Health, Finances etc) and then create goals, and action plans for how you can improve (or maintain) the most important items.
As well as identifying areas that are important that you can dedicate time to, it also helps reinforce that Gambling is not something that is in any way important.
There is one potential pothole with this in that finances or at least financial stability is an important item for most people, me included, which could lead to thinking such as, “If I gamble and win, I will improve this element of my life”. To help combat thoughts like this, another tool can be used called playing the tape forward where you look at the full story of what happened on all the previous instances where you bet, and ask the question “Were there any instances where long term finances improved as a result of gambling”, and for me, the answer is a clear no making it easier to disregard the thoughts of improving my long term financial situation through gambling.
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Days Since Last Betting: 92
Paydays have previously been a very dangerous time with many paydays passing where they were gambled away within a few days. I am glad to report that was not the case with my most recent pay day. With a combination of the barriers in place, finances being in a better position, and being longer since I last placed a bet, the day arrived, all finances were quickly made accountable, and there was no temptation to gamble.
Of course this doesn’t mean paydays won’t continue to be a potential pothole in the future, but glad to get through this one in a good way.
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I totally relate to your payday story, it is a huge trigger but the barriers really help, my payday for this month is on the next Monday, the last payday was after 10 days of recovery and I was close to relapse but the barriers saved me, I will see what the situation will be on this payday after “it will be 41 days of recovery” but anyhow the barriers are there to protect me but I am wondering if it will trigger any urges this time.
anyhow, I am happy for you, congrats on the 92 days, -
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Days Since Last Betting: 110
Attended a SMART meeting last week and found it useful. The main topic discussed was managing urges with a tool called the ABC’s mostly focused on. The idea behind this tool is to 1) Identify potentially activating events for urges e.g. Getting paid, boredom, an argument etc , Next jump to C and look at the consequences of the event, how do you feel, (anger, self-pity etc), and then finally look at B the beliefs – what do you believe about the activating event, and are theses beliefs 1) real and 2) helpful.
For a gambling perspective, an example would be
Activating Event: Getting paid
Consequences: Initial thinking along the lines of, I could just place one bet with the funds, win and then have some extra cash for the month
Beliefs: I have gambled many times before when I got paid, so it is inevitable I will gamble this time. My urges will not go away unless I place a bet, and so I may as well go ahead and do thatWhen looking at these beliefs, the first one has some positives in identifying that payday is a potential trigger, and we have fallen at this hurdle before, saying however that it is inevitable it will happen this time is not, we have successfully navigated previous paydays without betting before + there are steps that we can take to limit the chances of falling at this hurdle.
The 2nd belief is not true and is not helpful at all. We have had strong urges in the past that have gone away without gambling, and there is no reason the same would not be the case here if we resist the urge.
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Days Since Last Betting: 114
This was another pay day week, and I am happy to report that it went well with the possibility of gambling with any of the funds removed and/or made accountable. I feel better with each payday that passes, and no gambling takes place, while recognizing that it still could be a potential hurdle in the future even with blocks in place.
The weekend is here again and I am looking forward to it, I also plan to attend a SMART meeting later today.
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Days Since Last Betting: 118
I attended the topic group on here last night and as usual, found it very useful. We had a useful and educational discussion on Motivation looking from 3 main questionds
- What is your motivation for change
- How do you know you are motivated
- How can you maintain your motivation
For motivation for change, there was a common theme among those in the group, when we first started to seek help, and decided we wanted to stop gambling, the motivation was to stop bad things that were happening in our lives, whether that was financial issues, relationship issues etc. Over time however, as things started to improve however, the motivation shifted to more positives items like staying debt free, saving, keeping up our improved relationships etc.
For knowing that we are motivated, it mostly came down to the actions that we take. If we are putting blockers in place, attending meetings, writing in the forum etc, our motivation will generally be high, if however we start to use the forum less, attending meetings less etc, that can be a sign that our motivation is starting to reduce from where it was.
For maintaining motivation, this links back into the first two parts. First we need to identify good items that will help motivate us, but over time we need to revisit and update these motivations as they are likely to change as we go through the recovery journey, and secondly, we need to be conscious of how motivated we are, and if we notice this motivation reducing, again revisit what we are using for motivation to see if those need updating.
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Days Since Last Betting: 132
Another week over, Overall, happy with how the week went, no gambling or urges, days since last betting are rising, and items like money accountability, main blockers etx all remain in a good place.
That said, I have gone a bit of routine with less frequency of items like exercise, attending topic or SMART groups, and visiting the forum. The plan for the rest of this week is go get back to making those more regular and frequent.
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Thanks for the kind words kin
Days Since Last Betting: 139
Back here for another weekly update. Like last week, happy with how the week went overall in terms of no gambling, and no urges with all blockers and accountability remaining in place. I have remained a bit complacent on some items however including direct GT-related tasks like visiting the forums, journaling, attending meetings, and non-direct GT tasks like exercise, and diet.
For the next week, I have set out some more quantifiable goals to get a bit mroe back into a routine
- Daily exercise each weekday morning before work
- Daily weekday visits/catch up to the forums
- Minimum 1 meeting
- Minimum 2 journal entries
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Days Since Last Betting: 145
The week went fairly well this week, hitting most of my targets for the week with Daily Exercises each morning, daily visits to the forum, and this my 2nd Journal Entry. The one item missing is meetings which are obviously very important, but I plan to attend the topic group on here tomorrow, and then at least 1 SMART meeting during the week.
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Days Since Last Betting: 147
I attended the topic group on here last night, the topic being assertiveness, what we mean by it, how assertive are we, and how can we increase our own assertiveness. It was a great discussion, the main takeaways for me were that assertiveness on the actions that we are going to take to try stay gamble-free can go a long way.That said, we need to be careful however that any assertiveness we have does not turn into overconfidence in turn leading to complacency and increasing the chances of relapse.
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Days Since Last Betting: 153
Another week through and happy with how it went. I am very much enjoying watching the Olympics at the moment, and pleased to say I am just enjoying it for the sports, and have not had any real inclinations to place bets on it, actually the opposite, I feel like if I did place a bet on the Olympics, it would actually take away from the enjoyment rather than add to it as it would make me anxious.
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Days Since Last Betting: 168
Thanks, davidbetting1
I had a nice getaway this past week. It went very well, and happy to report no gambling or urges. I did fall a bit out of routine with exercise, forum visits, meetings etc however so looking forward to getting back into more of a routine again this week.
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Days Since Last Betting: 171
At the end of the weekdays and like mentioned in this week’s earlier post, happy to be back into a bit of a routine, visiting the forum daily, keeping up with Journal entries, regular exercise, and a decent diet. I have also been back enjoying playing Chess. Lookingn forward to the weekend.
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Days Since Last Betting: 183
It has been a little longer than normal since I journaled at 12 days, but glad to report all is going well. My schedule has been off from the norm the last few weeks with some trips and other events taking place. In the past being off routine has been a danger time for potential relapses, but that was not the case this time with no real uregs although I remained vigilant.
All that said, I will be looking to get back to routine again with more frequent journal entries, forum visits, meeting/group attendance, diet, and exercise.
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Days Since Last Betting: 188
I am happy with how things have been going recently. Urges have been limited or close to non existent, I have gotten back to more of a routine with regular visits to the forum, exercise, decent diet etc. All that said, as always, need to stay vigilant, I especially need to be mindful of unexpected events good or bad that may be a trigger, which I have been fortunate to not have any of recently
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Days Since Last Betting: 196
The last few weeks have continued to go well overall. with no gambling or urges, a decent diet, reasonable exercise routine, and I have really been enjoying it. That said, I have also been fortunate to not have anything unexpected come my way to potentially knock everything off routine, so I need to keep that in mind, and get back to more forum visits, and attending groups/meetings to stay as prepared as possible for anything that might come up.
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Days Since Last Betting: 204
The days without betting are starting to add up, and without noticing I passed the 200-day mark which is nice to see. Happy with my progress, over the next week, I plan to get back to Daily weekday forum visits, at least 1 journal entry. Daily Week day morning exercise, and food tracking.
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Days Since Last Betting: 216
I have had a good week, and am generally very happy with many aspects of my life at the moment. After the longest period in many years without gambling, looking back, it is even more clear to me than it was at the time just how negatively it was impacting my life, and not just financially.
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Days Since Last Betting: 223
The week has gone well, and ready to start another one. Setting some goals for the next week to get back to items that I have been slacking on.
- Minimum 5 days with exercise
- Improved diet throughout the week
- Minimum 4 days visiting the forum and replying to posts
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Days Since Last Betting: 229
Thanks for the kind words and support Dark Energy.
Happy with how last week went. Looking at some of the tasks I had set for myself.
- Exercise: TargetL Minimum 5 days, Actual: 4 days
- Diet: Mostly improved but 2 days with worse eating
- Vising the Forum: Target 4 days: Actual: 3 days
So even though I didn’t hit any of my targets fully, I did come close to each, and so overall I am happy with that.
For next week, I will keep similar goals, but hope to hit them this week.
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Days Since Last Betting: 266
Many positives with continued no gambling, keeping funds accountable, instantly transferring money required, no real gambling urges, and overall happy with how things are going and looking forward to the holiday period in a few weeks time.
Some areas that have been lacking recently are consistent good night’s sleep. Limiting work hours, and exercise, areas I look to improve over the next week and heading into December.
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Days Since Last Betting: 321
Since my last post, I realised my gamble-free days count has been off for a while, and I actually have an extra 12 days, I am seeing this as a good sign that being further removed from my last gambling day, not needing to monitor the count so exactly.
This week I plan to get back to a bit more of a regular routine after the more off-beat schedule that is the holiday period with regular forum visits, exercise, and improved eating habits.
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Hi G
What a great thread to read on a Monday morning.
I was so pleased to see you pass the 365-day count as one of the dangers of counting can be a feeling of having achieved a goal, allowing the complacency-devil to wheedle its way in. A gamble-free ‘life’ is what it says on the tin, a whole future of freedom and control,
Well done – you are a joy to read
Velvet
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