[Ivy360]

I’m back again a year on. Yes my husband has gambled again even though he took out an IVA earlier this year to pay off a huge amount of debt he racked up. I had his cards but yet he still managed to gamble by withdrawing some cash for a night out he went to the pub and blew ￡100 in the bandit. He needed petrol the next day and I didn’t have any cash on me so stupidly I left him is card although he said he would be ok. How wrong was he and me for leaving his card. Yes while I was at work he blew what he had in his bank. I received a text at work telling me, although I already knew as I checked his bank. He has finally sought some counselling well he’s enquired and is awaiting an appointment. I have told him that I am really pleased that he has finally sought the help but to be honest its a little too late for our marriage. I asked him to leave last night. I think he was very shocked and just kept saying he will need time as he has no money and then what about for better for worse etc and asked for another chance now he has finally sought some outside help. I am feeling so lost an lonely. He has gone out this afternoon to watch the footy with his mate and just text me to ask if he can stay out for a few drinks. I just can’t believe he can even think about that as he has no cash. I am sure his mate will be lending him some. His mate who is out with knows all about his gambling . Part of me is glad he is out as I really want to kick his head in, the other part thinks how can he go out an enjoy himself after what he’s done.

I sometimes feel sorry for him as he is a good husband, great dad and step dad, it would be so much easier if he slept with someone or punched me as I would be stronger to kick him out straight away.

I am protected financially and we don’t have anything in joint names.

[velvet]

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Hello Ivy

Thanks for starting a thread in the Gambling Therapy friends and family forum. This forum will provide you with warmth and understanding from your peers.

Feel free to use the friends and family group, you?ll find the times for these if you click on the ?Group times? box on our Home page. Now that you have introduced yourself you?ll find that many of the people you meet here have already read your initial introduction and they?ll welcome you in like an old friend ??

If you?re the friend or family member of someone who is either in, or has been through, the GMA residential programme please take extra care to make sure that nothing you say in groups, or on our forums, inadvertently identifies that person. Even if your loved one isn?t connected with GMA, please don?t identify them either directly or indirectly just in case they decide to use the site themselves.

You?ll find a lot of advice on this site, some of which you?ll follow, some you won?t…but that?s ok because only you fully understand your
situation and what?s best for you and the people you love. So, take the support you need and leave the advice you don?t because it all comes from a caring, nurturing place ??

We look forward to hearing all about you!

Take care

The Gambling Therapy Team

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[velvet]

Hi ivy
I am glad you are protected financially as it is one less worry for you although I know the overall problem is far worse.
Your husband is certainly not making it any easier for himself asking you about football when you have told him to leave, it seems he is fairly deep in denial of what he is doing. He does sounds as though he needs good counselling if he is to change.
Is this the first time he has sought help and if so what sort of help is he seeking?
Of course I am sad that you feel that this is too late to save your marriage but I am more than aware that we all have limits – do you feel the same today?
Now that you are back on the forum I hope you will keep posting because this is obviously a very stressful time for you and I hope that by having people to talk to is will help you make the decision that is right for you.
Velvet

[Ivy360]

Thanks V for replying, I had very little sleep last night. He took his bank card out which I didn’t know and transferred money from our bill acc as he has access to it via online so did a transfer from his mobile phone whilst he was out. He went to the bookies on his way home from being with his friend. He has said that he will leave today.But i have no idea where he will go. Our son has his 1st rugby match of the season so I am sure he will come and watch as he has never missed a match yet.

He is not in denial now as he came home last night and just said he knows he has a big big problem and just cannot stop. I am hoping the counselling will help but ultimately he’s the one that has to take everything on board and help himself to stop. I have told him that counselling alone won’t stop him and it isn’t a miracle cure.

financially I am fine as the house is in my name etc and all the bills plus I work so I am self sufficient in that way.

[velvet]

Hi Ivy
It seems to me that while he has money he isn’t going to make any effort to stop gambling whilst blaming it on a seeming inability to do so which he justifies as being beyond him.

My concern is that as long as he has some access to money he will not hurt enough to really face his demons – a fairly typical ploy is just to gain a little more time for just one more gamble and the cycle continues. Have you sought legal advice on protecting your finances because creditors will seek redress from wherever they can?
You seem to be determined on your course of action and I am in no position to suggest you let him stay or tell him to leave. I delivered countless ultimatums without being aware that every time I caved in I was feeding a voracious addiction which revelled in my ignorance so I know that separating oneself from a CG is not an easy matter. It is very important to be very sure that this is what you really want.
You have said that your husband is a good dad and step dad, are your children aware of the situation and the reason behind it?
Is he aware of the Gordon Moody Association which is a fantastic rehab? I believe in informing CG loved ones, even when F&F have lost all hope, that there is good support available If they really want to change.
Keep posting and pushing your thoughts around
I wish you well
Velvet

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