[want2letgo]

Really need to get this off my chest since I don’t have anyone else to talk to about it right now. I got into a lot of debt 8 years ago gambling compulsively. I actually didn’t know I had a problem until that week when I won over 100k and managed to lose it all back and then some the same week. I was devastated but got counselling and managed to take control of my life again.
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nFast forward to this month, stress and anxiety running high this time around with 2 young kids, pandemic, and feeling trapped inside with the quarantine , I got sucked into online gambling again. This was no one’s fault but my own and I feel pretty crappy about how I fell off the wagon and pretty much repeated history. Losing some, winning a lot and then losing even more…frigging vicious cycle.
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nLast month I won $1000, then went back for more and lost $6000. A week later I chased my loses, won it all back plus $8000. Paid some bills and like an idiot went back because the gambling addiction was in full force. The whole time I’m thinking I’m a idiot. STOP WHILE YOU’RE AHEAD. I thought, I cashed out, I’m in control. Nope.
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nLast week I lost everything I won back in one night plus $3000 of my own. Felt horrible and depressed the next day. I felt even worse because I felt like I was a horrible mother, losing money I couldn’t afford and letting my family down. So I managed to stop for a week. Then 2 days ago I went to try to “break even” and got lucky to be up $20k. Tried to cash out and of course the stupid online casino giving me the run around to delay the withdrawal. It gave me great anxiety to think they would scam me out of my winnings. Anyway I had no strength to wait it out. Lost it all and now back to – $4000.
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nIt has been a horrible few days with so many up’s and down. And as I’m making these huge bets I’m also thinking, “I can’t handle this stress, what am I doing??? This is bad for my mental health. Please stop now” But I just couldn’t, partially because I thought the casino might screw me over and not pay me anyway. Im thinking my God I could do so much with 20k but as you know, when it comes to gambling addiction, it’s never enough.
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nAnyway, today I woke up and all I wanted to do was be a better person. A better mom and wife and not do crap like this. Because unlike 8 years ago, this doesn’t just affect me anymore, I have a family to take care of. So I’m trying to find some support here because Im not ready to tell my husband about the loss. I will tell him eventually as I did with the previous big loss but I just need some strength get past this relapse. I makes me so angry to see that I let my gambling get out of control again. Ugh. Just want to get past this guilt and loss and not having to deal with this horrible addiction anymore. I just want to move on to a better life without gambling, hopefully for good this time.
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[Rosey Posey]

We were all up, then down, then up, then down. It’s never about the money. It sounds like this is about the stress I your life. These are extraordinary times and you are not alone.
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nDon’t put off telling your husband. Tell him and get it out in the open. The stress of keeping it to yourself won’t help. Get his help and support with the stressors in your life. Any excuse you have for not doing this is the addiction talking. It doesn’t want anyone to stop you.
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nLook to what helped you quit before. Don’t give up. You can be gambling free again.
n

[dunc]

Hello and thanks for starting a thread in the Gambling Therapy forums

Here at Gambling Therapy we pride ourselves on being a caring and diverse online community who can help and support you with the difficulties you?re currently facing. We understand that this might be a tough time for you, particularly if you?re new to recovery, so come here as often as you need to and participate in the forums, access online groups and connect to the live advice helpline if you need one to one support. We?re in this together!

Here on the forum you can share your experiences in a safe, supportive and accepting environment. The beauty of writing it all down is that you can take your time and you will be creating a record of your progress that you can look back on if it ever feels like you?re not moving forward. So, share as much or as little as you like but do try to stick to keeping just one thread in this forum so people know where to find you if they want to be updated on your progress or share something with you.

As well as the forums New Members are invited to join Charles in the New Members Practical Advice Group On Mondays at 21:00 (UK) and Thursday at 19:00(UK)

And on that note….

I?m going to hand you over to our community because I?m sure they will have some words of wisdom for you ??

Take care

The Gambling Therapy Team

PS: Let me just remind you to take a look at our privacy policy and terms and conditions so you know how it all works!

[charles]

Hi want2letgo,
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nWell done on looking for help.
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nYou stopped before so you know you can stop again. The counselling before helped you stop, if necessary repeat that now. Counselling by it’s nature though does tend to be finite, it runs its course. That’s where using ongoing support is important – to maintain recovery. The groups and forums here can help with that, as could Gambles Anonymous or other organisations.
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nTelling your husband could actually help you stop – he could help with some of the barreirs – financial accountability, installing a blocker etc. Not telling him could also actually be a trigger to gambel – as you try and keep losses secret.
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nKeep posting, we are never “cured” so this time use that ongoing support.
n

[want2letgo]

Thanks for the advice. It definitely is helpful reading other stories here. Have self excluded myself from a bunch of sites and I think I will move all my money to our joint account and only keep what I neee for bills so there’s access to less funds.
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nWill try to take one day at a time.

[keilecpod8999]

Hello everyone, after analysing everything that I have read here, I can say that the most important thing is to stop being afraid to ask for help, not to give up and look for new ways to restore yourself as a person, as well as ways to get a good income.

[velvet]

Hi Want2letgo

Making yourself accountable by allowing your husband to have oversight of all the finances would be a good way forward. If he doesn’t know your problem has surfaced again then he will not know you need extra support.

Relapses and slips are not inevitable parts of a recovery but when they do occur it is important to work through them and learn from them, making you stronger for the future.
You have responsibilities now, good ones and therefore a terrific incentive to kickstart your gamble-free life again, not only for your future this time but theirs as well.

You say that you could do a lot with 20k but that it would not be enough. The casino owner does not have your dilemma – he knows what he would do with it and it would not include giving your family a scrap of happiness.

I wish you well, I know you can do it, or I wouldn’t be writing to you

Please keep posting, it would be great to follow your progress

Velvet

• This reply was modified 3 years, 9 months ago by velvet.

[tay538]

Giving you big hugs and spport! I believe everything’s gonna be alright! You’re a free woman, you’re not addicted anymore, just know it

[charles]

Hi Tay538, Welcome to the site. I hope you start your own thread and you can start getting support. First piece of support is that I would say we are never “not addicted any more” Sadly we proably all tested that one in the past and tried another bet – only to discover we were still addicted. I am and always will be a gambling adict, using support means I can choose to not act on that addiction. ?? I hepe to read your story on your own thread, check out the group schedule as well and maybe I will see you in there. We can all choose to not gamble.

Edited to remove typos!

• This reply was modified 3 years, 7 months ago by charles.

[tay538]

sorry for not knowing the rules, yet I believe that your way of saying you’re an addict still means that you won this addiction

[charles]

Hi Tay, No rules broken ?? I am using support so that I don’t act on my addiction yes. Again, welcome to the site and I do hope to read your story or see you in a group.

[tay538]

okay, thanks a lot for a welcoming, I don’t think that I’m kinda ready to share my story, I’m just seeking support in reading the other discussions and topics here ??
Briefly speaking, a few years ago I considered myself to be an addict. Moreover, I wasn’t able to stop, I didn’t know how to bet and win. I was just betting, and betting, and betting, and, unfortunately, losing every time.
Then I started using xxxxxx and analyzing how the whole mechanism of sports betting works.
It would have been more reasonable and rational to analyze sports betting odds before taking up this “hobby”. Consequently, it had cost me a lot of sleepless nights, much money lost and my nervous system, which is almost ruined, I’d say…
However, now I’m totally fine, yet I’ve kept some facts from my story behind closed doors.

• This reply was modified 3 years, 7 months ago by tay538.
• This reply was modified 3 years, 7 months ago by charles.

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