[Jon81]

Hi,

I have found myself here what I consider far too late for me. I feel i have lost my life to gambling, I am currently in so much debt I can’t see a way out and just seem to have woken up to the fact I am going to lose my family and friends because of my habit.

I really don’t know why I didn’t feel this way earlier, i have a one year old baby I should be looking after yet I will never be able to provide for due to paying for my mistakes.

I just could not stop gambling on my credit cards, and now in 25k of debt. I have now closed every account and have not bet on anything since end of Jan when I realised i will have to own up to my problems to my wife. I am so scared and feel such a coward.

I now login in to this site every day to remind me that I cannot bet my way out of this. I have managed nearly a month but again far too late.

[Fritz]

I know how you feel. I have a wife and two kids and believe me I thought I had lost them. Such despair and hopelessness. I stayed in bed many days. Home “sick” from work due to all night gambling and drinking binges. Lying to them to the point they hated me. I couldn’t understand who I was anymore and neither could they. Shame and self loathing, etc…..

There is no magic bullet to suddenly make everything fine again. It takes a lot of time and work to rebuild their trust. Words don’t mean much, it’s actions that do. The money is secondary. It’s the trust that must be rebuilt. There is always time to turn things around but it takes unwavering commitment to admit defeat and to doing everything in your power to stay away from gambling. This includes giving up all control of money. Let someone else do that for you for atime. The first step is coming clean and admitting that you have a problem aND asking for help. It’s humiliating but it must be done. Keep moving forward in a positive direction aND remember you are a good person with a terrible addiction. Don’t give up!

[Dunc]

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Hello and thanks for starting a thread in the Gambling Therapy forums

Here at Gambling Therapy we pride ourselves on being a caring and diverse online community who can help and support you with the difficulties you?re currently facing. We understand that this might be a tough time for you, particularly if you?re new to recovery, so come here as often as you need to and participate in the forums, access online groups and connect to the live advice helpline if you need one to one support. We?re in this together!

Here on the forum you can share your experiences in a safe, supportive and accepting environment. The beauty of writing it all down is that you can take your time and you will be creating a record of your progress that you can look back on if it ever feels like you?re not moving forward. So, share as much or as little as you like but do try to stick to keeping just one thread in this forum so people know where to find you if they want to be updated on your progress or share something with you.

And on that note….

I?m going to hand you over to our community because I?m sure they will have some words of wisdom for you ??

Take care

The Gambling Therapy Team

PS: Let me just remind you to take a look at our
privacy policy and terms and conditions so you know how it all works!

[Jon81]

Thanks Guys, it gets worse though we have a very ill son and I practically gave up on life which made me gamble more. If I tell my wife I will never see them again. I already borrowed money from my dad to clear debts the first time which I’m still paying for. I couldn’t face the shame of telling him it was a waste of time.
Definately didn’t think I was so stupid to carry on but couldn’t control it. It’s only the fact that I have ran out of credit that has stopped me. my only thoughts were the only way I’m going to get out of it is by winning money back.

It’s now been 28 days since I last had a bet so at least haven’t lost any in that time.

[I_Maverick]

If you stay away from gambling one day at a time, no more no less, then the bad feelings will pass. Trust me, I can attest to this. I lost my wife but not my self or my son. It is a year since I can to this site and coming up to 11 months since my last bet and every day i don not gamble something wonderful happens. sometimes amazing things, but at the very least to go to bed knowing I have not gambled is wonderful in and of itself, even if shit things happened. as long as i don’t gamble i can cope with anything life throws at me. that’s life.

please know from me it can only get better not gambling, it will never get worse. the moment you place that next bet shit will not be far around the corner.

stay with it, you’re worth it. and so is you son and your wife. they need you clear headed, not with a head full of self hate, remorse, guilt and desperation to gamble again.

[Jon81]

I feel so bad right now that I don’t even want to bet, just makes me more angry that it has took this long and hitting rock bottom to make me feel this way. Why could I not have stopped..

How did you tell your wife? I am trying to find the courage but as of now an really just trying to enjoy time with them. Im also now avoiding friends as have I no money to live on. I can’t imagine life being worse right now.

[Jon81]

I feel so bad right now that I don’t even want to bet, just makes me more angry that it has took this long and hitting rock bottom to make me feel this way. Why could I not have stopped..

How did you tell your wife? I am trying to find the courage but as of now an really just trying to enjoy time with them. Im also now avoiding friends as have I no money to live on. I can’t imagine life being worse right now.

[vera]

Sorry to hear you’re feeling like this, Jon.
That’s what gambling does.
Seeing the reality is a blessing in disguise. IT’S NOT ABOUT MONEY, BUT DEBT IS A KILLER. Put a zero after your debt. That’s what my “fun ” cost me. It’s all relative Jon. The good news is, you CAN stop. GA provides a lot of help. They will arrange for someone to be with you when you are breaking the news to your wife. When I told my husband back in 2008, he thought it was a sick joke. Even though he knew I was gambling and had baled me out several times, he still didn’t get it. Very few non gamblers do. If you don’t want to involve GA, maybe get a family member or friend to be with you. I really would advise you to tell her before she finds out. Secrecy is very stressful for you and the longer you keep it hidden, the more betrayed she will feel.
Put your family first. Money can be replaced. Get a Payment Plan in place and stick to monthly payments and start over, one day at a time. There really is no other way except the honest way, Jon. Believe me I tried every other route. The truth will set you free!

[Jon81]

Thanks for the advice Vera, not sure I’m ready for any of it but guess I never will be. I would and should have gone to ga a long time ago but for having to explain it. I was only bailed out by my dad a year and half ago and he told me to get help, I said I’ll be fine, I’ll be fine – how wrong I was.

[vera]

You will be fine, Jon.
But not if you continue gambling.
I kept borrowing money , like a mad woman.
Now, I’m reaping what I sowed.
Take a fool’s advice and walk away from gambling now.
Four new guys, all dads, came to the GA group I attend. In their late 20s. Early 30s. The older men didn’t spare them the reality of what gambling did to them because they didn’t get help in time.
Lots of help available, Jon. Just take it on board.
Use all the support you can find.

[charles]

Hi Jon, it is never too late for recovery.

When it comes to telling your wife there is never going to be an easy way. What does help though is not just to present the problem; you can also show what you are going to DO to address the problem. Get back to GA meetings, show her this site, we also have a Family Forum where she can get support as well, tie up your finances, talk to your dad and tell him what has happened and ask him not to bail out/lend you any more money. the sort of thing that will help you stop gambling are the same thigns that might help rebuild trust etc. No guarantees there of course but you are going to have a future, you are your son’s Dad howver your relationship with your wife works out, you are going to have future relationships – hopefully with your current partner but if not you aren’t going to become a monk. By stopping gamblign for YOU you will be beter placed whatever happens.

Vera has given you some good suggestions but

“……not sure I’m ready for any of it…..”

I guess the question you need to ask yourself is if you aren’t ready for it now then when? 50k debts? 100k? The advice we don’t want to hear is usually the advcie which will help us stop gambling.

I’m not sure which country you are in but there are plenty of financial options available these days and plenty of free advice agencies to help you get things to a manageable position. Stop gambling and there is always a way to sort things out.

Keep posting and let us know what positive steps you are taking.

[Jon81]

Hi guys, I think I meant not ready to own up to the position im in sorry I didn’t make that too clear. I’m at the point now where I actually can’t gamble as i have exhausted all available funds.
I always make sure I have enough to pay the rent etc which is why it is so easy not too think about the consequences if your just sticking money on the credit card but eventually it has all caught up.

I’m in the uk Charles, I did speak to a finance agency who suggested an iva, I would prefer to try to pay my way out myself if I can without doing further damage not sure if it’s possible but will let you know.

[Jon81]

Well it’s been another few days without gambling, still don’t have an urge to either which is good. Went to the doctors and and discussed my gambling and how bad I felt, declined the antidepressants offered. Later that day more bad news as I am now being made redundant – another reason for me to be angry at myself for being so stupid

[charles]

Hi Jon,

The finances will work out one way or another. get things to a manageable position, use that finanacial advice if you need it.

Whilst it’s the finances that bring us all here though it is the gambling that needs to be addressed. Take the opportunity now, while funds are exhausted and you can’t, to put things in place. You will have money again, you will have available credit again, that’s when it’s important to have things already in place.

keep posting.

[Jon81]

It’s very hard! I am finding that avoiding everything is the best way right now. Today at work I had two people telling me about certain bets I could have had.

[Jon81]

Finding it very hard this week not to restart betting with it being Cheltenham races.. Keep having the urge just to try and win some money back and maybe win this months card payment.

Must remember, this is why I’m in this mess!

[Author]

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