[vilkku_98]

Hi,

I registered about 50 days ago, but didn’t dare to leave a post here. I am a slow in typing and was afraid that I might not have time to reply. I was a compulsive gambler with about 9 years of gambling history. I relapsed probably a hundred times in the past. In the previous 99 times, I either promised to myself or to my family members that I won’t gamble anymore. I think that most of you know the answers here. This time, it is a quite different. I finally decided to do sth instead of thinking or telling. I watched all youtube videos related to this topic. I banned myself from all the online gambling sites that I used to play. I banned myself from all the financing companies. I started my 1st website trying to help others with same problem. I picked up exercises which I haven’t done for many many years, such as tennis and swimming. I told pastor, my brother, and my best friends about the hidden secret. I started my saving account. I even registered an online course about “addiction and the brain”. I learned a lot about gambling, its medical impact and even about probable root cause deep behind my gambling behavior.

Still after all these, I am feeling super strong impulse right now to gamble again after 53 days of clean history. It is about 2AM and I really can’t call anyone to talk about my problem at this very moment. I don’t want to wake up my wife to just talk about it. She would think that I am weak or sth. I think I am a smart guy, but I really don’t understand where does this urge come from. Maybe it is because my wife and daughter are sleeping and I can finally enjoy some quiet time. Maybe because I finally finished one of my work which I have been postponing for weeks and I subconsciously want to reward myself. Maybe it is because all that I have done in the past 53 have been really hard and I tried to pretend that I am happier without gambling. Maybe because I managed to borrowed a large sum of money from my brother to ease my loan situation. ……

I had a few psychology courses in the university. Still, I have no clue what just caused my impulse. I am really hoping that there could be a type of medicine which could erase my impulse with one pill. Anyway, I feel proud that I came here to read others’ journey to another sleepless night.

[vera]

Well done on starting a thread V!
Just because you feel like gambling doesn’t mean you WILL gamble.
Writing your thoughts helps.
Try to imagine what will happen after you place the first bet…..fast forward to the part where you will have lost that loan your brother just gave you…the sick feeling in the pit of your stomach..the feeling of failure and hopelessness. (Where will I turn to next?)…the look in your wife’s eyes…the disappointment for your daughter because daddy is upset and irritable…the work achievement you have reached that turned into a punishment , not reward…the desperation…the regret of throwing away 53 days
WILL THE THRILL BE WORTH THE HANGOVER, Vilkku????
Play that tape to the very end.
I’m been there so often.
My advice is to postpone that next bet
Tomorrow is another day and when it comes hand over ALL your money/cards to your wife. Otherwise you might as well kiss it goodbye!
Let us know how you get on.
You are not alone now….

[Dunc]

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Hello

Thanks for starting a thread in the Gambling Therapy friends and family forum. This forum will provide you with warmth and understanding from your peers.

Feel free to use the friends and family group, you?ll find the times for these if you click on the ?Group times? box on our Home page. Now that you have introduced yourself you?ll find that many of the people you meet here have already read your initial introduction and they?ll welcome you in like an old friend ??

If you?re the friend or family member of someone who is either in, or has been through, the GMA residential programme please take extra care to make sure that nothing you say in groups, or on our forums, inadvertently identifies that person. Even if your loved one isn?t connected with GMA, please don?t identify them either directly or indirectly just in case they decide to use the site themselves.

You?ll find a lot of advice on this site, some of which you?ll follow, some you won?t…but that?s ok because only you fully understand your
situation and what?s best for you and the people you love. So, take the support you need and leave the advice you don?t because it all comes from a caring, nurturing place ??

We look forward to hearing all about you!

Take care

The Gambling Therapy Team

PS: Let me just remind you to take a look at our

privacy policy and terms and conditions so you know how it all works!

[Anonymous]

Hi Vilku, I am really hoping you didn’t give in to that urge.
I think perhaps the one thing you didn’t do is hand over your finances to some one else?.eg your brother or wife..
I know the minute money hits my account I want to gamble.
Get rid of your access as Vera says and it won’t be there to haunt you at 2am. I so hope you are on day 55! 53 days is a huge achievement so yes you are smart and you have willpower!!!

[vilkku_98]

Hi Vera,Thanks for your message. It is my first post ever in my whole life. I was not a facebook or twitter person. It was really exciting when I got the 1st reply from you. Fast Forwarding really describes a lot. I knew deep in my heard that I would always end up losing regardless how lucky I could be with one spin. I never quit after big wins and always just raise my bet and lost all in the end. Sometimes when I passed the slot machine in the super market, those scenes flashed across my minds in fast forwarding mode. I kind of know the whole story if I was to put just one euro into the machine.

[vilkku_98]

Hi Harry, thanks for the reminder and support.

[vilkku_98]

Hi Fear68, Thanks for the advice. I did hear a lot that giving your income to someone close is a mandatory step for the recovery. Unfortunately, It didn’t work for me. I tried at least 2 times. Maybe this approach doesn’t fit me. What I did was just to apply some credits from financing company online which took less than a minute. I did close down almost all my accounts in Financing Companies so that I couldn’t borrow money too easily.

[Anonymous]

You are right Vilkku…one approach doesn’t suit everyone. I am on day 2!!! So really not in a position to advise anyone of anything except perhaps where I went wrong..
..great to see you back on here staying strong.

[vilkku_98]

Hi Fear68, check https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AdzLfbPIHrY . I hope it helps. Coming to this site is a solid proof that you will be recovered in the end. Hang on there. Relapse is just like learning how to ride bikes. some people fail more and some people fail less, but ultimately we will all get there. I don’t even remember that how many times that I relapsed in the past ??

[Anonymous]

Great video Vilkku… Thank you for sharing …day 3!!!

[Author]

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