[debbie86]

Hi everyone,

Today is the first day I actually acknowledged to myself that I have a problem.

I have been justifying my behaviour for so long and it feels like a necessary fog is lifting…and i’m not sure I want to see what has been hiding behind it but I know I have to.

My compulsive gambling has turned me into a person I despise. I lie to everyone I love. I borrow money from family regularly. Each month when i get paid everything is gone within the first five days. At first, I was spending everything but setting aside the ‘essential’ money for rent, bills and the bare minimum for food. I deposited ￡20 which i lost instantly on a first scorer football bet. I figured ‘he’s bound to score next’ then i staked another ￡20…then another…I broke even on the third then started whacking larger amounts on more football scorers as i’d someone convinced myself I was up when I wasn’t. Two hours later I was ￡400 down.

This has been a pattern of mine for about ten years now. I don’t earn a lot of money. I’m low income and I’ve currently racked up more debt than I can manage. I have had to apply for a debt relief order so now my debts have been reduced to personal ones…i owe loved ones approximately ￡2000 with ￡7000 frozen under the terms of the DRO and I am embarrassed and ashamed. I want to be a person who can treat my partner to a meal out or to buy my mum a bunch of flowers but instead i flutter away the little I have no lost causes.

I need to change and starting today with your help I will. If anyone has any advice then please share. I am determined to become a better person for myself and for everyone I have let down.

[velvet]

Hello Debbie and thanks for starting a thread in the Gambling Therapy forums

Here at Gambling Therapy we pride ourselves on being a caring and diverse online community who can help and support you with the difficulties you’re currently facing. We understand that this might be a tough time for you, particularly if you’re new to recovery, so come here as often as you need to and participate in the forums, access online groups and connect to the live advice helpline if you need one to one support. We’re in this together!

Here on the forum you can share your experiences in a safe, supportive and accepting environment. The beauty of writing it all down is that you can take your time and you will be creating a record of your progress that you can look back on if it ever feels like you’re not moving forward. So, share as much or as little as you like but do try to stick to keeping just one thread in this forum so people know where to find you if they want to be updated on your progress or share something with you.

As well as the forums New Members are invited to join Charles in the New Members Practical Advice Group On Mondays at 21:00 (UK) and Thursday at 19:00(UK)

And on that note….

I’m going to hand you over to our community because I’m sure they will have some words of wisdom for you ??

Take care

The Gambling Therapy Team

PS: Let me just remind you to take a look at our privacy policy and terms and conditions so you know how it all works!

[Jonas87]

Hello Debbie and welcome to the forums.

I am sorry to hear that you are struggling with this terrible addiction. As a fellow addict who has lost tens of thousands gambling, I can truly sympathize with your daily struggles mentally and financially.

I know this might sound like a cliche, but If you truly want to overcome the addiction, you really have to completely quit cold turkey and probably seek help If you can’t do it yourself. There really is no other way to recovery besides quitting completely. Most of us CG:s know and realize that, but the addiction is so strong and fighting the urge takes real mental discipline.

For myself at least it feels like the hardest part isn’t quitting gambling itself but to mentally accept the money I lost to it. I have tried to chase my losses, only to find myself losing every bit of money, even If I eventually happen to win 2k, 4k, or even 11k. Nothing is enough for the compulsive gambler.

My last bet was under 24h ago, so I might not be the best spokesperson on the subject of time eventually healing wounds, but I understand the theory behind it and believe the losses get less bitter as each day passes. Good example is Justyn Larcombe, who managed to lose almost a million at one point of his life only to recover fully from the addiction and is now completely debt free and living a good life.

You should also set yourself some positive goals outside of gambling (and money), like exercising and managing relationships. Those things cannot be bought with money.

I wish you the best of luck in road to recovery and hope that you write again soon!

[velvet]

Hi Debbie
Jonas has given you a terrific reply and I too hope you will keep posting because recovery is tough but not impossible. I wouldn’t be here writing to you if I didn’t know that the addiction to gamble can be controlled and you can have the ability to treat your partner to many meals and buy loads of bunches of flowers for your mum.
Compulsive gambling is an addiction that creeps up on you without you realising it until it is too late but the good news is that recovery is never too late and you have made a big step in the right direction by posting here.
Recognising that you cannot gamble responsibly is important to you, as is taking responsibility for your debt.
You can be the person you want to be but it will take courage and determination on your part – I am positive that you have the courage even if it will feel sometimes that it has deserted you.
Please use our groups, our Helpline and this forum for as long as you want to do so. Maybe you could look at going to a GA meeting; many people find that physically sharing with others is really helpful. Take all the support you can get and maybe tell you mum what you are doing. If she would like support for herself then she is very welcome in our F&F forum or in our F&F groups.
You can do it Debbie. I look forward to reading your progress.
Velvet

[debbie86]

I really appreciate the advice.

I feel like in order to achieve this I need to give up on sports all together which is a shame. Now there are too many negative associations there. I struggle to watch a game without thinking about betting on it. I’d love to be able to go back to antime when I watched sport simple for a love of it but wishing won’t make it so. I’ve been trying to keep my mind occupied. Taking myself to the gym and not having empty space in my days. Making sure my brain is always occupied. I think the forum will be an immense help with that.

Thank you for the advice and the warm welcome. Let day 2 commence…

[i-did-it]

Hi Debbie
Well done on seeking help .
I have never been addicted to sports betting but maybe you do need to give up on it for a while . Perhaps in time sport will not be so closely connected to gambling for you .

Do you gamble online- I have found having gambling blockers on my internet devices have saved me a fortune – I use betfilter but there are free ones (like netnanny) which would tide you over until you get money to buy a proper gambling specific blocker.
Gambling currently costs me around a tenner a month (I think) for the blocker . It’s saving me thousands .

I hope this helps Debbie – could I also recommend The group chats on Mondays and Thursdays. I find them really helpful.

Keep strong and keep posting – you can do this and you deserve this

[debbie86]

I found myself a bar for a friends birthday and the Champions league was on. I found myself making mental predictions all of which came true. In my experience this has happened any time I tried to lay off gambling. I don’t bet when I’m accurate. I keep reminding myself i would have eventually lost those winnings too so they wouldn’t have benefited me. I’ve self excluded from every bookie I joined online. Online is shay killed me really. I didn’t treat the money like it was real. If I’m honest I don’t know whether I’d have crumbled had I been able too though but here we are on day thre. I’m feeling determined and will check out the blocking software when I’m more financially afloat. This month will be a challenge.

[i-did-it]

Hi Debbie
Well done on not gambling .
Day three is really great – those first days are the hardest .
You could try free blocking apps to tide you over until you get money – netnanny is one- I used it in the past but it let some sites through its filters – still it is better than nothing.

Well done on reisiting temptation Debbie – and you are so right – once we become addicted we lose all winnings anyway .

[Author]

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