[Southside]

So, I share this in the hope that maybe someone somewhere, whoever you are, however old you are, that it may help, or you can relate to it.

So, my story, currently I’m 23, not long til I’m 24, boy do I feel it. Started gambling when I was 18. Like most of you when you started I’m sure, it was a great bit of fun. Anyway, I signed up for bet365 and bet ￡5. Just your normal sports accumulator, football in fact, always have loved football. I did this for a couple of weeks, just on the Saturday football. After about a month of doing it I had my first real win, from a ￡5 free bet! ￡200 I couldn’t believe it! Anyway this wasn’t my money in effect, I withdrew what I had out in originally (about 20 quid). And gambled the rest on a 5 fold accumulator the next weekend. I only went and did it! ￡1000 I won on that, I then bet the ￡1000 and made 2000! I had recently started a new job, as an apprentice for one of the biggest firms in the world, a cost control engineer. I moved away from home and rented, one evening I had a couple hundred in my account and I thought sod it, let’s just lump it on, it was still money that wasn’t essentially mine, I hadn’t deposited any, just slowly built up., the other money I had already safely withdrawn. ￡2000 win, cracking, what a feeling! The next month that entailed was nothing short of remarkable, winning bet after bet, I won 6 in a row, big bets too. I remember one evening I had ￡7000in my account. I bet ￡300 on 3 South American World Cup qualifiers, obviously at that time 300 quid was nothing. These were all early hours games so I fell asleep, I woke without about 10 minutes to ago, all were losing, I got annoyed and closed the laptop. I couldn’t get back to sleep and decided to check. Couldn’t believe my eyes, all three had turned it round and I had won ￡16,500. I bounced off every wall you could imagine. Following that a 4000 quid pure luck win on virtual football. I ended up that month with ￡28,000 in my account. The best time of my life and the beginning, of the worst time of my life. Bets got bigger, a lot bigger, I had told my mum and dad how much I had won. I agreed to withdraw 20,000 and then just 8000 to play with. 8000 went quickly. The rest soon followed. I don’t think I will ever describe the emptiness see the last couple of hundred pounds in your account after having ￡28,000. Then the last 50. I was in a bad place. Got in problems with my job, ended up resigning, moved back home and I felt so helpless. By now a year and a half had passed, in the middle of the recession I was a young lad with a gambling addiction who nobody would employ, couldn’t even get a job at asda. Life was so low. Anyway things picked up on the job side, I kicked gambling for 6 months. Got life back on track and then it hit me again. I couldn’t let it lie, I couldn’t let it lie that I had 28,000 quid and I had spunked it away. I started gambling again. I chased it, 90% of my pay went on gambling. It got to the point where I checked it all day everyday, I didn’t even like ping pong but would I bet on it? You’re damn right I did, hundreds after hundreds on shit I didn’t even know about. Out of control. It got to the point where I even told my mum to lock me out of my bank account, she changed my passwords, took my debit cards, everything. And after all this, I still wanted to gamble. I had to get it back. A year and half ago, I did the one thing I will never forgive myself for. My grandparents when they passed away, when I was young, left 500 in premium bonds, for me to mature when I was 21. Over the years it matured to ￡10,000. The idea was for me to save for a deposit etc. Well, when I was 23, it was there, I was staring at it, and I made the worst decision I could have possibly made. I ‘borrowed’ a thousand from what they had left me with every intention of paying it back when I won. After a series of bets, I had made ￡20,000. This should have been done and dusted. But still chasing that extra 8000, you know I tried for it. Lost it all, every last penny, every bit of that 10,000 they left me. My mum – devastated, she will never forgive me for that and I know it. I continued into another spiral for another year +. In total, over ￡50,000 I have bet, into various sports betting sites, my life, ruined. I met a girl nearly a year ago, convinced to this day she was the best thing to happen to me for a long while, I was still gambling, but she didn’t know that, she had a little boy too. She was amazing. Her one real pet hate? Gambling. She hated it. Despised it. I kept it secret from her. She used to say to me ‘my friends tell me how happy I am, I just can’t find anything wrong with you, you’re perfect’. There’s me in the back of my mind thinking, yeah, if only you knew the half of it. She wasn’t completely mentally stable I’ll admit, she had some depression issues. She was always scared I would leave her for someone else because she felt she was always letting me down and crying over things and getting upset all the time, she told me something I will never repeat to anybody, but to comfort her and let her know she wasn’t all that bad, I decided to let slip. I told her everything. She was stunned. She didn’t know what to say. Everything went down hill from there, she asked me to move out with her, I said I would, but needed to get my finances straight, still suffering from my gambling. Even though I told her I was an ex addicted gambler, I was still going, now also trying to get money to move out with her to rent and afford to go places, this just backfired and I kept ending up with no money. Cut the long story short, she met someone in December, broke up with me, chose him, and after 2 months now she’s moved in with him. Heartbroken, and it wasn’t just about my gambling that caused it, it was a number of things that added into the equation, but I’m more than sure that kick started the process. The thing that’s made me stop though? My mum confronted me in January, she told me of how she even rang in to a national popular breakfast radio show during their gambling week last year. They asked her to describe her story. 30 minutes she was speaking, in tears, on the phone. 30 minutes pure pouring her heart out on national radio. 30 minutes. I had made my own mother turn to pouring her heart out on radio because she had nowhere else to go, she tried to help others with my story even though she couldn’t help me. I have lied to her constantly, I have cheated her out of money, yet she’s always stood by my side. I’ve been in the gutter and her and my father have constantly dragged me out. I’ve been so low but they’ve always kept by my side. As soon as she confronted me with this I was shattered, suddenly gambling didn’t matter any more. All that matters is me and my family. I’ve never experienced anything like gambling, it is a greater illness and drug than anyone will ever give it credit for. In many ways, more powerful than any drug you will ever see.

I’m doing well now, only a month into being sober from it, but I can see a future for myself. I’ve set out a plan of what I’m saving a month, I’m knuckling down and I’m working hard. Hopefully about to take up a second job to bring in extra income too. Trying to get my life back on track, trying to get my grandparents ￡10,000 back, but this time through hard work and determination.

I spose what I’m trying to say, beating your gambling addiction will not be easy. Everyday it will nag at you with what ifs, but you know what feels better than any gambling win? Being able to look back in a couple of years time and say you know what, I did it. I’ve been through hell and come out the other side. It doesn’t matter what age you are, it’s never to late to turn it around. If you are still a silent sufferer, please tell someone close to you, parents or someone you love. I would not be where I am now if I hadn’t. If they love you they will always be there to help you. If you can’t do it for yourself, do it for those you love.

I hope this helps.

[vera]

Very moving story, Southside!
I am also at the point you are at.
Starting again. Trying to”claw” my losses back, but this time not by “winning” it back.
Like you, I will be saving.
There is one big difference between us. You are almost 40 years younger than me!
Well done on looking for help when you still have time on your side.
Welcome to GT!

[I_Maverick]

Hi Southside, well done on coming to the forums. You are in the right place to get support for your addiction. It sounds as if you are a strong willed person, with a determination to change you life. Life without gambling is wonderful, so I am told. I certainly had no problem with gambling before 3 years ago, and then it sucked everything out of me drip drip drip. I have neglected my family, my business, my self. I am now dried up and shrivelled. Today is day 8 for me. My last 2 relapses were horrific, and I could have lost almost 10K. The fact I finished up means my faulty thinking still wants to play. I have moved from medium stakes poker to high stakes BlackJack.

I am on medication for depression brought on by the gambling. I have had so many opportunities to quit in the past which would have meant I am not in this place now. But I have to see this present for what it is – the endless now. If I start to make better decisions now, they will improve my future, which now seems bleak.

I hope you keep posting, and that it can achieve your plan one day at a time.

Many thanks

Keep posting with your progress, use the support groups and believe in yourself.

[Dunc]

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Hi Southside and thanks for starting a thread in the Gambling Therapy forums

Here at Gambling Therapy we pride ourselves on being a caring and diverse online community who can help and support you with the difficulties you’re currently facing. We understand that this might be a tough time for you, particularly if you’re new to recovery, so come here as often as you need to and participate in the forums, access online groups and connect to the live advice helpline if you need one to one support. We’re in this together!

Here on the forum you can share your experiences in a safe, supportive and accepting environment. The beauty of writing it all down is that you can take your time and you will be creating a record of your progress that you can look back on if it ever feels like you’re not moving forward. So, share as much or as little as you like but do try to stick to keeping just one thread in this forum so people know where to find you if they want to be updated on your progress or share something with you.

And on that note….

I’m going to hand you over to our community because I’m sure they will have some words of wisdom for you ??

Take care

The Gambling Therapy Team

PS: Let me just remind you to take a look at our
privacy policy and terms and conditions so you know how it all works!

[izzi25]

Hey Buddy,

So good to hear you hanging in their and getting back on the horse. I can imagine how much its eating at you about you did with your grandparents inheritance. What you did was not right, but you do need to forgive yourself that is going to be something that will help you get stronger. I stole over three thousand dollars from my dad by stealing his cheques and fraudulently signing them and I did it more then once. But I was going to pay him back so it was ok (that was my thinking), so I sort of know how you feel.

Continue being brave and courageous. You have your whole life ahead of you to make good decisions. My addiction started when I was 26 and I cant reclaim that time back but I can make the best of what I have now. I truly believe in you and believe that you can come out of this a true winner. Just one day at a time ?? today marks my 6 month of being clean. It isn’t easy but its much better then gambling, anything is better then gambling.

Chin up.

[Author]

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