[depthsounder]

Overnight we went from loving each other and feeling closer than ever to now bitter and angry. Been dating on and off for more than a year and agreed to help manage online access to gambling site.
nThis is an attempt to cut down time and also to manage winnings and avoid losing them. I don’t know what I was getting myself into. Things got to a point where I felt like I shouldn’t be helping anymore because
nnothing i did mattered. He believes I quit on him when it most mattered after causing him money by not managing access well and stop him from chasing by denying access. I stopped managing the access and showed sign of resignation.
nI expressed thoughts of leaving and being done. He said I quit at the worst time and he lost everything because I just quit on him. He is relatively calm now but still angry. I took responsibility I didn’t know I could handle.
nI made a foolish mistake. The threats are something along the lines of, it’s not that you’re leaving it’s you’re leaving at the worst time and that cost me everything. You don’t understand the money struggle.
nIf things get worse and in my desperate states, I don’t know what I will do to you. You don’t deserve to be seriously hurt but what you did is not ok.
nWe’re broken up and luckily I had plans to move to a different city due to work. But I don’t know what to make of these threats… I don’t know how to handle them emotionally? and fearful that these threats are real.
nI don’t know what to do.

[velvet]

Hello DS

Thanks for starting a thread in the Gambling Therapy friends and family forum. This forum will provide you with warmth and understanding from your peers.

Feel free to use the friends and family group, you?ll find the times for these if you click on the ?Group times? box on our Home page

Read about the friends and Family Online Groups

Now that you have introduced yourself you?ll find that many of the people you meet here have already read your initial introduction and they?ll welcome you in like an old friend ??

If you?re the friend or family member of someone who is either in, or has been through, the GMA residential programme please take extra care to make sure that nothing you say in groups, or on our forums, inadvertently identifies that person. Even if your loved one isn?t connected with GMA, please don?t identify them either directly or indirectly just in case they decide to use the site themselves.

You?ll find a lot of advice on this site, some of which you?ll follow, some you won?t…but that?s ok because only you fully understand your situation and what?s best for you and the people you love. So, take the support you need and leave the advice you don?t because it all comes from a caring, nurturing place ??

We look forward to hearing all about you!

Take care

The Gambling Therapy Team

PS: Let me just remind you to take a look at our privacy policy and terms and conditions so you know how it all works!

n

[velvet]

Hi DS
nYour boyfriend appears to have an anger problem and nothing you have done deserves the language and threats you are receiving.
nYou are not (and were not) his keeper; he had free will and chose to gamble which resulted in his losses. His losses are not your fault but having made those losses he is blaming you rather than accepting responsibility for his own actions.
nI could not tell, from what you have said, if he has a gambling addiction but his threats are unacceptable whether he is or not.
nAre you living under the same roof as him? I hope not.
nI suggest that you do not retaliate but remove yourself from his circle as soon as possible without leaving any indication as to where you are going to live.
nVery seldom I hear of threats such as this but generally the addiction to gamble is not associated with violence. A man can of course have different sides to his character and it appears that this man has a particularly unpleasant side to his.
nDo you have friends and family to support you?
nPlease keep posting and look after yourself.
nVelvet
n

[depthsounder]

The threat is quite confusing. We don’t live together, but he knows the city I will move to and where I will be working from past conversations/discussions. He is calm now and can have normal conversations, like hashing over what has happened without escalating to any type of raising voice or yelling, more just frustration whatnot. Friends and family know and support me.. I don’t know what to make of the threats.. Now he is doing fine and managing his life/finance, but the threats are about if something goes wrong in the future he fears he’ll still be angry at me..?

[velvet]

Hi DS
nThe nature of an addiction to gamble is that the gambler will always lose and the likelihood is that if your boyfriend keeps gambling, as he has been doing, he will experience more loss and therefore more mood swings. In my opinion, if you have more genuine worries, or concerns, than maybe his threats should be reported to the authorities but this has to be your decision.
nA compulsive gambler can learn to control his addiction ? if it was not so, I would not be writing to you. Many gamblers feel they can just stop when it suits them but I have yet to hear of a compulsive gambler who has successfully learned to control his addiction without the right treatment.
nI always think it is good to hear from compulsive gamblers who have had the determination and courage to change their lives, so I offer these thoughts to you from a facilitator on this site, who learned to control his addiction many, many years ago.
n?If we could do it on our own, we wouldn’t be here in the first place. (Or in the shit in the first place!)
nIf we are climbing a mountain it isn’t cheating to use a rope?.
nIf your boyfriend is saying that he fears he will still be angry with you in the future then I suggest, it would be better for him to know where support is to be found. Maybe you could tell him that you sought help for yourself and let him know that there is masses of support for him. This site offers facilitated groups for gamblers who want to live in control of their lives; we have an excellent Helpline which is one-to-one and we have the forums where those who are in various stages of committing themselves to a gamble-free life share support. Perhaps he could find a local GA group where many gamblers have found recovery. There are also rehabs and dedicated addiction counsellors. This addiction is far better recognised nowadays which is great and support is anonymous.
nPlease keep posting and let me know how you are getting on. I am very concerned about the fact you feel threatened but I hope some of the above will help you and maybe your boyfriend.
nVelvet
n

[michaelb123]

He seems to be trying to place all his responsibility on to you and then punishing you for his failures. To be frank he sounds dangerous. Threatening anyone is not ok and threats can and do often result in action. I would find a trusted friend or family member to talk for support. You haven’t done anything wrong so please don’t feel any shame. Most of all keep safe and avoid the dangers he is proposing.

[Author]

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