[iamanon]

Hey out there

Here i am sitting again after losing 35k EURO caused by gambling within 3 hours.

My life is long and insanely swingy and i dont know where to start, so i am afraid you might have to live with a very clumpsy written “journal”.

To begin where it all started, i found the love for poker back when i was 15-16 years old, and as soon as i got a credit card (back then visa electron) i was already depositing money on fake accounts online. As the most of you can guess i lost it, and not only that i managed to lose all my savings (approxemately 3500 euros) and found myself one time (this i have never told anyone/i think only my parents know) stealing the credit card numbers from a friend of my class.
I even used it and depositted 600 USD, until my “conscience” (“” because i am not sure if it was the fact that i was more afraid of what the police might do or i really felt bad for my acting) but i ended up admitting it and paying back the money next day, money i borrowed from another friend as i was hiding it for my parents.

It didnt take that much longer till my parents found out, and by the time i was 17 years old i had 4 jobs as i tried to earn back the money. Now to make this story short so i can get to my point, i somehow managed to make a huge score when i turned 18 years old in a poker tournament (around 60k euros).

And ever since poker has been my living, BUT it comes with a huge price – Price of addiction that i cannot quit.

For some reason i get days where i have to gamble, gamble huge. I find myself putting 500, 1k, 2k, 5k on blackjack/roulette just to get the kick – And i feel so bad when i lose and when i win its a good feeling that doesnt last long.

Today was one of theese days
I just lost 35k euros, yes 35k euros in 3 hours playing stupid blackjack and poker games i should not play cause all i wanted was a rush and a gamble.

I will admit i am a huge gambler and i am sure plenty of the pokerplayers out there are aswell. I am afraid what i might do with my money (i do still have a decent amount of money, i am in no way economicly damaged) but my feelings are damaged, my brain and it hurts in my heart to know what i just did.

i think i am guilty to my parents, as i know they think all i am doing is playing poker and making money and not doing stupid stuff
My mom has been through hell with my living, and yeah this is all written while i am very sad and not sure what to do
I will add some more stuff later, actually i think i would just love to speak to someone, read about other problems and how to contain them, yet i am doing all this “anonymously” for now.

I am in the mid 20`s, in case age do matter

Hope to hear from some of you

[Dunc]

<

Hello and thanks for starting a thread in the Gambling Therapy forums

Here at Gambling Therapy we pride ourselves on being a caring and diverse online community who can help and support you with the difficulties you?re currently facing. We understand that this might be a tough time for you, particularly if you?re new to recovery, so come here as often as you need to and participate in the forums, access online groups and connect to the live advice helpline if you need one to one support. We?re in this together!

Here on the forum you can share your experiences in a safe, supportive and accepting environment. The beauty of writing it all down is that you can take your time and you will be creating a record of your progress that you can look back on if it ever feels like you?re not moving forward. So, share as much or as little as you like but do try to stick to keeping just one thread in this forum so people know where to find you if they want to be updated on your progress or share something with you.

And on that note….

I?m going to hand you over to our community because I?m sure they will have some words of wisdom for you ??

Take care

The Gambling Therapy Team

PS: Let me just remind you to take a look at our
privacy policy and terms and conditions so you know how it all works!

[Smee707]

Our stories are very similar.

I love poker, I’ve played since I was 18 and got a ￡10k win when I turned 23.
My problem only started this year. I lost my ￡40k savings when I discovered online blackjack. I just kept piling money into the site in some strange desperate attempt to win back ‘my’ money.

The unbelievable thing is that using the last of my money I actually won back ￡35k over a two week period. I then lost it all in one night trying to reach that ‘break even’ mark. Whether I would have stopped at ￡40k I will never know.

It is horrible having to face family and friends the days after losing that much money. Ive done it twice now and I wasnt myself for a good month while this was going on.

This all happened at the same time I got a new job in London. For the last 4 months I have been working hard to make sure I can pay my rent (which is nearly 4 times what I used to pay) and not get into debt.

I have no savings and cannot do the things I want to because online gambling as crippled me. I still play poker, maybe once or twice a week but I stay well away from blackjack and I think you should do the same before you get into the same mess.

Please dont kid yourself into thinking that you wont lose all your money, I am the most financially aware person and its a disease that grabs hold of you. Before I knew it I had nothing left. Stop now and live a normal life, dont get into a position where you cant enjoy things in life. Even though you have lost a lot, you still have plenty left to do what you wish with. Dont do what I did. Dont wait until you cant afford to gamble to realise that it is a problem.

Smee

[charles]

Hi Iamanon,

Well done on starting a thread here. My advice would be to stay away from all gambling, poker included. It is a gambling addiction, cut out one form of gambling and the addiction will quite happily switch to another one.

You posted here while you are ” very sad and not sure what to do”? Good, that’s generally the time when peole are prepared to listen and put things in place that will help address the addiction.

Your mum has “been through hell.”? I don’t doubt it, mine did too. That probably means that she will be delighted when you tell her what youa re going to do to address the problem. Delighted that you are looking for help. You coulkd show her this site as well – there is a family forum where shye can also get advice and support. She would also see that there is light at the end of the tunnel, you can stop gambling.

The important thing is to use support, if any of us could stop on our own then we wouldnt be in the s**t in the first place.

Keep posting here. if you want to talk to others real time then clcik on theSupport Group link, above, and see the schedule of live groups we have here. Connect to one of them. The open groups are unmoderated and not always occupied but all the other groups always have someone to talk to in them. How about a Gamblers Anonymous meeting? Again a good place to talk to othes in the same position.

Remember, do these things now, while you fele like you do. We all know the pain fades and the urges return, that’s when you need things to be already in place.

Keep posting and hopefully I will talk to you in a group here soon.

[Simon15]

Thanks for starting this thread, it’s really interesting and I want to take part here. As someone who really should not be a gambler (yes, that’s probably all of us I know), I have long been fascinated by people who make their living from poker and gambling of all kinds, especially when you see poker stars treated like rock stars and apparently having a great life. They also write compelling books and interesting interviews about their lives. But that’s an interesting parallel for me, because as someone who has a talent for music and writing, I have long been suspicious of fame and fortune. I have met plenty of successful yet unhappy actors and musicians, who never seem to have enough in life. Perhaps it’s not just money or gambling that we’re all talking about here, but something else more important. Perhaps we sometimes use games and gambling as a way of avoiding looking at who we really are and finding out what we should be doing with our time. The whole messed up psychology of gambling addiction, when money just isn’t real anymore and we just play with numbers, is something we all can recognise now. I recently had another attack of gambling, but my numbers are nowhere near yours. However, it’s no less important. The psychology is the same. Every day we can choose to spend hours playing a ‘game’ in isolation, or connect with people we love (or find people we could know and love), in productive and life-enhancing ways. Ultimately I want to help people in this life, so when I win at poker who am I helping? Maybe myself for a while, maybe my banker, but certainly not the guy who lost or anyone associated with him. It’s always win-lose, whereas to live a good life we should be looking for win-win situations (eg. building a good career, inventing something useful for humanity, caring for or teaching others etc.) I know I have rambled on, but I want to wish you well and hope you have a flash of insight which really brings positive results in your life and enhances the lives of everyone around you for the better.

Best Wishes,
Simon.

[Author]

Posts