[ivan1243]

Dont know from where to start… Cant believe Im in this kind of situation. In short, I am 26 years old and i am a gambler for about 10 years now, and my problem reached peak in last year or two. In every month I dig myself deeper and deeper and now I reached the point where I do not know what to do. I have about 10k euros depths that need to be back in very short time, and all my gambling depth is about 50k. Ive came to the point my salary just isnt enough to pay all my bills. I was continuing with sports betting for months knowing there is no turning back, had few close calls that could save me, and that was probably the biggest problem. Right now I am in situation where banks will start to taje my things like car and so on on which I depend, and if I dont solve this in short time probably will lose my job for what I have been studyng, working for past 8 years. Just cant believe this is happening.
My story why I probably did start gamble is next. Comming form poor family with my dad being alcoholic, having younger brother (13 years old) for which I have to take care. So I joined army, finnished my college, and been working for past 4 years. Will not go into job details but from the outside it seems like a perfect life, finnishing my flight training school while geting salary, and so on. But from the inside, completely different story. Worst part of it the reason why I am doing all this, my brother and people close to me will suffer and I am probaby ruined theirs life. Just cant believe I am in this kind of situation, all kinds of things are moving through my head, just feeling broken, helpless.. All of this was just to much for me, job, gamling addiction, may situation at home and so on. Just cant let I become like my father, but I am afraid I am on that path, cant let my brother go through what we did because my dad…
I have decided I will stop gambling because this cant go like this anymore, I have ruined my life probably, It will took me probably 5-10 years just to recover financially and mentaly who knows.. But right now I am not important, sad to say…
So my plan is to close all betting accounts which I did, and will give my girlfriend which I trust and which knows about my problem acces to my bank accounts and cards for at least year or two because I just dont trust myself anymore with money… “Only” problem is I have to collect nearly 10k euros in probably a month to be able to function financially, and rest of it I will slowly returnig in about 5 years or so I hope.
I just cant believe this is happening, how I get myself into it, just feeling broken, unable to function properly right now.
Good thing is that Im really hard working, smart, and good person, at least I really think this but all of this was just too mich for me, I was stupid and my personality probably didnt help too…
In the end my question is is there any way to collect this money, via donation, via some kind of loan or something because I have reached to the point where I cant take any more loans, I have nobody to ask for help and so on. If there is anyone who is ready to help me in any way, I am willing to give all of my information with a proof about all I was writing because I really am desperate and just dont see any way out of this… Please comment, call me moron if you like because I probably am…

[i-did-it]

Hi Ivan,
Well done on recognising that you have a problem and reaching out for help.
I’m sorry you find yourself in this situation.
Nearly everyone on here has been forced to take actions to control their gambling . We can recognise the desperation, the shame and the disappointment.

You won’t get financial help on here . Those of us in recovery know that financial help would not be help at all. You need to painfully work your way through this.
Most of us have gambled for so long we also have debts.
Part of recovery from gambling addicting is to give up on looking for easy answers (like a big win or a bail out) .

I would suggest you put a gambling blocker on your internet devices – Gamban works well for me.
You can ring your creditors to see if you can renegotiate the terms of your debts so that you are paying less each month. I have done this several times.

Ivan, you will find a way through this. Use his experience as a springboard to stop gambling .

Keep strong – things will get better

[ivan1243]

Yes I agree on everything you said, I should have done it much earlyer. But I didnt…
About reaching out to bank and creditors I have already tried it, with no success, thing is I am late with some payments and I loaned money where I shouldnt so Im neck deep in problems.
This few months are key for me because if I dont solve this I will lose my job and the I am in 10x bigger problem. In july I will finally start living with my girlfriend and I am sure this will be big move forward in this whole situation + I will have almost twice as big salary as now. I know this is 2 edge knife, but I have been living like a rat for more than a six months now so I really think I came to the point where there is no turning back to gambling. I have come here also so thats a big step, my coworkers also know I have the problem, just they dont know how big it is, only my girlfriend so I know a little about the shame thing…
I am really ashamed to ask for anything here, but situation is like that that this is really my last straw, this means that I can have more less a normal life with a lot of giving up of some things and a different situation where I lose my job, had to move out of country because there is no way I can return that depth with normal job in Croatia, expecialy after corona and this will impact my brother on a way I dont even want to think about. Once again I cant believe I am writing this, and asking for money here but that is really my last straw. Once again I know the danger of that, it is stupid to say I learned my lesson expecially from me who lied to many people in my recent past but I really have faith in me and in my plan.
As I said, I am willing to give my personal informations and everything anyone is asking.
There is probably quite some people here who have been in this situation so please think about it. It is really stupid thing to write but you can save someones life.

[Monica1]

Idi is right, you won’t get any money on here so you should stop asking. It isn’t going to happen. And I would question as to why you are persisting in asking? Asking problem gamblers so save you by giving money is not a good idea and we all know the desperation that drives us to do that. But it will not help you one bit, and we all know that. You are the one that needs to save your own life, and take responsibility for where you are right now, this means not looking for bail outs.
Many of us in here have built up huge debts, far more than your own, you have a big plus in your favour in that you have a good job which is a massive plus. You can recover your financial position and as for five or ten years to get straight, welcome to my world, ten years and I am much older than you. Some of us who hit rock bottom did lose our jobs in the process. In relation to your creditors if you admit to a gambling problem they have to listen and they will give you more time, we have all been in the same boat and like idi that is what I have found.
So, face the hard truth, and accept it, you have a gambling problem and seek out a good counsellor who can help you to examine why you are gambling in the way you have been, there are always underlying reasons. Do you have a GA you can go to?
I wish you well, and please stop asking for money.

[ivan1243]

Ok, yes it really is a selfish thing to do I agree.
About creditors they are not all banks so that will be impossible. Yes I agree that I have to take responsibility for my actions. About undelying problems I know what they are, but probably will need counsellor in future, but now it is not possible.
Anyway, thanks for help.

[i-did-it]

Ivan,

I suggest you follow Monica’s advice, explain that you have a gambling addiction.

My creditors weren’t very helpful until I told them “you can either set up a plan for me that I can afford or I am about  to start bankruptcy proceedings”. They were happy enough to help then because something is better than nothing.

If you feel you will be in any kind of trouble with the recent debt , than I suggest you miss a payment on all others this month and pay the essential one. I have done this also .

There will be many people missing payments at the moment due to the lockdown to it might be a good time to try your creditors.

You can come through this .

[charles]

Hello and thanks for starting a thread in the Gambling Therapy forums

Here at Gambling Therapy we pride ourselves on being a caring and diverse online community who can help and support you with the difficulties you’re currently facing. We understand that this might be a tough time for you, particularly if you’re new to recovery, so come here as often as you need to and participate in the forums, access online groups and connect to the live advice helpline if you need one to one support. We’re in this together!

Here on the forum you can share your experiences in a safe, supportive and accepting environment. The beauty of writing it all down is that you can take your time and you will be creating a record of your progress that you can look back on if it ever feels like you’re not moving forward. So, share as much or as little as you like but do try to stick to keeping just one thread in this forum so people know where to find you if they want to be updated on your progress or share something with you.

As well as the forums New Members are invited to join Charles in the New Members Practical Advice Group On Mondays at 21:00 (UK) and Thursday at 19:00(UK)

And on that note….

I’m going to hand you over to our community because I’m sure they will have some words of wisdom for you ??

Take care

The Gambling Therapy Team

PS: Let me just remind you to take a look at our privacy policy and terms and conditions so you know how it all works!

[charles]

Hi Ivan.

As others have said, coming to a forum full of people who have lost all their own money really isn’t the place to come for a loan.

There are lots of financial options these days; from repayment plans through to bankruptcy, with a lot in between. Get proper local financial advice to look at your options.

It really doesn’t matter what you do with the finances though unless you also get help with your addiction. You say you “…….will give my girlfriend which I trust and which knows about my problem acces to my bank accounts and cards…….” Have you done that yet?

I see there are Gamblers Anonymous meetigns in Croatia as well, that would be another good option for you. Check they are running though, many are closed right now due to Covid 19. As well as helping you to stop gambling they would also likely be able to point you in the direction of local financial advice.

Keep posting and let us know the positive steps you are taking to address your addiction.

[younger12]

Definitely I toatlly agree , the banks  are not all creditors for sure ..and people should take responsibilities everytime  i concur 

[ivan1243]

Thanks all for support. Again great news, just got the call from 2 creditors about forced collection (dont know what is the name for this in english) and that means it will block my bank account and I will not have access for cash, and next step is my car… Really dont know how to get out of this situation, how could I be so stupid.

[joerdj]

Sucks to hear that the will repossess your car. I understand that you put yourself in a bad financial position. Luckily for you, there are a lot of options for these kinds of financial situations these days.

But these options would not land on your doormat, you have to actively seek them. So I suggest you seek them. 

I have a feeling you are dwelling on the past but keep in mind, we can only change our future.

Stay strong and keep posting.

[Monica1]

When we first come into recovery we often hit our own rock bottom whatever that may be. For me it was my home being repossessed and a committal to prison notice for non payment of uk council tax. Neither of these things happened but they were under threat for some time. I was honest with both about why this had happened. And why I had gotten into the huge financial mess. The debts were not written off and I am still paying them. I was also doing this while quite ill at the time caused through the stresses of gambling. Unfortunately I had to face the consequences and I could not delay these. It was painful, the worst case scenario I was threatened with didn’t happen and I now am ahead with my rent and have a payment plan for the council tax. Lesson learned.
It is difficult facing these issues but face them we must. Are you sure your bank account will be frozen? In the U.K. that only happens when you file for bankruptcy.

[LSA]

Hi Ivan

You should seek free financial counselling from an organization in Croatia.Try to search the internet for an organization which could help and call them as soon as possible. When you get past your immediate trouble, you should prevent yourself from gambling ever again.

You are going to survive. It’s not too late to get a wonderful life but you have to get past a few terrible months before it gets better.

[Monica1]

How r u today?

[ivan1243]

Not so good. I contacted all my creditors explained them situation, and not a single one offer some solution. Its a different situation here they can right away freeze your account and with that they solve their problem, ar least they think.. I dont know, really dont see any way out of this

[joerdj]

Are these creditors like loan sharks? I see that Croatia is not that developed regarding debt relief. 

Did you also check what is locally available? 

I personally have no experience with debt relief, but I know there are some options available here. Maybe it is the same in Croatia

Keep strong 

[Monica1]

Yes, on looking up Croatia (is that where you hail from) they do seem to be behind the rest of Europe in the management of personal debt. However, there must be debt help agencies that you can contact? You say your creditors had no solutions so what was the point of your calls to them? The pay us, can’t pay conversation is a pointless one for everyone.
I would do your income and expenditure and see what you have left to pay your bills, offer lower payments to,your creditors. I sat and wrote every single debt down, and all my income plus what I could cut out of my expenditure without too much hassle, subscriptions, what was the most important to tackle first ie those where you lose things such as a home, a car, your liberty etc.

[joerdj]

I just so turned out the freezing bank accounts are a standard in Croatia, and they have the right to do that. Personally I think that is ridiculous. 

If the freeze all your assets how long would it take you to pay everything back to your creditors, how much interest do you pay on these loans? 

[Monica1]

Yes, Very behind everywhere else. There has to be agencies that can help in the country somewhere?

[Karmageddon]

I don’t think you were stupid! In pain.. probably, but not stupid.
For now, just that reminder, because beating yourself up isn’t part of the tool kit of recovery. Peace and love <3

[ivan1243]

Yes the law here is very stupid. People were loosing their homes because of 100 euros.
Some of the creditors are some short term loans who do bussines like a loan sharks, but here all inside the law. I knew that all when I was doing that, but cant explain what was in my head… About writing it all down I did that, but the problem is that I need to return almost 2000 euros now, in few weeks, and the reat will comw very shortly. Its really stupid situation, will try to do something more but really dont see any way out.
About agencies, I have been doing with them already and last time they barely did it, banks dont like to do bussines with gamblers…

[joerdj]

HI Evan, 

How are you doing? Hope things are getting sorted

[ivan1243]

Its Ivan. Not so good, I mean terrible, its seems its gonna be scenario I thought it would be.

[joerdj]

Sorry typo from my end. 

Can you open an other bank account? Or get your salary transferred somewhere else?  Like a close familymember or something . So in that way they can’t freeze everything? Just thinking outside the box, but if you can get your salary someplace else in theory you could pay off your debt and still have some living money?

[LSA]

Could your girlfriend, parents or friends help you out? You said your salary will double in July, it’s “only” 2,5 month.. Could they pay your food, rent, drive you to work or whatever is needed?

It may be difficult to ask but you need to do something radical and difficult to get past this urgent debt?

[joerdj]

How is it going Ivan?

[ivan1243]

No, I cant do that, long story. I am thinking outside the box…

About family, friends and so on, thats also not possible

[ivan1243]

Its not the problem about food and so on, its about paying the bills. About creditors and avoiding freezing my account and so on. If I started this few months back it would be possible, now I dont know how. Just too many bills to pay and no one wont cooperate. 

[joerdj]

What bills are urgent? It look like the freezing of your account will be inevitable, but you say you have the necessities. I am i bit confused right now.  Could you clarify further what the exact problem will be if they freeze your account if you can still pay for food. Is it about losing a place to sleep ? 

[ivan1243]

Right now I am in base, and will be for next 2 months so thats why food isnt problem. Problwm will be in next months when I will not be, and I will have to use my car every day, rent and so on.

[ivan1243]

Just find out they will cut our salaries for 20%. I choose the very best time to be stupid.

[ivan1243]

Slipped again, didnt last long till I again started. Reason probably is I found out I will be moved to work 500km from home after I finnish and I dont have any idea how will I organise my life. Where will I sleep and so on, basics. I just xant believe Im in this situation. Finnishing my schooling, when I should be happy and proud I am broken and broke. Starting to loose hope…

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