[dilano12]

I am without doubt the most hopeless compulsive gambler ever! Almost 20 years of knowing I have a gambling problem yet no more than 5 months at any stage gamblimg
free at which point I felt so empty and depressed I wanted to kill myself. I have been to 4 rehabs, been saved from bankruptcy only due to my father’s unexpected
support at the last minute. I am currently paying off credit card debt of $25 per week which will take minimum 5 years or more. It is only this low because I got free help
from a support group which reduced my debt significantly as well as a $10,000 injection of cash from my father. I could go on and on about the amount of damage that gambling
has caused my own family ( somehow I am still with my wife and son) and my parents ( I have cost them so much money) but I will save that for my later entries. I am currently
in Florida, staying at my parents Holiday home and I have yet again thrown away money. Nothing seems to hit home. I do it for the buzz. That feeling of being in action that
I can only seem to go without for so long without intense feelings of discomfort. I know I am going back to a situation in a weeks time where I will be struggling financially.
My wedding ring, Camera we got for our wedding and an Ipad are all at the Pawn shop for what must be the 5th time. I am constantly under financial pressure to the point
where I even sell things I shouldn’t just to get by. I get paid every 2 weeks and normally by the 2nd week of the cycle I’m wheeling and dealing just to keep things afloat.
It’s absolutely exhausting and I’m so sick and tired of being sick and tired. I’m really worried about what I am about to face when I return to Australia. I hate the life that I’m leading.
I don’t know how I’ve survived this long. Gambling is my pathetic attempt at looking to an outside solution for an inside problem yet when I do look inside for answers nothing
seems strong enough to slay that dragon on the outside. I have yet again turned to gambling today to get that ‘win’ to arrest forthcoming financial pressure, yet all I have done is increased
it. I hope by comitting to this journal I can find some peace and begin a life, whatever that looks like gambling free.

[dilano12]

Just want to acknowledge how motivating Seanraj’s posts have been. I am now feeling excited to really take on the challenge of living a gambling free life. I am also excited to read through other people’s stories in time. Maybe my real live can begin at 40!

[dilano12]

Posting here has also given me the strength to close my last online gambling site so I am free in the knowledge it is almost impossible for me to gamble for the next 7 days ??

[dunc]

Hello and thanks for starting a thread in the Gambling Therapy forums

Here at Gambling Therapy we pride ourselves on being a caring and diverse online community who can help and support you with the difficulties you’re currently facing. We understand that this might be a tough time for you, particularly if you’re new to recovery, so come here as often as you need to and participate in the forums, access online groups and connect to the live advice helpline if you need one to one support. We’re in this together!

Here on the forum you can share your experiences in a safe, supportive and accepting environment. The beauty of writing it all down is that you can take your time and you will be creating a record of your progress that you can look back on if it ever feels like you’re not moving forward. So, share as much or as little as you like but do try to stick to keeping just one thread in this forum so people know where to find you if they want to be updated on your progress or share something with you.

As well as the forums New Members are invited to join Charles in the New Members Practical Advice Group On Mondays at 21:00 (UK) and Thursday at 19:00(UK)

And on that note….

I’m going to hand you over to our community because I’m sure they will have some words of wisdom for you ??

Take care

The Gambling Therapy Team

PS: Let me just remind you to take a look at our privacy policy and terms and conditions so you know how it all works!

[Seanraj4731]

I just read your testimony and i must say you got support and help from your who love you. Please bro be thankful. Keep this journal on your progress each day and continue on this journey of self worth. Seek counsel from a therapist in your area.

I encourage you to look at Santo Rolon Jr.aka Soldiers of Self Mastery youtube videos. He inspire me as well. Thank you for letting the words of positivity flow through you. You got your new life from this day onwards. I do listen to music my playlist is linkin park and i am relating to every lyric that is sung cause of what was done. The emotional trauma cause by this habit. I am rooting for you brother. You are gonna overcome this. Keep positive and stay strong as well.

[i-did-it]

Hi Dilano,

Well done on starting a thread, on your “never give up” attitude to stopping gambling and on closing those accounts .

I gambled for many years and I have finally stopped. Our brains will eventually get the message but it can be extremely hard to stop.

I think for me what made it most difficult to stop and stay stopped was that my brain was so trained to respond to immediate rewards like a win.

The sheer slowness of financial recovery was so demotivating . it felt like I would never have any money to spend.

I started looking out for small “hits” everyday, for example “if I want to can go and get a McDonald’s for breakfast”.

I treated myself to small things ( very small because I didn’t have money )and didn’t allow myself to feel guilt at treating myself, which had become the norm for me.

I ordered a new bank card and had my husband scratch off the last tree numbers. I wasn’t ready to give up control of my finances but I also knew I couldn’t be trusted with a card that works online.
I downloaded the free trial of GAMBAN and kept it until I could afford to buy it.

These are all things which have helped me, which have taken the automatic pilot out of gambling and which have at times prevented a costly slip.

I hope some of it is useful to you.
The main thing to remember is that you can stop gambling, that urges are uncomfortable but stay with them and keep reminding yourself that you can live through them.

Read about brain plasticity and understand that all our brains can change, we can all learn new habits and we can all stop gambling,

Keep strong Dilano.

[dilano12]

Thanks so much for your support. I really appreciate the sound advice. I think the biggest step for me is to hand over the finances to my wife. I have to do it but there are a couple of things I need to sort out first. The truth is I am much happier when I have access to little money as I know I cannot harm my family financially. It is time to grow up and start behaving like an adult. I am interested to read about brain plasticity as well.

Can you still use a bank card without the last 3 numbers on it to pay for things? I never knew that was possible. 

Anyway still going strong gambling free. 

My mantra is “I can handle this without gambling”

[Seanraj4731]

Dilano i am happy to read your progress yes its start to recovery your main focus ison self healing forget pride and ego let your wife handle the finances. Budget. Start paying off the debts. Its the steps to recovery. You got this man. Continue to rise above this. I am going to be free in my mind and my focus is recovery. 

Keep posting man. You are doing great. Thank you.

[oneup]

Keep posting Dilano. I have been GF for about 2 hours now. I need to get through 24 hours then a week, a month and a then a year. I am looking to you Dilano and will continue to read your progress, maybe we can hold each other accountable.

[dilano12]

Unfortunately I have been gambling again. This is now day 3 GF but I am feling very hopeful as I went to a Smart Recovery Group meeting which led me to applying for a counselling graduate diploma course. I now realise my calling in life is to help others but I know I have to help myself first.

My new found strategies to keep the demon at bay is :

1. Relax and release: Whenever I feel the strong urges I just mentally and physically relax my whole body and the intensity of the urge is released

2. Die and be reborn- This strategy means I disassosiate from my past and start anew each day. This helps to enjoy every experience I have each day as a new one and I then no longer am a gambler. In fact beacause I am reborn I mentally don’t even know what gambling is.

3. Listening to the online course by Michael Singer called living from a place of Surrender. This is where I have learnt about these strategies.

Feeling positive today.

I AM NOT A GAMBLER. I AM A BEACON OF HOPE FOR OTHERS. MY LIGHT WILL SHINE TO ALL THOSE I MEET. I LIVE IN A CONSTANT STATE OF LOVE AND JOY ON THE INSIDE. THE OUTER WORLD WILL NOT AFFECT MY INNER PEACE

[dilano12]

My goal is to write in this journal every day for 7 days. I write it here so I am accountable

The pain of discipline is easier to deal with than the pain of disappointment

[i-did-it]

Dilano
It is so good to read your positive post .
I could never understand why people choose to call themselves addicts or gamblers or CGs or any other label they consider negative. Even worse when others think they have the right to label.
We are people who are currently struggling with one part of our lives – which I guess t the same as just about everyone. .

Stay positive – let no one drag you down .
You deserve freedom from this compulsion- foremost for you because you are a good person and you didn’t ask for this

Keep working with the SMART group – they don’t allow unhelpful labelling .

Ps u can still use your bank card in shops so long as you know the passcode !

[Seanraj4731]

Good day man

This journal has helped me a lot during the 49 days staying Free. Keep im touch with those who are positive. Keep on keeping on brother

 

Stay positive man

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[shawn]

Delano I am happy to read your progress yes it’s starting to recovery your main focus is on self-healing forget pride and ego let your wife handle the finances. Budget. Start paying off the debts. Its the steps to recovery. You got this man. Continue to rise above this. I am going to be free in my mind and my focus is recovery.

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[Author]

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