[asdfghost]

Hey kin,
That’s great, you almost reached 7 months gamble free. I’m happy for you. That’s right though, the key point now is to stay stopped. I wish you the best at this. Your posts always make me believe in myself, in that nothing is over yet.

[asdfghost]

Hi,

Glad to hear from you! The amount of your debt is unthinkable to me, although in my opinion, you’re doing great by paying it off and not gambling. It’ll be over soon enough, and you’ll be able to spend money on your own life.

Gym is neat, I’m going there myself every so often (just finished my latest training actually). I’m paying for it “on my own” starting from this month, before that my father was. I have enough money to pay for such things now that he’s giving me for the classes with my young brother. It’s not much, yet it allowed me to completely stop begging my parents for money. Once and for all. But I need to find a real job. I needed to do so *a lot* earlier, I’ve wasted insane amount of time on nothing. I don’t have a possibility to spend time anymore, if I want my life to continue being somewhat well. I mentioned the reasons before. This country is cursed, and the time is ticking.

[asdfghost]

Hey risingphoenix,

I’m glad you posted. There’s so little activity here. I check this forum almost every day hoping someone writes.

Your journey is great, I hope your recovery lasts longer and longer, doubling and tripling your gamble-free days. Those thoughts that you have, I’m having them myself every so often. But I keep staying away from that pit of snakes.

One day at a time is a good rule. Easy to understand, easy to implement. Just tell yourself the moment you have gambling thoughts that you’re not doing that today. I slipped way too many times so far. I’m not doing it again.

[asdfghost]

Hi kin,

I’m happy to see you posting again!

[asdfghost]

Hi,

Many thanks! We’ve had a family evening together, both my parents, younger ones and I. Happens quite rare.

I wrote a new post in my journal (yes, no betting in October)!

[asdfghost]

Hey, GT Forums!

I’m doing pretty much alright currently. Just finished working on a report for a short task in my university’s course. That subject feels really interesting, in comparison to almost everything I’ve done before. It feels refreshing to learn about.

Today is my… 38th day of not gambling. It’s kinda unreal. I managed to stay away from the swamp for a whole month. One may say that I’m happy, in a way. Nothing was truly satisfying to this point. I want to continue, though. I won’t place a single bet in October, too. In fact, I won’t even try. I did it once, I can do it twice.

I had my birthday a few days ago, I’m 21 now. My parents gave me awesome presents. It’s funny to me how little I need to enjoy the moment I’m being in.

Looking from the broader view, I couldn’t find a job still. My father decided to help me a bit by paying to me for math tutoring my little brother. But that won’t do anymore really soon.

[asdfghost]

Hey!

Glad you’re doing alright, I wish you a nice trip out there! I’m having a good time myself, my birthday has just passed, and the month-long mark of gamble-free period has, too! I fulfilled my own promise to myself, no betting in September. I did it!!!

[asdfghost]

Hey,

I’ll join in the congratulations! Fifty days gamble free is huge. Hope you’ll be writing more, cause there’ll always be at least one person regularly checking your thread and taking inspiration from it.

[asdfghost]

Hi,

Thank you for your words, my parents said pretty much the same to me. I’ve also had a talk with my own tutor who studied with me at the time I was a kid. He said it’s better to find people on your own, without companies help. At first you need to advertise but as the time passes, if the students’ parents are happy with your work, they’ll suggest you to their contacts, and it goes on and on from there. Wise words.

I need to think it through.

[asdfghost]

Soooo, the first day seemed to be the big, fat failure.
Only one student came out of three, I gave him the test, he did great, we talked through the exam for 1.5 hours.
Now I received a message from my tutoring center that he won’t be attending because “the tutor said he’s already too good”. Great.
And now we don’t even have a group so the next day is skipped already. Also I didn’t get anything for the first “lesson”, it was supposed to be “trial”, nobody said that to me before it finished.
I know I made a mistake, should’ve either said to the student that he’s alright but needs to study more, or suggest advanced training besides the exam preparation.
Still, that feels awful as for the first so-to-say “work experience”. Meh.

[asdfghost]

Hi,

It’s starting today. I’ll write about it in my journal later. As for the “journey”, I can’t call it that, seriously, but it’s been about 10 days gamble-free.

[asdfghost]

Hi,

Glad to hear you’re doing well. This forum is not very active in general, especially nowadays. It gets like that from time to time, there was even a shutdown for almost a week this summer. Evidently, there was a lotta activity here in the past: support groups, live support, etc. All is gone but this very forum. Still something I guess. I’ve missed all the opportunity to take part in said above, so can’t really tell. Groups, for instance, died in December last year.

Philosophy… might be interesting if only you’re into that. I’ve never really understood its purpose, my preferences always were the technical sciences. The last few years showed me that this world can be incredibly surreal at times. I’m starting to think it makes some sense to search for complicated answers in meta-sciences like philosophy.

You seem to be fighting quite well with your addiction. I wish you good luck, never give up!

[asdfghost]

Hi,

Yeah, that might as well happen. Good thing that neither of them is going to give me money “for nothing” anymore, and I think that’s the right idea. I need to earn myself. Even if I won’t be able to find a decent job, I need to work at least somewhere to buy things that I need without begging for money each and every time. I live with my mother and two of my younger siblings. She won’t kick me out of the home, of course, but I’m starting to feel more and more unwell living here.

You know, my ultimate dream (and goal… kind of) is to leave this country and build my life from the zero somewhere else. Not that I’ve really lived a life yet, I haven’t even worked. I’m losing my time playing games every day. Because of the apathy, I can’t get myself to learn the subject of my profession. University courses, 90% of them, aren’t giving me any useful information that I would need to become a good specialist. For that reason, I need to self-study, but I have no motivation for that. That’s a vicious circle.

Backpack and glasses is not a big deal. I asked my mother if she could give me the money for new glasses as it’s an accessory that I cannot live without, sadly. She said yes. Three or four of my previous backpacks have been broken because I was carrying lot of weighty things there like my laptop and books, plus 2L bottles. I’d need a durable one, maybe not a “hiking” one but close to that.

My gambling addiction is probably just one piece of the whole puzzle of mental diseases that I have. I wouldn’t know for real. I’ve never been diagnosed with anything like that, never checked myself either. There was a time my parents, while they were still together, wanted to go with me to psychologist. But I strongly opposed that. I don’t believe there are any good ones here. My younger sister has been having regular sessions this year, her problems looked severe but now she’s pretty cheerful. Though I have close-to-no belief any of that will work on me.

[asdfghost]

Hi iamhere,

I’ve had an idea before. I swore to myself that at the moment I will have a significant amount of money that I have earned on my own, I’d hand it over to my father, at the same time telling him about my years-long gambling problem. Then, maybe after some time, I’d discuss it with my mother as well. That way I could show my parents that I have acquired the patience to earn and save, and not spend.

I don’t know if that’ll work at all. Right now, I cannot tell them anything as the consequences will be immediate and ultimate. I’ll lose my family relationship completely, once and for all. Not that it’s really good at the moment, however the risk to destroy it entirely is too big. As for that idea, it does not guarantee me anything either, but at least gives me some reasoning to explain the situation to them.

Or I can just spend it all on everyday snacks, buy myself a piece of clothes, shoes or a new backpack cause my current one is torn in many places and has a broken zipper. My glasses are also quite close to breaking, they are expensive though. The problem is that without them I effectively won’t be able to look at the computer screen from the distance greater than about 20cm which is sad.

Someone here before suggested me to buy some kind of psychology book. My father is a doctor, he’s a cardio surgeon, but he also studied psychology on his own. Maybe I should ask for his advice. My options are limited though, as I have already said. If I confess now, it’ll be all over sadly.

• This reply was modified 2 months, 2 weeks ago by asdfghost.
• This reply was modified 2 months, 2 weeks ago by asdfghost.

[asdfghost]

4 days. Free from money and gambling. I can do it. No betting in September.

My first ever job’s starting soon. I’m going to be a tutor for 9th graders preparing them for informatics exams. It’s gonna be a part-time, and I won’t be earning much. Still, will be the first money that I’ll make myself. I cannot gamble anymore. No more bets.

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