[desdemona]

Hey Bettie! Thanks for the post after my idiotic gambling slip; it helped a lot. Back to day 1 but like you said, every day is day one, so that helped with the sting of my behavior. It was really hard to admit that I had gambled. And it wasn’t even fun!!! I’ve finally been approved to volunteer at Victim Services which I am pretty sure I will enjoy. Maybe won’t enjoy going to the death notifications to families, but hopefully there will not be too many, or they will be when I’m not working. We simply go along with the Royal Canadian Mounted Police and be there as a support for the family in the first few hours. You and I do have fun on chat! It’s good to be silly at times! I knew when I read all of your thread when I first came to this site, that I wanted to be friends with you. I’m glad you mentioned Vera as I was concerned about her as she hadn’t been around. Later gator!!! Carole

[desdemona]

Hi Bettie! I want to wish you a very Happy, Happy Birthday for Sunday!  I hope that you feel as special as you truly are. Carole

[desdemona]

Hi Larry! Just checking in on the motivator!!! I know that we recover for ourselves, but there are a lot of people watching how individuals like yourself manage your recovery as it gives them hope that they too can live a gamble free life. I have crossed that invisible line of where my thoughts are in the day to day responsibilities and not on the thoughts of gambling to escape. I’m not saying that I don’t have bad moments in my day where I don’t experience normal emotions like frustration or anger, because I do. I just don’t manage them with gambling anymore, though I do know that I am one bet away from slipping. I am presently babysitting my 2 year old grandaughter during the day, 2 days a week, while her mother works, and I have to say it is pure joy. I can’t stop kissing her as she is so precious. We play for most of the day on the floor.  The first thing she says is Hi! when I arrive and then it’s Play! I wouldn’t trade that for mindlessly stuffing twenty dollar bills in a machine, and losing to boot!!! Carole

[desdemona]

Dear Bettie!  I hope you’re doing well and are having a good day today. Carole

[desdemona]

Thank you Larry for the links to the 12 step information. I really appreciate it. Carole

[desdemona]

Hi Bettie! I too had the thought that Larry could be your sponsor. He mentioned that he felt he could be a sponsor at this time. He can and you need one. Sounds like a marriage to me! I’m checking in to see how you are Bettei! Hope you’re having a good day! Carole

[desdemona]

Hi Bettie! I read your post about what "someone else" expects you to do in your recovery. I fully agree with Liz that it is your recovery journey, and each person is unique as to what they need to stay stopped. Frankly if I had someone supporting me that tried to put THEIR expectations on me, and pressured me, it would make me want to gamble. I would find someone who had kinder words and could support me in the way I needed support.  You are doing awesome Bettie and like Larry has stated, you have supported many persons here. And you continue to be gamble free and inspire others that it is an attainable goal. Carole 

[desdemona]

Hi Bettie! Want to share what kind of week you’ve been having? Sometimes it helps to talk about it. Carole

[desdemona]

Hi Larry, It was good to read your thread and it gives me a bit of an understanding of your recovery journey and of your life before that. I was sad to read that you lost your brother so suddenly, and then your niece. I lost my brother tragically in September, 2008, and my gambling intensified after that. To read that you stayed gamble free through that is truly inspirational. I believe that I can stay gamble free one day at a time, but I was telling myself I could do that as long as nobody close to me dies. I didn’t think it was possible to do but now after reading your posts, I see that it can be done. I always appreciate the advice that you give to fellow cgs and rcgs. It is insightful and well thought out, meant to bless them. As delightful as it may have been to live in France with your new family, it had to be difficult for you, leaving everything familiar behind. I’m sorry that it ended the way it did for all of you. 911 will be imprinted in my mind forever. I had just got to work and heard what was happening on the radio. The fear and horror I felt and I was not even an American.  I was sure that this was the beginning of a World War 111. I left work and went home and sat for days watching this nightmare unfold. I can only imagine how traumatizing it was for you to watch this without being there to share in your nation’s grief. We all have regrets, but we need to forgive ourselves, and move on, and I’m trying to do that. I know that I know that I am only one bet away from possibly losing my recovery. Carole

[desdemona]

Hi Bettie! Hope you’re having a great day! Carole

[desdemona]

Hi Bettie! About 5 years ago I attended a GA meeting three hours round trip for me. There was this man there that told me that I was not ready to quit gambling, and I hadn’t really said anything. I thought to myself that he had no right to say that to me, without even knowing me. I never went back. Carole

[desdemona]

Good morning Bettie! Hope you are having a positive, uplifting day today! I read your last post and Larry’s reply. It’s good to know that there are other rcgs on here to guide us when we are unsure of what we should do. I still am offended when I perceive that somebody’s reaction to me is what I would consider less than supportive. I hope that you can find all the support that you need in your recovery journey Bettie. Carole

[desdemona]

Hi Bettie, I know that you’ve heard it all before about your emotionally unavailable "friend" and many times also. He even told you himself, he does not want a relationship, even though at time he sends you a different message. Him telling you that he doesn’t want a relationship allows him to justify his actions towards you. What about if you developed a friendship with a man you met at GA that have some success under his belt staying gamble free. You could work on recovery together.  Also they say that 1 in 5 relationships develop online these days and there are several of these sites. If you choose to go this route, take lots of time to get to know the person online. That way you’ll see any red flags that may come up. Don’t ignore these as we tend to attract dysfunctional men that need fixing. Diamonds in the rough we think. Don’t settle Bettie; you deserve a healthy relationship that with a man that is available emotionally, willling to support you, encourage you, and build you up, not tear you down. This "friend" of yours goes for the jugular everytime as he knows your emotional weaknesses. Do the pros and cons of your relationship with him. As soon as you start to pull away from this person, if you allow him, he will just reel you in again by some kindness, thus starting the cycle again. It’s the cycle of physical/emotional/psychological abuse that many women live with every day. Again, Bettie, I say these things with love as I want you to be happy. Carole  

[desdemona]

Hi Bettie, that so called male "friend" you have, is not a friend! He undermines your self-esteem and in one word I would describe hin as "mean" to you. He disappoints you constantly and does not treat you with respect. I know that in the past you have tried to end the relationship with him, but you keep allowing him back into your life. As long as you keep allowing emotionally abusive men into your life, you leave no room for a healthier relationship with someone else. I wouldn’t even tell him that you want him out of your life; show him by your actions. You’re recovering from compulsive gambling which is an addiction that gets a real stronghold on people like us. Start a recovery journey from this man and make a pros and cons lists of what you get from the relationship.  Get rid of any so called "friends" that don’t treat you with respect and consideration of your feelings. This is all suggested to you in love Bettie! Carole

[desdemona]

WoW Bettie! I’m impressed that you hit the cash out button in your dream. You didn’t gamble and your "payout" was more than you even expected. That’s a lot like recovery. When we don’t gamble good things come to us and they are sweeter at times than we even expected. The friend that introduced me to gambling is going to Vegas for a few days. She said she "needs" to win some money. I thought to myself that we’ve all been there haven’t we, NEEDING to win some money. Glad that she’s going and not me!! Carole

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