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Hi Bettie! I’m glad I wasn’t at that GA meeting because knowing me, i would have challenged two "truths" he said. Some people come into GA and can accept that their higher power is other cgs collectively, helping each other to battle this disease. Some of these same people come to later accept that God is their higher power. Everybody’s recovery and their spiritual journey is different. I also don’t agree that we get urges because we haven’t surrended. I KNOW that I am powerless over my addiction, yet I get urges at times for reason such as things coming at me in left field and old habits that need my brain to be retrained. I was at an ethics course once and the subject of childhood sexual abuse came up. Someone voiced an opinion that sexual abuse victims even if they were children needed to own their part in the sexual abuse. And nobody challenged the person not even the facilitator. I saw RED and could hardly speak and asked if the person was saying that a child of 7 years old had some part in being sexually abused, and the person said yes!! One woman at the course stated that it was a different way of looking at things and that she was going to go back to the shelter where she worked with woman and children with that new way of looking at things. I could not believe my ears what I was hearing and I wanted to tell them that they were a bunch of f***ing idiots. I reported the facilitator because she obviously didn’t have the skills to stop the insanity that was happening in the course. And these people at the course were all social workers. It still me makes angry that this happened because it revictimizes victims. Your friend, carole
Hi Bettie! I’m so sorry to hear about your niece. It makes me sick too! Pedophiles are everywhere it seems and if a child manages to grow up without being sexually abused it seems to be a rarity. My father was and is a twice convicted pedophile. it changes who you are forever. I was in my 30’s before I reached out for help. It was a painful journey dealing with the aftermath of this demonic behavior being visited on me from the time I was 7 to the age of 16, when I finally was able to leave home. Pedophiles don’t stop being pedophiles!! I had my father arrested and charged! One of the best things I ever did. He went on to have a second family and got his 13 year old daughter pregnant. My heart breaks for you and your sister and niece. Carole
Hi Bettie, The story of the therapist and your gas is funny! I’m sure that happens a lot and they aren’t surprised by it. Thanks for understanding about my babies. I’m doing well. I took my Bichon to the groomers today and had 2 hours to kill but I had some errands to run so I completed those. This was the first time I have taken the dog to the groomers and not gambled away the 2 hours till I could pick him up. I had many thoughts of going to play the VLTs like I used to while waiting to pick up my dog. It would be so easy to give into these thoughts, but I made it through. Instead I got a money order for $500, for my senior mother who lives 3 provinces away, and who is on a fixed income. That was pretty much the least I used to spend on a gambling session, and would often spend much more than that. I must be starting to gain an appreciation for the value of money, because that seemed to me to be a lot of money. One of the things that keeps me gamble free is the thought of having to change my last date gambled again. Of all the barriers I have in place and self-exclusion being the one that helps me the most, me having to change my date is probably the second one. That sounds crazy, even to me. Hope to meet up with you on chat soon as I love your sense of humour and your story inspires me (other than those 2 crazy men in your life). Carole
Hi Bettie! Sincere congratulations on one year of working your recovery. I like that quote too of paying a high price for low living. Isn’t that the truth???
You being a cat lover, I know that you’re going to understand this. Earlier this week, like I said I took my female cat to the shelter as my husband is severely allergic and has major health problems. Cried buckets full! Yesterday I was going to take my male cat to my friend’s who had said she would give him a forever home. I had Ferris in a crate on the passenger side of my vehicle. I looked at him and his eyes had tears in them, and then the tears started running down his face. I was heartbroken and could not believe my eyes as I had never heard that cats could cry. I phoned my 17 year old granddaughter and asked her to come to my vehicle and see that Ferris was crying. She came out and said it was sad. I decided that I could not give him up and take him to my friend’s, so I decided to leave him at my daughter’s and said I’ll be back for him in 6 weeks. Seven hours later the cat was still misty-eyed and hadn’t come out of the carrying crate, so I demanded that my son-in-law bring him back to me. I wasn’t going to leave him heart-broken anywhere. The girl that was supposed to look after my 4 dogs and my house, was supposed to come over yesterday and we would go over what needed to be done as I have a dog in pee diapers because he pees in my house. She didn’t show up and I called her 3 times and all I got was her voice mail. She rents from me so I would have thought that she would be more responsible than that. So now my arrangements for the care of my dogs have fallen through, so I can’t go to treatment this time around. These are all rescue dogs and they have not been kenneled a day in their life, so 6 weeks would be traumatic for them.
After I dropped Ferris off at my daughter’s I was really upset that he had cried. I have self-excluded from the casinos, but this doesn’t cover the VLTs that are in most bars in my town. I was really thinking of going there and numbing out. I tried putting it off by going to buy some new clothes to take to treatment, grabbing a bite to eat, gassing up my car for the next morning, but that didn’t make the urge pass. I even started to turn into the lane to turn into the bar, and it seemed that I had no control over my urge. I told myself to keep driving and if I wanted to, I could always turn back and go gamble. I told myself that I didn’t want to change my last date gambled AGAIN and that I wanted to go into treatment on a high note, and somehow I kept driving till I got home. I even thought of driving to the next town where people didn’t know me. That was a close call!! All brought about because my cat cried!! Totally unexpected and hard to believe!! So here I am at home when I should be driving to Edmonton for treatment. Bags all packed and wondering what my next step should be. I need to go to town and get groceries but won’t go unless someone goes with me because I can’t trust myself today, with all that’s happened. CaroleHi Bettie,
Like I told you the other day, yours was the first member’s story that I read from first post to last. it was an interesting read and when I would read that you went to the "boats," I would silently say to myself "NO!" And ask myself I wonder how that turned out in terms of your recovery. I used to believe that if I slipped, it was all lost, but no longer believe that. I quit gambling after Christmas, 2010, and since then have had 3 slips. I was able to get back on my recovery program right after the gambling episode. I was fortunate that I did not win a dime any of those three times, because it may have been harder to keep on keeping on. The best barrier I ever put up was self-exclusion as that has made it so much easier to deal with my addiction. Sure lessens the wear and tear in my brain. Never was one to go where I’m not welcome. I would die of humiliation being escorted out of a casino. You have done so well Bettie that you inspire me to do well.