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I can see we have been in the same place, I am going to go to a group, but will it ever end? Is there a point where you ask them to leave? Our son lives with us, but we are at the point now of telling him he has to move out if he financially abuses us again. We sound at a similar point, our son is 26 and has bee gambling sine he was at least 20 maybe earlier. Are u a UK resident and are you talking about gam on on in UK? Does your son live with you?
thank you sad 69. I am going to use the site and hopefully find something. The fact that you have been in recovery for a long time gives me hope, but at the moment I am feeling so low about the position my son is in at the moment. You. Say you felt lost. I think my son feels the same, thing is he can’t really know how lost I feel , and even though he is sorry when he has made a if mess up, he goes on to do it again, I am weary, but thanks for praying for me… Even though I feel low, I have taken a positive approach with our son, when he was in bed after the recent relapse wallowing in self pity, I told him to man up accept what he had done wrong move on and get back on track and that we would support him. I can’t keep up this approach much longer so I hope I. Going to get support to manage this situation realistically. Honestly though I get so mad. I feel so angry with all th gambling shops and the government for not addressing the severity of the gambling problems in the UK. But clearly this is displaced anger. Thanks again
I really appreciated your post, especially as you are the mother of a CG. I am very fortunate as my husband is much like me, we seem to be in the same position, but, it’s impossible to know that completely,because our mind and its contents Are very much our own. We are both continuing to support our son, despite the traumas. I have been worried about my husband as he is usually so strong and positive, but this latest incident has floored both of us but my husband has been really emotional. He never takes sick leave, but on this occasion he did , his health is concerning me. He says he feels devastated that our CG son can’t talk to him about when he is down. We have two other children, and they are amazing. They are very much part of our strong family unit, and I know I am lucky in that they are great people, they are beautiful on the inside and out. Our son who is a CG was also beautiful on the inside, loving, smart, caring, family orientated. Our middle son is so angry with his brother as is our daughter. They can see what he is doing to himself. To me and my husband and to them. My son thinks we should just get our CG son to move out of our home. He says we have drawn a line too many times and given our CG son too may chances. On this last occasion our CG son once again stole a substantial amount of money from us. Again. How many times can we put up with this? The thing I really can’t get my head around is why do they steal from those who love him, it’s the deviousness, the clever ways they manipulate, the lies, the deceit. All this is worse than the money they take. I’m concerned co I think we haven’t been strict enough, that we have made things worse by looking after him. Our other tow children are disgusted with our CG son, they are so angry, and inside so am I. A few days ago I felt like accepting that he was not going to move on, and I felt like giving up on him, mainly because he treats us so badly and it’s all about him. I love him, and I don’t like saying this but I hate who he is at the moment. So I suppose I need to believe that our son can find himself and be who he was…. A loving caring person. He doesn’t like who he is but despite have an amazing experience at GM and coming away with his toolbox, he has so quickly put them in the attic gathering dust. He really annoys me. Because sometimes I think he thinks he is too good to start at the bottom, but he had every chance in life, full support T uni, a loving family support network, great friends , an amazing girlfriend. I am sick of the suicide threats, I am sick of the moods, I am sick of the delusion, I am sick of the lies, the deceit the refusal to talk, which is what he said was so important after leaving GM and I am tired of him abusing us. I am really trying to be positive with him, but I really am feeling close to the edge, and at the point where I want to ……………………….” The last incident felt so déjàvou been here, got the tee shirt, same old same old. I am angry, but I still want home to find himself. He doesn’t seem to have the staying power, to work through the difficult times he will have with very little money et . So where amI??????? Where am I?????? I pray to God that he will give me strength, and that my son will find his pathway to happiness Tired Nd exhausted
Thanks tania for your encouragement but at the moment I can’t see anything positive , I’m just done in
Well here we are again only it is worse because after six years of pain, then in January 15 three months of hope and belief we are in the same horrendous, heartbreaking, soul destroying, sea of hopelessness, knowledge that there is no support out ther that gamblers are full on liars, only interested in themselves. Even after giving, giving, giving giving, believing, hoping etc etc etc etc nothing changes.
What I have learned that as a relative of a cg it is essential to protect ourselves and the CG has to take responsibility. The first step is that they need to acknowledge they have a problem, then the next is to get help. I hope yor partner will do this because it will be so hard for you if he doesn’t. Will he read some of these comments or phone the help line. Keep trying. Wish you well
Hello Tania, go to the family and friends page where I have written about someone getting their life back on track. When a gambler realizes he needs help because he has a problem, then there is hope. The next step is for him to get help, real help and therapy when you get to this point hope becomes real and people can turn their lives around just by understanding the addiction and the triggers to gambling . There is hope but there is a long onward journey. Try to get your partner to get help, that is the only way. I have not heard of one person who has managed to get through this alone. All the best A
Thanks, but equally the feeling bad after all of it goes wrong is such a negative feeling so if you think about it -gamble, lose -get into trouble- so that makes you feel bad and surely you would want to avoid that. E.g. You touch a hot iron, there is pain so you don’t touch it again. The gambler I know said after doing it he felt bad and it all felt wrong. I do get what you have said, it’s just hard to fully comprehend. I have listened to five live where the footballer john hart son told his story, even though he knew he was doing wrong he kept on going. What it that makes a gambler really and finally change?
Interesting paper. The thing I find difficult is that after the action of gambling. When the losses are realized and the damage is done as the gambler realizes the aftermath to come from his action of stealing money to fuel the addiction, the gambler tells me how bad he feels and he does not feel good about himself. After such a negative low though he still went back and did it all again. So there were no rewards to reinforce the behavior just pain.