[iamhere]

42 days.

Starting to feel the shame and guilt really settle in as my CC bills roll in and I see the interest rate charge. A part of me is in disbelief of what I’ve done. What ugly mess. I know I’ll pay it off within the year, but what an utter disgusting waste of money. Money I work hard for, money that could have gone to a million different and better things. I hate this feeling, but I know I need to really go through this to know the depth of my decisions.

Aside from thinking about the CC debt I’ve acquired, my day was pretty good. Worked, had a massage, did some philosophy, and yeah just a better day in general, definitely more productive without gambling in it!!

I do find at times I need to read positive stories of other gamblers that have been successful in kicking it, it’s so empowering. . I then read the sad stories and messages from the thousands of people on reddit that are in complete despair. We are all in the same boat, trying to stay-a-float, and overcome this addiction. But – there is hope and this is all apart of my success story. ??

Well off to bed I go!

[iamhere]

Mondays, I’ve never really loved Mondays. I don’t know why really. It’s not that it’s the start of the week, because I can control my work schedule.. just something about a Monday.

Today was fine, worked, did some of my philosophy course, ate, cleaned, laundry.. really just a mundane Monday.

Today is day 41, doesn’t seem like much, but every day I’m taking one more step in the right direction, I hope everyone else is too ??.

Night night.

[iamhere]

Gahh, today was long and hard. Woke up just on the wrong side of the bed (as they say). I’ve had a headache for most of the day, felt blahhh. Did some cleaning around the house, some laundry, I have yet some things to finish up for work this week.

A successful day in the sense that I didn’t spend a penny on a useless bet! So that’s a win in it’s self ??. 40 days strong ?? ??

[iamhere]

You’ll do great! Everyone has a starting point! ??

[iamhere]

Hey you!

Sounds like the first day turned out just fine! You had one kid, and you were honest with him. You have to keep your humanity in place – you said he did great. Why would you have wanted to tell him he was “just alright” – to guarantee you’ll make money? That’s not how you’ll build your success. Your first day, someone showed up! Others will too, and there will be kids that come that need the help that you can give ??

Just keep doing the work. Make an IG page. Start posting some tutoring stuff on there. You got this!

Chin up ??

[iamhere]

Had a marvelous lazy Saturday. I honestly wanted to get so much stuff done, but decided I wanted to go for a walk and watch a couple of movies instead. Much better decision.

I just finished reading this posting in reddit. The way this person has written her story encapsulated gambling addiction to a T.

I'm Tired, I'm Devastated, I'm Dead
byu/Ok_Resolution2568 inproblemgambling

Who ever is reading this if you have time, give it a read.

Man this addiction is brutal. Every day I stay away is a better day. This will not be the story of my life. I am actively making that choice.

Good night world!

[iamhere]

Callmecrazy! You’re back! I’ve been thinking about you, worrying about you and sending you all the love. I’m glad you popped by.
It won’t let me reply on your feed – I don’t know who or why it was reported.. probably some spam person.. seems to be a lot of that stuff coming up lately.

I wish I knew what to say, or knew a way to help. I know it’s hard to get out of the mindset you’re in, you just have to find something good worth living for, money comes and goes. You still have to much life to live. You’re smart – you just need one job, not 6. ??

I’m here if you ever wanna chat ????

[iamhere]

Well hello Friday! I had a busy and productive week this week. Worked hard, did some consistent work on myself, started a philosophy course, went to the ocean a couple of times, had some icecream, watched a movie, made dinners.. it was a good week ??

Still one day further from that last bet, grateful for that. I know I will never gamble again. ??

Till tomorrow, good night

[iamhere]

10 days is great, in the double digits now!

I’m looking forward to reading about your first day!

[iamhere]

It’s been soo hot here this week, I am looking forward to next week when it’s cooler!

The last couple of days I’ve been working on my appreciation for money. I feel like when I was gambling it lost all value and meaning to me. Like how could I spend thousands of dollars, yet hesitate to buy things that have a much smaller monetary value.. its not the loss of the money that truly upsets me, it’s what that money and time could have afforded me. So that’s been a pill to swallow, but at the same time it’s been important.

Things I’d have rather spent 35k on… a boat, a new vehicle, a handful of vacations, new flooring for my house.. all the things. Gambling is truly a nightmare.

Another day onwards, another day further from my last bet! ??

[iamhere]

Hi!

Ahhh, makes sense. I’m a little late to the party. Seems like this place was a great support hub at some point. ??

Yess, philosophy, I have a degree and all that jazz already, just working on another one. Out of all the courses to choose, I thought this would be fun ????. I’m more science based as well.

Have you started your new job?? If so, how’s it going? How’s your journey going?

Another day no gambling over here! ??

[iamhere]

Hello journal,

I’m not going to lie, I’ve been starting to feel a little disappointed with coming on here lately. I had to take a minute and ask myself why? And I guess the answer to that is I was hopeful/had an expectation that there would be more people to interact with. Then I asked myself why? – why is this important to me?.. I think that’s where I get some clarity, I was expecting just a bit more of a support group.??

I won’t be coming on here with the hope someone has posted or, perhaps just checking in. I shall continue on my journey as I am. Hopefully someone will read my entries and find strength and know that quitting gambling is 100% doable! Cause… it’s happening!!

Ok.. so I finally cracked open the course I started the other month. Philosophy.. God why would I choose this course lol. I sat down with a heating pad on my neck, a cup of hot herbal tea and I read a few chapters. It was quiet, calm, and it was nice.

Did my morning affirmations, said 5 things I’m grateful for in my life, reminded myself of my goals and dreams and what I want my life to look like. Had a good day at work, did some laundry, watched a show, and made dinner. All-in-all pretty solid Tuesday.. only thing missing was dessert!

Tomorrow I’ll be another day stronger and another day further from my last bet. ??

Night night!

[iamhere]

“THE ONLY WAY TO WIN IS TO NEVER PLAY AGAIN

Now go for a walk, read this as many times as you need and take a decision to never play again.

Be a strong human for you, your family and each one of us who suffered in that place”

Another post I read that is a strong reminder to keep going in the right direction.
Feeling good, working hard, plan to pay this debt off within the year. Grateful for that.

Another day with more to be grateful for than the last.

Hope everyone is continuing to work on themselves and see progress in doing so.

[iamhere]

Hi!

Well I hope this plan works out for you. The biggest issue with being a gambler is you can keep it secret from everyone, and that’s part of the problem. You should look into some online GA meetings, so you can get some support and some guidance.

I wish you the best! ??

[iamhere]

Well, had a great day! Lots of fun in the sun. At home resting and I all of a sudden felt the urge to gamble. I thought about it really hard, “oh maybe I’ll just play the demo mode of my fav game”.. the itch was real. Then I decided to go to reddit and look up the sub I always read. Started reading some posts, someone wrote this in response to someone:

“Just realize all wins are future loses and more. Whenever u gamble u just give Ur money away, only the pace is unknown. Stop wasting Ur money, exclude and never come back. And remember u won’t win a penny. U will lose EVERYTHING u bet. Dunno, write a reminder for urself that u will lose EVERYTHING u bet, and read it as many times as needed, especially when urge arises.”

After reading this 5 times, and reminding myself I HATE the version of myself during and after gambling. Came on here, to write in my journal…now I’m going to go clean the kitchen.

F-off gambling, I’m over you.

K – bye for now!

• This reply was modified 2 months, 2 weeks ago by iamhere.

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