[Jonas87]

Hello everybody and thanks for replying.

Gladly I haven’t been gambling for 9 days since my last relapse (that I wrote of), which I think is my short-term record. Hopefully the days keep stacking up, I literally have had no urge to gamble since Day 21 whatsoever. I know it is only a matter of time when the urge kicks in though and I have to mentally prepare to counter it.

Financially I have made a plan that’ll get me out of my debt in couple of months, so my finances are looking at least manageable for now.

I have also spent lot of time on making music, which has greatly helped me to change my focus away from gambling. At least for me, focusing on other activities really does help!
I guess most of us gamblers try to subconsciously fill some boredom gap with gambling, so re-focusing your attention to something else (constructive!) that keeps you’r mind busy might be fundamental to recovery.

[Jonas87]

Hello guys, The loss grief I’ve been battling kind of subsided for the first time in the latter part of last week, and for the first time I mentally was able to accept the loss at some level. The bad news is, because I felt pretty good tonight, I just went on a adrenaline filled gambling spree online and burned a lot of loan money in short time (over 1k). I feel sickening about this and just want to cry. Reading my first post about not being in debt is no longer true, unfortunately and I’ve let myself down on that one. I really need to find some professional help soon in my area, before I completely ruin my life. I’ll probably get back writing here tomorrow or monday when I’m feeling slightly better. Hope everyone else is doing good though.

I’¨ve self excluded myself for every online casino I’ve had an account in, but this is only temporary solution since the internet is full with these sites.

[Jonas87]

Hi folks,

I’m still fighting trough the disappointment of the loss, day by day. It might be getting a little bit easier to accept, even though the grief is still very present.
Gladly in Wednesday is my salary and I’m able to get my financial things back on track. We also get a small bonus from our work and this is good since every extra penny I can get a hold on for now is helping.

As honest as I am, I’ve had few little relapses during these days, but the positive direction is that I’ve managed to gamble less and less every time (and stop without spending it all on gambling). My ultimate goal is to stop it completely , but If I have to gamble I just gamble less and less each time, this seems to work for now.

Hope everyone’s doing better.

[Jonas87]

Hello Peter and welcome, it’s great to have you on board.

I agree that the hardest part of quitting gambling is to mentally accept all the losses, but at the same time it is the only way to heal from this sick mess. Once you take that mental step to just suck it up, accept the losses as part of your present life, and doing mentally everything you can to not gamble, you are on your way to healing.
I am currently trying to do that myself, before I ruin my whole life. As a guy who was 11k ahead couple of weeks ago to currently being in a small debt (Im an idiot I know), I really have to turn my life around before I lose all the things valuable to me.

Best of luck on your journey to healing and please write as often as you feel like.

[Jonas87]

Thanks for your replies and wise words Velvet and Johnny B, you both share some great points!

Still feeling pretty down about the 11k jackpot loss. It’s so hard to accept my own stupidity, why the hell did I gamble it all back, I’m an idiot! I could have bought me a nice watch, a car, I could have paid almost two years of my rent, dining out, took my girlfriend for nice holiday, but no, I blew 11000+ euros in an instant. Sad and sickening. I have to work at least 10 months to make that back.

Maybe the good thing in my situation is that I fully acknowledge that the chances of me hitting another jackpot like that with a 5$ spin is next to none, and the realization of the low odds are something that I can use to push me away from gambling totally. I’m not even worried about the gambling, I know I can fully stop it, I’m just worried that I can’t mentally never get over this loss at this point.
Maybe this feeling is something that will ease after time passes by, I literally have no other options than to suck it up and wait it to (hopefully) ease.

I heard a good term yesterday on the internet from a former gambler who experienced a similar situation as me. She won probably close to my amount and lost it all the next week. She called her situation a “motivating crisis”. After the loss she totally stopped gambling, turned her life around and is now a tutor in GA meetings, and doing supposedly good in her life.
I want my loss to be a similar positive experience in the long run. My diet has been the first step and I’ve been 100% discipline with myself and already feeling better physically. I also plan on writing a book this year and making some music.

[Jonas87]

Hello Debbie and welcome to the forums.

I am sorry to hear that you are struggling with this terrible addiction. As a fellow addict who has lost tens of thousands gambling, I can truly sympathize with your daily struggles mentally and financially.

I know this might sound like a cliche, but If you truly want to overcome the addiction, you really have to completely quit cold turkey and probably seek help If you can’t do it yourself. There really is no other way to recovery besides quitting completely. Most of us CG:s know and realize that, but the addiction is so strong and fighting the urge takes real mental discipline.

For myself at least it feels like the hardest part isn’t quitting gambling itself but to mentally accept the money I lost to it. I have tried to chase my losses, only to find myself losing every bit of money, even If I eventually happen to win 2k, 4k, or even 11k. Nothing is enough for the compulsive gambler.

My last bet was under 24h ago, so I might not be the best spokesperson on the subject of time eventually healing wounds, but I understand the theory behind it and believe the losses get less bitter as each day passes. Good example is Justyn Larcombe, who managed to lose almost a million at one point of his life only to recover fully from the addiction and is now completely debt free and living a good life.

You should also set yourself some positive goals outside of gambling (and money), like exercising and managing relationships. Those things cannot be bought with money.

I wish you the best of luck in road to recovery and hope that you write again soon!

[Jonas87]

Had a disgusting relapse last night. First time in my life, I took a quick loan of 1k and gambled it all away.
The saddest thing was that I was playing in calm manner and with moderate bets and was almost 4.5k ahead, but eventually started to gamble recklessly and lost it all. I could have paid my debts and have extra money if only could I have stopped sooner (I guess us CG:s never learn). I planned in my mind to take 3.5k away no matter what, but I reneged and lost it all. I didn’t even want to chase the whole 10k, and would have been (surprisingly) happy with couple of extra thousand, but eventually for some adrenaline-rushed moment I broke my own rules and lost it all in couple of minutes. I guess greed got the best of me.

Next couple of months are going to be financially hard. I’ll try to stay positive and learn from my mistakes. This is a sick addiction.

[Jonas87]

Almost a week has passed since I lost all of my money. It still gives me shivers to think about the sum of 11k+, but at the same time today Is also the first day that I’ve sort of made my first mental step of accepting the loss and starting to feel slightly optimistic about my life. I’ve realized that by changing my spending habits and finances and maybe low-risk investing I can make that money back in the long run. (Let’s say in about 3 years). Only thing I and other gamblers should mentally accept is that the money can’t never be obtained back from the casino (or that the chances for that are close to none).

On the other positive things, my diet has been going very well. I’ve eaten only about 1000kcal per day and I have been very strict about the diet. Friday has been my only munchy day, and I’m happy to allow myself to eat treats at one day of the week prior to the pre-loss 7 days a week that I used to have.
First time in many years I predict that I’m going to be healthy and in shape when the summer comes and this is great positive goal for myself.

Everybody stay positive!

[Jonas87]

Thanks for replying Johnny, it’s great to have you and other people as peer support.

I still feel very depressed about the loss.
I know I have the guts in me to stop completely gambling, the hard part is accepting the huge sum I lost. But at the same time I acknowledge that chasing the sum is really no option and by doing that is going deeper in to the rabbit hole. I guess life is full of disappointments and this is just one of them. I guess I’m lucky to be still breathing and healthy.

I had slight suicidal thoughts yesterday night and for a brief moment I wished that my life would completely stop. But then I thought about my beautiful girlfriend and my family, dogs etc. I know that I have to keep fighting for all the people (and animals) I love.

I’m also adapting this positive new mindset: I’ll try to make this loss “worth it” by starting to eat healthier, losing weight, starting new activities and being overall a better man to my girlfriend and other people. I guess time will heal the wounds caused by the gambling and those losses and griefs will be eventually fulfilled with new life experiences.

These things can be positive turning points of life in the long term.

BTW. I still relapsed and gambled all I had left in my bank account (130$) and lost it all. I thankfully have 300$ in cash which I’m going to stretch till my paycheck in 2 weeks.

I’ll try to take one day at a time and use discipline. Gambling stops now!

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