[JT]

Well, it seems like forever that I have not posted here, so I was surprised that in reality it has only been about 4 days. Is it true that time moves so slowly when we are not gamblling compared to when we are?

Happy to report that I have not gambled and the urge to gamble is subsiding. As mentioned before, I did try to put up a few barriers to make it more difficult to gamble and easier to resist the temptation. My wife is in charge of my money and I have no compliants.

Healing is indeed a slow process with plenty of time for reflection. I would be lying if I said all of my thoughts were positve, but I can also honesty say that the majority of them were.

I am gradually starting to think about saving money and planning for my family’s future. A big step for me.

[JT]

No offense taken Vera..now and in the future..please always feel free to be frank lol.

My wife knows I am gambler yes..but perhaps she doesn’t know or realize the extent to which I once gambled. I have no problems to tell her all though and I have been thinking about doing this soon enough.

Excellent point about CGs being top notch charmers when we need to be.

I also considered your thought on opening a bank account that requires 2 signatures to withdraw funds (an “AND” account instead of the more common “OR” account). Oddly enough, when I was thinking straight (and not consumed by gambling) I already proposed this idea to my wife to help control our spending. A “AND” account with NO credit or debit cards attached to it. Basically, we would both have to go to the bank together and make an over the counter withdrawal..making it as inconvenient as possible to take money out of the account.

There are currently no programs like GA, etc., in the area where I live fyi. I did join GA in the past in another place, but I prefer this website to be honest.

[JT]

and so am I.

Well so far so good with the money..I DID turn it all over to the Mrs. and am only thinking positively about this move.

I felt GREAT waking up this morning and like the weight of the world was lifted off of my chest. This is hopefully the first of many rewards and positive benefits to be gained by sayng NO to gambling.

Tomorrow is never promised and nothing in this life is certain..except for death and taxes lol…but perhaps it is my small little VICTORY for today and something to BUILD on.

[JT]

“The money has arrived!” quoting Walter Matthau’s character in the original version of “The Taking of Pelham One Two Three”.

I just hope and pray that things will be better this time around. That I will be both strong and smart enough to do the things I know I should do. The things that I have been rehearsing in my mind over and over again, along with the useful advice from so many of our here.

Please wish me …no, not luck..but rather success.

[JT]

I appreciate the advice and support Dan.

I find your messages to be beautiful, brutally honest, insightful and sincere..all at the same time. Please keep posting and I pray and hope for your continued strength and success.

As of late, I am slowly realizing that time is on my side, and not my enemy. Just the other day, it so was nice to spend the afteroon at home kind of at peace and reflecting on my life. I was so happy to have fun time with my 2 little ones (my girl is about 15 months and my boy will be turning 3 this May) and “discovering” that I could get used to this.

That I didn’t have to rush to do anything..especially gamble.

[JT]

I appreciate the advice and support Dan.

I find your messages to be beautiful, brutally honest, insightful and sincere..all at the same time. Please keep posting and I pray and hope for your continued strength and success.

As of late, I am slowly realizing that time is on my side, and not my enemy. Just the other day, it so was nice to spend the afteroon at home kind of at peace and reflecting on my life. I was so happy to have fun time with my 2 little ones (my girl is about 15 months and my boy will be turning 3 this May) and “discovering” that I could get used to this.

That I didn’t have to rush to do anything..especially gamble.

[JT]

Hi Charles and Vera…I thank you for emphasizing to me the importance of telling my wife about the money before it comes. Both of you must be mind readers as I started to again get some “bad thoughts” over the past 12 hours (half day) about gambling.

[JT]

I have been breathing on this planet for more than 51 years now, and upon reflection, I realize how truly blessed and fortunate I have been and still am.

I use the word fortunate as opposed to luck as luck implies gambling..esp in our world. No CG in the end is ever lucky and we all know it is just a matter of time until we lose.

While I have lost hundreds of thousands of dollars, other notable assets, my first marriage, many friends and relatives, business opportunities and time..I can’t believe that I am not out on the street without a penny to my name by now.

I have my parents to thank for taking care of me well beyond the time they should, the security and comfort of close friends and family and a fairly decent education that allowed me to have an above average job and earnings. I also realize that many other CGs may not have been as fortunate.

So long story short, I want to make up for lost time, and as I said in an earlier post, I feel like I am 51 going on 21. Both in a good and bad way I suppose, but I choose to think of my glass as half full..

[JT]

The past few weeks have been rough after several big losses at the casino. Nothing new, sad to say. Then the typical feelings of regret, disappointment, hate, self pity, sadness, fear and loneliness. What’s worse is causing my family to suffer. Not being able to do much on the weekends and then making up a story about having to pay extra for some new expense. I see in my wife’s eyes (and in my 2 very small kids) how much they love and trust in me. This is what really breaks my heart.

Well the better news is in a few days I will again be receiving a good amount of money. I want things to be different this time around. I want to learn from my lessons of the past and practice what I preach and turn over these funds to my wife. I don’t want to ever second guess myself or feel like I am missing gambling. Instead, I want to take comfort and find joy in seeing the smiles on the faces of my family. Going to the mall, eating at a nice restaurant, taking a short weekend trip, an afternoon at the beach..things that most famlies do..I want to do these things instead of gambling.

I’d like to be able to plan and set goals for the future. I actually think I have the knowledge to start up a new business, and if I don’t gamble, I would also have the financial resources to do so.

I know..this is all hot air for now and actions always speak louder than words..so please say a prayer for me and wish me well.

Thanks.

[JT]

I really appreciate your taking the time to reply and to offer me sound advice.

Indeed, I have been gambling for years, but probably for close to 20 of those years I never even thought I had a problem..or at least one that I could not control. Consequently, I also then never considered turing over my finances to another person.

The times that I would be lucky enough to win at the race track or casino I would just keep all of the money in my wallet. I never was really interested in buying anything (at least for myself) becasue in the back of my mind I wanted to have more money available when I would soon be returning
to gamble.

All these things that “smart” people would do in this situation such as putting the money in your bank account, paying off any pending bills or expenses early, making some improvements to your home or fixing up your car, going shopping or taking a mini vacation…I would never do.

So like a sucker, I go back to gamble and of course there will come a time when my luck runs out (there ALWAYS comes this time lol). What do I do as CG? Naturally instead of walking out with most of the money still in my pocket, I CHASE even the smallest loss and then CHASE some more and continue to CHASE and CHASE until my wallet is empty.

As hard to believe as it may seem, I have only recently realized the importance of keeping large sums of money out of my possession. I am clearly a STUPID & SLOW guy.

The thought I use to motivate myself (to help make it easier to turn over money to my wife without having any doubts or fear) is that it is better to throw my wallet out into the street rather than for me to follow my same behavior of squandering the funds gambling. Most likely, the person who finds my wallet will put the money to better use than I would. When I think about it in this light, I am now running to give the money to my wife lol. Even if she would spend the money foolishly at the mall or someplace elese (which I am pretty confident that she would not do), it again is still better than what I would do.

I have enjoyed at times over the years and this was all about ME and my WANTS and DESIRES. I think it is time for me to SACRIFICE (but ultimately this should not considered a sacrifice, but rather a CHANGE) and PRIORITIZE my wife and family and taking care of their needs and making them happy.

[JT]

As a compulsive gambler, I always have a fear of not being able to keep (hold) money for very long. Although this fear never prevented me from gambling in the past.

If I could hope or wish for one thing, it would be to be able to trust myself with money. To not continue to have this feeling that the money is burning a hole in my pocket until I can get to the casino to gamble.

I guess for now as some of you have said, it may be better to turn finances over to someone else. In my case, I have married again and my new wife is much younger than I am. If it were not for my gambling, I would say that I am smarter, and more knowledgeable and experienced when it comes to money. However, because of my gambling, I don’t really have a problem to turn most of my finances over to my wife.

I know that she would make better decisions and put the money to better use than I would..at least for now.

[JT]

I’ve got a few years on you Dan, but I also more or less started gambling at 17. And yes, going to Atlantic City as a minor was never really much of a problem.

I guess I could never live in Vegas because I would lose everything and probably be homeless and living in the street. At least being in LA meant I could leave and then have recovery time.

The drive home always sucked though..esp after losing.

[JT]

I am happy for you Vera that your gambling dreams/nightmares are coming less often.

Mornings are slowly becoming better for me as well and I don’t feel like I have so much weight on my mind like before.

[JT]

I meant to say Counting in my last post btw. I don’t know how the **** got there?

[JT]

I agree Vera that we live in the PRESENT and forget (or do not constantly dwell on) the past. We also cannot get too optimistic about the future- at least when it comes to our recovery.

That’s why I try not to “*****” time that passed without gambling, whether it is days, weeks, or months. When we *****, it is like our subconscious telling us it is only a matter of time before we will go back to our old ways.

When we can focus less on *****ing and more on just celebrating being here today and enjoying this time..well this is truly winning.

[Author]

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