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Today’s thought from the Hazelden Betty Ford Foundation is:
The first skill needed for the Inner Game is called “letting it happen.” This means gradually building a trust in the innate ability of your body to learn and to perform.
–W. Timothy GallweyA strange and intriguing mystery confronts us in the Twelve Steps. We are mending our ways; we are becoming accountable; we are striving to do what is right, yet we are learning to let go. This seems like a contradiction of logic, but it leads us to a spiritual awakening.
We are becoming like the accomplished tennis player who has practiced diligently to develop every detail of his skill. Yet when he is playing the game, he cannot focus on control. He must get his ego out of the way and let himself go. It is in letting go that he rises to his highest level of fulfillment. Today we will do what we must. We can make the choices we are faced with. Then we allow ourselves to be carried along by our Higher Power to complete and fulfill the process.
I will look for opportunities to let it happen today.
You are reading from the book:
Touchstones by Anonymous
Today’s thought from the Hazelden Betty Ford Foundation is:
Love doesn’t just sit there like a stone: it has to be made, like bread, remade all the time, made new.
–Ursula K. Le GuinEveryone could use a new batch of love every day. Way too often, we forget to make a new batch. Then we end up eating hard, old, crumbly stuff that doesn’t even taste good. We forget to talk with the people we love. We tell ourselves that they should “know” we love them, even if we haven’t called to connect with them for a long time. So we expect them to live off hard, old, dry crumbs too!
But baking a fresh batch of love is a lot easier than baking bread. All we have to do is make a phone call, write a letter or an email, or stop by our mom’s house. We need to deliver the message that the people we love are important. What could be easier or more rewarding?
Prayer for the Day
Higher Power, help me remember that love is a verb – something I do, not something that can be given once and stored forever. Help me be active in loving the important people in my life.
Today’s Action
I will make it a point to make a fresh batch of love today and deliver it – in person or in a phone call, email, or letter.
You are reading from the book:
God Grant Me… by Anonymous
Today’s thought from the Hazelden Betty Ford Foundation is:
Trouble is a part of life, and if you don’t share it, you don’t give the person who loves you a chance to love you enough.
–Dinah ShoreJust as gravity keeps us grounded and connected to the earth, our fellowship keeps us bound to sobriety. The fellowship available to us in our Twelve Step program keeps us in reality. A problem pondered in isolation seems immense; the same problem shared by those who truly understand is manageable. We need other people from the moment we are born. We need to be included, to feel we’re a part of something larger than ourselves. Our spirits hunger for contact from others, and thirst for a relationship with God.
Our fellowship is there, a warm, friendly, and accepting family. Our Higher Power loves us. We are not alone, no matter where we travel, no matter how large our problems seem at the moment. Our joys are doubled and our sadness diminished through the sharing of our hearts.
Today help me listen carefully and give as well as take so I may fully experience this gift of fellowship.
You are reading from the book:
Body, Mind, and Spirit by Anonymous
Today’s thought from the Hazelden Betty Ford Foundation is:
Happiness is a decision.
We came into this program desperate for help and perhaps solace too. We were more painful than most. Seeing all the smiles and hearing the laughter of the women and men at the meetings convinced us we were right! Fortunately, we have stuck around long enough to understand where their smiles and laughter are coming from.
The Twelve Steps are suggestions for living one day at a time. When we let the Steps guide our thinking and our actions, we discover that life doesn’t have to be painful. Thinking and acting are fully in our control. Staying close to the program can bring us happiness.
I will set a good example for someone else today. I will be living proof of the maxim “Most folks are as happy as they make up their minds to be.”
You are reading from the book:
A Life of My Own by Karen Casey
Today’s thought from the Hazelden Betty Ford Foundation is:
The Power of Love
Love is the best motivation. When we are plugged in to our Higher Power, we are plugged in to love. It flows through us like a current, energizing our sluggish hearts and minds.
As we work the Steps of this program, we are given increased ability to love. By turning over our lives and our wills, we become receptive to the love which surrounds and sustains us. By taking inventory and being ready to have our character defects removed, we are able to get rid of old ways of thinking and acting which have been blocking out love.
We cannot produce love for others by ourselves, but we can receive it from our Higher Power. We can even receive love for people we don’t particularly like.
Love gives energy for action and directs its course. May I grow in love.
You are reading from the book:
Food for Thought by Elisabeth L.
Today’s thought from the Hazelden Betty Ford Foundation is:
Don’t take storms personally.
Somewhere out in the Pacific, a storm brewed and swirled and thrashed and died without ever touching the land. Three days, later, under a clear blue sky, the storm surge reached the California coast near Los Angeles. The sea threw rocks at my house, and the waves stacked up and crashed down against the pilings of the foundation. Farther up the street, the ocean ate the back porch of two houses. All night the shoreline trembled and shook from the power of the sea.
The next morning the tide pulled back, the swells calmed, and the sky stayed blue. I walked down the beach, impressed at the way the ocean had littered it with huge chunks of driftwood and rocks. Then I walked back upstairs and drank my morning coffee.
Sometimes storms aren’t about us.
Sometimes, friends or loved ones will attack us for no apparent reason. They’ll fuss, fume, and snap at us. When we ask them why, they’ll say, “Oh I’m sorry. I had a bad day at work.” But we still feel hurt and upset.
Hold people accountable for their behavior. Don’t let people treat you badly. But don’t take the storms in their lives personally. These storms may have nothing to do with you.
Seek shelter if necessary. Get away from hurt friends until they have time to calm down; then approach when it’s safe. If the storm isn’t about you, there’s nothing you need to do. Would you try to stop the ocean waves by standing in the surf with your arms outstretched?
God, help me not to take the storms in the lives of my friends and loved ones too personally.
You are reading from the book:
More Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie
Today’s thought from the Hazelden Betty Ford Foundation is:
Make yourself at home.
It was night, only a few months after I’d begun my skydiving adventure.One of the other skydivers was sitting in a lawn chair. The evening lights had been turned on and he was wrapped up in a sleeping bag, reading a book under the hazy glow. He was one of the full-time skydivers, who had been attracted to the gypsy lifestyle of the skydiving community as much as the sport itself.
“What are you doing?” I asked.
“I’m in my living room, reading a book,” he replied. “Do you like the view of the backyard?” he asked, making a gesture toward the rolling hills that cascaded gently in the background. “Sometimes I take my sleeping bag and curl up under the stars in the landing area over there.”
I looked around, almost envious of his freedom.
Sometimes, we get so busy and involved creating a home for ourselves that we create a structure that’s too safe, limiting, and confined. We forget about our real home, the planet earth. It’s good to sleep indoors. It’s nice to make ourselves comfortable in our home. But don’t let your cozy nest become a locked, confining box.
Stretch your arms. Push the lid off the box. Get out into the world. Walk around. Move about. See how connected everything is. See how connected you are, too, to all that is. Make yourself comfortable, wherever you are. Make yourself a home and be at home in the world.
God, help me relax and make myself at home in your bountiful world.
You are reading from the book:
More Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie
Thanks Charles
I am doing ok. Have my good days my bad days and my
good/bad days. This coming Wednesday will be tough as
it would have been my son’s 27th Birthday. We are going
to visit his grave so not sure what to expect emotional wise.Today’s thought from the Hazelden Betty Ford Foundation is:
Reflection for the Day
Among the many gifts that we are offered in The Program is the gift of freedom. Paradoxically, however, the gift of freedom is not without a price tag; freedom can only be achieved by paying the price called acceptance. Similarly, if we can surrender to God’s guidance, it will cost us our self-will, that “commodity” so precious to those of us who have always thought we could and should run the show. Is my freedom today worth the price tag of acceptance?
Today I Pray
May God teach me acceptance – the ability to accept the things I cannot change. God also grant me courage to change those things I can. God help me to accept the illness of my addiction and give me the courage to change my addictive behavior.
Today I Will Remember
Accept the addiction. Change the behavior.
You are reading from the book:
A Day at a Time (Softcover) by Anonymous
Today’s thought from the Hazelden Betty Ford Foundation is:
God Is Here
The Power, which restores us to sanity, is not something remote and abstract, which we must search for by reading books and performing great feats. Our Higher Power is with us constantly and is involved in the minute details of every day. We do not have to wait and work to become acceptable to God. God accepts us now, just as we are.
What gets in the way of our awareness of God is self. If we are narrowly focused on the concerns of ego and self-will, we ignore the presence of a Higher Power. Then we become weak and confused in our aloneness.
To be aware of the presence of God in our lives every day, all we need is the willingness to be open. We find that God is indeed “closer than breathing and nearer than hands and feet.” What we may have spent years searching for or denying turns out to be the ground of our existence and the Power that sustains us every minute.
Increase my awareness of You, I pray.
You are reading from the book:
Food for Thought by Elisabeth L.
Like a boss.
Today’s thought from the Hazelden Betty Ford Foundation is:
Acceptance frees us.
Conflict can result from trying to change a person or situation that we don’t like. And conflict causes stress and agitation, both of which limit our lives. They steal our ability to be open to opportunities for growth and change.
Why is it so hard to accept situations we don’t like? Twelve Step programs tell us it’s because of our ego. We feel diminished when others don’t agree with our plan or our opinion. Our self-worth is tied to other people’s reactions.
But we can change. We can let the success stories we hear in this program inspire us to let others be. We will discover how much better we feel when we’re not on the battlefield with our friends and loved ones.
I don’t have to have conflict with other people today. I can let others be themselves and do what feels right to them. I’ll feel more at ease too.
You are reading from the book:
A Life of My Own by Karen Casey
Monday February 16th
Today’s thought from the Hazelden Betty Ford Foundation is:
The shy man usually finds that he has been shy without cause and that, in practice, no one takes the slightest notice of him.
–Robert LyndWe sometimes feel self-conscious in front of others. It may be that we’ve just gotten braces or a new haircut and we’re afraid everyone will stare at us. We stop smiling and talk with our heads bowed. Many people have worn braces and many more will. We need not be ashamed just because we feel different. By beginning to smile again we will see how many people really didn’t notice our braces, or our haircuts, or anything but what they see inside us.
All we need to do is lift our heads and smile. We will be amazed to find how little even our best friends notice about the externals, the things that don’t really matter. Who we are is far more noticeable and far more important than what we look like. A smile at shy times helps us accept ourselves as others do.
You are reading from the book:
Today’s Gift by Anonymous
Tuesday February 17th
Today’s thought from the Hazelden Betty Ford Foundation is:
…we live several lives in one lifetime.
Waking up from a terrifying dream, we first sigh with deep relief, “Thank God it was just a dream.” After we have made a big mistake in real life we long for the chance to undo it. We do not get to undo those moments, but life is still full of second chances . . . and third and fourth chances. The big question is. Do we learn from our experiences?
In some ways, we live several lives in one lifetime and we have several phases in one relationship. Today is a new day, and it presents all the possibilities of a new beginning. We have learned from the past. As painful and difficult as our experiences were, we can feel stronger today because we have learned from them. Injustice and fateful accidents can befall anyone. Yet many difficult times never need to be repeated. Today we can be grateful for another day with all the new opportunities it brings.
Name one way you are different today because of what you have learned from your experience.
You are reading from the book:
The More We Find In Each Other by Merle Fossum and Mavis Fossum
Today’s thought from the Hazelden Betty Ford Foundation is:
Recovery is about more than walking away. Sometimes it means learning to stay and deal. It’s about building and maintaining relationships that work.
–Beyond CodependencyProblems and conflicts are parts of life and relationships – with friends, family, loved ones, and at work. Problem solving and conflict negotiation are skills we can acquire and improve with time.
Not being willing to tackle and solve problems in relationships leads to unresolved feelings of anger and victimization, terminated relationships, unresolved problems, and power plays that intensify the problem and waste time and energy.
Not being willing to face and solve problems means we may run into that problem again.
Some problems with people cannot be worked out in mutually satisfactory ways. Sometimes the problem is a boundary issue we have, and there is not room to negotiate. In that case, we need to clearly understand what we want and need and what our bottom line is.
Some problems with people, though, can be worked out, worked through, and satisfactorily negotiated. To negotiate problems, we must be willing to identify the problem, let go of blame and shame, and focus on possible creative solutions. To successfully negotiate and solve problems in relationships, we must have a sense of our bottom line and our boundary issues, so we don’t waste time trying to negotiate non-negotiable issues.
We need to learn to identify what both people really want and need and the different possibilities for working that out. We can learn to be flexible without being too flexible.
Today, I will be open to negotiating conflicts I have with people. I will strive for balance without being too submissive or too demanding. I will strive for appropriate flexibility in my problem solving efforts.
You are reading from the book:
The Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie
Today’s thought from the Hazelden Betty Ford Foundation is:
In life, the difficult periods are the best periods to gain experience and shore up determination. As a result, my mental status is much improved because of them.
–The Dalai LamaLife is a process of meeting and solving problems. Solving problems is a way that we test and develop our spiritual muscle. Think of outstanding people such as Abraham Lincoln, Mahatma Gandhi, and Helen Keller. Lincoln faced the problem of a divided country; Gandhi, an oppressed India; Keller, her personal handicaps. In rising to meet their vision, courage, fortitude, and compassion, they became great – not in spite of, but because of their problems.
Problems often come to us in the form of crisis. The Chinese glyph for the word crisis contains two symbols; one means danger and the other opportunity. When an obstacle is before you, use it to create a beneficial result. As with Lincoln, Gandhi, and Keller, let your problems bring out your greatness.
Rather than pray for a life that is problem-free, ask for one that is solution-full. Instead of requesting that God remove the mountain before you, seek the strength to climb it. Remember that the best students always get the toughest problems. Love the problems you have, and their priceless gifts will be yours.
You are reading from the book:
Listening to Your Inner Voice by Douglas Bloch
Today’s thought from the Hazelden Betty Ford Foundation is:
No man is more cheated than the selfish man.
–Henry Ward BeecherWhen we’re selfish, we close off the channels of exchange with others. Not only are we grabbing and holding all the goods or attention we can get, but we are denying others the possibility of sharing with us in the benefits. We may be selfish in material goods, but there are many other ways too. Some of us expect our spouses to meet our needs while we make little effort to meet theirs. Some of us discover our selfishness as we drive, refusing to yield a position to another car or getting furious if we lose a place in heavy traffic.
By contrast, our generosity and welcoming responses nourish the spirit within us and create a good environment for our growth. Sometimes giving does not come easily We have a more generous spirit when we are in touch with our ultimate vulnerability. All of life is fragile, and we need each other to have a good life. We can truly hold on to nothing but ourselves. Giving what we can of our time, our energy, and our goods, helps create the kind of world we want to live in.
Today, I will look for ways to be generous with those with whom I share this world.
You are reading from the book:
Touchstones by Anonymous
Wine
Today’s thought from the Hazelden Betty Ford Foundation is:
Happiness is not a destination. It is a method of life.
–Burton HillisThe start of a new month is a natural time to take a look at our lives. Are we happy most days? Do we know how to be happy?
We can choose to be happy, no matter what happened in our past or what is going on around us now. But being happy doesn’t come naturally to a lot of us. We didn’t like ourselves, or our lives, before.
But things are different now. Thanks to our recovery, we are clean and sober and learning to be happy. Being happy starts with the changes in us – being willing to work the steps, to go to any lengths, and deciding to be happy. Today we feel good about ourselves and our lives. We trust that our Higher Power is guiding us to a better life, day by day.
Today help me choose happiness by being grateful for life.
You are reading from the book:
Our Best Days by Nancy Hull-Mast