[killingit2015]

As others have said, you need to accept the money is gone and you will never get it back. You need to be honest with yourself, admit you have a problem and make sure you are serious about getting help.

You have to understand this is a progressive illness and if not treated, you will go on to lose more over time. I’m 33 now and can tell you from experience that if you were smart enough to save $30k at 24, you can do it again. Over the last 10 years I have lost many times that amount – so let me reiterate how critical it is you get help now. The losses will magnify over time and you will become desensitized to larger amounts – in order to win back larger losses you will gamble more and so the cycle continues until it totally destroys you and leaves you with nothing.

Set yourself a goal, say for the next 12 months. Real goals – e.g. save $10k, look for new ways to build income, invest, start a business, etc, etc. One of the methods I use to help me get past my own losses is to visualize it as an investment that has gone bad. Forgive yourself and admit you made a foolish choice, but then move on. Don’t think about it or it will consume you.

Keep strong. Stick to your goals and in a year or two this will be nothing more than a bad memory.

[killingit2015]

Thanks kpat – how are you going? Are things positive on your side?

[killingit2015]

5 days away from my original 30 day goal. I just re-read my first post in the thread and all the comments. Wow I feel totally different than I did when I wrote that. Can you sense the despair, the pain, the regret in that post? A lot of that has already faded away.

Not 30 days yet, so don’t want to get ahead of myself!! However I just wanted to touch on how things have changed for me since that first post:
– Estimated $4,000 saved by NOT gambling (my average 2014 monthly loss was $4,000 – disgusting I know)
– Healhier and more energy. I am back to working out almost every day, eating more home cooked meals, getting lots of sleep
– Improvement in my work. I’m not sitting there freaking out over how much I lost over the weekend. Not getting anxious. Just focusing on doing my best work for today.
– Less Anxiety/negative thoughts. Something I think goes hand in hand with a gambling addiction is depression and anxiety. I am feeling more self confident now and just ready to attack life.
– Control over my money. My strict financial controls not only including cutting up the credit/debit cards but living on a strict financial budget. Every dollar has a job – I use YNAB for this. Investments, savings, debt payments, groceries, rent, fun stuff, etc ,etc. I have a bunch of categories and every dollar is assigned something. About $100 over budget this month – still learning. It’s a great feeling when you get a bill and know the money has been set aside!

That’s just after 26 days. I hope that encourages some of you who are still trying to quit and eliminate your addiction. In case you don’t want to read through all the posts – summary what works for me:
– Read Allen Carr’s ‘Easy Way to Stop Gambling’ NOW – this book will change everything for you
– Put in the effort and put in the STRICT financial controls. Cut up/close the credit cards. Deposit paychecks into another (safe/untouchable by card) account immediately. Keep only a bare minimum in your debit card account at any one time – for me it’s around $200.
– Finally set some written goals. Don’t go overboard, do anything – just write it down. 5 days, 10 days, 30 days, 100 days. Start small and work up. I know some people here say only this day counts, but you do need to look further than just 1 day. Give yourself something to aim and fight for. Fight for you!!

Have a great weekend.

[killingit2015]

Thanks John, it’s great to get some acknowledgement from those who can relate!

You have obviously been at it longer than me, but in my opinion that’s irrelevant. We all suffer from the same problem and while everybody has a different story, the common thread of regret, pain, loss, depression, etc. etc. is always there. Did you read my posts in detail? Make sure you get your hands on that book I mentioned – it will change your life.

It sounds like you have lost an awful lot, and I feel your pain I really do. It’s never too late, you can turn it around. You just need to change your perspective on gambling – sounds too easy right? but you know it! It’s that false belief system that keeps us trapped running the same old circle for years.

Remember you were successful once – you can be again, but also remember it took years to get where you are now. It will take some hard work to unravel the mess and get some direction. Can I suggest setting some small goals? Are you in debt? Maybe just focus on the first 30 days and build a target amount in savings. I’m telling you once you get one or two small wins under your belt the momentum just builds and it feels amazing.

Think and grow rich my friend – It all starts with that one little step. Make 2015 different. Let me know how you get on.

[killingit2015]

Still gamble free – so happy!

Just over 7 days left till I hit my 30 day first goal! I’m stoked! Can’t wait!!

[killingit2015]

Thanks for chiming in!

Enjoy your vacation – it’s a great opportunity to just relax and get through that book. Make sure you get it you won’t be dissapointed it’s a key tool to use in your arsenal to slay this beast.

I know it’s early days – I have gone longer than this before. The 30-60 day period will be the real test for me. But you know what as I wrote earlier it’s different this time around. It’s just that perspective change and level of awareness. I have to keep reminding myself, but it’s there and it’s real.

Looks like your a couple of days ahead of me – You will have to tell me how day 30 feels – I will see you on the other side of that number!

[killingit2015]

Hey Vera – thanks for that post was a good read.

I agree with everything you say. Perspective and awareness is how we can beat this thing. Willpower in my opinion is totally useless and a fruitless endeavour. How do I know this? I have tried to stop 100’s of times – literally and never had real success. I beat myself up so much because I had such an awesome plan for just living life 3 years ago when I turned 30, but my gambling just destroyed my confidence over time. The last 3 years have without a doubt been the most painful in my life. I almost lost it all. I know I will get over it eventually, but I never want to forget it – I want to use it as a reminder to never let myself get in this situation ever again.

The combination of my awareness to the problem and my perspective change is how I know I will beat this. I know habits take time to break, I’m not naive. The perspective change is one very powerful tool, others I use in include zero credit card access and only living expense access ($150 – $200 in my account at any one time), daily exercise and a solid studying/reading routine. I have also had to stop catching up with a person who just wants to gamble constantly non stop whenever we go out for a drink.

Anyway I’m moving forward, heading into my third weekend without gambling confident I will come out the other side OK. Good luck with your journey keep posting let us all now how your getting along! I think you have another long thread I’ll check it out.

[killingit2015]

Hey Hintline how are you going? Have you been able to abstain from gambling?

I am curious to see if Allen Carr’s book had the same effect on you. I think I’m beginning to sound like a broken record in other posts it would be good if I had someone to back me up!! ??

Seriously though I hope all is going well. I suggest you keep posting – this forum section is a journal after all. I find it is very therapeutic and it’s comforting to see when others post, especially as some of the stories are very sobering and have a lot of pain and loss.

Our resolve to beat this terrible addiction is what unites us. It’s important we never stop trying to beat it.

[killingit2015]

I’m at 14 days too! Congratulations!

Keep it up only another 14 (and a day or two!) till we hit 30!!

[killingit2015]

Hey everyone!

Heading into my 15th day gamble free, it feels bloody awesome but this week has been just a tad challenging. Had a really minor urge the other day. Good news is I just applied the principles from Allen Carr’s book and it faded just as quickly as it came on. I think the little monster is gasping for breath!

Aside from that the only downer has been the feeling sorry for myself routine. I commented on another post just then about setting goals – it was jlunuz1 I think. There was a period earlier this week where I beat myself up a bit for the lost money and opportunity associated with it. In my case, no small sum as you all know – over 6 figures. I just sometimes think I could have my own house paid for by now instead of paying rent for someone else’s mortgage.

Sometimes I just think about starting fresh in a new city or country. I tried Canada in 2013 for a few months, but ended up back in Australia. I’ve thought about trying again – but maybe I just need to stay here instead of running away. Just lots of bad memories.

But thoughts are things as they say – maybe the best thing is just to move on and stop giving life to the past!

15 more days till my first 30 days!!

[killingit2015]

Do you feel comfortable giving specifics on the debt? How much is there? Do you have one creditor or many? What are your skills/trade? If you feel comfortable listing that I will do what I can to help and offer my advice for moving forward.

I think if you start getting all the details together – list the debts smallest to largest – and put together a plan you may start to feel better about things as you set yourself some small goals. This thing isn’t going to fix itself – you need to take action against it otherwise it will just keep eating away at you.

I listen to Dave Ramsey every day for financial motivation and insight. Hearing some of the success stories on there really makes you realise that it’s completely possible to come back from the brink. But one thing in all the success stories is common – sustained hard work and commitment over a set period of time.

8 years ago you said you were on the way up, now your down. You found success before you can do it again. Just don’t fool yourself into thinking it will happen overnight – it’s going to take time and a solid commitment to get better.

I lost a large portion of my net worth to gambling over a number of years. I used to get depressed about the losses everyday thinking about how successful I used to be, what I could have had, etc. I changed my perspective, forgave myself for being a FOOL and moved on to setting some goals for the next year.

Think and grow rich – don’t gamble! Yes, it is possible to get better from where you are. Anything is possible!! You just have to believe in yourself again and take ACTION! Don’t sit around waiting for things to get better.

[killingit2015]

Hey there,

Thanks for sharing your story. I have also had large losses and have tried to quit many times. Can I suggest you download/pick up a book called ‘Easy Way to Stop Gambling’ by Allen Carr. I got it after a suggestion on here and it has totally changed my perspective on gambling. I have had almost no urges and I am on 12 days gamble free and it feels awesome.

Don’t use willpower, don’t make assertions like ‘I WILL NEVER GAMBLE AGAIN’. It is dangerous – why? Because it rarely works. How many times have you said that to yourself? only to fall back in it a day or week later and lose MORE than you lost before. That’s what happened to me, dozens of times!! This book made me realise the willpower game is a dead end. You need to change your perspective and the urge will fade away.

Good luck in your recovery. I’ll be following your thread.

[killingit2015]

Oh I hear ya – those losses are so ridiculous just looking at my spread sheet makes me asked myself WTF???!!!! Seriously, the numbers are mind boggling. I have to just tell myself I was not of right mind because there is just no other excuse. I am afraid to tell anyone face to face the amounts because it’s just so damn embarrasing. I’m talking like 3 months of a mortgage repayment in one night!!

It’s bad, but hey – that money is gone and we can never get it back. I’m just working my butt off to make up those lost years.

Don’t hesitate in grabbing the book seriously – it is absolutely the only thing that has kept me gamble free from my binge in the last 3 years. Only at Day 12, but I feel so confident I’m going to be gamble free at 30 days. It just feels great.

[killingit2015]

Good work on the 33 days.

Wanted to comment as my story is similar. We around the same age, my life time losses are close to the same and my income is also north 6 figures. One of the things that was a big wake up call when was I realised a guy I used to hang out with was earning about 1/3 of my income but had a higher net worth. How the hell does that happen? GAMBLING!! It took the bleeding obvious to make me realise. But of course my solution was to gamble more.

Anyway I just wanted to add you need to really check out a book by Allen Carr called ‘The Easy Way to stop gambling’. Check out my other posts as I elaborate more on it. I have tried countless times to kick the habit. This is the first time I can honestly say I have totally different perspective on gambling. Don’t use willpower alone – you will fail! Instead the solution lies in how we see gambling and why we think we keep needing to have a bet. Once you change your perspective and realize the urge to place a bet is just our psychology trying to get us back to the ‘normal’ state of mind, the urge just goes away. The contentness we think we feel when we gamble is how non-gamblers feel all the time!! Please, if you are serious about your recovery, read this book.

The other part of this is getting past the losses and putting some financial controls in place. For me this was hard also. The constant thinking about what if? What if I had done this, what if I had done that. You need to forgive yourself and accept the loss. Make small goals, get gazelle intense about achieving them. Maybe set a savings or investment goal. If you have debt, list them all on paper smallest to largest and just snowball paying them off – one after the other. Live on a written budget, cut up and close off the credit cards (research and go listen to Dave Ramsey) and just work your butt off to make up those lost years. This is the only way – there is no easy way out of this, it is going to require hard work but the pay off will be worth it!

Imagine how different your life can be in just 6 months from now if you stop gambling. In a year or two, this may all be just a bad memory.

That’s how I am choosing to deal with it. I intensely believe my life will be so much better and different (in a positive way) 12 months from now, that this horrible period in my life will be nothing but a bad memory.

Good luck this time around.

[killingit2015]

About to head into day 12 – the weekend’s are the biggest danger zone for me as I am pretty busy working during the week. I am just so happy I have made it through another one, though 3 more left this month!

Put myself in a stupid situation yesterday by associating with someone who is a heavy gambler. Thought it would be just a catchup for lunch, but ended up down at the betting shop. Didn’t feel the urge to gamble though which was good – but I know it’s just asking for trouble by putting myself in that situation.

Lesson learnt!

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