[killingit2015]

No problem – felt like sharing tonight. I’ve spent so much time reading all the posts on here it’s important we all share our stories and thoughts on any progress.

I can’t relate to therapy – it sounds like you have been through the wringer. I can relate to the loss and self loathing however. 2 years ago I had a level of financial comfort and security I can now only dream of, and I have spent so much of the last few months focusing on that it just got me so damn depressed. But what did I continue to do?? Gamble! and lose more! then feel more depressed, etc etc.

That’s why I feel this disease is so insidious. I know it’s hard but try and move forward. I loved this book because it just changed my perspective on the whole damn thing. It made me realise it’s all in my head. Once I chose to stop thinking about gambling the same way, my thoughts changed almost instantly.

In all my years, I feel like this is real change and progress. I might be wrong, who knows. But I know I will never think about gambling the same way again and that’s important. Because we only keep doing the same thing when we think about it the same way. It’s just a bad habit that we associate with a good time or stress relief – nothing more. We just need to flip it.

Becareful of the self loathing. It will turn into depression and that can linger a long time. Depression can skew your sense of the past – you keep thinking about what could have been and if only and it becomes destructive. Remember you are totally in control of yourself right now at this point. It’s the millimeters in life that make all the different. The small choices you make now will tangent out into large impacts in the future.

Make the choice now to accept the loss and move forward. To set goals and focus on the future. Things won’t be like this forever, in time things WILL get better – it’s inevitable, but only if you make the right choices. You know better than anyone what those are.

[killingit2015]

Hey Jen,

I’ve had my share of embarrasing too don’t worry. I grew up with a gambling addict father, swore I would never touch it – and I didn’t for a long period of time. Then I made a commitment when I was 30 to change my life and head in a new direction. My losses up to that point over the preceeding 10 years would be about $20-30k I would estimate, nothing life changing considering my income.

The next 3 years turn into a complete nightmare – losing an amount totalling many multiples of that, losing all my friends in the process. That’s what get’s me so down and honeslty so terrified – how quickly things can just go down hill if you let it. I am telling you there is more to this addicition than psychology. There is just something so insidious and evil about gambling – it takes so much more than just the money. I have had many very strange things happen during those gambling binges I can only describe as supernatural I am sure you can relate as well. It’s all designed to bring us back to take everything from us – ultimately our lives.

Anyway, enough of the drama from me ?? Listen, forget the years – I know you have been stuck for 20 years, but it’s irrelevant. Nothing is going to change unless you change your perspective – I know you have read the book. But you also need tools to support you. Cutting access to cash is perhaps the most important, because while you can keep accessing that level of cash – it’s not real. It’s not real because you have desensitized yourself to spending that level of money – believe me I know.

You have to own this and make the tough decisions. My method was to cut up and close the credit cards – I’m in Australia, the bank system is probably different here – we can’t get lines of credit. So perhaps you need to close that account. I opened a brand new savings account and make sure there is only enough in there to cover my expenses for a few days at a time, never more than $200 unless I need to purchase something or pay a bigger bill.

Hope that helps. I’ve read a lot of your posts on here I can see your regret and pain. Set some goals for the next few years. Make the next 5 years of your life so remarkably different that all this will just be a bad memory. A story that can have a happy ending!

[killingit2015]

Hey guys thanks for the replies. My thoughts and prayers are with all of you – I know you have all struggled and have your own story of loss and pain, but have faith – this demon can be beaten I am sure of it!

Well I’m about to enter day 9 gamble free….not too big of a deal but I wanted to share nonetheless. My longest stint was about 9 weeks out of the last 3 years, so I am determined to go way beyond that!

I can’t sing enough praise for Allen Carr’s book – for those new reading this post his book is called ‘Easy Way to Stop Gambling’. Oh no not another book you ask? This guy is the real deal. His clinics have helped millions of compulsive smokers around the world with a 90% success rate. The premise of his book is remarkably simple – using willpower alone to try and walk away from addiction usually results in failure. It’s only when you change your perspective on what the addiction is and how it impacts your psychology, you can finally see things differently.

It might sound like a simple idea but it is immensely profound. Think about all that great feeling when you gamble and relieve an urge – that is what normal non-addicts feel most of the time! The urge to gamble is just your mind thinking that it needs to gamble to feel that level of normal again. The book can explain it much better than me, suffice to say that the whole thing is a con. We don’t need to gamble to relieve that urge and feel normal again. Once you can convince yourself of that, I am sure you will feel different.

Anyway I’m still a way off my initial 30 day goal, but the last few days I have started to feel a real freedom. The pain of past loss is still there sometimes, but I just keep reading my goals and focusing on the future.

There is no reason any of us have to give the monster one more cent or one more minute of our precious time.

Best wishes to everyone this week and going into the weekend. Be safe and when presented with the opportunity to gamble – choose to do something else!

[killingit2015]

I’ve commented on Allen Carr’s book on a couple of other threads. I’ve suffered from the same issue as you. I’m sure our financial details are different but I’ve spent the last 3 years losing a tremendous amount of my net worth, going in and out of debt. I have been beating myself up the last few weeks thinking just what the hell was I doing?

It’s amazing when you have a clear mind what you think of. December 31st 2014 was my last bet. I came home and finished Allen Carr’s book in a couple of days. My whole perspective on gambling has changed – I just feel like a @#$@ing idiot for it taking me this long to sink in.

Here is a new thought for you – you don’t need to bet to relieve stress, have fun, enjoy a win or any of that other crap we tell ourselves. That winning feeling we get when we win – that’s what normal non-gamblers feel all the time! Gambling is just our body’s way to try and get back to that mental state. Quitting by willpower alone will rarely ever work, you need to look at the whole thing in a new perspective – this is what the book explains and demonstrates. Once you realise the whole thing is a con, you can make the decision to stop now and never look back.

I have tried to stop 100’s of times, but this is the first time I can honestly say I have almost no urge to gamble and it’s all because my perspective on it has changed. The one or two times I had a small urge, it dissapeared within a minute by applying his principles.

Remember, you can’t move forward by stepping backwards. Focus on the now, move on from the past. Set yourself goals – family, spiritual, financial, career. Get some small wins, then get more audacious. I’m only 8 days in but I know that in my life, things will be so radically different in 12 months that all this hell I’ve been living in will one day be ancient history.

[killingit2015]

Hey Jen,

I just read through this post – I just made the commitment to kick the habit again, only on day 4.

I can relate to you because the amounts I have blown on a night out look the same as what I used to. Can I ask how are you still having access to this level of cash?

I used to have a bunch of cards with me that gave me access to around $4,000 at a time. I finally got the courage to cut them up, opened up a new account and only kept in about $200 at a time – that seemed to lessen the damage somewhat.

Have you put any measures in place to limit your cash access? IMO that should be one of the first steps if your serious about stopping.

Also as I mentioned in my post I read Allen Carr’s Easy Way to Stop Gambling as this poster has mentioned. It had a massive impact on me and has definitely changed my perspective.

It’s never too late to stop, don’t let it consume you. Make yourself some small goals for the next few months. I know you know all this already, but I just wanted to give you some encouragement. I’ve been there too many times to count after a big loss and I know that terrible hangover, it’s bloody painful. Hang in there.

[killingit2015]

Thanks for the replies guys.

Just finished reading the Easy Way to Stop Gambling by Allen Carr – I recall it was recommended by someone else on here. It was a great read and has totally changed by perspective on gambling and the difficulty in trying to use will power alone to beat this addiction.

Early days, but I have made it to the end of the weekend without a single drink or gamble. It’s only day 4 – very early days of course, but the significance for me is to make it through a weekend without either a drink or a bet. For me that’s a great little win.

Will post an update next week. Hope everyone had a great weekend.

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