[kim818]

Hi

I’m new here. And I clicked on this one as I saw my name and year of birth so I took that as a sign. Heh. I found myself googling ‘winning big at online casino only to lose it all back’ bc once again I had done so tonight. And at first I wasn’t that mad at myself – wasn’t sure why… but it came to me later
But then I did get angry at myself bc I had won and had I waited just couple more hours to cash out (as I had already met my weekly cashout limit there)
Anywho the urge hit and it was on.

I think we self sabotage bc deep down we know what we seek isn’t real. In fact, it’s consuming my time when I could be doing so much more. Spending more time with my sons, keeping a better house , exercising ect
Sometimes when I’m way ahead I feel sad bc that prevents the need to gamble, and thus lessens the would be brain rewards I could be receiving from it.
I thought once … as I was scurrying back to my room to play , away from family and friends – I had an image of heaven- heaven being the notion of providing you with everything you want, paradise ect ect and I imagined myself alone with my favorite slot game , perhaps even hitting big repeatedly – ugh I shuddered at the thought and instantly felt saddened.
I think if we can replace the anger we feel from loosing or losing said winnings – with gratitude in that it can remind ourselves of what’s truly important.
Again as I feel we subconsciously lose even large winnings is that we are self sabotaging in order to find ways to continue that reward activity in the brain or on a deeper level we sense the meaninglessness of gambling/thrill.

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