[kstep85]

The relief has been very real, enormous weight lifted off my shoulders but more lifted from my mind. My mind and my eyes have been so narrow and closed off for years, now that I’ve admitted everything i’m not focusing on the same shit cycle of gamble, lose money, be depressed, lose job, gamble more to replace a wage, lose more, feel more depressed…..so on. All of that crap is kind of taking care of itself with the fact that I now have a plan which is the programme. In the meantime it’s allowed me to begin to open eyes to what’s going on around me, spending time with my partner and daughter etc. Huge relief mate and something all Compulsive Gamblers have to do if they are to have any hope…..come clean, tell all, clean the slate to allow yourself any chance of having a fresh start.

Just checked, not quite 4 weeks. Last time I gambled was July 7th….nothing since, no immediate plans to gamble and i’m coping fairly well. Now I know it was July 7th I’m going to track the days moving foward, one day at a time and since I’ve obviously got the compulsive gene I might aswell make an obsession out of things like this and also in the future, if I am to have any further addictions then I would choose Saving money as my next habit.

That’s something that will be so important for my quality of life moving forward, learning to watch sport for the love of it, like I always did when i was younger. Not watching sport and getting stressed as the minutes tick by and my money is at risk. I’ll always have a keen interest in footy, Boxing, MMA, and even things like, golf, tennis…most sports casually.

Please tell me there is a way we can watch Mcregor vs Mayweather in there??? I DO NOT wanna be missing that fight, it may be a farce but I want to see it.

Your advice and posting on here has definitely helped myself, I would suggest how active you are on here is helping a lot of the others and obviously keeping your positive mindest ticking for your own benefit too.

I’m actually starting as early as next Monday 7th August due to some rescheduling. Sounds like i’ll see you in there end of August which is cool.

Hopefully keep eachother motivated and if you’re up for doing some sports or fitness then it’ll be good to have other people for that too.

The lack of phone calls home is my main concern but I understand it’s necessary.

Keep up your good work, stay gamble free, just another day in the gamble free office…..easy money, that you actually keep.

KStep

[kstep85]

Hi Velvet,

I really appreciate this message and thank you so much for the lovely words.

This morning I got up, got showered, had breakfast, did some dishes and put some clothes in the wash…..amongst those basics I got a phone call, Amy from Gordon Moody giving me a start date for the programme. Such great news.

I’m going to make my future positive and I will embrace this fully, I promise you that much.

Thanks again for the great words.

KStep

[kstep85]

Thanks for the message mate, means a lot.

It is strange how when you’re stuck in a hole, addicted, skint and depressed that the time goes so slow yet as you come out of the other side you really 5years of your life have disappeared in a blink.

Hopefully we can continue on this path, continue to resiscover your real self and personality from before gambling.

I’ve just got my start date, the idea of the programme has given me direction and motivation and i’m hoping to run with it. I know it won’t be easy but it is for the greater and the chance of a more normal future.

Keep doing what you’re doing, all the best mate.

Kstep

[kstep85]

Hi mate, appreciate the message and sentiments in here. I can definitely relate to the motivation issues, I’ve lost almost all motivation for all aspects of life until I admitted all to my partner and found out about this programme.

I’ve been gamble free for roughly 4 weeks but this is largely down to the fact I have no money but is still progress and I’ve not taken out any loans or borrowed any money in the meantime. I’m coping well currently, I get small urges still and because football is still an interest I still ponder which games I would bet on etc but this is something that will ease in time.

A lot of what you have said here resonates with me and makes good sense and I will try and use the best of what you say.

The HUGE NEWS is that I have just this morning got off the phone from Amy and have my start date. Not long now.

Hopjng for some kind of access to fitness or sports or gyms during the 14 weeks so I can leave both gamble free, a better person and a few pounds lighter…..weight pounds and not because i’ve gambled pounds away.

It sounds like we’re both on the right path and long may it continue.

Good look with the programme. I’ll be based in Dudley. Stay safe and gamble free yourself brother.

Kstep

[kstep85]

So for the first time in a very long time my life had a sense of direcrion thanks to being on the waiting list for the residential programme. The key steps along the way for me so far have been firstly admitting everything to my partner and since then I have also admitted evertything to my family. Secondly registering with and keeping in regular contact with a doctor has been a huge positive for me, I’ve taken some tablets to help my mood for the last 5 weeks and they are helping me to do the day to day basics better than I have for the past 5 years.

Having no available funds has also temporarily stopped the gambling and I have now put my partner in full control of my finances which although some will find tough to do, is very much a necessary step for me before treatment. I can’t bet because I don’t have money and if I did have money I would be betting.

Part of my struggle is that although gambling has cost me so much, it is something that I had a genuine passion for and also something I had an enormous knowledge about. The problem had always been and obviously will always be not sticking to what I knew, always getting greedy and always adding teams into a bet to enhance the odds. The other thing I am beginning to realise is that because I have lost around ￡30k over the past 5 or so years, even if I was to have a large win, which for me would be anything upwards of ￡500, I would probably never be satisfied until I had won back what I lost and furthermore, whatever I would win and whatever I would get to, I would still keep chasing the next round number above. If I won ￡625, I would then set getting to ￡700 as a target and so on, all of a sudden you have reached ￡2,000 but you are now telling yourself that if you play sensibly you can easily get to ￡5,000 and then you can win the ￡30,000 you are down over the last 5 years. You lose a few bets here and there, you start to chase, your stakes get more rash and before you know it….you’ve not only lost the lot, you’ve deposited more and lost that trying to win back what you had and then you’re out of money, you take out payday loans or borrow money and lose that too.

I am just spending my current days keeping the basics going, getting up, getting ready, having breakfast, doing jobs around the house, communicating regularly with family who I have for so long shut out, attending appointments, taking medication and for this my mind and eyes have been opening up again more and more. I will make sure that I give the programme my all, A more normal life with my family is what I want and I will never have this whilst I remain a gambler.

Thanks for your support guys.

[kstep85]

I definitely feel like the association will help us massively. It is the first time i’ve begun to fully admit the scale of my problem to myself, those around me and now the good people on here. You’re dead right, I have completely lost the value of money. How can I on one hand be concerned about the price rise of my favourote deodorant but without a flicker deposit ￡100’s on skybet. Totally totally lost myself, my personality, my confidence, sense of style etc. We can definitely beat this shit and once we’re not consumed by it and almost solely focusing on gamblng or depression etc, our eyes and minds will probably naturally open back up to start seeing things more clearly, feeling more normal again.

All the best brother.

[kstep85]

Nice to meet you and thanks for the message and welcome.

For the first time in forever the idea of attending Gordon Moody for treatment has given me a sense of purpose and focus that I have been incapable of achieving on my own for a very long time. The depression that has come alongside the gambling and the debts and financial stress have left me not having a clue how to fix things, what to do, where to turn. I always some how end up convincing myself that I can gamble my way out and each time I take this route I will do things differently, bet smart etc, it is crazy to think I have probably been doing that very same thing for the past 5 years or so. In every aspect of my life I have lost myself, I have no will power, motivation and I always use the phrase “I just eant to be normal again”. As soon as my partner first and now myself reached out to Gordon Moody, my mindest had changed and I have slowly began to drag myself out from the hole i’ve been hiding in. The basics like getting out of bed and getting showered and dressed everyday, making the bed, washing the dishes are starting to become easier to do after feeling so hard for so long. I have registered with a doctor, have taken some new medication every day for 3 weeks, got my head around the scale of how bad my finances are…..but I am in desperate need of professional help and the idea of the Gordon Moody in house treatment is something I actually feel very positive about and desperate to start as drastic and tough as it may be. I am honest enough to know now that currently the only real reason I have ant ability not to gamble is that I have absolutely no funds and am in a huge financial mess. Anytime I get money the temptation is always too strong and I cannot break this cycle on my own as much as I have kidded myself that I could or have in the past.

I’m still not convinced that I am worth the fight but I know that my family are and my daughter is and the dream of being normal again would be something I would want to live for.

I thank you for your words, they are very kind and have given me a boost, really appreciate anyone taking the time to reply or acknowledge.

Hope to continue contact and share experience and knowledge.

Thanks, K x

[kstep85]

Hi Vera,

Thanks for the reply, the words and initial advice. I can see from the forums that you have been incredibly kind and helpful to many others on here so props to you for all you do.

I look forward to connecting with you more in the near future. You’re a cresit to the site. I was dubious about posting so your welcome is very much appreciated and has given me a boost.

Speak soon

[kstep85]

Hi Jonny, Hi all. I have just joined the site and am currently on a waiting list for some residential treatment and hoping this is the start of me trying to beat my gambling problems once and for all.I have read your posts from top to bottom and the similarities between your story and mine really hit home. I just wanted to say that you’ve inspired me, you’ve opened my eyes to how challenging this journey could be but definitely inspired me. Some great support from people on here too. Stay strong and maintain the focus, almost at 200 days now. I shouldn’t use gambling language really but from your journey I want to make saving money my addiction if I am to have it as a personality flaw. Thanks again.

[Author]

Posts