[lauren2021]

Thanks G Rec!
My last bet was on Sept 6th so this is a big day for me. One month gamble free! The first few weeks were really tough. I had some urges yesterday but had my barriers in place making gambling very difficult but not impossible.
I chose to stick with not gambling. Most of money is transferred to pay bills and I make sure to have some spend money on myself. Going out to eat, shopping whatever that makes life a little easier. Why do we have such a hard time with this concept?
I feel like I’m in a crazy time warp. Time is moving so quickly and I can’t imagine getting myself involved with gambling. As of now, I don’t have enough time in the day. The days are flying. On the other hand. if I gambled I would manage to stay up all hours to gamble and start the vicious cycle all over again.
I don’t have the most exciting life but that’s okay. I’m doing normal stuff like normal people. Food shopping, walking the dog, going out to eat. All good stuff. When I gamble I become this other person. The compulsive gambler pleading for forgiveness. It’s simple I don’t gamble because I’m happy with this normal life. This is me, a relaxed person. I have to be careful because gambling urges do creep up suddenly without warning.
If I win I will lose. Simple logic because I’m a compulsive gambler.
Off to do nothing..but that’s fine with me.

[lauren2021]

Day 22 gamble free
Urges to gamble come and go. I’m definitely less stressed. Barriers are helping me tremendously. Gambling thoughts continue to pop up in my head. I tell myself this is not what you do anymore. I’m not looking up game sports lines/spreads. This can lead to gambling and lead me down a very slippery path. I remind myself I’m a compulsive gambler. If I win means I will lose.
I’m really busy at work and unwind watching Netflix and taking walks. I’m proud of my accomplishments over the past 3 weeks. I’m trying to prioritize what’s most important in my life… staying gambling free feels good.

[lauren2021]

Day 15 Gamble free. I keep telling myself this is what you’ve wanted a gamble free life. My mind still plays tricks that I should gamble. I have barriers set so I can’t act on my impulses.
I have enough money. There is no need to take out a large sum of money to chase/lose… I will not.. fighting the urges
I will attend a GA zoom session later tonite. This will keep me in-check with reality. This addiction is brutal!!

[lauren2021]

It’s been awhile since I’ve posted. As of today I’m 13 days gamble free. What has helped not gamble for almost two weeks?
-closed my online gambling sites
-set up automatic withdrawal to savings account

I have just enough in my account to cover my utility bills that are automatically debited from my account and a little extra so I don’t feel deprived. This strategy is working for me.

I’m also planning a summer trip and saving for that as well each month. I could easily afford a vacation if I DON’T GAMBLE

I continue to have strong urges but remind myself about the consequences of my actions. I can afford to buy what I need. Trying to get that BIG win feeling out of my head when I place that first bet. It’s not worth starting over to day 1. All the emotions and sleepless night that accompany my addiction. Definitely not worth it!

[lauren2021]

Day 5
Managed to stay gamble free. Every time I had an urge, I told myself “what happens if you win What are you going to do? Will you take the money out like a normal person? The answer is clearly no. I can not gamble. There is no end to my madness. I still keep this unreachable number in my head. If I win ___ then I will quit. This never happens. I will get sucked in the cycle of chasing my loses.

I paid many bills and have just enough money in my account to be comfortable. I don’t need to win/lose. I have urges but it’s not worth it. I’ve been wanting to kick this addiction and the only way is NOT TO GAMBLE.

[lauren2021]

Couldn’t fight the urges. All weekend, I gambled but managed to stay even. I’m such an idiot. Crazy story though. When I blocked my checking account and PayPal as means of withdrawing funds. I ended up placing a “stop payment”. When I didn’t see the funds come out of my checking account, I called the bank. Long story short, my online gambling account is suspended (a blessing in disguise). I need to send a cashier’s check to cover my bank deposits I’m so embarrassed and ashamed.

I called the gambling site and was told my account could be locked for a month, until my check settles. Today I’m thinking this is a sign and my way OUT. Today I WILL NOT GAMBLE.

This is my day 1

[lauren2021]

Back to reality. Fighting urges to gamble. Scenario in my head- I keep telling myself but I really LOVE to gamble. Maybe I can play some controlled blackjack. I can win some money then place a parley on a sports bet. I will start small then I won’t lose too much money. This is not a wise decision. We all know small bets will turn into larger bets. I go through the roller coaster of emotions.. wait 10 minutes and do something else the urge will go away. Gambling is not that bad, I can really win if I make the right bets and quit. I have some money in my bank account maybe gamble $100 just to see what will happen. What?? This is crazy talk. I have NO SELF CONTROL!! What am I thinking? This will not work if I go back. I will NOT WIN because I’m a compulsive gambler. I will gamble until my money is gone. Been fighting these urges all day in my head.

I will make the right decision and not gamble today. I can do this!!

[lauren2021]

G Rec
Thanks for your reply. I’ve joined the beginner support group and attended many Monday and Thursday meetings (with Charles). We’ve chatted and brainstormed and talked about my triggers. Yes, you’re right on the money- Accountability is extremely important.

I totally get what you’re saying about accountability, I don’t have anyone right now who can take care of my finances. Long story but people in my family have trouble handling money (credit card debt) and I would be scared to hand over my account to a family member. They would spend my money in a heartbeat. Not that I’m any better at this moment of my life. What turned out to be some innocent fun gambling online has turned into a complete nightmare.

I need to figure the finance part as I move through this journey. I’m not in my manic compulsive state right now. I placed a bet a few days ago not knowing the bet was today. Thankfully, it lost because I didn’t want to start the vicious cycle again of winning and chasing my loses.

Last night I was very excited to start my new saving plan. Now at 1AM I’m thinking how can I save money? The only way to save money as a compulsive gambler is NOT TO GAMBLE. I will never win because I can’t stop. I have saved huge amounts of money years ago stashing away money into savings. Actually I was quite obsessive and would not spend any money. I would save then splurge on vacations for my family. For the first time, I’m excited to save money again. Throwing money into a savings account and watching the number go up (not down). I’m in the raw stage of this gambling free and my mind can easily play tricks… telling me I can gamble and win, but we all know this is not TRUE.

The longest break without making a bet within the last two years was 14 days. I’ve made a few 5 day accomplishments as well. Thanks to Charles.

Today I went to the gym and did not look at tonight’s NBA lines. Time to close my online gaming account (just don’t open another one). Same old story, I sound like a broken record. Will keep journaling.

[lauren2021]

Badsportsbettor Congrats on your 4-5 months staying gamble free. What a great accomplishment!
This is great advice. I will try and avoid looking up games totals and point spreads for tonight’s game (over/under). I too will play until my money is gone. I wasn’t in my manic state yesterday, but still managed to place a few NBA bets. I told myself just withdraw the money and you’ll be set. But no, after my post I still thought I could make some more money. I gambled the remaining money in my account yesterday/this morning. Part of me was happy just to get rid of the money. Now I don’t have money and feeling bad. It’s like going on a diet. I will binge eat and then I’ll start all over tomorrow. I’m not counting days just yet. This is too overwhelming for me. T’ve been gambling everyday for the last two years. I really need to wrap my head around this.

I do enjoy working out so will go to the gym later today. It’s the addiction of having a bet placed when I leave the house. Something to look forward to later in the day when I’m get home from work. The irony is that it’s not relaxing and causing myself more harm and stress both physically and emotionally.

I did not look at tonight’s NBA lines. Will post my gamble free days when in due time. Don’t want to stress about getting there. If I worry about this.. I will not post my progress…

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