[libbie]

Hey vera..thanks for thinking of me…I have been on and off the wagon and jump in from time to time for inspiration and to see how everyone is doing..I did have a bad bout 3 weeks ago…did damage…financially of course but more than that I was feeling truly insane ..I do so believe that gambling changes the brain, and especially in the case of a cg…I feel better now overall but know I have to stay so careful..I am afraid to gamble and afraid not to gamble!! But this I know: gambling is such a lose lose situation: If I win, I want to go back and if I lose I feel so horrible and do such damage..so WHAT is the point?
I have been following your threads a bit..so are you retiring or what? I have decided to take early Social Security which I get in March and is actually more than I thought it would be based on my old earnings which used to be good..looking forward to maybe a little financial relief from that and maybe will not have to work so hard and can BREATHE!
I have to run..I often wonder about Mythea and… (Oh I forgot her user name- has been off about a month or so)..I don;t forget anyone even tho it may seem I am out of sight..Back with the boyfriend for now..
Gotta run Hugs and will be back

[libbie]

Just home from a rough day at work..feeling spent and exhausted…BUT so far October is gamble free…so I will take it..Good job you guys..It’s inspiring

[libbie]

Nice to see your post on my thread..This feels like such a foreign place but feels homey to see the old names I know…Hopefully all this will just take getting used to and then we will all feel comfortable again…and isn’t that what we gamblers love – the “comfort ” of gambling? What a joke..because it is always followed by EXTREME discomfort after a gamble..I am on Day 3 of staying away …I have been thinking that my addiction is as much about the money as it is the gambling..Why do I want to just throw it away? I”say” I want to have money, but then why I am I so willing to just give it away at all costs? It makes no sense to me. It’s good that you say you have a desire to change..That’s a start ! Hang in there.I am getting up my nerve to attend a GA meeting..The first one in years..If I do nothing else, I can do that…at least just one

[libbie]

Hi there..I also hate change! Oh–I miss the comfort of signing on to the old site and just seeing all the familiar “people”…This particular change won’t spur my gambling..I did that on my own already..Today is day 3 starting again ..I am really exhausted with all this…but I have to just think that ANY day without gambling is some accomplishment..It’s all I can do for right now…It still is nice to see you on here and I hope we all can get back to our “right thinking” ways…:)

[libbie]

So sorry hon..I am afraid I am in the same boat…and now my first time back on here and I just want to cry..Not sure why it was changed.I thought it was great before:(

[libbie]

Oh dear–hang in there..Sometimes we have to bear through tough things and hopefully come out stronger..Sending all positive thoughts your way..We are here for you!!

[libbie]

Hey girl–you alright? Haven’t seen you on here for a bit…If you’ve gambled, post anyway! And if you are not and just busy…then good for you!
As I wrote, my trip was good…look at all my angst and I think I gambled last time because I was stressed by it..It only harmed me big time, and I worried for nothing..Being home again will be hard for me I know..Back to my old routines..but so far I have stayed gamble free..
Take it easy my friend…

[libbie]

Thanks Cat–was it you who posted that "In between" piece..I loved that..That is me…except that I have been feeling "in between" for so long, I feel I will never get to a place of comfort..I cannot come to terms that I had really good jobs and more good relationships..I feel very much adrift now and have felt that way for several years now and know that it is one reason I keep relapsing..the casino is that safe haven for me but so temporary and with so much damage..I know I will Never move forward if I keep running back to that security blanket..
During my visits to my family, nothing is ever said about the gambling..I think they think I have stopped for good and have never relapsed..They know I have accumulated debt..They pay for my trips but nobody offers me financial support and that is the way it should be..I would be embarrassed at this point to receive it, but it is SO hard and SO long to pay off what I owe..and of course my relapses have set me  back..
I know I get good advice on here and don’t feel so odd when I read similar stories to my own..I have compassion and undertanding for everyone on here..I have compassion and understanding for all addiactions because they are all the same..doesn’t matter if it is food, *****, gambling..An urge is an urge, no matter what..I am grateful I am stuck with only one addiction..but it is a doozy!

[libbie]

Just home from my trip..Much better than expected…I actually had a very nice time and just focused on present activities instead of comparing myself to my wealthy siblings and their ultra-successful friends..All that stress (and gambling 10 days ago) for nothing..It is so weird that I go into that life..All these people leading "normal" lives with more lofty goals…and I fit in while there…and I come home to this"other" life I lead..I actually thought about going to the casino the minute I walked off the plane!!! But I did not..
Have to go to work in a few hours so a guarantee of not gambling again..but I feel like I am drfiting and do not have a solid purpose going forward..Hoping to try the cleanse again!
Hope you all are doing well..I have to go on later tonight and read up here..No time now ??

[libbie]

Het Sherry–hope ypu are doing well..Off on my dreaded trip..Just looking to get through it but maybe I’ll be surprised and will   like it..Low on funds which stresses me out to no end..I read that poverty lowers your IQ…Oh Great!
Have a great day! My cleanse was too short lived and not very successful..Will try again when  home!

[libbie]

Off to New York for 4 days …Day 6 not gambling..have been very stressed about this trip and have wanted to go to the casino very badly but I fought it..Wishing everyone calm, gamble free time!

[libbie]

These lighthouses were $75 and up when purchased..On the secondary market, only go for $25 to $50..unless they are rare ones..I normally deal in antiques (which these are not)..I used to have thousands in antiques and I sadly sold them over the years to pay for you know what..yet another consequence of my actions..Y’know..I don’t drink much – does nothing for me and I don’t like how I feel and act if I drink a sip too much..so why isn’t it the same for gambling for me?
Do you work full time during the week?..You do need some down time for yourself

[libbie]

You know – you are right…I do better when I am working…but when I work so much I can’t wait to get out of work.and I come home exhausted and it’s not much of a life either..I need a balance – work and socializing – but NOT gambling!.I really have to think about this and take some steps..It’s an impulse control disorder…I went this last time with abandon and not even putting those barriers in place..What was I thinking? I could have at least done that!
I read some other posts today..about not ******** the days and thinking about a gamble free life..not just days..It’s really hard to picture it right now – like a forever thing..
By the way–there is a great book called "Help Me Because I can’t Help Myself" and it talks about gambling in the most realistic way I have ever read..I lent it to someone a few years ago and never got it back but am going to try to get it again..
 

[libbie]

Hey girl–good job getting through the weekend gamble free!
Cannot say I did as well..That warning I voiced on here re my day off..I went to the casino…did damage of course..I have to keep busy and since the breakup with my boyfriend and loss of some longtime friends (I am sure from the gambling), I don’t have enough of a social life..Now my son moved out of town..I have isolated myself I know and am not taking the steps to do anything about it..
Since I went, I have just been working my a** off to try to recoupe, pay off more of my debt which I just made larger…I don’t really know what to say about it..Do I really need to numb myself that much from the life that I lead? I have been back to work and have hardly thought about gambling..Just disgusted with it and with myself.I love that I am not thinking about it, but I know it will not last.. Leaving Wednesday for New York to vist with my family there.I think I am dreading the trip that should really be happy one and instead…it was another gambling trigger..
Planning on starting back on the cleanse tomorrow in some modified form..I have lost 3 pounds even though I am eating again..but will still look like a blimp next to my 5’10" size 6 sister-in-law..lol .
I am sorry to come on here and admit to all this..was thinking I should just lay low til I can get some substantial clean time..I need to make that my life’s priority which I just have not done and am not sure I am willing to do.
I hope to take some inspiration from your cleanout job..just translate that to these **** lighthouses all over my living room….! I have sold a bunch but it sure doesn’t look like it! ??

[libbie]

Good girl..another day down..I stayed home and listed online..Someone gave me 200 (That is TWO HUNDRED)figurines to sell for them (I get half) and I am KNEE DEEP in these things..If this doesn’t keep me out of the casino, nothing will…I am obsessed with getting them out of my place!
BTW, I started reading the blog you mentioned..I really like it and plan to go back and read more in the days to come..

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