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Gosh, no–I am in Ohio! Of course, if you are ever over this way, do let me know..Trying to start a group is a brave thing..Could you put an ad in the local paper with a response to an email or PO Box or something? I am sure there are people out there but would want to remain anonymous at first anyway…and maybe you could reach people a little further away..I know an older man who started a group here and the people in the group are so grateful to him..
Yes–I am so relieved I am banned from that casino…I am off work today and otherwise I KNOW I would be entertaining the thought of going somewhere far..There is one more casino 3 hours away that I used to love..I banned myself but for a year only and could go back if I wrote a ltter to them…so that is my next challenge….Barriers do work..I really wish there were someone I could turn all my money over to but there is nobody..I am really fine with money in all other areas, but if I have extra I will always think about the casino.
It’s such a shame..I work so hard …Besides working at an assisted living facility 3 days per week, I sell antiques and other things on Ebay–have been doing so since 98..Sometimes, I do very well but I hustle like crazy…very labor intensive…all to blow it in one day in a casino…madness!
The boyfriend thing is another story…yes, it’s been hard…I don’t think we were meant to be for many reasons but I miss him..I really think a lot of the breakup had to do with my gambling…and some other lost realationships (girlfriends) are a result of that as well..I become a different person around the gambling…not someone I like..
So, off to an auction right now…Have a nice day and hopefully an easy one…I am starting day 2 and thankfully am busy all day :).Hi Sherry -I must say it is somewhat of a comfort to see I am not the only one who relapses..it’s just important to dust yourself off and try again..There is no other choice! Isn’t it something how we struggle so hard , reach a point of some serenity and go back out? It’s like being in labor (for the girls)…You forget the pain! But it is SOOO true that CGs just can never gamble normally..I will always keep on playing, whether I am ahead or not…which is why I can’t put in that first dollar!
Hope you have an easier time starting again…We have to fight to the finish!
Yes–I think face to face and telephone time does help in ***** of need..Neva – where do you live that they don’t have GA?
Well–I recently broke off with my boyfriend and was faced with 3 days off of work with much time unplanned..I drove to the casino 2 1/2 hours away and I excluded myself..Good – yes- but not before I lost $400…so – bad…but at least I will never have the thought of going there again..I am so down…crying a lot…but going out to dinner later and have plans tomorrow…Yes–I know GA works for so many people..I had a bad experience..Some old timer in there (who I suspected was actually gambling again) came down on me in a meeting..I think he was embarrassed and hurt that I switched from him to another sponsor and he really humiliated me in front of everybody, accusing me of wasting someone’s time doing a pressure relief while I was buying a new car (which I needed as mine had ****)..It was awful..Everyone came down on him, but it really did a number on me ..Then my sponsor **** (in his sleep)..I just quit going..Excuse? Yes maybe but the whole thing triggered me gambling! Now recently I spoke to someone in the group and I casually mentioned I was thinking of this woman Doris – of asking her to be my sponsor…and the person told me she had **** recently…I’m thinking – are you kidding me ? What kind of Karma or sign is this?Anyway–I am going to go next week..for no other reason than I declared I would.I’m actually nervous about it– 8/3/2013 3:31:10 PM: post edited by libbie.
It had been so long, I had not even seen the posts from you and P from July 7th…and WHERE is MYTHEA.?.I am going to look her up on here..She was doing so great…
Today was actually easy..It’s when I get into the days of real struggle that it’s a problem (duh–same for everyone – right?). I know when I am fighting, I have to fight a little harder…but then that obstinate side of me says "No"..I don’t want to fight any harder..like a child..pathetic..and sometimes I give in…and then it makes it that much harder to start again..
I’m going to try to join in some of the chat rooms..only did that 1 time on here..and I KNOW I have to go to a GA meeting ..I always say I need to but never actually do it…so now I am stating on here that next week I am definitely going to a GA meeting
Too bleary eyed to read or write any more..going to sleep..Nice to be here again…will be doing some reading on here tomorrow//
I have a special place in my heart for those of us who have to fight the urges so hard! I am proud of you for continuing to fight…I have been fighting myself so it helps to know I am not alone…Hope you have an easier day today!
I am still G Free…but with urges…and exhausted…was hoping for a better state of mind to start my day today…makes it easier to push through…Today I have to travel around for work to about 10 retirement homes to interview them…better than sitting at a desk all day…
Have a great day!
***** Miss Vera!..I was locked out of my account for 3 days and then company in from out of town…so now back and see you have a new thread..nice!..Re exhaustion: that is a HUGE trigger for me…and when I did gamble at the casino, the more tired I got, the more compulsive my gambling became…Danger Zone! We must work on handling that…
Hi there..sorry I have been away…I actually was at work with some down time and was signing in to reply …and somehow got locked out of my account for 3 full days…Finally got unlocked and then had company from out of town …so here I am…I am doing okay with the gambling…It was good for me having company because I hardly thought about gambling…Now they’re gone and now it is consuming my thoughts again..I am also dealing with many things that are the consequences of my gambling..When I am in the gambling world, I think I am alone and I am hiding…Tonight my son took me out for Mother’s Day and we talked..He has some issues with me and I know my behaviour has been so changed by the gambling..So much mother’s guilt!
I think you are doing remarkable! Proud of you!.Good job girl! You’re building back a better life…no more looking over your shoulder…Nice!
You are so right…I have had the strongest urges the last few days but have fought through them and am glad I did..Now I am thinking about the last few barriers I have left open..I MUST put them in place but have not done so…allowing myself permission to be irresponsible if the urges get too strong? I KNOW the barriers work…I don’t give one thought to the places I have excluded from…I don’t have anyone I can turn my money over to…or at least anyone I would feel comfortable doing so…I see with so many on here that really works for people..Paid off another little chunk of my debt..It’s going so slowly! I get into a pity party about it…and why should I–I created it!
Anyway…another day behind! Phew!
Have a nice day everybody!.Hi P–I know too well that rationalization …when you feel calmer and more in control…and Oh–now I have a little more money and it won’t hurt and I feel like it..blah blah..! But it only leads back to going back out..I went for a year and a half not gambling…My life was better…more normal…didn’t have to always look over my shoulder..went to the casino with an old boyfriend and thought …No big deal…but it got worse this time around!…So no–it’s really better not to start even if you just feel like it..
It is really good that you are calling before you go..This is an inspiration for me..I plan on going back to GA and find a sponsor and do the same..call first!
Take care and good nightHey Vera—been off of here for a few days…Very busy…like a rat on a wheel…trying to make money to continue paying off my debts..It’s exhausting..Of course I have made it worse by having these relapses..Have tried to make money by going to a casino..what a joke…I remember someone in a GA meeting said how could you possibly fix a problem by engaging in the problem itself…so true..
The other thing I was reflecting on today was how this gambling thing totally changes my moral compass…It’s sad , really..I come from a good family with high standards and gambling has caused my own standards to slip..I hate that I have **** and tried to cover things up…and that too is exhausting..
That being said, today was pretty calm and I got a lot done…Who knows what will happen if that gambling demon starts to rise in me again…I feel determined to hold it at bay…
Sorry I have not been on..Sometimes I just get kinda "numb" about all of this and I retreat.Nice to come back on and see your "rah-rahs"
I was reading about this Gordon Moody in the UK..We don’t really have anything like this in the US…Actually we do…but only for war veterans… Uh–they are hardly the only compulsive gamblers that could use this kind of treatment center..I wonder why they don’t have it here?! Probably the casinos are trying to keep it out! Gotta keep all the good compulsive gambler customers walking in the door!
***** Vera girl!..
My weekend was very hectic so I was not on here much..I had a few easy days because I was working and buying antiques at auction so I was not consumed by the gambling thoughts…Let’s say they were at 40% instead of the some***** 90%…Today started to get rough again..I cannot tell you how many ***** I thought about hopping in the car and going and I, like you, am like a mad woman when the urges overtake me…Almost nothing stands in my way…
My aunt from out of town called me..She has helped me out financially in the past (not lately) and is like a surrogate mom to me since my mom **** when I was 15…but she was so furious when she found out about my gambling a few years ago…Today she asked…"You’re not gambling, are you?" and I did last week but **** and said no…got off the phone and cried about how I *** and how hard a time I have some*****..and how I feel misunderstood about this..But I understand her position as well..It’s just lunacy to do this and expect a different result…
I am reading a book "Seat of the Soul" by Gary Zukhov and he has a very good chapter on addiction…basically saying that the addiction is not stronger than you ..It is just how much effort you have to exert…and that if you have to fight the urge 12 ***** a day…well, then…that is what you do…challenge it every single time it comes up and eventually it loses its power..Would that I could wait that long!
So–not gambling at least for today! I know I will feel better tomorrow to have this day behind..
Hope you are hanging in there ..Got those boxing gloves on at work – do you? lolYes Thea–I sell on Ebay..Have been doing it since 1998..Much harder now to make $$ at it because now everyone sells on there..+ the Ebay fees have really gone up…I sell mostly antiques, jewelry..Sell what I buy but also sell for others and just take a commission..I do enjoy it..but it’s very up and down moneywise..and of course, my history is to spend the money gambling when I sold something price-y (several years ago I sold a vase for $11,300 that I bought at a garage sale for $2! That was fun…but where is that money now??)..
One month–you are doing just great…I am holding on…have to will myself to not think gambling thoughts…At least the weather is finally warm and sunny and I can go for a walk..Working today tho..just andlunch and have to go back now..Have a great day!