[Maui415]

Fritz,
You have no idea how much your reply is helping me so much at this moment.
I’m sitting here at McDonald’s eating comfort foods as I am full of regrets and self loathing right now. Here in Reno for the last three days, used up the 3 free comp nights. My plan was to relax by the resort pool, work out, use spa, read a book, maybe play slots for an hour or 2. Instead I blew out a thousand dollars which I saved over the last few months, and it’s all gone.

I DONT EVER WANT TO SET FOOT IN ANY CASINO EVER! It’s a very dangerous place for me. I CANT CONTROL myself once I start, no matter what strategy I used, and I’ve tried many. I ALWAYS end up gambling until all my cash is gone. And I hate myself for it. I don’t want to feel like that anymore.

I’ll be checking in here frequently, as I need your support. All of you – who have been there and understand exactly what I’m going through. PLEASE.

[Maui415]

Fritz,
You have no idea how much your reply is helping me so much at this moment.
I’m sitting here at McDonald’s eating comfort foods as I am full of regrets and self loathing right now. Here in Reno for the last three days, used up the 3 free comp nights. My plan was to relax by the resort pool, work out, use spa, read a book, maybe play slots for an hour or 2. Instead I blew out a thousand dollars which I saved over the last few months, and it’s all gone.

I DONT EVER WANT TO SET FOOT IN ANY CASINO EVER! It’s a very dangerous place for me. I CANT CONTROL myself once I start, no matter what strategy I used, and I’ve tried many. I ALWAYS end up gambling until all my cash is gone. And I hate myself for it. I don’t want to feel like that anymore.

I’ll be checking in here frequently, as I need your support. All of you – who have been there and understand exactly what I’m going through. PLEASE.

[Maui415]

Hi gov3 – I like what you said that it is never too late to stop and by stopping I will win. I’ll keep those positive thoughts with me.

Congrats on Day 6, we are all in this together – strengthen and support

[Maui415]

happy68 – thank you so much for your reply. It’s comforting to know someone truly understands the regret, guilt, shame, and urges a CG goes thru.

What you said about it not feeling too bad when there’s still some savings left and the addict in us is telling us we can win it back is so TRUE. That’s what I did last night.

i came to the casino and checked in the room with the intention of ‘playing’ only$200. Before I knew it, I was back and forth between my room and the slot machine. When I lost $800 I felt horrible. That’s when the addict thinking came in and said just play the rest of the $600 and win the loss back and then stop. You already know the predictable ending to that, and I did know too. But the logical part of my brain was too weak at that point while the addict part was in full force.

I recall walking out from my room to the elevator in a trance like state. I was thinking I should just hold on to my last few hundred dollars but my feet kept moving towards the elevator and on to the slot machine.

After about 45 minutes, (and $0 left out of the $1,400) im back in my ‘free deluxe hotel room’. I can’t begin to describe all the negative emotions going through me.

That’s when I search the web for this web site. I need all of your words of encouragement to know I can stop.

Today, April 19, 2015 will be my first day to recovery.

[Author]

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