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I just caught up with your thread. Ty for posting on mine. Those wildfires were quite scary but I am glad you are all ok. I agree with you that lockdown has been tough on everyone and the covid pandemic has put a dampener on everything. I have struggled in lockdown but I am grateful for each and every day and we do have good days. I would have loved some of your peaches, it?s my favourite fruit.
nI was three years gf yesterday and I intend to remain that way!Doing it in On our own will never work. The reason being that we enter a period of abstinence which is never recovery. I had a five and a half year gambling period and in that time entered long periods of abstinence, sometimes as long as nine months after counselling with Gamcare. But this never got to the real roots, was superficial andonly when I entered into recovery on the gma women?s programme did that happen. Recovery takes work on ourselves, acknowledging our issues that led to the gambling and working through them and that can be emotionally painful sometimes. Get as much support as you can.
nYour husband throwing gambling in your face is never going to help you. He probably needs support and Velvet on here has a friends and family group. However, if he is like most of the alpha men I know, he won?t do it! My family never interfered with my gambling and helped me in recovery only in practical ways when I was destitute by bringing me food etc. Otherwise, in terms of emotional support there was nada. Sometimes we can?t expect our families to understand or support, if they do I consider ourselves fortunate. Even now my elderly mother asks me to go and get her daily scratch cards when I see her. They just don?t get it.
nRegaining trust is done by Remaining gf one day at a time and working the programme, . Become aware of your emotional triggers. HALT, hungry, angry, lonely, tired and even being happy can be triggers.
nThe voice in our head saying, you can do it once more or visualising those little reels on our favourite slot is just the addiction speaking. We starve that beast one day at a time and eventually it shuts up..Once there is a label of ibs, I think you will find that no one wants to know, they just dish out the buscopan, peppermint and COlpermin in in my case. Unfortunately, for me none of them worked,. I am aware that with bread I bloat and it is the one thing that can lead to weight gain, but I am not gluten sensitive, I just try not to eat too much bread. Dairy was the big thing for me but I still sneak in little bits of cheese every now and again. Sometimes I am Ok and sometimes not. But yoghurt and cream including ice cream is a big no no. And, sugar was also a big thing. I allow myself one sweet thing a week but get vegan desserts as I find them easier to tolerate. It is trial and error. From being completely debilitated by it all I now have what I call attacks every 4 to six weeks. I am pleased the last gastro guy took off the label of ibs but it had taken me three years to get that diagnosis. A nutritionist might help you more than seeing a doc privately. To be frank, once they say ibs, the nhs cannot really help much. They just dish out meds to help with the spasm, but they don?t help me, once it starts there is no stopping it unfortunately, just have to ride it out. Or see a kinesiologist who can do muscle testing to see what is affecting our bodies adversely. It was all trial and error for me.
nGood luck with the storage move.Yes indeed, there is a lot to be grateful for. We all met up on Wednesday for a Spanish socially distanced tapas. The food was dreadful, really but seeing shanti, my grandson, Bo who is totally beautiful was great. Fell in love with the baby and took,photos of him in my sons arms just gazing at him. Well yesterday was my 3 year gf anniversary. I had a long chat with my friend Charmaine with cancer who had done exceptionally well on radiotherapy alone to the ex tent she is now looking for work. She still has a small secondary in her lung but it is not growing and will be monitored. So it is possible to survive years with what used to be a death sentence ie stage 4 cancer. My GP called me late Thursday evening and said that she agrees with me that I am excreting large amounts of protein but with normal kidney function and something is awry somewhere so a referral to a renal physician. I have known this for months but did nothing about it and during lockdown I have struggled with energy levels having days where I feel quite tired but I am not alone in that. She said my white cell ***** had been chronically high which she never told me before. I told her it was the inflammation in my gut which is reasonably under control And she agreed. Comes to something where u have to tell your docs what is wrong and the cause of something rather than them working it out. With my medical knowledge I know that this could be something sinister and rare like Amyloid or a recurrence of the cancer, but I remain positive and have fixed a kinesiology session for Monday. Seems to all be related strangely to the Dominican episode last May where this all kicked off. Seems to be the week for the kidney as my daughter had a kidney infection, and has been in some pain.
nPete was meant to come round as he wanted to celebrate the 3 years gf which is nice but he got called to help his family on moving stuff for his half brother who is in hospital. I could tell he felt bad about that and said he would come much later in the evening. I said not to as I would sooner have quality time rather than grab an hour in the evening. So we will see each other today ie Saturday and he is coming round early.yes, dreaming of gambling both while gambling and in recovery is common. I certainly remember those dreams while I was in recovery. They don?t last long. Today you have hit three weeks and exactly today I have hit three years gf! Very well done for your three weeks,
nWe do not have time for regrets in life, I just take it as a hard lesson learned and then each and every day, do better. Forgiveness of yourself so important or else we carry a burden of guilt and our shoulders we were never meant to carry that. Acceptance of where we are each day.
nVisualising wins is also common, it is the addiction, saying hey what about me, and we just say to ourselves that it is a big lie, which it is. Compulsive gamblers never win, that is the nature of it.
nGood to hear about your 1994 journal. And I completely agree around pacing ourselves. I used to take too much on too before I was gambling although gambling will always affect every other aspect of life. With your gut issues, I found that I really had to change my diet as you know. I was labelled with ibs except the third doc I saw in gastro realised that it cannot be ibs as the spasm makes me throw up as well. So, the ibs label has come away now. However, our digestive systems change as we get older and the things I used to eat I no longer can. So I would still say, look at what you can do with your diet. How do you spend your days now? Are you still doing the English language work on line?
Ty for your post on my thread. Yes, getting treatment helped me work through the issues I needed to but I was already six months gf when I did it. I had to do it though as when we stop for any length of time those issues will come up as well as initial mood swings. Getting support is very important whether it be GA, counselling or on this site. For me Gordon moody and the site were sufficient.
nI am very pleased you did your essential shopping and bought yourself a book. Recovery means that we should do things for ourselves. For me it was facials, eating good food, nails and pedicures. Right now maybe we cannot do those things but we can have a pampered bath, face packs, a visit for a hairdo etc. It was very important to me to feel good about who I am, both internally and externally, to forgive myself for the financial mayhem I caused mostly myself and to accept I will have a lifelong problem. I will never be cured. I can only make the good choice not to gamble one day at a time.My son moved out two weeks before baby was born. Nice flat nearby but very expensive. He got a business loan and work came through for his business. My mum has polymyalgia rheumatica and is now on steroids. She had been in a lot of pain and was fobbed off with paracetamol. Only when she accidentally o.d?d on it did they test her. And now it was announced last week not to give paracetamol for arthritic pain.
Thank you so much. Yes, my story on here goes back three years on here to August 14th 2017, will be three years next week. Recovery equals new life. I cant say that everything is great and I still deal with the debt fallout but I appreciate life and recovery. There is much to appreciate.
Long time no here from me! The reason is because there has been a weekly outreach group from GM for women and I have not felt the need to post at all as the group is great. Also do weekly mindfulness with Gordon Moody which is also helpful.
nI am fine. Lockdown was hard no doubt about that but had its pluses.
nMy 6th grandchild was born on 8th July, Bo, coming in at 9 lbs 8 oz. It was a long labour around 14 hours and a forceps delivery. After a bit of a scare a week in as he had respiratory distress, he is doing fine now and a lovely baby. I have not seen him yet because my son and shanti are wisely keeping in their bubble but they send me pics and videos.
nIt looks like we will be returning to work in September. I have gone in a couple of days but the tube and the hospital make me a little nervous.
nI have a diagnosis for my gut which is hypersentitive stomach and colon due to h.pylori. I am in general well and diet once a month but continue to eat well with fresh food.
nI am still doing up the house gradually and slowly.
nI am getting engaged to Pete and we are both saving up for an overseas wedding in two years.
nAll in all I am well and have nothing to complain about. During lockdown I spent quite a bit gaming but I have a handle on it now and still manage to budget and save. I play other games that cost very little.
nMy sister was made redundant from her job after being there for 43 years last week. She had been in furlough. As she has a year till retirement this was a Good thing. They felt bad and offered her her job back for another year until retirement but she said no. Sensible as why work when you can have years salary for not working. It?s a no brainer.
nI will try and post more but the weekly women?s group has been great.I read Betties thread from start to finish and wrote about it on my thread. Betty had more challenges in life than most people.
God bless her. Good journeying Bettie.
With love xxxTy idi,Vera and rg. Helpful.
Despite waking up to a large swelling or spot on my forehead (too much chocolate does that) and I rarely get spots. Today I got up and got dressed with a work blouse, covered the shadows under the eyes with makeup and it did make a difference. Had a busy work day for once and an ms team meeting with my bosses. They said I look well. Amazing what a bit of dressing and cover up can do. Gets me out of my favourite torn kaftan I wear day and night.
Day went quickly, enjoyed the gma group session and then did my online class which was also good.
Ty idi, I am monitoring my fluid balance for a couple of days before I go to docs. Pain less bothersome now.
And yes, rg you have a good pm and he is indeed easy on the eye!Well it has been 8 days since I last posted and I guess I have been in a bit of a funk in which I get lazier, bored, lazy etc. Work is quiet but I have to stay alert for emails and things with about two ms teams meetings a week. I have done very little and not cooked since Sunday. For now, to continue to work from home. The colleagues who didn’t manage to get to work from home, one of them has gone off with covid symptoms.
I have decided I gotta get out of the funk. 9 weeks and one day stuck indoors and I am soooooo fed up. have taken next week off to try and get going again. I need some discipline and catch up on my course work. Plus get the body moving. Have a plan and a programme and stick to it.
Boris proved himself on Monday to be a complete dipstick and endangering people again which He has a bad habit of doing. To see the jubilee line packed on Monday was deeply saddening. The lies, rhetoric and spin is so boring, I don’t even listen to the daily updates any more. I know they have to start up somehow but it really is too early. Two more staff members have died of covid at work, a Nurse and a doc. The true number of deaths is about 40,000 according to ONS this morning. And one week in care homes was about 8,000. Can u imagine standing by doing nothing as all those people died? They just let it happen. We are led by a buffoon.
As it is the same subject, I am posting on Steevs thread. So I hope he does t mind. On gsmbling I could answer yes to all of those when I was in action. On gaming, not one really, which is interesting.
Well, it’s an interesting debate. I am one of those you speak about. I play games and always have done in recovery. Has it ever led to gambling? No. And I have had quite a few emails in lockdown which I just delete. Have I spent more than I should? Yes. Particularly this past month, I have spent as much as half a nights gambling. For some it would be a lot of money, and it would have been better if I saved it. Will I be broke as a result? No. I have eaten very well, paid for my courses and got stuff for my home which I do every month. I will have a small amount of my salary left at the end of the month.
Do I regret spending it? Yes. It is clearly my gambling substitute. AndI find I am now uNtil payday my challenge is not to spend or waste any more on it. I was the same after Xmas, having spent a lot more over that time period than now, but it is still quite a lot to throw away. I still cook a lot, am doing and paying for my courses, three of them in lockdown. I go out into my shared garden daily when it is warm. But i am still bored, demotivated and fed up. I have been home now for nearly nine weeks. I don’t like going out the front door and get most of my things delivered. Does it give me a gambling hit? No.
Is it a form of harm reduction? I suppose so. Can I keep to a budget that I might have for it? No. Is it compulsive? Not really as I stop and can stop playing for as long as I care to.
So, is the jury out on that one? Comments welcome. It is a difficult one.