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I am continuing to stay gamble free and am on day 16 but life has been crazy. My husbands dad recently passed away- his mom only died months ago so it’s all been a shock and there is much to do in cleaning out their home and planning for the funeral. Gambling would be so easy right now and would take my stress away for a short time. But that relief would be very temporary.
Charles, yes I 100% agree. I need to stop making excuses and stay focused on keeping supports in place ongoing. I have been able to quit for months at a time and because I don’t continue to access those supports I relapse. I was recently reading about the “Swiss cheese model” for protective barriers against covid and it reminded me of the numerous supports I need to stay gamble free. Alone each Swiss cheese slice (barrier to not gamble)has holes in it to allow you to gamble but when you pile numerous cheese slices (barriers) together those holes get covered making it difficult to act on those gambling urges. I will stay gamble free.
Great job on staying gamble free. Besides this site, I also use a few apps on my phone “gambling addiction calendar” and “gambleless” which has some great information to through and worksheets etc..the more supports the better
Losing it slowly, thanks so much for your post. I have learned the need to let my guilt/anger/remorse go after a relapse and focus on what I can do better and what blocks I can put in place to prevent myself from gambling. I do allow myself to feel those feelings and how low I am in that moment and vow to not put myself in that spot by gambling again. 99% of the time I don’t want to gamble, it’s that 1% that does so much damage. I need to figure out how to have more blocks in place to get over those urges to gamble during that time. I really do feel like I go 7 steps forward and then 6 steps back each time I stop gambling for a time and then slip, however I am still 1 step ahead and I need to appreciate those small gains and keep working towards staying gamble-free.
It has been awhile since I last posted. I wish I could say that I haven’t gambled at all but this would be a lie. I did well until October- gambled a bit- stopped until after Christmas and then have been gambling every week or so since January. My addiction said I could keep it under control and I told myself that I had learned to control it and had I could be a “gambling for fun person”. But I know I can’t and it is only a meter of time before it is completely out of control. I have taken steps to keep myself away from gambling and be accountable.
It has been awhile since I posted. I have been doing well and have stayed gamble free for the last 3 months. Working on catching up on debt slowly and learning to be patient with how long it takes as one of my impulses to gamble is the feeling that I will win big, pay off my debt, and get a fresh start. I am trying to be less obsessed about money, learning to pay my bills on time, and looking forward to the near future when my debt will be paid. Even though I haven’t posted in awhile I come on here often to read posts which I find so helpful as well as some other resources. I’m working hard on identifying my feelings and getting a plan in place for when I feel overwhelmed and stressed as that is a big trigger for me.
Hi Dolly, I hear you- this addiction is so horrible. Over the years I have made half-hearted attempts to quit gambling but never really stuck with it. For the last year, I have continued trying even when I have relapsed. Even though it has only been a few weeks since the last time I gambled- I feel further ahead than I did when I quit for five months. I am open with my husband about my addiction and I have also been open with two close friends about my addiction. This is huge for me as I have never admitted to anyone else that my gambling is an addiction and not just a “spend a little too much once in awhile, but I have it under control”. I continue to read and look for support. I am learning to have patience and take it one day at a time. I have switched my bank account so that I am not able to use my bank card for online purchases- which includes online casinos. I have closed all of my online accounts. This sounds silly- but I don’t leave my house alone if I have my bankcard. Either my husband or one of my kids comes along. I know how quickly the compulsion to gamble can come and I am putting as many roadblocks as possible in place. I hope to hear from you soon. I apologize for not responding sooner but my 2nd oldest graduates Grade 12 this week so we have been busy!!
Hi Enough,
Thank you for your kind words. Congratulations on 318 days- what an amazing accomplishment!! Stay wellIt has been over a month since I last posted and it has only been in the last 4 days that I have gotten back on track. I was doing quite well and then a few weeks ago my mother in law passed away. I have realized just how easily I am triggered to gamble- any negative emotion at all and I want to gamble to forget about it. I cannot continue like this though and need to stop making excuses as to why I “should” gamble. It has made me so conniving- like my thought process is always justifying why I deserve to gamble. Today I watched a tik tok video where a mental health therapist was listing the top 5 devastating addictions in his experience. 5. Opiates 4. Crack cocaine 3. Crystal meth 2. GAMBLING and 1. Anorexia. He explains that gambling wreaks havoc on your brain’s reward system, has the lowest rates of recovery, the worst consequences he has ever seen including utter financial ruin and damaged relationships and has the highest suicide rate of any addiction. He says the worst, most common, and insidious form of gambling is slot machines at it targets our reward systems with “laser-like precision. If there is a devil he created slot machines”. This blew me away and really gave me the kick in the butt that I need to start taking this seriously and put all my efforts into putting the road blocks I need.
Kin,
I am doing well, thank you for checking in with me. The post you posted on murr’s page about gamblers anonymous was very helpful so thank you for that.
I have not been gamble free since I last posted but I really do feel like I have made huge gains in learning to work on my emotions and not suppress them as well as figuring out my triggers for why I gamble. I have been gamble free for the last few days, which does not sound like a lot but I am working on it one day at a time. Despite my recent gambling, I feel like I am in a much better place emotionally than I was when I was gamble free for 5 months. I am working on getting barriers in place again and connecting with gamblers anonymous meetings. I hate this addiction.Murr
I have been struggling for the last few months and have been trying to get back on track- I feel for you and pray we can all get back on track and get the supports and blocks we need to stop. I hope that inpatient treatment helps you. Take care!!
Plaza- I have no words for someone like you. Your words aren’t even tough love, you are plain mean. The fact that you like to go on twitch and watch people lose thousands gambling tells me all I need to know about what kind of person you are.The last week has not gone well for me. I have been caught up in a horrible cycle of online gambling and I haven’t been able to stop. I installed Gamban but cancelled it after a month as the VPN was slowing down my phone- or so I told myself. Because I was paying for it by the month I was able to cancel my subscription. I don’t know where to go from here, I just feel like I shouldn’t even bother trying to quit gambling. When I wasn’t gambling I was reading 3 books a week and now I can’t even read a few pages without losing focus and feeling like I should gamble. I haven’t gambled since yesterday (technically it was about 5am this morning when my last binge ended).
Thank you kin. I spent a lot of time yesterday re-reading about relapse and the 1st two stages definitely fit in with how I was feeling on the weekend.. I am feeling much better today. I know that the pros of gambling are very small and short term and the cons could fill pages… this is the longest I have ever gone of holding myself accountable and trying to stay gamble free so I am proud of myself for that. I also find my point of view has changed from a “victim” of gambling to taking responsibility for my actions and the effects it has had on others. I have lost many friendships as a result of borrowing and not paying back when I said I would. Most importantly my family has suffered as a result of my selfishness. I can’t turn back time, but I can make sure they don’t suffer anymore.
This weekend was tough as I really had a lot of urges to gamble, I kept playing different scenarios in my head of how I could gamble. I was able to talk myself out of it by reasoning that even if I were to win, I would just play more and then end up further behind financially or if I lost I would keep losing. My brain tries to tell me that this time I will be able to play just a little bit for fun just like everyone else, but I am getting stronger at reminding myself that for me there is never going to be a little bit of gambling for fun. Having barriers to make it more difficult to gamble is really helping. I read 2 books over the weekend to occupy my mind and spent time outside. On Saturday and Sunday morning when I woke up I initially had the extreme feelings of guilt that I usually get after I gamble, so it was a great surprise to remember that I hadn’t gambled. I am glad I was able to make it through. On my gambling app it provides me with a notification every day with an inspirational quote, today’s is “Nothing will work unless you do” (Maya Angelou). I am on day 17.
Thank you sunny. So far I am doing well. I still have Gamban on my phone and my husband is holding me accountable with our joint account. I am on Day 13 and have been keeping myself busy with reading, walking, working, and spending time with my 1 year old grandson. I have not gone to a casino or gambled in person in 13 months.. I am still kicking myself for ever trying online gambling so just need to continue putting blocks in place so I don’t have the opportunity to even log in to an online casino. It drives me crazy how many advertisements there is on tv for online casinos… before COVID I don’t remember seeing any..