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I haven’t posted on my thread for a few days, however I do come on the site several times a day to read and occasionally comment on other’s threads. I have not been having many urges to gamble. I was able to buy myself some new clothes this past weekend (although I have been working from home for the last 7 months so who knows when I will get the chance to wear them). It is nice to have extras again- which would not be possible if I was still gambling.
When I think of the time I have lost with my kids- when I could have been spending time with them instead of gambling, I am overcome with grief. And I beat myself up over it. I can’t change the past, all I can change is the present. I own my responsibility in making the choices I made and then do better in spending time with my family that day. That is all we can do.
I am sorry for what you are going through. I am glad to hear that your dad is supporting you and that you have family to help you through this. I hope that you continue with your supports to stay gamble free.
Addiction, whether it be to gambling, alcohol, or drugs, wreaks havoc on people’s lives. It is the cause of so much pain for so many people. Over the weekend, someone very close to me lost their nephew to murder. He was into crystal meth. He was so brilliant and had done so many amazing things before addiction took over.
Thank you for this encouraging post Kin. this is very helpful for me. I really Hope we can work past this, as my husband and I have been together for 22 years.
I am so sorry that this is happening to you. This addiction is horrible and ruins people’s lives. I had read your thread a few weeks ago and my heart is hurting for you. I have done many selfish things to my partner and kids over the years and have asked myself many of the same things you are in this post – I thought I was a monster.
your partner has the right to be very upset with you and to demand his money back. However, you do not deserve to be called names, to be publicly humiliated, or to be threatened with physical violence. These are all forms of abuse. I dont Know you and only know the information in your post but I do know that violence in a relationship escalates over time, it often goes from control issues, to emotional abuse/name calling, to physical violence. Please stay safe. you make a very valid point as to why he made you hold on to a large sum of money when you are less than a year with no gambling and I would question what his motives are.
you are a good person and you deserve all the happiness in this world. You stayed gamble free for a significant amount of time and you can do it again!!
I haven?t been posting every day, but have been coming on this site at least once a day to read posts which I have found so helpful. I have not had a lot of gambling urges and it is not on my mind as much as it was last month. I am continuing to put blocks in place to stay gamble free and will be starting counselling in October. With being gamble free I am realizing that my marriage is not healthy- there is a lot of blame coming my way (which I take responsibility for) but I can?t continue to be reminded of my mistakes every day.. I guess time will tell if we can move past it.
I have not gambled since July 21 which is such a big accomplishment for me. I am working towards recovery whereas in the past when I quit it was always about abstaining from gambling without putting supports in place. Every day I feel more and more confident in my ability to stay gamble free. I know I still have a ton of work to do on myself but I am no longer feeling the desperation and preoccupation with gambling that I felt after I decided I needed to stop.
nKin?s thread has been so helpful to me in his posts about how once you are a compulsive gambler you can never gamble responsibly. I believe this 100% and know from past experience that this is how I have always justified gambling again (?I had my timeout and my brain is good, I can spend $60 and then walk away?). Because I am a compulsive gambler, I will never be able to just walk away from gambling a little bit.Great job on 2 months!! I agree with your take on sports- I will never understand how anyone can watch baseball or football!! I am a basketball and hockey fan…
Thank you kin! Yes I agree, I don’t know how many times I have quit in the past for a period of time and then talked myself into thinking “this time will be different, this time I will gamble in moderation” but it will never work as I will always be a compulsive gambler. I can never gamble again
Today marks day 60!!! I am proud of myself for making it this far. I am being careful not to let my guard down. For the last few days I have made jokes about going to the casino and I know from past experience that those casino ?jokes? trigger me. I am not thinking about gambling as much as I was last month and haven?t been playing back my past big wins. Working on getting to the root of why I became a compulsive gambler.
Thanks Steev! I am finding it very helpful and anytime I am feeling a little low or thinking about gambling I will look at my board and take a few minutes to re-focus on my goals.
I am a reader and I am finding it so helpful to read threads on here. Everyone’s personal journey, their struggles, and inspirational thoughts on this forum are so invaluable to me and part of the reason I have remained gambling free for almost 2 months.
I am on day 51- which is a great feeling- I didn?t think I would make it this far.
nI have still been getting emails from 3 online casinos. I was able to self- exclude from one yesterday and am still working on how to self-exclude permanently from the other two as it obviously didn?t work when I did it in July.
nI made myself a vision board of what I want to accomplish in the next 7 years- I did it on my phone with a photo editing app and made it my background so that I have a constant reminder of what I can easily achieve if I stay gamble free.Thanks Enough! I have always loved reading so it has become one of my main go-tos when I feel like gambling.
I am on day 48 of being gamble free and feel like it?s getting easier.. I know I still have lots of work to do on myself and supports to get in place to ensure I don?t gamble again but am making progress every day.
My kids start school this week and these past few weeks have been so much less stressful than this time of year typically is as I had the money to buy their new clothes, shoes, and supplies… in past years I would be broke due to gambling and have to borrow money to get the essentials. It is honestly such a relief to not be gambling and I am starting to feel a lot more happy with life.
I?m so glad that I am still gamble free! This past weekend was tough and I was able to make it through and also reflect on some of my triggers. I have two weeks of holidays and have been loving having time to myself to read- I am on my 3rd book since Friday.
Good luck with selling!! In the last five years I have really jumped onto minimalism and it makes life so much easier!! Great job on staying gamble free! I am glad you have been able to watch basketball again- I love hockey and basketball so have been enjoying the playoffs although it sounds like they will both be on pause for a few more days.