[sunny82]

Hi Aellis,

Thank you for your support and taking the time to respond to my message.  We both understand the pain of this ugly disease.  I do have faith and hope that when we look to the positive, things will work out.  No matter what, even if it’s with a life without the partner we love.  My husband has seeked help, we are in the middle of finding a thearpist.  I also have stepped aside and focused on myself, it’s so true what Violet says..don’t lose yourself in this situation.  My husband has his own issues to solve, he’s been through a lot in his life and most recently something that has to do with his daughter.  So it’s a mix of depression as well.  He has a great heart and I pray the proper help helps him heal.  I hope that for you as well.  I’m assuming there is a lot of love for your boyfriend.  You are right, actions speak louder.  I’m in the middle of seeing my husband take action and we will both proceed and see where we are heading.  It’s hard as hell! Don’t get me wrong, he’s had the urge to gamble and he can’t.  He’s given me power of all his accounts and so when he got the urge he had no money, he sat in his pain and he said it was horrible.  I’m happy there is support out there for us as well.  Talking about it gives me some relief and again..faith & hope 

[sunny82]

I see that cycle now. Wow, that is powerful, I am in it not realizing it. I don’t know how to become estranged from my CG and get out of my cycle.

[sunny82]

Velvet, thank you so much for your response, you don’t know how much this means to me.  I feel so alone in this because I have not told a soul.  Your response is making me step back and breath a litttle and see some direction on how to proceed.  This whole situation is so embarrasing for me.  Especially since we are newlyweds.  I’ve been bragging about how hard we work and how much I love him. 

Although I already knew he gambled I found out yesterday that he lied to me and spent WAY more than I was aware of in the past 2 months, he promised me he had cut his betting cards and account and he never did.  I feel so naive and I’m not talking to him right now.  I blew up and told him I feel robbed and lied to, that is my money too he is gambling.  The anwer to your questions are:  He has to work hard because we opened up our own business.  He has a full time job but we have a side business that involves alot of his time and dedication.    So far it’s been going well the past 2 years and I am amazed at his hard work. He pays people on time and gets the work done.  BUT barely…it’s like he knows exactly how much he can get away with.  We have lived paycheck to paycheck the past 3 years.  We do travel, go out to eat, etc.  So he throws that in my face and says I am lacking nothing.  However when he gambles he is furious, sad to the point now he cries at his loss and begs me to help him.  That he feels unfufilled in his life.  But then two days go by and he says it’s all ok.  It has gotten worse in the past year, and he knows it too. 

My hobbies are running and exercise which he took up with me about 5 years ago.  Maybe I should sign him up for more running events.  My friends are his friends but we don’t hang out very much due to time.  Also when there is time he likes to be alone.  I am more of the social one. I did sign us up to a bible study and he has attended.    

He has never had many friends.  He did have 2 best friends that both commited suicide within a year of each other (about 8 years ago).  They both were into drugs and as my husband got wiser he said he tried to stay away from that.  My husband’s dad died around the time he was getting divorced, which was around the time frame his friends past away.  He saw less of his daughter and that has taken a HUGE toll on him.  It depresses him when she is not around.  I completly understand that.  Which is why this is so hard for me.  I know why he is so depressed.  He admits he had a rough childhood, his dad gambled, drank, verbally abused his mom.    

  I will stop the fighting and pleading Velvet because that route has not been helping.  I just feel like I am allowing it to happen by being supportive..as horrible as that sounds just typing this.  We are in the middle of trying to have a baby of our own, chase our dreams and this gambling has scared me to the point that I am asking myself can I do this?? I do love him though.  I will download the 20 questions and show him.  The day I joined this group I wrote him a letter with phone numbers of thearpy in our area.  I called one place but they told me he had to call, not me.  I told him and he said he wishes someone would go to our house or I make the appointment.  I will try another place, and like you said..I will tell him I can go with him as well. I did tell him I made an appoitnment myself for counceling on how to deal with this. I am looking forward to that appointment because I can’t keep this to myself anymore. I’d rather talk to a professional before my family.  I don’t want critisim to affect my decisions.    

I feel better and see some light even though I have mixed emotions at the moment.

[Author]

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