[sweet5000]

Thank you so much for your messages and support! They really mean a lot.

So I broke up with him, explained my reasons and didn’t even mention his gambling problem.

He still calls a lot and sends daily messages but I am not answering. I don’t talk to him for a while now.

It is a pity, what we lived was beautiful and very much intense but he was pressuring me too much for a quick marriage without even proving that he could live gambling free.

When we had the break up conversation he again threatened to gamble and told me terrible things but as I learned on this forum it is not my responsibility if he does gambles.

Later he apologized for all the things he said, he told me he was ashamed and that he would never gamble and I could trust him he is completely cured.

I don’t know how I feel about him anymore after all the things he said but I wish him a wonderful life gamble free.

If he obviously lied about the 100 thousand euros he said he won from an online casino what else could he be lying about?

I have no proof that he is not gambling but I certainly hope he isn’t.

My story ends here, I don’t see how we could go back together.

Thank you very much for your messages, they were truly very helpful.

Wishing you all the best!

A very warm hug from me!

[sweet5000]

Thank you for your support as always.

I need to be strong and put an end on this extremely unhealthy situation that is destroying me.

You are right, I do not have proof of anything and I don’t know if I can believe all the things he says. I don’t know if I mentioned before but he told me he won 100 thousand euros with gambling 5 years ago. How could he be into so much debt if that was true?

First he said most of the money went back to gambling and next he said it was not on gambling but on buying expensive cars and basically living like a playboy.

Anyways, I don’t believe in this story. I don’t think he won 100 thousand euros from an online casino and I guess he only tells this story to justify why he continues gambling, to say that it is possible to win.

My family encourages me to meet other men and I have support from a therapist and a doctor. They said I can call any time and I will probably do it today. I have been living in extreme anxiety.

Well, I avoided him all day but sooner or later we will have to speak and I will break up again.

Half of his debts are under his brother’s name who made loans for him to cover the gambling losses. I don’t think he will ever pay back, how could he?

I hope I can be strong and get out of this nightmare.

Thank you again for your support.

[sweet5000]

I am not a CG but my (ex) fiance is.
I started CBT about a month ago to deal with the problem and I am liking it very much.
I am currently working on how to break up for good with the least pain as possible and the psychologist is very empathetic and makes me reflect about many important things.
I tried psychoanalysis for several years before but I didn’t find it very useful anymore, CBT is more focused on my current problem and I believe it can help gamblers.

[sweet5000]

I am sorry about your experiences with your wife.

My situation is very difficult because he doesn’t accept the break up.

It makes me very anxious because I don’t wanna hurt him.

We are still in touch and he still expects me to visit him soon but I don’t want to go.

He says he’s not gambling but his brother is in control of his finances because he is afraid of having a relapse due to the stressful situation with me.

He said he wants this relationship at any price and if I don’t go visit he will come to my country.

When I broke up he cried a lot, threatened gambling and suicide, went to work drunk and said he would quit his job and live on welfare drinking all day.

I then told him I would think about all the things he said, I am scared to death of hurting him and then he continued with daily messages and conversations as if nothing has happened.

He wants to buy the tickets today and I have been avoiding him until I finally need another conversation about a break up again and it’s making me extremely anxious.

It is not easy to be on my shoes, I guarantee.

[sweet5000]

He is still very persistent that we should continue together and says that my family don’t know him and only judges him for being an ex gambler. 

This is very hard because I love him but you are right when you say that I also have my own concerns. We are long distance and sometimes I question if it is really true that he has been gamble free for so long. There is no way to know, all I know is that he is not receiving any kind of help.

If he was someone nearby it would be easier but leaving everything behind and move to another country with those doubts and nobody’s support is very hard.

He feels judged by my family, he says they have prejudices and no one wants to know the man behind the story.

I have always tried to be supportive and said I believed in him that he could win this battle.

My father believes he will gamble again on his first disappointment as this disease has no cure and that is exactly what he told me when I said we had to break up. He threatened to gamble and jump from the balcony, as I told you.

I care about him a lot and worry about him very much but I found it quite abusive to blackmail me like that.

Getting married and leaving the country to a place where everything is unknown are very big steps that I am not ready to take even though I do love him.

I wish he would respect my decision and be more understanding.

[sweet5000]

Thank you for your reply.

You are right on what you said.

Well, yesterday I broke up with my compulsive gambler fiancé and I am devastated. He is too. He threatened to gamble and throw himself from the balcony.

I was supposed to visit him next month in his country but I couldn’t handle the pressure from my family and I decided to stay.

This was one of the hardest things I have ever done as it kills me to give pain to someone I love.

When I said I was scared about his threat that he would gamble he later replied that he would not and he was just acting like a drama queen. He still says he’s cured without taking any treatment.

I am seriously devastated and I think I won’t participate on this forum anymore as I am no longer going to marry someone related to gambling.

It was very nice of you to reply my messages and give me some comfort so I am here to thank you and appreciate your words.

I am confident he can fully quit this addiction and if it depended on me only I would stay by his side and help him in this battle. The problem was my family. Like I told you, they are not that confident and they said they would never accept someone under these circumstances. I couldn’t go against, I can not leave the country with my whole family telling me they won’t let me do this terrible mistake and I would have to break contact.

I hope I made the right decision. 

It is hurting too much and he is still very persistent that I should make my own choices and move to him.

[sweet5000]

There is no way to know whether he is gambling since we are long distance. I only take his words and look for evidences, for example the fact that his brother is not complaining about anything for a while.

Thank you for reminding me that there’s no cure for gambling addiction.

We have not spoken about the subject for some time because all he talks about is marriage and he wants it quick. He has been speaking to agencies to do it in Las Vegas because it is fast and a lot less bureaucratic. He also contacted such services in Denmark for an express marriage.

He wishes me to visit him next month and he wanted me to get pregnant. I don’t know why he is in such a hurry.

So he says he hasn’t been gambling because he wants a family with me and last times we talked about gambling he blamed me by saying he doesn’t think about gambling anymore but as I bring the topic he remembers he has a disease and ends up gambling.

So he basically said that it was my fault that he gambled last time.

At this point he still considers himself cured and still seeks no treatment.

His brother is currently controlling all his finances and I think he doesn’t even have his credit card. He said if I marry him I will have to do this job to control all the finances, keep his credit cards and he will transfer all his salary every month to an account under my name because if he doesn’t have access to money he doesn’t have any way to gamble.

It is a lot to process and I feel I am being pushed to make a very important decision in a hurry. I don’t want to get married in Las Vegas. Crazy.

[sweet5000]

First of all, thank you so much for your support.

How is your hip?

I hope you are having a fast recovery.

Our relationship is long distance at the moment then he wants fast decisions so we can get married and live together. He said he can’t stand living in different countries anymore and the deadline he gave me for a final answer expired yesterday but I am glad he mentioned nothing yet.

I have doubts not just because of the gambling. My world would change completely and I am scared, specially with my family being against.

Actually I don’t have anyone who supports this idea, not a single friend, not a single family member.

My father believes he wants to use my name to make loans to gamble since he can’t get anything from the bank anymore as his debt is already too big.

I believe he has not been gambling because that is what he told me. He said if it happens one more time he will tell me and break the relationship by himself.

He always told me when he gambled so I believe he is telling the truth. 

Usually it is his brother who fixes the situation for him, gives him money not to starve or even makes loans for him. His brother hasn’t mentioned anything either so it is a confirmation that he is staying away from gambling.

But I don’t know how long it is gonna last, as I said he is seeking no treatment, joining no meetings and believes he is completely cured.

It is not easy to be in my shoes with such big decisions to make. You are right, if everything was as it should be I would not need tranquilizers.

I believe my family would have nothing against him (my father was very supportive in the beginning) if he was not a gambling addict. Now they think he is a liar.

I hope I can make up my mind soon and decide what is the best for me so I can proceed with my life.

The best would be with no pressure, neither from him nor from my family. But unfortunately the pressure goes on.

[sweet5000]

Thank you for your ever-listening ear and warm understanding.

I also have my doubts when he says he is cured as he is doing no treatment. He keeps on saying he is completely cured of gambling.

I am suffering a lot with the pressure from both sides: my family wanting me to break up and he expecting me to make a decision until the next few days if I will get married and move to him. He wants it to happen this year.

I have been taking tranquilizers.

My family will never accept him no matter what because of this problem and if I go I will be on my own risk.

I can’t remember the last time he gambled but it was not so long ago and there it went his whole salary.

He hasn’t gambled since my last post.

And he says now that my doubts about moving to him makes him depressed and he can’t live like this anymore.

So he also gave me an ultimatum to decide until the next few days.

I am so exhausted of this situation that I might end up breaking up.

[sweet5000]

Thank you so much for replying to me even though you broke your hip. I hope the pain goes away and itgets healed soon.

My fiancé no longer complain about financial problems because he said he is cured. He is not even looking for treatment.

He said he wants to stop because he wants to build a family with me and he feels ready.

Today I tried to break up with him because of the pressure from my family and we both cried a lot.

He said he begged on his knees for me to stay strong and continue in the relationship.

In the end I couldn’t break up because I love him too much but I asked for a few days to make a decision.

He said if I want him out of my life I will be the one to break up because he never will.

I don’t know what is worse: his gambling addiction or the pressure from my family.

My father believes he wants to use my name to gamble since he already owes 100 thousand dollars.

Soon I will need a new support forum, this is for gamblers and this whole situation makes me feel suicidal. I took more than prescribed tranquilizers today.

The thing is, like I already wrote, if I marry him I have to go alone to a new country and I don’t trust he will never gamble again even though he says he’s cured. I will be completely dependent on him and alone.

My father has the best intentions but he hates him and said he will never accept. Like I said, he gave me an ultimatum: my fiancé or the rest of the family.

All my friends and aquintances think I should break up the relationship and I am not a member of any church.

I really think of giving up and find another man without this terrible problem but at the same time I feel selfish. I believe he has a disease, I also have another disease and he accepts me.

Thank you for reading all this.

I hope things will get better for me and I will be able to make a good decision.

Just the thought of leaving him already breaks my heart.

Take care of your hip.

[sweet5000]

Hi, Velvet. I am sorry ablut the long time to reply, I have been having some personal problems.

Last time my fiancé gambled was about 1 month and it took his entire salary.

I said I would break up and now he says he stopped for good. He calls himself an ex gambler.

He won’t go for treatment because he said he is cured.

I am suffering because I love him but my father gave me an ultimatum that I have to choose between him and the family.

My family doesn’t accept him, specially because of the gambling addiction.

This situation makes me so mentally unstable that I took a full box of tranquilizers; I don’t know if I was trying to suicide or if I just wanted to relax.

I am very vulnerable to stress and the least of it makes me suicidal. I am retired in my country because of a mental disease.

So I really want him, he makes me feel happy, he improves my health but it is very hard to continue with my whole family against.

I think I will have to leave and it is breaking my heart. I don’t even know what to say to break up and he wants to visit me in my country the next months.

We are engaged. I am struggling.

[sweet5000]

He is not returning to rehab but it is a clinic specialized in gambling. From what I understood, he will see a psychologist.

I love him but we have not spent so much time together. We live in different countries and he came to visit me a couple times.

In order to be together I must get married, leave everything behind and move to his country which is already scary enough specially when I know I will be having a lot of stress because of the gambling. He did not pay the rent last month.

So I would be completely dependent on someone irresponsible because of a terrible addiction.

How can I trust and bet my whole life under these circumstances?

He says he gambles because he feels depressed or stressed and my love would heal. He said that if we lived together he would never gamble again but the fact is that he gambled twice when we were physically together.

And there are other problems. I made the mistake to tell my family about his addiction and now they are absolutely against the relationship. They don’t accept him and never will. My mother said if I leave the country to stay with him I don’t even need to keep in touch.

And more: he owes more than 1 hundred thousand dollars because of gambling, I am afraid that if I marry him I will get 50% of that debt.

He is not even paying his bills now to negotiate everything via a lawyer.

Give me some insight please!

[sweet5000]

Thank you for spending your time comforting me.

He made another loan when he was left with no money to buy food.

After this post he gambled again and I am seriously considering giving up on this relationship, even though he has an appointment for professional help.

He mentioned again he wanted to cut his veins after he lost a big amount on gambling.

I want to get married and have children, how can I achieve this dream with someone who is not even paying rent because he gambles his salary away? I don’t feel safe.

I am tired and hopeless. And I never gave him cash.

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