[The gold]

Made it through 3 weeks without gambling. Been to my GP and she thinks I might have problems with depression/ anxiety. I have been referred to a psychologist. There is potential the compulsive gambling was linked and I was using it as a form of escapism in order to get a quick high in my life. Don’t really like to make excuses for myself as I like to think I am a stronger person than that. I guess I’ve always had at least one thing in my life that has dominated my personal life and served as a form of escapism. We will wait and see what the specialist thinks. If that is the case I guess I need to find a healthier obsession that might help me find that escape. I have been playing a lot of video games lately so maybe that could be a part of the answer.

[The gold]

Thanks for your kind replies kathryn. I haven’t fully decided exactly how to handle my recovery yet but i am going well. I think i lost a special part of myself and need some time to regain it.

I have made progress by last 2 weeks which is 1 day more than my previous attempt. Looking forward to my next pay to see my savings make a good jump again. Feeling fairly positive about it so far.

[The gold]

Thanks for the reply kathryn. I did consider the thought of trying something similar to what you described. Even cutting up my credit card and transferring my savings to someone else. I may take up one of those ideas but haven’t decided yet.

There is a part of me that wants to beat the addiction without needing to do those things so i can prove i am stronger than i think i am. My recent flaw has caused me to lose some self confidence and question again if i have had depression for a long time. Ever since i have been an adult i have had something bad in my life stopping me from reaching my full potential. I don’t fully understand why. One explanation could be that i have depression or some other condition that makes me gravitate towards chasing a quick high of some sorts. One of my little brothers if autistic and i feel i share some similarities with him sometimes. Perhaps I am mildly autistic and was never diagnosed. Another explanation could be that i am just a shitty human being who has never fully grown into the responsibility of being an adult.

I need to find a different type of strength in order to get through the rest of my life happy. 1 way i feel i can gain that strength is to beat problems like my gambling in a brave sort of way. Taking away access to funds in the near term could be good to remove any ability to gamble but will that mean i beat this problem forever? Maybe. Maybe not. Realising i have this problem has made me feel i not only need to stop but i also need to get better at life in general. I have been a weak person and conquering an addiction without too many unfair advantages would make me feel like i have gained new strength.

Haven’t fully decided how to handle it yet but really appreciate your replies and advice

[The gold]

I told my mum what was going on last night. She did the motherly thing and tried to make me feel better about my gambling. One of the things she said was if i still have 25k left in my savings it’s not so bad. I am sure she told me this because I am upset and she was trying to make me feel better. I started to have those evil thoughts. You know? Maybe she is right. Maybe I can have one more try at that jackpot to fix what I have done. This validated for me that I do have a problem. I still think I can beat this because I am strong enough. One day at a time. I got back to doing some push ups this morning before leaving for work. My big brother suggested exercise could be good right now. Don’t feel very motivated but at least some push ups are a start.

Last night my fortnightly pay went in the bank so i can transfer some money to my savings. This is the beginning of rebuilding what I have lost and getting back to being an honest and reliable man.

[The gold]

You’re doing great man. I am only on day 5 and am already envious of your progress. It is great that you are sharing so much as every little bit of your emotions you share could help prepare others for what they might go through. So far I have told my girlfriend and my two older brothers. The worst feeling I have is that I lost a special part of myself along the way. I used to consider myself an honest and honourable man but I was so stubborn about winning it all back that I lied to my gf along the way. She asked me 6 months ago if i was gambling and i just straight up lied. She is an amazing person and a part of me is saying at the moment i don’t even deserve her. We are still talking right now but i wouldn’t blame her for deciding we can’t be together. It’s hard to come back from something like this and i hope she gives me a chance .

Time to get addicted to saving. That is the narrative i now need to follow.

[The gold]

Tonight i had vegemite and cheese on toast for dinner. Psychologically i feel i need to get back to appreciating some of the simpler things in life. I have been 4 days gambling free and this is just the beginning. Tonight i will sleep on a spare single mattress again. Even though i have an empty king size bed in the other room. This is to remind myself i lost a special part of myself when i once gained a large quantity of money.

[The gold]

Hi reeder. Just joined as well and i last gambled the same day as you. Feeling very disgraceful and struggling my way through work. Thought about taking a mental health day off work and calling in sick but figure i need to build my strength up again and sitting around doing nothing for too many days is not good. My partner handled it better than i thought when i told her but suspect she is still working it out in her head as well. While i was doing it i never considered the effect it would have on her and i have been so selfish. On day 3 my attemp at a positive outlook is maybe through my mistakes i will learn to be a better person because i can now see with my eyes wide open how much of a shitty person i have been. Keep posting as much as you can and share what makes you comfortable.

Good luck in your recovery

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