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I got some very bad financial news this week that’s put so much stress on my mental health. A complicated situation but I would have to start help paying about $1500 a month on top of all my expenses. I scoured the internet for places where I could deposit and found a site with an archaic method that was still available to me. $1500 down the drain. The crazy thing, of course, is that I was up about $3000 but kept going. Then, it was gone. I think I needed one final reminder that no matter how much I win – how desperately I need the money – that the only way to win is not to play. Feel some relief that there’s literally no where left to go after this.
Not sure how to feel about this. With my brother’s money, and some money that a casino refunded – I excluded for problem gambling and they agreed to reopen the account – I now sit at 25k credit card debt. Pretty happy that I will be saving almost $400 a month in interest payments alone. 25k to me also seems like a more manageable number, and not some dark cloud that’s ruining my life. I’ve also successfully applied for relief from interest payments from covid-19 – I had a modest salary decrease. I have also, in the past 10 days, probably spent about $80 and when I get my paycheque on Friday the entire thing is going to one of my balances.
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nThe biggest thing I have done is to write to every payment processor online to permanently exclude me and to, under no condition, reopen the account. I just tried to deposit money in my favourite online casino and confirmed I am no longer able to deposit online. I feel like I should be pretty happy right now but part of me is really sad for some f’d up reason. I guess I should be happy in the past week I’ve gotten $6,000 back and now have no way of gambling online, but I actually feel pretty down. Scary disease.Today I woke up at 6am in a frenzy. It’s like all my losses over the years realized and I had to face reality. One of my cards had $22,000 on it and I realized that, due to cash advances, I would be paying close to $8k a year – interest alone. I tried to apply for a new credit card with low APR and no interest for 10 months but was rejected. That’s when I realized I was truly screwed. I came clean to my brother this morning – who does very well for himself. He told me he’d give me 10k to start on that credit card, and to just pay him the interest I’d be paying off on the card monthly until he is paid back in full. He wasn’t angry or anything, as he put it, he just wanted me to work towards a better life. God I hope I never gamble again. I honestly had a slight ping to gamble the second the money hit my account, but I literally pushed every cent of it and every cent of what was left in my bank account as my first payment towards the debt. Now I’m working on a side business to drum up some more money and I’m applying for interest relief from one of my credit card companies — as I’ve had a wage decrease from COVID-19.