[velvet]

Hi Nitrogen,

Admitting you have a problem is a huge step towards retaking control of your life. Well done.

Unfortunately you have posted in the Friends and Family forum. Please repost in My Journal where those who can support you can read your post and give you the support you deserve.

I wish you well

Velvet

[velvet]

Hi Flynn

Welcome to Gordon Moody

Accepting that you have a problem takes guts and is an important first step towards retaking control of your life.

Are your family aware that you have this problem and if so, are they willing to support you?

Posting here regularly will become a journal of your recovery; a place that you can look back on, whenever you are feeling less confident, to see how far you have come. It has worked for many, many people, just like you.

It takes courage and determination to face a gambling problem and you can do it – if you couldn’t I wouldn’t be here writing to you.

Keep posting and I will keep following your progress.

Velvet

[velvet]

Hi Mariamenez

You are not bullshit, you are confused and frightened and you deserve support.

Unfortunately you have put your post in the Friends and Family forum. To get the support that is right for you please repeat your post in ‘My Journal’.

I know you can get through this and lead a wonderful gamble-free life.

I wish you well

Velvet

[velvet]

Hello and thanks for starting a thread in the Gambling Therapy forums

Here at Gambling Therapy we pride ourselves on being a caring and diverse online community who can help and support you with the difficulties you’re currently facing. We understand that this might be a tough time for you, particularly if you’re new to recovery, so come here as often as you need to and participate in the forums, access online groups and connect to the live advice helpline if you need one to one support. We’re in this together!

Here on the forum you can share your experiences in a safe, supportive and accepting environment. The beauty of writing it all down is that you can take your time and you will be creating a record of your progress that you can look back on if it ever feels like you’re not moving forward. So, share as much or as little as you like but do try to stick to keeping just one thread in this forum so people know where to find you if they want to be updated on your progress or share something with you.

And on that note….

I’m going to hand you over to our community because I’m sure they will have some words of wisdom for you ??
Take care
The Gambling Therapy Team

PS: Let me just remind you to take a look at our privacy policy and terms and conditions so you know how it all works!

• This reply was modified 10 months, 2 weeks ago by velvet.
• This reply was modified 10 months, 1 week ago by velvet.

[velvet]

Hi Rising Pheonix

How I love to read posts that celebrate triumph over adversity.

Using the past for reference only is, in my opinion, good. I hope that one day you will stop regretting a past you cannot change but see it as an education, (albeit a terrible one) towards living a wonderful, gamble-free life.

Those who have struggled out of a very real and very frightening abyss deserve to be valued and heard. Those who follow your story can stop thinking they are doomed to fail – but believe instead that they can succeed, because you did it. That is ‘your’ message and it is so special.

Thank you

Velvet

• This reply was modified 11 months ago by velvet.

[velvet]

Hi Marcus

Your poem speaks volumes, I have read it 4 times already. Well done writing it.

You proved in 2018 that you can control your addiction. Now you know that complacency was always sitting on your shoulder, waiting for you to fall, you can be better prepared to send it packing in future. Working through this painful lesson can make you stronger and having read your words I believe in you.

Armed with that knowledge you can definitely be the man you want to be and I, along with many others, will look forward to reading your progress.

Velvet

[velvet]

Hi Wailben

The lives of people with the addiction to gamble matter very much on this site – it is the reason we are here.

In this forum, in our groups and on our Helpline we offer the tools to help you control your addiction – it has worked for thousands. Our Gambler groups are facilitated by Charles who he will understand you and support you.

The gambling addiction will have ruined a lot of things in your life but it is never too late to change – I know because I have seen lives transformed.

Having the courageous to face your addiction and learning how to control it is the only way forward. Learning how to control it can be found here, in our groups, on our Helpline or in the Gordon Moody rehab. Have you tried GA (gamblers anonymous) who also have great success in supporting those who struggle with this addiction. You are not alone Wailben, keep seeking the right support, it is available

What this site does not do, is offer financial support as that would not give you the necessary tools to stop gambling – you would soon be back where you are now but deeper in debt. The addiction to gamble is fed by financial enablement making it worse.

You are in the right forum now and will be being heard by others who understand you and have faced similar challenges.

I wish you well

Velvet

[velvet]

Hi Anhnguyn,

Well done writing, what must have been, a difficult first post.

I cannot tell you what to do because it is important that you make your own decisions. I hope that by posting and reading on here you will learn to make decisions that are right for you and ultimately right for your husband.

There is no need for you to feel embarrassed about your husband’s problem, he did not ask for, or want to be, obsessed with gambling. I’m sure there is nothing he would want more than to be able to gamble responsibly but he cannot. Maybe it is just as well that his friends know that he has a problem and hopefully they will stop lending him money – every time they give him ‘a loan’ they are feeding his addiction. Likewise clearing his gambling debts takes away his responsibility, giving him a green light to continue gambling in the belief that someone else will pick up the mess.

Does your husband recognise that he has a problem? Angry conversations change nothing but maybe you could open up a conversation with him, calmly letting him know that you have had to seek support for yourself and that you know there is help for him if he accepts he has a problem with gambling. You could possibly tell him that you are willing to support him if he seeks help and ask him to help you understand how he feels. It is very important to listen, rather than talk to a gambler – your husband will believe that nobody can understand how he feels.

Your husband will almost certainly be struggling with confidence. The nature of the addiction to gamble is that the gambler cannot win, he will always lose. Your husband will, therefore, probably be feeling failure and a constant feeling of failure erodes self-esteem.

Your husband can learn to live gamble-free; it isn’t easy and it takes great courage but it is important that he knows where support can be found. Maybe he could look at this site and join our gambler-only group, it is facilitated by Charles who understands your husband, he will welcome him and support him as you and I cannot. There is also GA (gamblers anonymous) – and in the UK we have a rehab programme called Gordon Moody, that I believe is second to none.

Information on the rehab and the facilities this site offers, can be found on our Helpline and in our forums and groups.

It is very important that you look after yourself, it is very easy to lose your sleep and your health worrying about a loved one’s gambling habit. Worrying will change nothing. Protect your finances and pin numbers. Keep up with your hobbies and interests, your friends and family. If you can share with your family or friends then do so but tell whoever you share with that you are seeking help and you don’t need opinions.

Please keep posting, you are being heard and understood.

Velvet

[velvet]

Hello Anhnguyn

Thanks for starting a thread in the Gambling Therapy friends and family forum. This forum will provide you with warmth and understanding from your peers.

Feel free to use the friends and family group, you’ll find the times for these if you click on the “Group times” box on our Home page

Read about the friends and Family Groups Online Groups

Now that you have introduced yourself you’ll find that many of the people you meet here have already read your initial introduction and they’ll welcome you in like an old friend ??

If you’re the friend or family member of someone who is either in, or has been through, the GMA residential programme please take extra care to make sure that nothing you say in groups, or on our forums, inadvertently identifies that person. Even if your loved one isn’t connected with GMA, please don’t identify them either directly or indirectly just in case they decide to use the site themselves.

You’ll find a lot of advice on this site, some of which you’ll follow, some you won’t…but that’s ok because only you fully understand your situation and what’s best for you and the people you love. So, take the support you need and leave the advice you don’t because it all comes from a caring, nurturing place ??

We look forward to hearing all about you!

Take care

The Gambling Therapy Team

PS: Let me just remind you to take a look at our privacy policy and terms and conditions so you know how it all works!

[velvet]

Hello and thanks for starting a thread in the Gambling Therapy forums

Here at Gambling Therapy we pride ourselves on being a caring and diverse online community who can help and support you with the difficulties you’re currently facing. We understand that this might be a tough time for you, particularly if you’re new to recovery, so come here as often as you need to and participate in the forums, access online groups and connect to the live advice helpline if you need one to one support. We’re in this together!

Here on the forum you can share your experiences in a safe, supportive and accepting environment. The beauty of writing it all down is that you can take your time and you will be creating a record of your progress that you can look back on if it ever feels like you’re not moving forward. So, share as much or as little as you like but do try to stick to keeping just one thread in this forum so people know where to find you if they want to be updated on your progress or share something with you.

As well as the forums New Members are invited to join Charles in the New Members Practical Advice Group On Mondays at 21:00 (UK) and Thursday at 19:00(UK)

And on that note….

I’m going to hand you over to our community because I’m sure they will have some words of wisdom for you ??
Take care
The Gambling Therapy Team

PS: Let me just remind you to take a look at our privacy policy and terms and conditions so you know how it all works!

[velvet]

Hi Onthelastnerve

I hope you will come back because nothing is more important than seeking a gamble-free life with the right support and gaining understanding of yourself.

So many times in life, we ‘think’ we have explored every avenue for a solution to a problem but then having found no answer we give up. On this site, we do not give up but recognise that there is always time to try something different.

I believe that you are here because you want to try something different and I want you to know that you are being heard.

Continue your thread and await the support you deserve.

Velvet

[velvet]

Hi Ghunter

I’m sorry that your post seems to have been muddled with someone else and that you have not had the reply that you deserve.

I think it is good that you want to share with your husband and I understand your feeling of being overwhelmed at the thought.

It is possible that your husband already knows that you have some sort of concern, I speak as a non-gambler who was told after many years of worry what the problem was – I was then able to process it and learn to understand.

Understanding is not and probably cannot be immediate, there may well be angry words. It is important to realise that your husband will need time to digest your message.

I think that it is good to say to him that you are seeking and getting support, that you are not prepared to allow your problem to keep controlling your life.

Maybe you could tell him that you are unhappy with the person you have become, that you didn’t ask for or want this problem in your life. Non-gamblers generally have no understanding until they are confronted by it, but they can learn.

Maybe you could show him this site. I facilitate the Friends and Family group and I would be delighted to welcome your husband if he wanted to come and talk.

We do have a terrific group for gamblers too, run by Charles. He would welcome you and support you through these difficult early days.

Do not despair, you have taken a massive step writing your first post. Admitting to yourself that you have a problem is excellent, sharing with your husband is understandable more difficult.

Allow him to spit a few feathers, after all he is only just hearing that which you have known for some time. I did everything wrong for all the right reasons because I was unaware what the problem was – once I knew I was I able to support the right way.

Please keep posting and hopefully join Charles in his group. I will follow your progress in the forum and I wish you well.

Velvet

[velvet]

Hi Wailben

I am pleased that you have found this site, it is indeed a wonderful place to share your problem and seek support.

You have, however, arrived in the Friends and Family forum so I will ensure that you are transferred to the ‘My Journal’ forum which is there for you.

I wish you well and look forward to following your progress

Velvet

[velvet]

Hi Ellen

I hope you do make it to the support group, it would be great to ‘speak’ to you.

Velvet

[velvet]

Hello Ellen

Thanks for starting a thread in the Gambling Therapy friends and family forum. This forum will provide you with warmth and understanding from your peers.

Feel free to use the friends and family group, you’ll find the times for these if you click on the “Group times” box on our Home page

Read about the friends and Family Groups Online Groups

Now that you have introduced yourself you’ll find that many of the people you meet here have already read your initial introduction and they’ll welcome you in like an old friend ??

If you’re the friend or family member of someone who is either in, or has been through, the GMA residential programme please take extra care to make sure that nothing you say in groups, or on our forums, inadvertently identifies that person. Even if your loved one isn’t connected with GMA, please don’t identify them either directly or indirectly just in case they decide to use the site themselves.

You’ll find a lot of advice on this site, some of which you’ll follow, some you won’t…but that’s ok because only you fully understand your situation and what’s best for you and the people you love. So, take the support you need and leave the advice you don’t because it all comes from a caring, nurturing place ??

We look forward to hearing all about you!

Take care

The Gambling Therapy Team

PS: Let me just remind you to take a look at our privacy policy and terms and conditions so you know how it all works!

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