12 years and a few days ago, that was July 4, 2006 I walked through the doors of The Gordon Moody Association (formerly the Gordon House Association)

The previous 25 years of mayhem and destruction had taken its toll on so many people. My parents and siblings, friend s and distant family members & My ex-wife, to name but a few (I’m not even going to go down the route of employers and credit and banks, Police and Courts) …. and as much as what I put others through was horrendous and shameful my own personal torment, self-destruction, torture, self loathe, and self-pity lived with me every day and night which culminated in me not seeing a way forward.

I’d been to GA for a year or so with no real success (or success that I realised), Id met some amazing inspirational people, Mainly Dave… but in all honesty my illogical ingrained distortion was so entrenched within my psyche GA was never going to be enough and whilst I had a few weeks free in all honesty I never stopped gambling

I found myself homeless in 2006 and living in a tent, hungry and penniless. My only food was a weekly delivery from my Mum & Dad of basic beans and bread, this was a tough time for everyone… but I can look back and admit that my parents refusing to put a roof over me & feed me saved my life, Reality kicked in, I either made changes or life would have ended before I reached 38

Changes, what did I need to change… how could I change when I didn’t know what to change. The serenity prayer says, “God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference.” One thing I didn’t have was the wisdom or the mental capacity to get my head around this…. I was me and how could I change me, such a daunting and impossible task. What I did have was the belief and want to change but I didn’t have the tools to make the changes

The months before I came into Gordon Moody are all a bit hazy, but at some point, in Late June 2006 someone had given my Mum the name of Gordon Moody, a residential rehab in the UK. 

To cut this short, I applied and within a week I was accepted and arrived at GMA (GH) @ 13:00 on 4^th July 2006

I spent 9 months examining every aspect of my Life, my beliefs, my thought processes, my distortion, my everything… GMA isn’t a Gambling rehab it’s a University of Life. Unravelling 25 years of dishonesty, self-dishonesty, distorted logic, guilt, regret, life experiences is painful, tiring, mentally exhausting but ultimately enlightening & essential and all completed with respect and dedication by a team second to none

9 months later I was ready to face the world, I now had the choice to put the tools learned to use or not, everything becomes a choice. I knew I wanted a life and to do that I needed to start my life again and this time do it as best as I could, giving up gambling is easy… building a life is hard; but with the right support, understanding, time and self-honesty recovery is so achievable and so much better than Id had before

I now live a relatively calm & modest life, I finished paying my debts last month after 12 years, I have a gorgeous partner and 2 wonderful step kids. I’ve the support and love from my Parents and siblings and close family, everyone and everything else I decided to leave in the past

I made a statement about GA earlier, “I’d been to GA for a year or so with no real success”, at the time I couldn’t get my head around the 12 steps or the GA process, I couldn’t fathom what I needed to do. Dave stood by me and accepted me but also never gave up on me and supported me through GMA. During my time in GMA and since leaving Dave and I talked about life & recovery… Ill forever be in his debt. don’t right off GA, but also accept it may not be the complete solution but it could very well be part of the solution

So im now 12 years Gamble free… Life isnt perfect but show me someone that has a perfect life

My favourite quote throughout recovery

“Watch your thoughts, they become words;

watch your words, they become actions;

watch your actions, they become habits;

watch your habits, they become character;

watch your character, for it becomes your destiny.”